This is so stupid. I'm only doing this because I love my little Luka so much and he insisted that only I could tell this story since he wasn't there. I don't understand why he couldn't just write it in the third person. He did it for Granberia when she flatly refused to write her story back in Book 2. Sigh. Fine. Whatever.
Hello, my name is Alice. No, you haven't stumbled upon Alice's Story. I simply don't like to talk about myself enough to write something as long as Luka's Story has been. I'll admit I have a big ego, but I prefer to express it through silent disdain rather than long monologues about how great I am. I don't need to talk about how great I am. Everyone who sees my obvious majesty and beauty and intellectual brilliance already knows. People that tell you how amazing they are, usually aren't.
So where should I begin? Oh yeah, the mission. So Sara, a valued ally of ours, was fighting for her kingdom over in Sabasa. Unlike other continents that had been taken over or were still being contested, the humans actually still had a chance there. Since I couldn't go with Luka to the moon, and I wasn't about to sit around the Pocket Castle stuffing my face with the same old boring non-Luka food, I decided that going to Sabasa was a nice way to make myself useful. And if I got some decent cuisine out of the deal, that would be a nice bonus.
So let me get one thing out of the way before I begin. For those of you perverts who want to see graphic depictions of sexual activity, you might as well skip this chapter. I don't touch any other men but my Luka. Why eat mere dangos when you can have Ama Ama Dango from the Sutherland Inn every night? Luka's…. escapades… I tolerate them only when they are absolutely necessary, which is very difficult for a lamia to do. We are notoriously jealous. But being Monster Lord with a human mate who actually is useful creates complications that I failed to foresee. Not to mention he's a walking Red Bull for my monster forces when they need energy. Luka's semen is four times more potent than normal semen. I just wish he didn't enjoy it so much. I preferred my more innocent Luka who didn't even know if he was a virgin or not.
However, if you love violence, you'll enjoy this chapter, because I'm very good at violence. Against my true enemies, but also against those who just irritate me. My arms may look thin, but they are two of the most deadly weapons on the planet. I was also carrying the mighty Angel Halo. Luka didn't know it had been retrieved from the Demiurge, and I didn't tell him because he didn't bother to tell me that he lost it in the first place. So I think I'll let him sweat until he works up the courage to ask me about it. Since he can summon his shadow version and it's better than the real thing anyway, I can wait him out.
I gathered up a dozen volunteers to join Sara's army. The most notable was Saki, who called the Sabasa region her home. She would provide inspiration and some magic support for Sara's army. I also brought Hild, since she had a lot of firepower. Barbun came along because she was an expert with the bow. The rest were just idiots who spent most of their time harassing my Luka, but to their credit, when needed, they volunteered readily.
I don't like throwing lives away, though. While I was confident that Sara's reinforced army could prevail in a straight fight, that advantage would only last a week, maybe two. I was always taught by Tamamo that you defeat an army by removing its head. That meant taking Hiruko out. Now you might be thinking, Alice is going to take on Hiruko?! Hiruko is an Ancestor! Well, no duh, you idiots! Do you think I'm stupid!? I never go into a fight against a stronger opponent without a plan. Who do you think I am?!
So despite the fact that Sara needed to move with alacrity if she wanted to take back her capitol, I asked for a day to end the campaign for Safina in one fell swoop. For that, I'd need to find someone. Someone who was the equal, or at least close enough, of an Ancestor. Someone I knew had to still be in the region and who Luka reported was last seen in Sabasa itself: Monster World's version of Seraph Eden. I guessed that together we could handle Hiruko. Eden could slash at her with that flaming sword and I could use my superior magical talents to weaken Hiruko so that she would be no match for Eden. I'm so proud of that plan that I'm not even going to leave you in suspense about how it went. Luka's crazy tales may work like that. Mine don't. Now that you know my plan, you already know that I executed it to perfection. Because if you want a job done right, you send a powerful lamia to do it.
So why should you read on? Trust me. I had a very satisfying encounter while searching for information on where I could find Eden.
I knew that Eden almost certainly didn't drink, and probably didn't associate with people who did, so the usual best source of information, pubs, were out. But Eden probably had to eat, since she'd lost some of her divinity due to the destruction of Heaven on her world, so restaurants would be an excellent place to gather intelligence. It would be very necessary for me to pose as an ordinary patron so that my cover would not be blown. So I made sure to order a few things in every restaurant I checked out.
