Rain beat against the windows. Lightning splashed light across the deep shadows of Jessie's living room. She jumped when thunder boomed in concert with the crackle of the lightning. Somehow it seemed like a prelude to things to come.
Liam was supposed to be here. He wasn't, but he would be. She had done the one thing she knew would get his attention. She had paused his phone service.
The waiting was torturous but necessary and way, way, way past due. Jessie tried to pinpoint when she lost control of Liam, but after a while, she gave up. She moved on to remembering the last time she felt in charge. With Steph, it never mattered. Steph was born mature. She had gone from a diaper-wearing infant to a composed young lady with a strong sense of self-worth in a blink. Jessie envied this characteristic. Whenever she lost the strength to continue fighting day after day, she thought of Steph. What would Steph feel about her if she quit? It was enough to keep her going.
Liam, though, was an extension of David. She remembered when Liam was five. They were seated around the dining room table. She remembered exactly what was for dinner. Roast beef with potatoes and carrots, brown gravy, green beans, rolls. She had whipped butter with honey and had a strawberry shortcake waiting for dessert. She could pretend they were the perfect family back then, at least most of the time.
"How is the beef?" Jessie asked.
"Always fishing for compliments," David mumbled around a fork filled with beef and potatoes. He never ate carrots. Jessie had avoided putting any on his plate.
"It's not like that, David. I wanted to know how you liked it so I can improve on the recipe for next time," Jessie stammered. "To personalize it to your tastes."
She liked making the people in her life happy. It was almost as fulfilling as the creations she baked with her grandmother.
"Oh, please, it's a selfish attempt at getting me to flatter you like cooking a roast takes some special skill. Ignorant housewives do it every day."
David continued shoveling food into his mouth, washing it down with red wine, one bottle empty in the kitchen and a half-empty bottle sitting on the table. Jessie's glass contained water.
"Shellpish, shellpish," toddler Liam chanted while fisting his spoon and tapping it against the table. "Momma shellpish, shellpish."
David chuckled. "Even Liam sees it. "Shellpish, shellpish," he chanted with his son while Jessie flushed and ducked her head.
Perhaps that was when she first lost her son's respect. It certainly wasn't the last time Liam had sided with his father. Jessie wondered if Liam would still side with David if he knew the whole story. How would Liam feel about his dad cheating on her for years or how David pissed way more of the company profits on trips and gifts for his lover than he brought home to the family? Would Liam still blame her for breaking up the family if he knew she had spent every penny of her sizable inheritance hiding David's shortcomings and avoiding a long, drawn-out custody battle? She paid all of David's business debts in exchange for sole custody, the only way she knew to make sure her kids remained a priority.
Where had it gotten her?
Thunder rolled, and hail joined the party, beating at the roof. Jessie curled in on herself as if she didn't have the entire house to protect her against the storm.
The door slammed, snapping her to attention. She steeled her spine and was ready for Liam when he switched on the overhead light. He came in as the storm personified. His brows were pinched together in barely contained rage. His movements were jerky, charged with negative energy that seeped through the room like toxic gas.
"What did you do?" Liam stood over her, leaning into her space.
Jessie fought the urge to recoil. "I stopped your phone service."
"For Christ's sake, why?"
"Because I needed your attention."
The storm made conversation impossible as the world beat down around them. The time did nothing to dispel Liam's anger.
"I have a test to study for. I don't have time for this shit. Turn my cell service back on. Better yet, give me your phone. I'll turn it on and change the settings so you can't do it again." Liam held out his hand for the phone that Jessie tucked under her thigh.
"No. I pay the bill. Unless you plan to pay the bill, I control the service."
Liam rolled his eyes. "Nothing is ever easy with you. Always trying to pawn your responsibilities off on someone else."
"My responsibilities? My responsibilities with you legally ended when you turned eighteen. Anything I do now, you can either be called gifts of love or charity, your choice."
"Are you saying I'm a charity case? Really? You've already pissed me off, and now you are going to sit there and insult me?"
The thunder boiled over into a cacophony accompaniment to Liam's charges. Jessie waited until she could be heard again, fighting the urge to apologize like she always did at times like these. She wasn't sorry. She wanted to steer the conversation on topic while she had the nerve to say what needed to be said.
"Liam sit down," Jessie snapped. "Talk to me for fifteen minutes, and I'll turn your service back on. You've got fifteen minutes, right? I mean, you're already here, and I'll give you a twenty for gas before you leave." Jessie had planned for this. She pulled a folded twenty out of her pocket and held it out.
Liam snatched the money and sat down on the footstool hear his mother. "Five minutes."
Jessie nodded, relieved he was sitting and not towering over her anymore. While part of her feared his escalating volatility, another part would always think of him as her precious baby, incapable of truly hurting her. "Fine. But I talk, you listen. You want to respond, do it on your own time."
Liam looked at his watch. "Your time has started."
"Fine. So here it is." Jessie took a deep breath and let it out. "What you did today embarrassed me and scared me, and I was ashamed to be your mother."
Liam opened his mouth. Jessie put up a hand to stop him. "Don't interrupt."
"But Mom."
Jessie raised her voice, maybe for the first time in Liam's life. "I said don't. I'm done with playing your whipping boy. I was wrong to let your father disrespect me, and I was even more wrong to let him do it in front of you.
"In a way, I guess I deserve what you did today. Maybe even asked for it." Jessie needed to pace. She grabbed up her phone and rubbed her forehead as she picked a path between Liam and the couch. "Now I'm asking—no." She paused in front of Liam. "I'm telling you. As much as I love you and as many years as I have devoted to you and your sister, I will," she gulped back a sob. "I will let go of you. I will stop paying your cell phone bill. I will stop providing you with spending money and doing your laundry. You can forget about holiday visits and calling me when you're sick to bring you meds. I'll cancel your car insurance and health insurance."
