Mo Xi suddenly raised his face.
Only in the dim light, Gu Mang's lashes trembled, and then he slowly opened his eyes which were as deep as the sea.
He looked at Mo Xi with great concern, and his consciousness had not all come up yet. The only way to control his expression was instinct, so his thin face was relaxed, soft, and very gentle as "Gu Mang Xiong" should have been.
"My Highness, Princess... Why are you crying..."
He sighed and murmured, but before he could answer, Gu Mang's dreamlike expression disappeared, and he gradually woke up. So almost visibly to the naked eye - astonishment, fear, persistence, cruelty, regret… Every emotion was a fragment of his past. The tide would come up and wash away the tenderness in his eyes.
After all these emotions were gone, Gu Mang suddenly got up and pulled his hand back from Mo Xi's heart. On his face was the cruel mask he had been used to wearing. "Mo Xi, are you crazy?! Who asked you to find me in the demon room? Do you know - "
But he was interrupted by the sudden embrace of Mo Xi. The warm and strong embrace of this man held him firmly, as if to fish him from the frozen water of the lake and hug him into the spring world he had long lost.
Gu Mang's blue eyes suddenly opened wide. He was so surprised and frightened that he forgot what he wanted to say.
Mo Xi hugged him tightly, his chin against the top of his hair. He kissed and stroked his hair.
"I already know everything."
In a word, Gu Mang was tense all over. He struggled to push Mo Xi. But before the hand was forced, he felt the man holding him trembling slightly. He said hoarsely, "Shixiong, don't say anything stupid, and don't do anything stupid again."
Gu Mang was almost at a loss.
For so many years, he has always regarded his hypocrisy as very good. He built the hardest clam shell, so that the world could only see his cold determination, hatred, and cruelty. But as soon as he woke up, he found that his fake ornament had been stabbed to pieces. The man he wanted to protect most appeared in front of him with red eyes, reaching out to touch his soft heart which had no escape.
Almost instinctively, he denied, "Mo Xi - you just know a little, and what's the relationship between my affairs and you? I've told you that we are not together. I'm not I just…"
In response, Mo Xi put his hand behind his head and his voice was thick and nasal. He said, "You are not that kind of person at all."
Gu Mang: "..."
They seem to be separated by a layer of ice. The Mo Xi outside embracing the Gu Mang under the ice. No matter how cold the black ice was, he refused to retreat, so the ice gradually melted and collapsed.
"You don't want to kill, you don't want to fight. You never wanted to hurt me, or get revenge on anyone... "
Mo Xi's voice was low. When Gu Mang fell asleep, he was just crying. Now that Gu Mang woke up, he did not want to. Gu Mang had suffered enough, and he didn't want to let this soft and tough person to worry about him or suffer for him.
"Eight years, Gu Mang, I was very bitter..."
"Sorry, I didn't understand you."
Every word he said, Gu Mang's trembling in his arms became more distinct. At the end of the sentence, Gu Mang felt as if he was going to be crushed by something. He was so shriveled that he could even hear his throat choking. He could feel some warm liquid soaking his chest.
"No... No, no... " Gu Mang pushed and shoved at random. Mo Xi had seen his Gu Mang gege's cleverness before, but he struggled to lie when he was forced to a dead end. His Gu Shixiong just protected him and kept him from being close. He went from clumsy to stubborn to pitiful.
Clumsiness to his whole heart, the whole person is inextricably in pain.
Gu Mang didn't know what else he could explain or sacrifice. He just protected others all the time. This kind of protection had become an instinct carved into his bones. If he couldn't do it, he would be at a loss like a dragon with blind eyes and broken claws.
He kept repeating, "It's not like this… You don't understand... "
Mo Xi held his hand. His eyes were slightly red. "Must you push me away?"
"..."
"So many years, Shixiong, do you know what was the most painful thing for me? It wasn't you stabbing me, it wasn't you leaving me, it was you becoming someone I didn't know at all… Do you know how sad I was then?"
"I know that you wanted to protect me and not involve me, but I had already told you that I had no one to be close to in this world except you. When you protected me, why didn't you think about what was the cruelest to me? Would I be afraid to suffer with you and be criticized by others? ——What I'm afraid of is that you can't come back to me again. Gu Mang, I'm afraid you'll leave! " Mo Xi closed his eyes. Even if he could hold back tears, his eyelashes were moist.
"For so many years, I've always been sincere to you. Before, I always hoped that my sincerity could change your real meaning, but after so many experiences, do you like me or not, would you like to be with me, these are no longer important… I only ask you..."
