I was so nervous as I read the note left behind by John Paul, my crush, who is probably going to be my boyfriend I guess. My hands were shaking with fear of the uncertain. I don't just know why I was.
"Are you his girlfriend?" the old lady asked me. I was at a loss on the choice of words to reply her with.
"Yes ma'am. I mean, not really," I answered stammering. The truth was that I didn't know what I am.
Femi was supposed to give me an answer after I asked him to be my boyfriend. But things had gotten complex, and I couldn't get a reply from him.
"He is a lonely kid," Mama said. She was bringing tomatoes and potatoes from the little garden behind the house. She had observed me sitting for a while, and decided to being up a conversation.
"You must think I am his mother." The woman looked at me smiling.
"No, I am not. I am not related to John Paul by blood. I am only his mother by upbringing. He never knew his parents."
I was surprised to hear this, because I had thought she was his mother. So, we had some things in common too!
She went ahead to tell me how she picked Femi from a roadside while returning from morning mass. His mother had abandoned him beside a dumpster, wrapped in a piece a thin piece of clothe and placed inside a closed cartoon of noodles.
"There were so many cases of abandoned kids at that time. I did not have a child of my own because my husband died few years into our marriage. So I took him in. He became my son."
She talked to me like we knew each other, like she felt very comfortable with me and could open up her heart to me.
"You're an amazing woman, Mama," I said. I could see her eyes glisten in pride and goodwill.
"I love God, and I brought him up to do so, too. That is why he doesn't joke with his faith. He prays more than 7 times everyday." She said smiling.
"He is always reading the bible, and sometimes he preaches to people."
"That's adorable. I'm so proud of the man you brought him up to become Ma," I said.
"He will become a priest," Mama said. "That, he says, is his dream."
My jaw dropped. This statement struck me unprepared. Like I was ambused. What did you say he would become?
My head started spinning. All my feelings, all my love, what would I do with it? Would everything go to waste. it can't be.
If John Paul was going to become a priest, it means I'm in love with the wrong person. It means I would be leading him astray by being in a relationship with me.
I shed hot tears that instant not minding if his mother was there. My world is over.
"I can see you love him," Mama said. I looked at her and the tears increased. "Only someone who feels something for him would react this way."
"Mama, aren't you angry at me for being a threat to your son's career?" I asked in tears.
Mama smiled. "My son cannot be led astray. His resolve is the strongest I have ever seen. I have never doubted his guts. He will end up making the right choice."
These words deepened my sorrow in an uncanny way.
I stood up to leave, believing it was all over. I was going to leave this house and bury my feelings. I would leave this priest-to-be for good. My feelings were of no use.
Just then, John Paul returned.
He rode into the compund riding shotgun. He was brought home in a car by someone who appeared to be a priest.
___________________*____________________
"I knew you would come," John Paul said.
We were in his room. He had taken me inside and told me to have a seat so he could explain his sudden absence from school.
"I went to pray. I have been in our chapel all day," he said. I saw his bible. And the rosary. And a Catholic prayer book at the side of the room.
JP explained how he had gone to pray about himself and I. He was asking God if he should date me or not. He was asking heaven if the idea of dating me was any good.
"What did God say?" I asked. As a matter of fact, I was being sarcastic, and he knew it.
"Did you read the note?" he asked.
"Yes. You said in there that I shouldn't leave until you returned, that you had something to tell me."
"Yes. And here is it...." He exhaled.
When he said that, I became so nervous. I was sacred he was going to drop the bombshell. In my mind, I prayed he wouldn't break my heart because it already felt so fragile.
"I prayed. I sought the counselling of my mentor. That is the priest who brought me home."
My heart skipped a hundred beats. What was he going to say? He's probably going to say it's over..
"I'm sorry, I can't do this."
The cloud of tears gathered in my eyes let loose. This was it. It was the end of the line for me.
JP said he really knows his calling is to become a priest. And even though he loved me, he wouldn't want to compromise his destiny of being a priest with the feelings in his heart. We should let go.
I was still crying when I felt a pair of soft hands around my waist. JP drew me close to his body and held me, giving me a tight hug.
"I love you, Jenifer." He said looking into my eyes.
I wanted to talk, but he used his hands to gently close my mouth.
He kissed me so hard. I lost focus. I was sad, but somehow, all my sadness began to disappear. Like he was sucking them out my body. All I wanted in life was this beautiful moment to last forever and nothing else.
We were lost in the arms of each other. It was as if we were dancing to the magical rhythm orchestrated by our hearts.
But something happened that left us both in acute shock....