Lowell
He is sleeping so beautifully.
I watch him in the dark of the night and it feels like this is where he belongs. Here on my bed. His eyes are closed, he is still naked but under my covers, in my bed. It was inevitable--fucking him was going to happen in this retreat because when I see something I want, I grab it by the fucking balls--literally.
Colin Foxly. The son of Beau and Alanis. The boy I met once upon a time is all grown up. I have never seen anyone as beautiful as him--not even my own mate. That is not something I should think about. I don't even want to think about her right now.
I turn to him and rest my elbow on the bed so I can get a clearer view of him. I rest my chin in my hand and stare at him, like the fucking creep I have become because of this man. The first time I saw him at the dinner, I just knew that I was going to have him here at this moment. The thing about sex to me is that it is meaningless. a good release. I always feel that way but right now, I don't know what I feel.
I should be done but I want more.
I never want more.
Fucking hell Lowell, what are you doing?
His eyes open and I see the shining silvery-hazel eyes with the flecks of green in them. He looks confused as he sits upon the bed. Realization sinks in as he rests his back on the bed.
"I fell asleep?'' he asks.
I nod.
He looks at the door, and I know that look. He wants to escape, but I don't know the reason. Usually, when I want an escape, I am satisfied. Is he satisfied or does he have regrets?
"What time is it?'' he asks.
I grab my phone from the bedside table and check, ''it's five a.m."
He opens his eyes wide. "Shit, my brother will know that I snuck out.''
I shrug "You are not a kid.''
He runs over to the floor and starts to pick up his clothes in a very unorganized way. He falls to the floor as he tries to put on his shorts.
"Relax,'' I stand up from the bed and walk over to him slowly. I want him to leave. We are done with this. There is nothing more to say, but I don't want him to have regrets. He seems to be having some unwavering thoughts.
I place my hands gently on his face and aim to kiss him. He doesn't fight me as my lips rest on his. I feel the sensation again, the same one I felt the first time I felt his lips on mine. My eyes begin to close and I notice he has too.
Get your head together, Lowell.
I pull away from him and he opens them back up "Fuck, I almost got swapped in again," he chuckles nervously.
I smile "Yeah, that seems to happen a lot with you around.''
We both laugh.
"I should really go."
I nod.
He finishes putting on his clothes, and I watch him. I am completely in awe of him. He really is a beautiful man. I wish I could have him one more time. I just don't want the mess that will come with all that. Being alone is the punishment I will take for everything that has happened.
Colin has the ability to change all the things I have lived with.
The loneliness, the pain. I never want to forget and he could make me forget all those things. He could make me forget her.
"Thanks for meeting me," I tell him as he walks over to the door.
His cheeks redden, and I reach for his face unintentionally. I gently raise his chin for a kiss, and he lets me again. I trace his cheekbone with my finger and receive a slight shiver from the gesture as my lips press into his. His eyes slide shut and I take it as a victory, so I slide my lips over his cheek and down to the soft skin of his neck. I don't want to stop but I know I should. I know that this cannot happen again, so I pull away from him begrudgingly and he lets out a gasp of longing when there is an inch between us.
"See you around Col," I shorten his name without even realizing and he opens his eyes wide and I don't know if it is because of my words or the nickname.
He pulls the door open and I watch him as he quietly walks into the hallway and out of my sight. My heart aches as he disappears from my sight and it almost feels like this night didn't happen. It almost feels like it was a made-up dream that was all in my head. I walk back to the room and lie down on the bed and I know that it wasn't a dream because his scent feels me up.
My wolf wakes up from his absence.
Bring him back.
He orders me angrily.
My wolf has never been awake during one of my hookups. My wolf has never asked for anything remotely sexual or romantic. This confuses me as I grab the covers and take a strong whiff of his scent. It's strong, woodsy, and sweet. I've never liked the smell of tree bark, but something about his scent, I've never found it more intoxicating yet familiar. I roll in the blankets and grab one of them, I smell it, it's his scent it's even stronger now I tighten the blanket around myself as I continue to inhale the intoxicating aroma.
Upon realization, I jump off the bed in complete shock "WHAT THE FUCK,'' I exclaim at how ridiculous I am acting right now.
I need to get a grip on myself, I start pacing up and down the room confused at how I'm feeling.
"This needs to be one time only Lowell, Do not break your own rule.''
I am talking to myself now.
One more time.
My wolf tells me.
Shit.