He stroked Gu Mang's head, looked down, and kissed Gu Mang's forehead. Resisting the shaking in his voice, he said silently, "I only ask you to give me the opportunity to protect you and accompany you… I just want to keep you… You really can't share any truth with me, but can't you share the burden on your shoulders with me even a little?"
"Gu Mang I'm your brother too. Would you rather fall into the cold cave and let me live like this... "
What he said was so sincere and affectionate, but Gu Mang only felt uncomfortable. Eight years.
From the day when Gu Mang decided to become a spy, he planned for the future of Mo Xi. But at that time, they were still young and had not experienced the pain of love, so Gu Mang was naive to think that as long as he was a little more heartless, the young man would feel that it was a very painful thing to love him.
As for the pain, sooner or later Mo Xi would let go.
But he'd been waiting, waiting.
The Mo Xi by him was full of blood, and the Mo Xi he stabbed was full of wounds. However, Mo Xi never put him down. Over the years, he had been hoping that Mo Xi could look down on their past love, hoping that Mo Xi could live a stable life, marry a gentle and virtuous wife, and have a group of lively and lovely children.
When he was young and frivolous, those irresistible feelings and love would sooner or later be washed away by the years into marks that could no longer be seen clearly. This was how he considered Mo Xi.
But he got one thing wrong in the end: while the love in the world could be changed to hate, there was always only one in his heart.
Mo Xi had never been a casual person. On the day when he decided to tell Gu Mang, it was not his love that he gave to Gu Mang.
It was his heart.
His...
Suddenly, Gu Mang realized that there was something wrong. He looked at Mo Xi's chest, and he could feel that the flow of Mo Xi was so weak, and his spiritual core was almost broken.
The situation in the demon room before his coma seemed to flash in front of him again. When Mo Xi saved him, his face was white and terrible. Did he say…
Gu Mang suddenly looked up. "How do you know the truth?"
"..."
"You went to bat island again? The time mirror again?"
Mo Xi looked at his suddenly tense face, and gazed at the blue eyes. Slowly, there was a soft and sad smile between them.
"Are you worried about me?"
Without waiting for Gu Mang's reply, he looked as if he was afraid of being denied and rejected. He lowered his head and kissed Gu Mang's eyebrow. "I'm ok."
But Gu Mang's heart seemed to be cut off. All kinds of guesses came to his heart and then faded away. Only one clear answer remained on the beach.
This time, Gu Mang didn't ask. He murmured. Tears flowed down his soft face. He said, "I'm sorry… It was... The historical jade slips... "
Long eyelashes closed. Gu Mang held back and suppressed himself. He seemed to want to say something more to clear the gap between them. But...
Eight years. The cruelty of life and death couldn't stop Mo Xi from chasing him and walking to this path full of brambles. The obstacles he set, the dangers he left, did not stop the young man in the end.
His shidi still came after him. He looked back in the dark and saw that his lover from eight years ago was no longer so young. He was dusty and bloodstained. The only constant thing was his stubborn and bright eyes. The lover who was cut off by him ran to him, caught up with him, and then stood in the thorn bush, panting, and said to him——
Shixiong, Gu Mang, I have come to pick you up. Let's go home.
The ice was smashed into thousands of bright spots. The man who had been sleeping under the ice was finally embraced by his shidi.
Gu Mang suddenly couldn't help it any more. The string that had been tight for eight years finally broke. He cried loudly and said, "I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" I despised your feelings. I didn't understand your stubborn heart.
I made a choice for you without asking which way you would like to go.
I didn't respect your will, didn't understand what you care about most, and imposed my plan on your destiny.
I've been deceiving you… Didn't give you a chance to walk…
Eight years.
I hurt you, I alienated you, I did everything to disappoint you, I almost killed you ——
Why did you look back, my little fool, my royal Princess?
Why are you still risking breaking up the truth, and then come to me in a rain cloak with scars, why are you so stupid?
"Mo Xi, sorry..."
Mo Xi put his hand on his hair for a little while. He would be wrong, so he said, "It doesn't matter. I know what you have chosen, and I know what you have endured, suffered and paid for this choice… You don't have to apologize to me. In fact, I have already told you that if you really don't like me and want to be free, I won't force it any more, as long as you can come back... " He spoke, eyes slowly becoming red. His lips gently touched Gu Mang's forehead.
Like the most devout prayer.
"As long as you are good, let me accompany you, give me the opportunity to share with you. Gu Mang, my good shixiong, that's enough."
When it came to this, he was afraid that his hug would make Gu Mang feel that he was in the middle of it, so he lowered his head again. He stuck his chin on Gu Mang's forehead gently and intended to release him.