Since there weren't many angels in Sabasa, a lot of people knew her. But hints as to her whereabouts were contradictory. Eden had moved back into Sabasa after Luka had made a deal with Hiruko to give humans more protections in her region than they had had previously. In addition, Luka had brokered an end to the insurgency. While Eden hated the deal, she had shown unusual intelligence by abiding by it, rather than continuing to carry on a futile fight.
But with the merging of Monster World with two other worlds, everything had changed. Monsters and angels had suddenly found themselves cheek to jowl, and the humans who had been the largest part of the population in Safina on the Paradox world found themselves in the middle of a war. Hiruko had taken the throne from Sara within ten imnutes of the merge. Sara had also showed remarkable intelligence by not standing and fighting. She had taken her palace guard, as well as the bulk of her army, and conceded Sabasa to spare the citizenry the terror of street battles. I expected that with warfare resumed, Eden would return to the fight. But how would she do it? Did she join Gabriela in retreating to San Ilia? Did she go back to guerilla warfare? I was able to confirm that she hadn't joined Sara's forces.
The fact that a lot of people knew her didn't help much. Even people who claimed to be her former guerilla fighters didn't know where she had gone. But I was determined. If I had to eat at every restaurant in Sabasa, by hell I was going to eat at every restaurant in Sabasa! And if that failed, I'd have no choice but to do it again, because new patrons might have new information.
Fortunately for our gold and my waistline, it didn't get that far. I'd merely eaten seventeen entrees at ten restaurants when I walked into a particularly popular, crowded place. I rubbed my hands together in glee. A great place to find information, and since it was popular, probably a great place to eat as well!
Now I'm not a flirt. Sure, I'm gorgeous, but I think it's undignified to use my feminine assets to convince men to talk to me. I'm royalty. They should be honored that I deign to be interested in anything they say. And if they don't talk, I just use my eye magic on them.
"I'm not buying you dinner, street hag, so you might as well get up and find another mark," one annoyingly handsome man said when I sat down at his table. I'd even smiled, not because I'd intended to, but because he was handsome and smelled delicious. I didn't like his tone.
Zap.
"Tell me if you've seen an angel around this part of town," I ordered.
"Seraph Eden comes here frequently," he said dully. "As a matter of fact, I come here the same time every day, pathetically hoping that she'll sit with me and give me the time of day. That's why I wanted you to leave."
Look, readers, I know I'm hot. That drawing in the game you perverts play, I admit it's good, but it doesn't even begin to do the real me justice. But the same is true of Eden. Only moreso. Eden is stunning in ways you can't even imagine. Think of the most beautiful woman you've ever seen. Then make her nearly seven feet tall, with unreasonably large tits, and the most perfect skin you've ever seen, not too white like most angels are, but a nice, perfectly tanned body. So I felt less insulted than I usually would that this man didn't want me in the way. But I was still a little insulted.
"Your food," I ordered. "Give it to me."
The man passed his plate to me. I dug in and waited. Hopefully Eden would show up at her usual time.
"Does she come every day?" I asked, spraying food all over the man across from me.
"About every other day," he said, his jaw going slack.
Damn. Fifty-fifty chance. Oh well, I'd just have to come back tomorrow. The food was pretty good. And I had no other business. I'd just have to convince Sara to wait one more day to go on the offensive.
While we're waiting for Eden to show, a quick word about my table manners. Why, you are probably asking, with all of my experience, do I still eat like a barbarian? Well first off, monsters don't believe in table manners. Humans have that luxury because humans all have the same anatomy. Not every monster can select the right fork, cut a tiny piece, gently stick the fork in it while holding the fork correctly, and then daintily bring it to their mouth, while chewing with their mouth closed, thoroughly, making sure not to stuff their mouth in the process. Some monster girls have to suck their food up through a proboscis right from the plate. Others don't have proper hands.
But now you'll say,'But you do!' Fair enough. I do have two hands. I COULD eat in a well mannered fashion if I wanted to. And I do try at human functions where I know I'll be there for awhile. I need the time, because I find that human table manners are simply a way to eat slow. Why would I want to eat slow? I eat a lot. If I ate the way high class humans did, I'd never leave the table! And even if I do try to eat in a polite fashion, people still stare. I am a monster, after all, so my anatomy is just different. Luka told me that I extend my tongue out a lot while eating. Since my tongue is much longer than a human's, it freaks people out. So most of the time, I figure, why bother? I just stuff as much into my mouth as I can, chew it as fast as I can, and swallow huge gulps since I have no gag reflex. I probably could stand to not talk with my mouth full. People don't usually like it when you spray food on them.
