I made tea for Captain and as he took it, I went to take a shower. I did my hair, selected my best dress and put it on. I wanted to look smart. Jack had once told me something which stuck in my mind: "Milly, if you ever want your things to go without much ado just make yourself look presentable; dress expensively and smartly and even if you do not have money on you, you'll be surprised at how people give you way. You'll be accepted in any society. You will also be surprised how the title 'Madam' will be accorded to you. We have a very ignorant society, dear." From my past experiences I had proved Jack's reasoning to be very true. One good thing is that he had made sure he had bought me the type of dresses he had in mind, dresses I could not afford with the money the East African Airways gave me.
"Phew!" whistled Captain, when I came in from the bedroom, "…you'll make them sweat, Mama. They won't attend to anyone else before they are through with you."
"Who? What do you mean?"
"I mean… when you look so smart, whoever you are visiting in the cells will be accorded some respect by the police officers on duty. On the other hand, you do not look suspicious, and whatever you are carrying right now might go through without being closely inspected. See what I mean?"
"Thank you," I said for the sake of it. I hated anyone commenting on the way I was dressed. As far as I was concerned, it was only my husband who was supposed to admire me.
I approached Central Police Station at around 4.00 p.m. From what Captain had told me, I knew I was taking a risk. He had put it clearly, that in most cases, even the food brought packed, straight from the factory, was forced open at the station and the bearer made to taste each item.
"If they unwrap the bread and happen to notice our trick, you'll be in for a charge and a very serious one at that. Though they might not listen after the discovery, 1 would advise you to say that you had no knowledge of whatever was in the bread. Just tell them that it was I who gave you the loaves. Do not mind using my name. I am also wanted and that simple incident won't change anything. Only, do not be forced to say you can have me available."
Well, that is how good criminals are to one another. Captain was ready to have his name disclosed to put me clear of trouble, but he was frank enough to tell me that it was only a lame excuse, I would only use it as mitigation in court, because that was where I would end up if the trick was discovered.
My heart was skipping beats every minute as I approached the desk. There were four police officers at the desk. The oldest of the four had three red stripes on the right hand side of his tunic. To me he looked like the boss. I put on the desk my paper bag, which carried two bottles of soda and the loaves of bread which, from my point of view, should have been called envelopes — the same loaves which were the cause of my guilt and which could earn me a night or nights in a police cdl and a prison sentence.
"Good afternoon, Madam? Can I help you?" a middle aged officer asked. He opened the book which was in front of him and took out a pen. From what I saw of him, he expected me to give a report of an assault, theft, or loss of property, but not a request to see a violent criminal.
"Yes, sir, I want to see two people, who I understand were arrested last night." That was exactly what Captain had advised me to say. I saw the officer take another book and after opening a page where there were names asked me: "Their names, please?"
"Jack Zollo and George Githenji." The mention of those two names made the officer open his mouth. At first I thought he usually opened his mouth wide before he talked but I realized later it was to help him see more clearly. His next move was to turn his head and look at the old officer with the stripes. The mouth was still wide open.
"What is it, officer?" the old man asked.
"This lady wants to see 'the two." The old man looked at me closely. By being told 'the two', he had known whom I wanted. This reminded me of what Captain had told me (the best harvest the police have had in years). He came to me and asked: "Young lady, you want who and who?"
"Jack Zollo and George Githenji. Is it possible, sir?"
"Well…, yes. Who are they to you?"
"One is my husband, sir,"
They looked at eech other, then looked at me from head to the shoe I was wearing. It was as if they couldn't believe I could get married, or I was stupid enough to get rnar ried to a gorrilla.
"Tell me, which of the two is your husband?"
"Must be Zollo, that young man has more surprises than his age," one of the officers volunteered to answer for me.
"Is that so?" asked the elderly man.
"Yes, sir," I said. They were looking at me with disbelief.
"What have you brought for them? There are things wc do not allow. You know that?" By then he was reaching for the paper bag, my heart started its horse-racing
Mr
opened the paper bag, took the sodas and put them on the desk. He took the bread too. He was doing this slowly as if he had no hurry in the world, and at the same time trying to make me feel that the law knew no money, smartness, youth, and whatever else we have in life.
My heart almost stopped when he took one bread and started examining it suspiciously. I started hoping that Captain had done a nice job. As he did so, he told one of the officers to bring out the two prisoners, one at a time. He then turned to me. "For how long have you been married?"
"About one year, sir."
"Have you got any children?"
"No, sir, we want to have a wedding first."
They again looked at each other, then at me. It was as if they were telling me that that was a daydream; that Jack was no longer mine but theirs, and would remain so for quite a long time. They then decided to chide me further.
