"The point at which things happen is a decision. Instead of focusing on yourself, focus on how you can help someone else."
― Germany Kent
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"So why not take him home?"
"What?" I couldn't help but exclaim.
Stephen looked genuinely confused. "Was I wrong?"
"What?"
"I thought you didn't want the child to go to the orphanage since..." He trailed off, making gestures with his hand as if to make the words pop out like bibbidi-bobbidi-bo.
"James told you." I deadpanned.
Stephen looked sheepish. "Yeah, he kinda did. Sorry."
I sighed. "Of course he did."
Why am I not surprised? James had always been a blabbermouth. What did I expect when I told him I was adopted? Well, this is just getting better and better.
"But don't worry! He told only me. He didn't tell anyone else. I just happened to find out."
"You don't just happen to find out things like that." I muttered under my breath. "Whatever. Just because I'm adopted doesn't mean I want to adopt a kid too."
"I don't mean it like that. You just have to take him home for the meantime while we search for his parents."
"Isn't that the same thing? Stephen, this isn't some restaurant where I take home a child like it's takeout. Why can't you and your wife take care of him?" I hissed.
Stephen held his hands up defensively. "Hey, calm down. I can't really take Crispin home because my wife is already busy taking care of our kid. I don't know if she can take care of another toddler. Plus, look at him. He's attached to you by the hip! How am I supposed to take him to my home?"
I looked at Crispin and realized I still hand his little hand in mine. Feeling conscious, I let go of his hands. However, as as I did, Crispin grabbed at my hand, whining.
I cursed. Stephen had a point.
"Fine." I relented. "I'll take the kid home."
Stephen smiled. "Alright. Let's drop by our house for a bit and I'll give you some things you might need while taking care of him."
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Stephen was right. His wife already looked lifeless enough when she came out to greet us. The perpetrator, of course, was none other than the bouncy hyperactive five-year-old girl that clung to her mother's leg.
"Mom! Mom! Mom!" The little girl sang. I felt an odd sense of déjà vu.
"I'm sorry. She's a little hyped whenever she meets someone new." Stephen's wife, Maria, apologized as we waited for Stephen to find whatever it was he was looking for. It made me feel bad.
"No. I don't mind." I responded. My gaze went to the little girl and found her staring at Crispin with a wide grin.
"My name is Esther! Es-ter. What's your name?" The girl greeted Crispin. As soon as Esther got close enough, Crispin hid behind me. Esther didn't seem to understand Crispin's discomfort and hopped towards him still.
"What's your name? What's your name?" She went on like a broken record. I felt tempted to just up and leave. At least Crispin was silent. I guess there are kids who can be more annoying than a mosquito buzzing around.
"Mommy!" I was alarmed by Crispin's sudden cry for help as he desperately tried to escape the nightmare that was called Esther. He was crying again.
Then, Crispin just pushed Esther away. The girl fell on her bum. For a moment, Esther looked stunned. Then, her eyes filled up with tears. And she started bawling too.
Now we have two kids having a crying match.
Contrary to Crispin's silent sobs, Esther was wailing like a banshee. I could only imagine how much of a nightmare it must be to take care of that kid.
Maria was immediately by Esther's side, helping the kid to her feet. "What's wrong honey? Are you hurt? Do you want mommy to kiss the pain away?"
In one fluid motion, Maria lifted Esther in her arms and hugged the child to her chest. She patted Esther's back, muttering soothing words and rocking the child.
I looked at Crispin who cried silently, still clinging to me. Hesitantly, I gathered him in my arms and lifted him up like Maria did. I hugged the kid to my chest and patted his back.
"Hey, don't cry." I muttered under my breath. It felt awkward. I don't even know if Crispin heard me. But, as I rocked the child and gently patted his back, Crispin's sobs slowly turned into hiccups.
I found myself getting lost in the repetitive action of rocking him. I didn't even realize I closed my eyes, feeling every hiccup that came from Crispin. The action reminded me a lot of what my older sister did for me.
I began to hum a soft tune. Eventually, Crispin's hiccups stopped altogether. I felt him slacken in my arms.
I realized he had fallen asleep.
In my arms.
My shoulder felt heavy as his chin rested on my back. I think it was then that I first realized the weight of the life that was now in my hands. With that epiphany came worries.
I think I made the wrong decision. What if I do something wrong while taking care of Crispin?
Hell, I've never even tried taking care of anyone! In fact, that's the reason why James and I broke up. Because I'm a jerk who only cares about my career—too focused on succeeding to even care about anyone else.
How can I take care of a child if I can't even take care of my own life?
"You're a natural." Maria's voice snapped me out of my sea of worries.
"What?"
"Stephen told me about the situation. I find it quite admirable. You strike me as a natural, being able to take care of the kid like that." Maria smiled softly. I realized that Esther too had fallen asleep. I see. No wonder I thought it was too silent.
"I—" I wanted to refute her. But, Stephen chose that moment to show up.
"Alright! I found the goodies bag—" He stopped as soon as he entered the room and saw the kids sleeping. He smiled sheepishly and quietly went up to us.
"Here's a bag of all the things you might need." Stephen handed me the 'goodies' bag. "I also wrote down some instructions for giving the kid a bath and taking care of him. I left our house number too. You can contact us if you have any concerns."
I took the bag from him and slung it over my free shoulder. "Thanks."
"No, thank you Xela. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision for you. Tell me your address. I'll drive you home." Stephen offered.
I wasn't saying no to a free ride. As I said my goodbye to Maria and got inside Stephen's car, I couldn't help but wonder.
"If you have a car, why are you taking the train?" I couldn't help but ask.
Stephen chuckled. "Funny story. I had a consultation up town. I didn't bring my car because the company had arranged a ride for me. Funny thing was, the company ride had a flat tire when we were going home. I was forced to commute."
"Oh." I mouthed.
"Funny, right? Almost as if it was fate at work."
I neither felt amused nor interested like Stephen seemed to be. So, instead of refuting, I simply watched the road pass by in a blur. And in my arms, I could still feel the weight of a new life.