Ah, there's Eden! I'm not actually writing this as I'm doing it. This little mission happened a LONG time ago. I just thought it would be a cool effect for me to briefly act as if you're here with me. Now wipe the food off that I spit onto your face while talking to you and let's go see the lovely Eden.
I got up from my table and spotted the unreasonably tall Seraph sliding into a booth and browsing the menu. You simply could not miss her. If by chance you don't know what she looks like, just follow the male stares. I'm hot, as I said, and I get stared at a lot. Men like the exotic. But when I'm in a room with Eden, I might as well be invisible.
To my annoyance, I was blocked from Eden's table by an annoying lamia who happened to look just like me.
"Oh my goodness!" the admittedly cute blue lamia exclaimed. "Are we related? You look just like me!"
"I admit I see a resemblance," I said impatiently, and tried to get past her. She moved to block me.
"What's your name, long lost sister?" she said, all bubbly and stuff. "I'm Allison!"
Suddenly I didn't care about Eden. I'd been so focused on my mission that I'd failed to notice the very obvious echidna who didn't just look like me, but WAS me, at least another version of me. Another version of me who I had beef with.
"My name is…." I hesitated. 'Alice', as most of you know, identifies me immediately among nearly all monsters as royalty.
"My name is Ariana," I said graciously. "It's so nice to meet you!"
"I know! Isn't this amazing!? We must be like…. Cousins or something! Or maybe even half sisters! Since we probably don't know who our father is, it's a possibllity, isn't it?"
Idiot. She must not have known about alternate universes even though she was in one now. Well, it had been only a few days.
"How about we do lunch tomorrow?" Allison asked. "We can compare family members and see if we have any in common!"
"Oh, that sounds like a fantastic idea!" I replied, feigning excitement. "Who do you want to eat?"
"Who?" Allison asked. Then she got in close and whispered. "I don't know if you've heard, but we're kinda not supposed to eat people anymore. I know it's stupid, but if you really want to, I can show you great places to hunt where you won't get caught."
"Oh, that sounds delicious!" I said excitedly. "So tell me, do you prefer to swallow men head first, or feet first?"
"I really prefer head first," Allison answered. "I know that it's better for the guy to do it feet first, as that way their penis gets really happy on the way down and you can see their face. Oh! Ah! It feels so good! Eat me faster!"
"Oh yeah, that is really funny," I said, pretending to laugh. "Men are so weak to pleasure."
"I know! But I prefer head first because I like to see their legs kick while I'm swallowing them. It's so funny! They'll be in all the way up to their waist, and their legs will just start kicking frantically, and then I just swallow down the rest in one gulp!"
"That's so great!" I said enthusiastically, then knocked her the fuck out.
The crowd in the restaurant gasped and Eden looked up. She didn't recognize me, so she simply went back to her menu. I slid into the booth next to her.
"Can I help you, monster?" Eden asked.
"Why are you just sitting here when there's a war on?" I asked her.
"I'm not 'just sitting' here. I'm planning."
"Planning what?"
"To kill Hiruko," Eden answered.
"Sounds good," I replied. "Order, eat, and let's go do it."
Eden looked at me as if I was an idiot. I don't get that look very often. I fought down the urge to knock her the fuck out too.
"One doesn't just waltz into Hiruko's castle and kill her," Eden said, clearly annoyed. "It requires a plan. Intelligence on her habits so that I may select the best time to catch her at a disadvantage. I must attack at a time when she has few guards. If I can, I need to find powerful allies. With angels suddenly appearing all over the world, eventually some powerful ones may come to my aid. I have already informed that new archangel of my presence and readiness."
"Yeah, yeah," I said impatiently. "We have her outmatched. We don't need a plan. As for allies, you have me. You do your sword thing and I'll do my magic thing and we'll beat her, no problem."
"I can read your magic and see that you aren't making an idle boast, but why would I trust a monster? I'm not stupid. I go in there, roughly equal to Hiruko, you tip the balance in her favor. No thank you. I'll wait for allies I can trust."
"Luka is my husband," I said quickly. Eden just stared.
"And that is supposed to reassure me how?"