"When are you planning to do that?"
"In two months' time, sir."
One of them laughed, then asked: "What do you do yourself? Had he opened some business for you?"
"No, I work with E.A.A."
"In town?"
"No, sir, at Embakasi."
"And what does your husband tell you he does?"
"He is a businessman. He has…" I stopped when they all started laughing, shaking their heads from side to side and showing signs of pity. But who cared? If they thought I didn't know my husband was a robber, they were the fools and not I, as they thought. When they had laughed enough, one of them, who to me seemed wild, said, "Mama, tafuta mwingine. Huyu si wako tena. Ulimjua linif" I didn't answer that one. Although they at first seemed good to me,
they had gone a bit too far, under the circumstances. I looked at him and showed him clearly that I was not at all amused by his advice. Sensing my anger, he tried to sooth me. But it was already too late. I had come to hate them for being malicious. That was not the way they should have approached a lady whom they believed was about to lose her husband. Just then Zollo appeared.
My ever clean husband was shabby. I almost couldn't recognise him. His long hair was not combed and it had dust all over; he looked as if he hadn't used water for months, and hadn't slept a wink. His white shirt had dots of blood, which told me that he had tasted some beatings. He had no shoes, no belt… I mean he was really dirty and looked weary. I couldn't stand that sight. I bent my head and the next minute I was crying.
I looked up when he touched me. I was surprised to see he was smiling and ignoring the presence of his captors. He talked to me.
"Milly, do not do that. I'll soon be with you, if all goes well." The malicious officers looked at both of us. They seemed to tell me that Jack had told me yet another lie.
But that too never bothered me. I had now known my husband enough. I knew he had ways and means of taking himself out of trouble. But this time it looked bad.
"Milly, do not stop going to work. Continue with everything you do just as if we were still together. Do you understand?" I nodded my head, I could not be able to talk.
"So far, do not do anything, just re…"
"Don't you want a lawyer?" The same wild officer intercepted. I saw Jack turn to him and say: "Mind your biz. Why don't you employ one for me? With the peanuts you earn?" I knew he was annoyed, but that did not stop me from wondering whether he had to be rude, even when
he was a prisoner. But then, who can tell between the "cops and robbers'. From my present knowledge, the two parties have very much in common. The wild cop only smiled. It was evident that they knew each other.
I got relieved when he was given the things I had brought without any hitch. He advised me that there was no need of my seeing Githenji, because all that was needed was to notify his wife of his whereabouts, a thing which Captain had already done. I left the place and went home.
Back at my thinking camp, I sat down, hiding my face in my hands as if in prayer. It was in this same place and in the same posture that I had cursed Jack and told myself that we were to part if he couldn't change. My thoughts were different this time. I started imagining life without him and saw that it would not do. I remembered the words of the wild officer, that Jack was no longer mine, and that I should find someone else, because he was sure that Jack was sunk. I started sweating in the palms of my hands. Would I ever see him again? Would all this mean prison sentence for my husband? What of the wedding we had always set aside so that we coulc\ do it when Jack wasn't on the run? Would he learn a lesson from this and let me marry him first thing when he came back? When would he come, anyway? I shared these troubles with him, but there was nothing I could do about it. With a criminal for a husband one had to learn the secret of patience, worry, loneliness, and the like.
He was taken to court three days later. I woke up early that day, as requested by Captain, who kept in touch all that time. I think I was the first person to arrive outside the Law Courts that day. Jack arrived at exactly 8.30 a.m. under a very heavy escort. By then a good number of peo-
pie had arrived. To see him handcuffed almost made me faint. There were four police officers leading him and Githenji, all armed with machineguns and about the same number behind them, who would turn this way and that, their guns pointed at those who were around as if they were expecting us to attempt a rescue. They were pushed inside the court.
Their charges were read at 9.30 a.m. It was at this time when I heard what I had expected. Among the lighter charges were a good number of car thefts. The robbery charges were, up to that time, three. The prosecutor also told the court that there were other similar charges to come and would the judge remand them at the maximum prison until the investigations were complete?
I looked at Jack and Githenji as all the charges were being read. They didn't seem to be worried. While the audience were pitying them and not believing that the smartly dressed young men in the dock were robbers, the two were smiling. As I saw the judge look at them through his dark glasses, I thought he didn't like them, and if he did, then he hated the charges. Jack turned his head to look at me; it was as if he was giving me a signal that he was about to leave, because a minute after, they were taken away. I got out of the court. In the corridor outside he talked to one of the guards who allowed me to talk with him. He told me that he was being taken to Kamiti prison remand and he would like me to try and visit him there the following day. They had been sent there for two weeks, after which they would be brought back to court.
