I woke up, slipping out of my bed like a slug. What a great day to not be horny, I chant as the birds outside my window whistle their innocent tune. The cozy sunshine envelop my pure body, highlighting the holiness shrouding me.
"Ah! What a good day to not be alive!" I sang joyfully, putting on my clean school uniform and a fresh new pair of socks because even though I'm a depressed bitch because of how pointless life is, I still prioritize my cleanliness and hygiene.
All of a sudden, the clear sky outside darkened as a swarm of ominous thunder clouds loomed over the city, banishing the warmth of the sun.
"Aw man." I sighed. I wanted to see beautiful blue skies, not distressing thunder storms…
Within the eerie darkness of the clouds, a tall figure floated out.
I watch in astonishment as a gorgeous woman levitated outside my window, greeting me with a grin.
"Hello, Mr Protagonist. I have been expecting you." Her voice was smooth as butter, sweet as honey. My heart strings were plucked, and it began beating rapidly in exhilaration.
Oh you were waiting for a description of her body? Nah, relax. Heart over body, remember? No horniness involved, just pure love and connection.
Oh, love sure exceeds any voluptuous body!
"No questions asked, I'm coming with you." I start to jump in joy like a asylum patient, basically begging myself to be taken.
"Um… ok?" The woman chuckled, almost laughing out loud. But she maintained her composure, gently placing her hand out. Her finger tips tapped onto the window pane, shattering the glass into millions of pieces.
Oh my god. Power and beauty…
My heart was melting. Just an ice-cream melting in the hot summer.
Breath-taken, I gladly took her hand, excited to see what would happen next.
But first.
"Um, hi. I know your beautiful and all, but can you please fix that window? You know, it's a high rise building and everything? Windows are expensive as hell." I stare at her mesmerizing crimson red eyes, withstanding her immense attraction because I have the sheer willpower to do so.
"Your wish is granted." With a flick of the wrist, time began to rewind within the perimeter of the shattered glasses, returning the broken window back to normal.
"So," she smiled gorgeously with her eyes. "Ready to leave?"
"Of course." I replied.
Levitating nearly a hundred meter above ground, I cuddle in her arms as she lifts me up with ease, ascending towards the depth of the clouds.
Emerging above the clouds, a huge, ancient portal emitting a cacophony of colors welcomed me.
Yup, there was no way I'm going back to the mundane Earth after this. So long!
Releasing myself from her grasp, I leap into the portal gracefully like a elegant swan.
Jaw dropped and eyes widened, the gorgeous woman buried her face in her arms. "Oh my. What kind of hero is this? He's so impatient… but he's so charming too!"
Oh boy I can't wait to build a strong emotional connection with all the people out there! I wanna destroy dragons and become the strongest there is! And I ain't got no time for horny meetups. After all, I symbolize all the non horny men and woman out there who cherish heart over body.
I am currently floating in a tunnel of unknown substance, traversing towards a bright light at the other end of the tunnel.
Here I come!
Woah! Where am I?
Spawning onto solid ground, I survey my surrounding, wondering what the fuck is going on.
Mythical beings that were void on Earth plagued the land. Huge orgs sauntered around sheepishly, going about their days. Goblins of various shades dashed across, mostly wielding small weapons like daggers and knives. There were humans dressed in wizard cloaks and black knight armors chattering in groups, discussing about their missions or kills or whatsoever.
Other than the more typical creatures and people with familiar looks, there were also frogs with the size of bulls dressed in suits, selling their merchandise to even weirder monsters such a revolting being with 10 pairs or blood shot eyes scattered across its ginormous head.
There were illuminated words and numbers hovering all over their heads. Reading them vaguely, the things above their heads represented different levels and names, ranging between level 1 to 20, or names as common as Bob and Jack, to names like Richard Bartolommeo Cousins the third and qhwufhwisishk.
Not to mention, there were so much adultery and crimes occurring simultaneously. I felt like my eyes were getting corrupted, burning from the intense horniness pervading in the air.
But right now, the thousands of life surrounding me transfixed their attention onto me, an ordinary looking 18 year old dumbass still wearing my untarnished school uniform. In fact, my uniform was probably the cleanest thing in all of this goofy town.
"Who are you!"
"Speak up weakling."
"How did you appear?"
"A spy?"
"A level 1 spy?"
"A level 1 spy!"
Thousands, no maybe even tens of thousands of bickering and mockery resonated in the air, almost exploding my ear drums and giving me permanent brain damage.