But at this time, he was suddenly held back by a fierce force, and Gu Mang suddenly held him. Like a stray beast that had finally returned to his companion, Gu Mang completely sobbed. The man who had been displaced and lonely for too long and suffered too much, who had kept the secret for eight years, finally burst into tears in the arms of his lover. His forehead was pasted to Mo Xi and his heart was almost sad… Howling, as if all these years of bitterness were drained away in this little tear.
Gu Mang tightly hugged Mo Xi's waist, and his long, soft eyes were pitifully wet and red at the corners. Finally, he cried out what he had been retting in his heart for years, "It's too painful… Mo Xi... I really hurt..."
Mo Xi was held by him. This hug was like a drowning man grabbing a driftwood. He was so desperate and so tired. His heart was seized. He touched his head and murmured, "I know, I know..."
"What I am is a person… What I do can only be one person… For so many years, I couldn't say anything to the people around me. I would kill the people of my own country, practitioners… Killing my brothers… It's really painful, Mo Xi…"
Mo Xi choked, "Yes, I know..."
"I'm really going crazy… It's like a knife stabbing me every night, every moment, but I still have to say… Well done, well done..." Gu Mang shuddered and closed his eyes painfully. "I don't want to kill… I want to go back to Chonghua… I think Lu Zhanxing is still alive. I don't think anything happened..."
"I know, I know, say it, you'll feel better when you speak it out. I'm with you. I've been by your side…"
Gu Mang didn't say it, but he opened his blue eyes. After a while, he murmured, "I didn't want to leave you..."
"I --" Mo Xi could not help comforting him, saying that he knew and understood him, but he was stunned when he heard this.
For a long time, neither of them broke the silence. There was only the sound of heartbeats.
One, one, one…
So urgent, so fast, as if the truth that had been in the bottom of his heart for so many years was about to break through the earth.
Gu Mang whispered. That man who was tough and strong all the time, who always exuded a stable courage, was so timid at the moment.
It seemed that a man who was afraid of poverty was carefully opening his arms and trying to embrace an expensive gift he thought he was destined not to get. He whispered, "I didn't want to lie to you… Didn't want you to go, I, I never wanted to... "
"..."
"I didn't want to see you go, I didn't want to see you with anyone else."
Mo Xi's hand stopped. His beautiful face suddenly turned pale and red. He clearly put down his hope. He thought it was just his martial brother. As long as Gu Mang could be healthy, happy, relaxed, whatever. He would never force him again. He would never force him again.
But Gu Mang's words seemed to light the fire he had just put out with his own hands.
Gu Mang closed his eyes, and the camouflage of many years finally disintegrated at this moment.
He said, "Mo Xi, I really like you..."
Mo Xi's heart beat seemed to stop at this moment. He looked at the person in front of him, at the wet, haggard, but real face.
He had the best dream in his life, and he didn't dare to hear Gu Mang utter this sentence sincerely.
"I liked you all this time… I'm sorry, I used to be selfish. I didn't think about what you really wanted, what I really feared. I just wanted to protect you in my own way, but I didn't know… But I didn't know..."
But I didn't know you would stumble after eight years of time, the best of your youth failed, just to find me back. I didn't know that you'd chosen a person for life since you were so young.
I don't know if you were willing to accompany me, even if you went to hell.
Gu Mang didn't go on. His face was lifted up by Mo Xi, and his eyes were moist. He raised his hand and wiped away the tears on his face bit by bit.
"I didn't know that I liked you so much," he whispered. "Can you like it that long?"
Gu Mang lowered his eyelashes and said softly, "I'm sorry I lied to you for so many years."
"..."
"Do you want me?"
"Fool, I told you from the first time that I knew it was one person for my whole life." Mo Xi's heart was trembling, but he tried to maintain his composure.
He couldn't cry in front of Gu Mang any more. He warned himself.
So he bent up his wet phoenix eyes, and he opened a smile that seemed to be infinitely brilliant and infinitely sad. He said, "I promised you all my life. It's only eight years. You and I still have a long way to go. How can I not want you?"
These two people, who bore countless forced lies and had gone through many joys and sorrows, stared at each other stupidly. Because of the reunion of the broken mirror, they no longer cried. Because each other knew that although their life was long, they were doomed to no longer be healthy. Unlike before, no one could let go of their joys.
They had been tortured by fate and the current situation, but when the two wet eyes stared at each other, they were still choking, slowly picking up all the courage and warmth from their hearts, and trying to bloom the most soft smiles that could emerge from them.
A pair of wounded trapped animals finally embraced each other without any gap, and the ice melted. They could finally absorb each other's warmth and share each other's.
From then on, he was with him and the would never be separated, no matter in the endless cold lake or spring on earth.
— -----------------
The author has something to say: baa ha ha ha