She lifted her head, trying to hard to control her tears, but they just would not stop. "But I s-said…"
"The truth." She cupped her cheek. "Listen to me, Ashlyn. I've made a lot of mistakes with you. I've made a lot of mistakes period, but I'll never regret the words you said this afternoon. They woke me up. You gave me hope for the first time in over twenty years that I would see my other little girl again. And as angry as you were, you made me realize that I had a daughter who needed me now, if I never find your sister."
"How could you not know I needed you?"
Agony darkened her eyes. "For more than two decades, I've practiced at ignoring your needs because I could not deal with feelings at all. Not yours. Not mine. I was a lousy mother and I wish I could go back and change the past, but I can't. When your father died, I shut myself off. It happened so fast, by the time your sister's disappearance came to light, I was already closed off from my babies. I didn't try hard enough to find her. I accepted without question…" Her voice broke and it was a second before she could continue. "When the investigators told me there were no more leads to follow, I didn't argue. A year after her disappearance from the hospital, the police put her case on indefinite hold due to lack of new information. I closed the case with the investigative agency I'd hired as well."
Unbelievably she started to cry, turning her head away from her. "I have no excuse. When I look at your childhood, I feel as if I shut you out as completely as I did her. I failed you both on so many levels."
The monitor beside her bed began to beep and a nurse came rushing in, followed closely by a doctor. Ash tried to get up and out of their way, but her mom wouldn't let her go.
"No. It's just my heart. It will get better. It's not used to feeling and it's having a hard time with the new experience." Her attempt at a laugh ended in a pain-filled wheeze, but she wouldn't let her go.
"Please, Mom, let them take care of you. Please. I don't want to lose you again."
"You won't leave?" Her tone was pleading, her normally strong voice choked with tears she'd never, ever seen her shed before.
"I won't go further than the hall, I promise."
"I love you, Ashlyn. Please believe me. I know I've done a lousy job of showing it, but I love you more than my own life."
She didn't know if she believed her. She wanted to. So much. And she felt badly, but twenty-three years of neglect didn't get wiped out with even heart-rending tears and confessions of affection. For all she knew, her illness was making him maudlin and she'd go back to her distant self once she was feeling better. She didn't say any of that, though.
She gave him a watery smile. "I love you, too. I always have."
She let her go and she moved back so the doctor could get to her. Then she stumbled toward the door and Nikos was there, his arm around her, guiding her out of the room and into the hall. Once outside the door, he pulled her into his chest, sheltering her from the noise coming from the room and the sense of desolation trying to wash over her.
Suddenly another pair of arms was there, hugging her. And a warm, comforting scent. "Is she all right, Nikos?"
"She is strong, Mama."
Ash lifted her head. "Zoe?"
"Yes, my child. I am here." The older woman's eyes were filled with compassion. "Come, let us go to the waiting room."
"I told her I wouldn't leave the hall."
"The room, it is right here, off the hallway. Not more than ten steps. You will know instantly if she has need of you. Nikos will make sure of it, but child you need to sit down."
Nikos agreed and between the two of them, he and his mother managed to convince Ash to go to the waiting room and sit. They took a place on either side of her on the small sofa against one wall. There was no one else there and Ash was glad. She never fell apart like this. She'd hate to have strangers witness her weakened state.