She resumed pacing.
"What about Jakara?"
"What about her?"
"You kicking her out, too?"
"Why would I? She hasn't done anything wrong. Besides, she pulls her weight here and at the bakery."
"Yeah, that's the problem. Jakara got hurt." Liam pointed an accusatory finger, and Jessie grabbed it, bending it back until he cried out for her to stop."
"Geez, Mom, what's gotten into you?"
Jessie let go and leaned in as lightning silhouetted her. Last warning, Liam. Now listen. You can't lock Jakara up until the baby comes. She's pregnant, not an invalid. And accidents can happen anywhere to any of us. You kind of have to let fate play out."
"She's so tired all the time. You're overworking her." This time his tone was slightly softer. The defiance in his glare had dialed back a digit or two, and he was having a problem meeting her gaze.
"Is that what this is about? She's too tired to have sex with you, so it's my fault? Liam read a book—any book about pregnancy—pregnant women are exhausted. Their hormones are out of whack. Their bodies are changing, not to mention feeding another tiny human growing inside them. Not to mention morning sickness. Retching day after day takes a lot out of you.
"In a few weeks, she'll be back to normal. But this isn't about her, Liam. IT is about you and me."
"What about us? I got no problem with us."
"Yeah, but I do."
"What? Why? Because I called you out on your bullshit like Dad did?"
"You are not David, Liam. And be thankful for that. He is no angel."
"Hey, don't diss Dad because you're pissed at me. He put up with a lot of shit from you."
"No, Liam, he didn't. He projected his dissatisfaction with life on me. And I let him. And I let you, but no more."
"You're crazy in the head, woman."
Something in Jessie froze solid then shattered into a million tiny pieces that would take a lifetime to reassemble.
Voice steely, Jessie pointed to the door. "Get out."
"What?"
"Get out now."
"What did you say?"
"Don't play dumb. I've seen how you treat your coaches, your dad. And I warned you, so get out. Go to your dad. Let him take care of you if he's such a great guy."
Liam stood up and faced off with Jessie. "You're a fucking crazy woman."
Jessie shoved him. "Get out. Get out of my house until you can treat me the way I deserve." She pushed at him again.
He warded her off. His larger frame hardly moved against her onslaught.
"Out. Now!" Jessie screeched.
Liam struggled to capture Jessie's wrists. "Stop it, Mom! Stop. Listen, please." He gave up on holding her arms and bearhugged her to him instead.
"Let go." Jessie struggled against him, anger fueling her attempts. She stomped down on his foot and headbutted him in the jaw.
She knew he had to get free, had to stand firm or all the bravado was for nothing. She had to ride this out, to win this one time, or she would never have the nerve to stand up to him again.
Liam drew back as Jessie tried to headbutt him again. Instead of catching him on the jaw, her temple made contact with his chin.
They both cried out, her in pain and him in surprise as he shoved her backward.
Jessie fell back on the couch while clutching the side of her face as stars danced in her vision.
"Now it's my turn," Liam roared. "So you sit there and listen. Don't you think I've gone to Dad? Twice. Once right after he left, I went to his office, and he sent me home. He told me to take care of you and Steph. He told me I was the man of the house. I was just a kid, Mom, and I was supposed to fill his shoes. And I tried, but do you know how hard it is to be the man when your mom is some fucking superwoman who doesn't need anybody, and Steph is just like you. So yeah, sometimes I gotta make you feel useless, or I'd lose my mind.
"Then when we beheaded the statue, I went to Dad for the money before coming to you. I'm not stupid. I knew you didn't have the money, so I went to him. He'd been drinking. Do you know what he told me, Mom? He told me to go home to you. You'd bought and paid for us. We were your problem.
"What does that mean, Mom? What did you do that my dad, the one person I love more than anyone, has turned his back on me and made me your problem?"
His confession startled Jessie. She had no idea he had seen his dad or that David would ever even hint that his love for them could be bought. She opened her mouth to explain, then closed it. Her thoughts and emotions were all over the place. Guilt to have been caught. Anger that Liam was turning this all on her. Confusion as to how to explain to his boy—this man—how much she had sacrificed and would continue to sacrifice if only he would meet her halfway. Indignation that he would expect answers now, after all that had happened.
"No, Liam. I didn't buy you. I bought my freedom from a man who hasn't loved me in many years, if ever. I paid the ransom he demanded to keep custody of you and Steph, although, thinking back, I know that was a bluff. He never took care of you in the marriage. I can't see him doing it afterward.
"You kept us away from Dad? All this time?"
"No, Liam. I didn't. I never kept you from your father. He never attempted to see you. Not once. Ever."
"You're lying just like you always do."
Jessie shrugged. "Then leave."
She sighed and felt like a weight had been lifted. She always knew secrets were debilitating, but she didn't realize how much they weighed on her until that moment. She considered telling Liam everything, and Steph.
And Min Jun.
Min Jun. How would he feel about her whole story? About what a coward she had been for all these years. Would he believe she didn't want to be that person anymore?
She deserved better. She worked hard for better.
The storm faded away and left Jessie and Liam in silence.
"Go back to the dorm, Liam. Before I say something you'll regret."
"I'll regret? You've got the be kidding me." Liam threw up his hands in defeat, turned on his heels, and walked away. Heavy footsteps across the hardwood floors receded and stopped right before the door opened and then slammed shut.
Shaking overtook Jessie, and the tears streamed down her face in cleansing waves.