Okay, pay attention to me, this is going to sound weird, but I…
I died.
It's true that I've been sick since I was born and I also know that this is no big deal. After all, everyone dies someday, but I discovered there is life after death!
A pity that I won't be able to tell anyone... But, that's life...
I was in a white space. Everything around me was white, as white as anyone could imagine. In front of me was only an old man with white hair and a white beard. A long white beard, like those kung fu masters in Chinese movies.
He even dressed like one!
He was sitting in a wooden chair, reading some sort of gray grimoire with his legs crossed.
I don't know how long I stood in front of him, but I coughed to see if he noticed I was there.
After all… I need to reincarnate, don't I?
— Ahem… Lord God almighty? — I said.
He just raised his head, as if surprised. But his gaze was one of indifference.
— Me? God? No, no — he placed his index finger over a snippet of his grimoire —Aha! Found it! Lucas Lehmann, 30 years old.
— Hm, that's me! — I replied proudly.
— Eh… What a mediocre life… — he coughed, trying to disguise what he said — I mean, calm life, calm life. Oh, your karmic score is pretty high… I see here that you were quite a philanthropist. Wow, a hardcore one… Why?
— Well… I've lived my life confined to a bed and I've never been able to do anything with my money. So let the money at least serve me to save people's lives.
— I see, I see… It's really quite a score… More than any other human being who's been here. — he brought his hand to his chin, thoughtfully — Lucas, I'll be honest… Your case is unique and we on this side are in a very peculiar situation too, so I'm going to make an exception and see where this goes.
The old man closed the grimoire, and it was gone as if it had never been there to begin with.
— If you had to say your greatest talent. Which would be? — he asked me as he walked towards me.
— Games! I'm an excellent gamer, I was even number one in the rankings of several MMORPGs. I put my hand on my chest, lifted my chin, and responded proudly.
— I see... I see... And what would your perfect life be like?
— Well, I wouldn't say perfect, but if I were to be reincarnated, I'd like to live a life of adventure, spells, magic and… — with a dramatic pause, I yelled: — dragons!
These magical creatures have always fascinated me. Cast the first stone who never dreamed of riding a dragon, wearing imposing armor and conquering the world.
— Dragons, huh? Well, they're beautiful indeed, but they're not exactly what I would define as friendly… — he shook his head and placed his hand on my shoulder. — Well, never mind… Now I want you to think about your gaming talent. What pops up in your mind when you think about gaming?
Wasting no time, I closed my eyes and thought about the most characteristic thing about games: progress system!
I felt warm air cover my body and something penetrate my chest and invade my heart.
— Open your eyes. — he ordered.
When I opened them, I saw the most amazing thing that could happen: a status window like in RPG games, with skills, attributes, inventory and… Quests!
— Incredible! I put my hands on his shoulders and shook him, not caring about his status.
Suddenly, as if he had never been in front of me, he appeared beside me.
— Good, good. Now where I will send you…
It was then that a portal opened and several beings came out, all with the same grimoire under their arms.
— Edwin, you madman! What the hell are you doing? You used the privilege on a human! Revoke it right now! — shouted a giant woman with flowing red hair that glowed like threads of fire.
At that moment, I could see a weird smile on his lips.
You know when you get that feeling that there's something behind you that gives you goosebumps? Well then, that's exactly what I felt. When I looked back, there was a portal and the old man, Edwin, pushed me into it.
All those figures flew towards me, but they couldn't reach me in time.
At one point, I was in this white space, but now I was in a sort of space-time tunnel. Exactly like the ones in science fiction movies, you know?
Inside it, I just floated with no proper sense of time. I just hope it's a fucking amazing trip!
After who knows how long traveling through this tunnel, I could see the light at the end.
I got closer and closer until I finally crossed it.
The first thing I noticed was that I was underwater.
Fuck, did I end up in the sea? What injustice is this?
I tried to swim, but I didn't have to. Something lifted me...
It was a giant man!
I inflated my lungs and screamed: — Buwah!
What the fuck? I tried again and all I could speak were these impossible to understand words. My tongue didn't seem to obey my mind... It was like I was a...
Wait a second…
I looked down and saw a woman in a bathtub, the water up to her waist. Something connected us–and no, it wasn't nothing emotional.
Umbilical cord! I really was a baby!
— Darling, look! It's our Valentin! — said the giant man.
That's when I realized that this man would be my new father… And that my name would be Valentin.
It was my turn to look at the woman. She was beautiful. Not only beautiful, she was absolutely gorgeous. Red hair, full lips, bluish eyes like a lynx, delicate nose, small and delicate body. White as snow.
The man was good looking, too. He was tall, blond, wore a military cut, with ears full of earrings, strong as a lumberjack, and he smelled of sweat. His hands were rough and callused, to the point that it was uncomfortable to be carried by him. He looked a bit like John Krasinski; I guess.
He laughed non-stop and kept jumping as he held me in his arms.
Man, I was getting dizzy, but I couldn't tell him to stop.
When he calmed down, he handed me over to the woman, who was out of strength.
She was all sweaty, but she smelled like jasmine. I was so close to her I could see her kind gaze. Man, imagine if she knew I was a 30-year-old man until just moments ago…
Hey, wait, wait!
She put me on her breast and as much as I didn't want to do anything, my baby instinct was stronger. I've never felt so ashamed in my life. Damn baby body!
— Buu… Buwah! Buwah!
Even though it didn't look like it, I was begging her to stop.
— Darling, look how talkative he is! Hahaha! — he leaned against the edge of the tub and pressed his face against hers. — So fucking cute! Look at this little devil, he's got your hair and eyes, but his little arms... Strong like this old man!
I was suddenly curious to see what I looked like. If I looked like this woman, I'd be incredibly handsome.
The problem was that there didn't seem to be any mirrors where I could see myself.
In fact, in my past life I was filthy rich, but in this one… It looked like a little wooden house. Cozy but simple. The problem is that, as you would expect from a medieval house, there was no toilet in the house, just a latrine in the house's corner and a big bucket of water besides it.
Since the bathtub was next to the latrine, I could smell shit. Disgusting!
There was a fireplace, and in it there was a stand, and a pot attached to it. On the left side, a counter with shelves full of spices, hanging sausages, pans, and plates. In front of the fireplace was the bed and to the left of the bed was a wooden wardrobe.
This would be my new life. Valentin's life… Wait a minute, what's my last name? What are my parents' names? I've barely started this new life and I'm already having an existential crisis. Answer my questions, parents!
Suddenly, my father cut my umbilical cord, cleaned my mother and me, and took us to bed. I think it would be the family's first night. She started rocking me in her lap and, like magic; I blacked out.
When I woke up, I was in a wooden cradle, covered with a sheepskin and lying on straw.
I remembered the power Edwin had given me and promptly tried to summon it.
— Ubuwah!
Oh, shit... I forgot I can't speak...
I tried to think of the word. This time it worked.
Status window!
[Valentin Dormundson - Level 1 - Exp 0/1000]
[Strength: 0 | Constitution: 0 | Dexterity: 0 | Mana: 0]
[Free attribute points: 0]
[New Quests: ]
[Crawl 100 meters » Constitution +1, Experience + 100]
[Say your first intelligible word » Mana + 1, Experience + 200]
Here we go!