Actually Chaoxiang doesn't abuse or hurt him physically, in a matter of fact, he haven't even lay a hand on him ever since their wedding two years ago. Luan can't even imagine that they lasted two years without him feeling his fingers on his body.
But the fact that they we're married for a long time and still get treated like this, hurts Luan. He tried his very best to be a good husband for him. He tried to get to know Chaoxi but failed. He tried to start a conversation to him but failed many times. It always end with Luan just shutting his mouth up. He tried to be the good partner that every man want him to be, but still it seems like its not working on Chaoxi.
It's like there's an invisible wall that separated the two of them. The wall that won't break. The wall that would never let Luan in whatever he does.
He's already 20 years old, a college student and still so young that is why sometimes Luan thought of leaving and find someone else around his age.
But what can he do, he already love the man. Even the thought of him leaving his husband, broke the hell out of him. What can he do? Chaoxi is so close yet so far away he cant grasp him in his hands. How can he reach Chaoxi and not let go? How can Luan reach Chaxi's heart and see that everything he does is sincere?
Sometimes he feels depress and just cry every frustration he felt. It just so heavy that Luan can't bear it any longer. It hurt him so damn much.
It's been two years and yet why can't he see any progress on their relationship. Yes, Luan knew himself that he's still young to feel like this but it's really love. Its really love what he felt towards Chaoxi. Puppy love, infatuation, there's no such things on what Luan felt. His intentions and feelings are pure.
Luan thought that for now, he just have to do his best and be patient. He hope that he can last long.
Luan sighed deeply, feeling sad and depressed to all his thoughts. The reason for drinking is to forget and feel numb just for a moment.
Luan was about to fill his glass again when someone entered the kitchen. He lifter his head to see who it was.
It was Chaoxiang, still in his suit. His eyebrows furrowed and his jaw clenched when he saw the scene in the kitchen. He was about to get himself a cold drink when he saw Luan with a wine on his hand with flushed face and droopy eyes.
His cold eyes glance over Luan when he walk past him then get himself the drink he needed.
Luan lowered his head and the glass of wine, he felt shy all of a sudden. Maybe because he just caught red handed, drinking away the pain. But the cause of the pain showed up. He wanted to laugh but too awkward to do so. He wanted to ask Chaoxi about random things but he decided to just shut up if he doesn't want to make everything worst.
"You have a class tomorrow morning, right?" Luan's soul almost left his body when he heard Chaoxiang's voice. Is was so cold it made him shiver. But it also made his heart beat faster. It was cold but why does it hold gentleness in it?
Luan clears his throat before he answered, "Yes, Chaoxi," still not lifting his head, afraid that he will see Chaoxiang's expression right now.
He was like scolded by a parent. Luan can't believe he was in this situation. He's mind suddenly became clear despite the wine he intakes.
"Then sleep already," then Chaoxi walk over to exit but before he left he said something that made Luan feel dejected, "And you don't have to wait for me everytime I go home. It's just a waste of time," the he disappear from his sight.
Instead of feeling numb by drinking, Luan just feel so much worst now. Luan doesn't know what to do anymore. It hurt so much that it's hard for him to breathe and collect himself.
He knew.
Chaoxiang knew the Luan is always waiting for him to go home, secretly looking outside by the window every single time. Is that the reason why he didn't ask why's Luan still up earlier when he welcome him? Because he knew?
And now he wanted him to stop?
Luan was catching his breath when his vision became blurry and a sob left his mouth. The tears that he was holding back finally found their way out. He can't control his breathing so he choked on his tears. He covered his mouth to stop his sobs because he doesn't want to be heard by Chaoxi.
Luan doesn't want to stop doing that. That is the only time where he can see his husband properly. That is the only time where he can feel that they're married, by welcoming him. Even though he does not always welcome him, because Luan doesn't want to ruin Chaoxi's mood, at least he was looking at him even if its far.
And by doing that, Luan was already happy and contented. It can fill a tiny gap on his shattered heart.
He doesn't want to stop. Why does Chaoxi do this to Luan. He won't be going down stairs to welcome him but he won't stop on waiting for him to go home.
Luan dried his tears and stood straight, there's a pounding on his head so he carefully walk upstairs to his bed and sleep with a heavy heart.
"meow" Luan went back to reality when he heard his cat, Light.
Light is a ragdoll cat with clean white fur and diamond blue eyes. He bought her when he turned 19 as a gift for himself.
Luan was still laying on his bed so he move his face sideways and saw his cat, cutely meowing to him.
"Im sorry Light, were you hungry? Did you wait long?" Light closed her eyes as soon as Luan began to scratch his neck. She meow as a reply ang lay beside his owner.
Luan smiled, "Alright, wait for me and I'll just get ready for school,"
"meow" Light jump off his bed and went outside. Her tail was wagging as she walk out.
Luan stood up and got dress and went to his table to get his things for school before going downstairs. And there he saw Light at the table waiting patiently for her food to be prepared.
When they were done eating, Luan clean everything before saying good bye to Light and drove himself to school. It was an usual morning for Luan. He woke up alone in the house with his cat and Chaoxi leaving him to work. Luan got used to these things when they start living together so nothing new.
He park his car on the school's parking lot and went out. With a pounding head and an obvious hangover, Luan entered his university. He can't believe he was actually at school with a bad hangover. He have to remember that he's lightweight and everyone doesn't need to know so he have to stay away from alcohol.
"Lu~!" someone called Luan so he turn around to see who it was.
It was Mingze.