"You may not have liked the deal Luka made, but it was the best one he could make that saved the most lives," I argued. "But the merits of his deal aren't relevant here. What matters is that he was your ally and he saved your life. You don't have to agree with the deal he made to trust him, and by extension me."
"That's all well and good, but I know Luka doesn't approve of killing," Eden countered. "So I don't believe that you are going to go in there with me and kill that Ancestor."
"All right, fine! I don't intend to kill her, just drive her out of Sabasa! But my tolerance for killing is a lot higher than my husband's. I don't intend to hold back or stop you from striking a death blow as long as Hiruko still has fight in her. We only spare her if she gives up or has no fight left in her."
"So assuming we defeat her… hold on."
A waiter had come to the table. He stared at Eden like a puppy. I don't think he had even noticed me yet.
"I'll have the vegetable pot pie, please," Eden said. "May I have grape juice with it?"
"Of course, ma'am, and you?" the waiter said, finally noticing me.
"I'll have um…. The chicken entrée, the pork chops, the shrimp, the Sabasa fish, and…. Wow, so much to choose from… clam chowder soup."
"Will that be…. All?" he asked, nonplussed.
"Actually, I'll take the chocolate cake, ice cream, pumpkin pie, and…. How are the dangos here?"
"Adequate," he said.
"I'll take two, then."
The waiter nodded, took our menus, and left.
"When are we going to storm the castle, tomorrow morning?" Eden asked sarcastically.
"I eat fast," I said. "We'll hit 'em right around sundown."
Normally I'd devise a more elaborate plan, but I didn't think Eden could handle it. Eden has more magical power than me. Yet her standard tactic is to swing that flaming sword at anything evil. Against human opponents she prefers plant based pleasure attacks. Since humans tend to attack in large numbers, she simply transforms into, or summons, enough plants to entangle and pleasure them all. Supposedly she's capable of destroying an entire army by herself with those plant spells. But monsters get the sword. She could do so much more if she applied herself. I don't have her raw power, but I try harder. I'm a master in five different schools of magic and twelve subdisciplines. I'm also a better swordswoman than Eden, second in the world only to Granberia, and while I don't like using them, my pleasure attacks are probably my most lethal of all. Even my hair is a one shot kill on an ordinary man. I try to avoid using the hair, because it's a pain to wash semen out of it.
That doesn't mean I didn't carefully plan my own strategy. I knew that Eden would battle Hiruko directly with that sword. The only monster I'd ever seen her use plant attacks against was Kanon, and that had been a matter of pride for her. Against Hiruko, Eden would prefer tentacles vs. flaming sword. Knowing that, it was a simple matter for me to plan the spells that I would use to support her.
The first step, however, was getting to Hiruko. Human guards were not part of the plan. I should have guessed. As terrifying as Hiruko can be, she is an Ancestor and thus the pleasure she can give is incredibly addictive. Those slimy tentacles just crawl all over a man's body, and the slime itself is an incredibly powerful aphrodisiac. But I'm getting into sexual stuff now, and if you're still with me, you're here for the violence. Because you're not a pervert. Just a person with anger issues. Which I understand, relate to, and even condone.
So where were we? Oh yeah, human guards. They came at us in heavy armor. Stupid and slow. Since I don't like killing humans, I gestured for Eden to refrain from summoning her sword. A quick abjuration spell made the mens' armor and clothes disappear. Eden saved me the trouble of doing pleasure attacks by changing into a small patch of alraunes.The men went down moaning. Oh wait, that's sexual stuff again. Violence. This is a tale of violence.
More guards came, this time vampires. Why did they never learn? If there was any monster race that consistently chose the wrong side, it was always vampires. I told Eden I'd handle them. I did, with my bare hands. Fists and tail flying, I broke jaws, caved in chests, choked a few until they passed out, and cracked a skull.
"Impressive," Eden said.
Upstairs were more guards. Elite kitsune ninja. Four of them. I smiled. I LOVE hurting kitsunes! Especially since they obviously worked for Tamamo. The Tamamo who hurt my little Luka.
They truly were elite. Eden's flaming sword could not be parried by any normal weapon. The kitsunes, however, all had enchanted katanas. I had to use Angel Halo. I engaged two, while Eden engaged the other two. They actually managed to wound Eden. Once. Eden's sword cut them down, burning away much of their fur in the process. She didn't kill them, but those two wouldn't be getting their fluffy tails touched anytime soon.