"Two weeks without Jack?" I thought I was dreaming. I couldn't stomach the thought that I would stay for all those days without him. How would the house look like without him? I had gotten used to being with him and his absence would make me sick. What a life? Needless to say, I could not hold my tears back. No one could comfort me, not even my mother.
I was on my way home when a thought struck me. Probably there was someone who could give me a little comfort, a person Jack loved and the only one he ever talked about. It was this same woman who seemed to share Jack's bad days with him: his sister, Connie, the only member of Jack's family whom I had ever met. She was a likable young woman, married to a good husband who regarded Jack as his own brother. I called Connie's husband by phone and informed him of the misfortune that had befallen Jack and the next minute he was on his way to the telephone booth from where I was calling
We drove to his wife's school where we discussed the matter. Both decided that we should consult a lawyer first thing the following day. At least when we parted after he had driven me home, I felt I had a pair to share with me the grief I carried.
I reported to work that afternoon. The boss had gone out of the country and at such times we would be in trouble with his Kikuyu deputy. You couldn't be on good terms with that one, unless you knew how to keep a date after 4.30 p.m. That is, if you happened to be good-looking (married or single) and if you wanted to keep your post. With Jack in prison, nothing mattered, not even the job. So when he wanted to know why I was absent in the morning and demanded that I report to his office around 4.15 p.m. with a written explanation, I left his office without a word. I was all ready to say goodbye to that office, which I had come to like.
I received a telephone message from mom at exactly 3.45 p.m. She wanted to see me urgently. With this and that
in mind, I only took my handbag and called it a day. As I closed the door behind me, I said: "To hell with the deputy boss. He might just as well sack me." Miss Ironside heard the remark but only smiled. She had known all that was important to know about me.
Mom, it turned out, had problems somewhat similar to Jack's. Her illegal business of selling alcohol had landed her in police cells as well. It was a strange coincidence as she had been arrested on the very same day that Jack hadn't come home. Right then she was in prison, where she was already serving a sentence of three months, having been unable to pay the fine of Shs 1,000. They had been trying to get me on the phone for the past two days but to no avail. My young sister couldn't tell the difference between a box number and a telephone number. Luckily, in prison, mom managed to meet a person she could send and it was through him that I got the message.
I still had the money I was going to bank when the robbery occurred and I went straight to the Industrial Area G.K. prison and got mom out. She couid see that I was in the worst mood, but she thought it was because of her two-day imprisonment. Well, it was a shock to hear of her imprisonment, but right then I had Jack's misfortune in mind. I had long decided not to let her know. I wasn't going to bring her into this. I wanted to suffer it out on my own. After all, I didn't see why I should give her some more worries when she had so much of her own.
Talk of ghosts and I'll give you Jack as an example. If he isn't a ghost, then there aren't any ghosts on earth. After parting with mom that evening in town, I went straight home. On opening the door, which had been locked, I found him seated on his usual sofa. I couldn't believe my
eyes. I stood at the door, staring at the ghost, and of course, "using my mouth for my eyes" as he would say.
I moved when he talked. "Can you please close that door and lock it like never before?" I did that in a hurry, then went to him. I was weeping when he held me and pulled me towards him.
"I have made it, Milly. I have escaped and the town is hotter than hell right now. It will be hot for you too, so take care how you move about."
"Why me, dear? Why me?"
"Remember you came to see me at the police station and at the court? They already know you. One thing they cannot do is arrest you, but the moment they spot you, they'll follow you till you lead them here. And do not think it will be simple for you to spot them — that needs someone who has dealt with them for a time. They are only lucky that we can tell one from the way they walk. Do you understand what I mean?"
"I'll take care, dear, believe me, I will. I'd rather face anything than let them take you back."
"You do not have to tell me that, dear. I knew what I mean to you when you risked bringing me the message at the station. Anyway that is bygone. This now is the time to move on to another thing. I have much ahead of me and…"
"But darling, you must think deeply about this thing. I do not think we will make out of…" Well, none was giving the other time to talk. We were both confused, uncertain of what was next and how everything would end up. So the most advisable thing right then was to let things stay just as they were, and comfort each other in our usual way. We went to bed very late that night.
When trouble starts, it comes flying, landing on you from every direction. It was just a few months past when I had two of my best people hanging between freedom and jail. One being my mom and the other my husband. On coming out of prison mom had renewed her insistence on our wedding. She didn't give me peace; it was as if her two-day imprisonment had told her something might happen to her before she could witness the official marriage of her daughter.
