When Mate returned after the accidental kiss, he acted as if nothing's changed. He went back to his normal self, and pretended we both didn't just lock out lips together.
Seeing that action from him, I didn't try making things worse for him. I also pretended about things.
"The doctor said you'll be dismissed tomorrow." He says without looking up at me, his eyes glued to the phone on his hand as if the gadget holds everything in the world.
Seeing how he's acting really broke my heart. How can he be acting as if our accidental kiss means nothing?
It might really mean nothing to him, but that doesn't mean it means nothing to me. The kiss means more than I can ever talk of.
Getting a first kiss from a person you've crushed on your whole life shouldn't be treated as anything sort of heavenly.
It should be treated as angelic and lovely.
"Why not today. Am tired of being here already."
"You've being here for only a day of being awake, and you're thinking of leaving? " Mate raises a brow.
" Can you blame me for that? I really hate the scent of disinfectant. The scent is nauseous to me. " I shrug.
" I get that, but you need to be patient. You had a gunshot wound, you need to allow it properly heal before you think of returning home. " He sits at the foot of my bed without making a move to come close to where am sitting on. It's as if he'd Afraid to have another reoccurrence of what happened between us earlier.
" But am fully healed! " I frown at him. " I know I can't be able to lean down without feeling any pain, but I need to go back home. "
" Tomorrow love. It'll be tomorrow. "
" Don't call me that? " I frown at him.
" What? " He finally looks up, his eyes locking with mine, a confused expression on his face.
" Don't call me love. I hate empty endearments. " I still kept my eyes on his without making any move to look away. Should there be anyone looking away between us, it'll be him.
"Oh." He blinks, "You don't like the endearments?" He looks hurt as he asked the question.
"Like I said before, I hate empty endearments. If you have nothing to say, you can leave. I need to have some rest."
" Let me help you..."
" It okay. I can help myself with that. You don't have to bother about me. I'll do it myself."
"But.. "
"You can leave now. I need to have some rest, you shouldn't bother." I need some time to think about somethings.
"Okay." He looks reluctant to do as I asked, but he eventually left.
The moment the door close behind him, I allow the tears to slide down my face. My love is all in vain. The person I love more than life itself doesn't see me as more than a friend whom he promised to protect.
Who knows what he might be thinking about the kiss? Who knows, he might blame that incident on me. He might blame me for bringing my face closer to his.
All this proves that the love I've had for years now is nothing but a one sided love. He doesn't feel the same ways I do. He's only here based on the Lame promise of a thirteen year old.
*
"You're not ready to go out yet." Mate drops his laptop on the table, and faced me.
"I've being having some rest from a week now, why can't I leave?" I frown at him.
"You need to be fully healed before you think of stepping out of the door."
" And am telling you am perfectly okay. You don't need to act as concerned as you're acting right now. Am okay, you don't have to worry."
"Tell me why I shouldn't worry when you almost lost your life a week ago?"
If only you'll say you're worried because you care about me. It'll be okay for you to do as you ordered. Had he said something of that sort, I would have being over the moon, but nothing of that sort came from his mouth.
"Thank the Lord you said it's almost a week. Right now, am yelling you am perfectly okay. You don't have to worry about me. "
"You're not going anywhere!"
"You don't have the right to tell me that. You might be my benefactor, but you have no right to tell me what am to do, and what am not to do!"
" Of course I do!" Standing from the cushion, he approached me. " I have the right to tell you what to do."
" You don't!" I swallow deeply at the close proximity. I might have decided to stop pinning over a person who doesn't love me, but that doesn't mean i can't be affected by his close proximity.
His closeness makes my heart race, and my throat parched.
"I have the right Lat. I have the damn right to tell you what to do."
" You don't, you're not my boyfriend. You can't tell me what to do, and what not to do!"
Because of the anger am feeling inwardly, I don't realize the words am saying until I completed the words.
Widening my eyes in surprise, I hastily close my mouth, and run out the door before he can say anything concerning my outburst. Who knows what he's thinking about now.
I can't believe I said the boyfriend words our so loud. What if he's one of those heterosexual males who hates gay? How can I be able to look into his eyes now?
I don't think we can ever return back to how we were before. He might not talk to me, neither will he want to have anything to do with me.
"God!" I face palm. "How can I live through this?"
It's one thing for him not to return my feelings, and another for him to completely ignore me based on my sexual orientation.