"Damn. I can't take this anymore. Where's mommy… I meant where's that gorgeous woman when I need her." I murmur fearfully as cold sweat drenched my forehead.
"Why don't you identify yourself weakling?" A 7 feet tall, armored black man stepped forward from the crowd. He was a lvl 23 knight named Romeo Salty Hammer, one of the highest leveled adventure in this town.
"It's Romeo Salty Hammer!"
"He's so high leveled!"
"I heard he changed him name from Romeo Sweet Fist to Romeo Salty Hammer few years ago."
"Yeah, all of his opponents were constantly salty and complained he only beat them due to his rare hammer."
"True. He took pride in it and permanently changed his name."
Looking up to see such a haunting monster, I backed away from the towering man. "Hey Mr Salty Hammer, I'm just an innocent boy, who is a traveler like you, but got lost…"
Mentioning the words traveler, I felt a twitch in my brain.
"Really?" Clearly in disbelief, Romeo Salty Hammer reached out, grabbing me by the shoulder. Trying to get him off me, I pushed away at his firm grip.
However, an abrupt flash of light emitted from the palm of my hand. The sharp gleam escaped into the atmosphere, piercing the sky.
"Ah! It's burning!!!! I'm dying!!!" Romeo Salty Hammer collapsed on the ground, squirming in pain.
"Actually, I'm totally fine." After a moment of overreacting, he sat upright, studying his wrist where my hands touched.
'Certified: Horny expelled'.
Few snowy white words masked in a holy light imprinted onto his skin like a tattoo.
"I… I feel great! My senses are heightened! My grogginess is gone! And… and… my hidden rampaging, insatiable lust has vanished! Hahahahaha!" Romeo Salty Hammer, certified horny free, roared victoriously. "Thank you little man! Now I can focus on my dreams and aspirations to become stronger instead of wasting my time on loveless sex!"
As if he had ascended to a new realm, he hopped and bounced away, swinging his hammer like a child.
"He's a witch!"
"He's a priest!"
"He's a manipulator!"
The unknowing crowd retreated away from me, not understanding the true happiness that no horniness can bring about.
"So my job title is 'Cleanser'… that's sounds hella fun!" Controlling the aura of holiness still pouring out of my palm, I pointed it towards a blue goblin as a blast of light beamed out.
Striking the goblin, a 'Certified: Horny expelled' tattoo formed on its bare chest.
"Hehehaha! This is amazing! I feel liberated! Now I don't need to rob adventurers to just satisfy my lust for gold and woman! I can focus on opening my own convenience store! Thank you kid!" The blue goblin's originally evil presence was cleansed, now imbuing a sense of responsibility and pride.
"Woah." I watch as the light on my palms wither away, stunned by my world changing, mind bending, earth shattering ability.
"Who wants more of this shit! Come!" I waved my arms around to threaten the rest of the audience. But seeing my light fade away, snickers and devilish grins formed across their faces.
"You won't trick me child. We don't know what trick you played but we are taking you down!"
"Yeah! Take his purity away!"
"He's too much of a menace!"
"Am i the only one who doesn't what to be horny anymore?"
The last sentence was immediately overshadowed by the rest of the ignorant hormone raging creatures and humans.
Just as I thought I was about to be devoured, a grand wall of flame formed around me, protecting me from the incoming danger. The intense fire battered at the encroaching creatures, burning their skins, yet I did not even feel a wisp of scorching heat.
"Are you okay?" A familiar and enchanting voice travelled into my ears. Ah yes! She has finally come to save me!
"I sincerely apologize for my mistakes… The coordinates on the portal was set wrongly by me…"
Seeing her apologetic look and her pouty lips, my heart did flutter, but I wasn't going to let this off the hook.
"I almost died you know? I thought being isekaied was all sunshine and rainbows but you just ruined my world view!" I complained aloud, crossing my arms in frustration.
Being a man of free will and holy heart, I would never succumb to any woman. Why? Because I am the one and only non horny protagonist.
"Run! She's level 38!"
"What is such a high level mage doing here?"
Everyone scrambled, stumbling over one another to escape the gorgeous woman protecting me.
"Here. Please step into this portal. It's definitely correct this time." Waving her delicate fingers like a wand, another portal concocted before my eyes.
"It better be." Raising my eyebrow, I entered the portal she just casted open in front of me.
"How could he talk to me like that…" a bitter tear slid down the woman's cheek. "It just makes him even more dominating. I love it!"
Never mind then. It was in fact a tear of twisted joy.