This was a promise Jack and I had given her and time had passed, without any of us telling her how far we had gone with the arrangements. Jack was in a bad situation; not financially, but legally. The police did not give him a break and to remind him of the wedding and the nagging I got from mom would only be adding on him another load. It would be even, from my point of view, suicidal to attempt it. I didn't have the courage to tell mom that money was not the problem, neither was time and place, but that my husband was a fugitive in hiding. It was just as hard to tell her that the man she also liked and agreed to as being best suited for me was a confirmed criminal. So I had to carry the burdens of both sides alone and secretly.
Trouble attacked me from a different angle. A few months back 1 had visited a clinic to get rid of a 'third party' that had been forming in my uterus. Now I was pregnant again and I wasn't going to visit that clinic again even if it meant losing my job, which was most likely. I decided to take time before I let Jack know. All this time I didn't know what I was doing to myself. Instead, I thought I was making things move slowly and calmly before nature or fate intervened and sorted things out for the three of us. In the process I did not know that I was only hurting myself.
I did not even realize I was losing weight.
I felt brave and wise that I was able to endure and control intelligently the misfortune which had stuck itself right at the centre of our lives. It was only when Jack told me, that I realized I was doing great harm to myself. He had noticed the changes in me and so he called me and requested me to sit and have a talk with him. He said to me: "Milly, there is something bothering you. Let us talk and try to sort things out. You cannot go on like this for long." I thought for a few minutes then decided to tell him the whole truth. It was obvious that he was the only person whom I would share my problems with, so I gave him the whole story.
"Jack, I am pregnant. Mom is also nagging me about the wedding we had promised her. I have thought about this problem for a very long time and the more I think about it the more the solution eludes me. I have considered your situation and seeing that you have to stay indoors shows me that it is risky or rather impossible for the wedding to be carried out. And here is mom telling me about it everyday and as you know I cannot tell her the truth. I also have that shock which I got when you were arrested. I think it was at that time when I realized how easily I could lose you. I am worried, dear, about what would happen to me if you were imprisoned while I am expecting a baby. You must think about the whole issue seriously, dear. You have got away with it twice and each time you get away, you worsen the situation. The third time might be the worst if it happens to come."
That tells me what is killing you. But, Milly, there are things that we shouldn't allow to worry us. I am glad that you are expecting a babe. It is high time we got company. But let us look at things from another angle. It is true that
I almost sank. There can also be a third, even a fourth time, but must we allow these negative thoughts to plant themselves in our minds? Why cross bridges we haven't reached? My advice is that we stay the way we are right now and hope for the best."'
"What about my situation and my job? The moment thev realize I am in the family way. without certificates to show that I am married, I'll lose the job. There is no question about that."
"That problem has come at the wrong time, Milly. and I am afraid there isn't much I can do about it. I am even thinking of absconding for a while. Things are real bad, if I must tell you. However. I do not want you to worry-even a little about the whole thing. I'll see what I can do about…I am not promising you much, anywa
Would you suggest abortion, before it is too late?" Ihf on earth should you do that? That s murder. Milly. You'd feel guilty throughout your life."
I had already done it once. Now he had, instead of comforting me. made me feel like a murderer. The thought that I had done this to enlighten the burden for him made me start weeping. If he hadn't reminded me I would still feel innocent, since much time had passed since I underwent that sad experience. But I couldn't blame him. If I had told him of the abortion in time, he probably wouldn't have termed it as murder.
I felt like blowing up. My head started aching as it could not hold all that I had. I pushed myself closer to Jack If there was anyone who could comfort me right then, it was him. I had been missing his love badly since his manhunt started. He seemed to have been very much carried away by thoughts and had almost forgotten my presence. I held him on the neck and whispered in his ear. Jack. dear.
I want you, please. Take me inside, to the bed and destroy me completely. I want to feel you inside me, Jack. To reassure myself that you are still with me, that you still love me, that I mean something to you, please do so, Jack." I was serious because I was feeling so hot on him. His manner of caressing me always made me forget my problems and he seemed ignorant about the fact.
The way he whisked me from the seat reminded me of the very first day I came to this house. Jack was of my size, if not smaller, but from the way he handled me, I felt ten times smaller. It was hard to expect such strength from his physical size.
I threw my slippers away as he put me on the bed, my eyes closed, expecting to feel him any moment. He wasn't in a hurry, he let me sweat the sexual hunger alone, caressing me and leaving me hanging in the air. Then he came to me. Right inside as I wanted. By the time we were through, I had no worry in the world. All I
needed was to listen to what he would suggest, provided he didn't mention about absconding and leaving me alone. I couldn't stomach that. What was wrong in staying indoors till every bit of fire was extinguished and the field got cool for him to move about?