I sealed both of my opponents. I could have had a nice, long, fun sword battle with the two of them, but I was impatient. I hit one with a large dose of dark magic, putting her temporarily out of action. By the time she recovered enough to fight, her companion was already sealed into the form of an adorable little fox. She bit me. I bit her back. I should have eaten her. I just don't like picking fur out of my teeth and throat. The second attacked, but she was too doubled over in pain from my dark magic attack to put up effective resistance. I'm not Granberia. I don't fight fair. I do whatever gets me past my opponent the fastest.
In the throne room, Hiruko awaited us. That girl is so creepy. She looks like a preteen school girl. Not a loli in my opinion, for those who use that term, but it just seemed wrong to me that an ancient monster would use such an immature default form when she didn't have to. Tamamo, the Tamamo I knew, had no choice. Hiruko did.
Continually getting ignored in favor of Eden was getting to be annoying, but in this case it was nevertheless part of the plan. Hiruko attacked Eden at once, after issuing the usual clichéd threats. She was going to eat her, blah blah, you only came here to insure your own doom. Booring. Countless tentacles lashed out at Eden. The first wave ended up on the palace floor, severed with one swipe of Eden's sword. The next wave varied the attack angles, allowing Hiruko to snag Eden. Time for your friendly neighborhood Monster Lord to tip the scales. Spider-Man is so dreamy, by the way. I would eat Peter Parker up.
I hit Hiruko with the full spread: fireballs, ice balls, magic missiles, dark magic, I even tried out a transmutation spell, converting several tentacles into fluffy tails. A shrinking spell proved ineffective. Well, it couldn't hurt to try. Since Hiruko's chosen pre-teen form is magical, hiding hundreds of tentacles which are the entirety of her true form, you know you're doing well when she drops the humanoid disguise entirely and just becomes nothing but tentacle. I found myself on the receiving end of four dozen thrashing tentacles, all for me. I was flattered. I was also ready. Hiruko, like Eden, has insane magical power, but is predictable as they come. I surrounded myself with a shield of acidic slime, which chemically burned many of the attacking tentacles. Hiruko didn't appreciate that at all.
Eden had cut herself free and was getting way too close to the Ancestor for Hiruko's comfort. As much as she was becoming very annoyed with me and wanted to break me in half and then consume each half, even at my best I could never be a deadly threat to her, only a painful one. Eden, on the other hand, could end her. Focusing once again on Eden, she managed to get Eden tangled up in Tentacle Land again. Eden really should have been countering that with any variety of conjured plants at her disposal. Hiruko's tentacles were formidable, but she only had one kind of tentacle. Eden had a nearly infinite variety of plants. Maybe what this battle actually needed were smarter Edens.
Well, if one Eden couldn't fight intelligently, maybe another would. Just so you know, this was always part of the plan. I already had two Edens. The one dumb enough to fight Hiruko on her own was my third. What can I say, I'm thorough. I really do think that I could have beaten the Ancestor with just one Eden and my own magic. But like I said, I don't believe in fighting fair. Why win by a hair with one Eden when you have three and can completely dominate your opponent?
Hiruko stopped pulling Eden towards her as two more Edens materialized inside the castle. I was so jealous of angels' indoor teleportation ability. They were so much more precise with that magic than monsters! Hiruko's reaction to seeing three Edens was not rational. I'd been hoping she'd retreat. After all, I didn't want to kill her. I consider the Ancestors to be almost beings worthy of worship. Which never meant I wouldn't fight them if they acted in ways inimical to my interests. But Hiruko seemed overwhelmed with joy, instead of trembling with fear, at the sight of three Edens.
"Three Edens?!" Hiruko exclaimed. "My dreams are coming true! You shall all be my dinner tonight!"
My goodness, she was easily the creepiest of the Ancestors. Eating angels? Angels didn't even taste good! And I eat everything! Hiruko soon received a dose of reality, as three flashing, flaming swords cut deeply into her body. She fought far longer than she should have against those odds. I feared the Edens would succeed in killing her. Unlike Luka, I wasn't about to intervene. Hiruko was being stupid. If she died due to her own idiocy, it would not break my heart in the slightest.
But, to my relief, Hiruko beat a hasty retreat, but only after leaving seemingly three quarters of herself on the castle floor, ruining some very expensive rugs in the process. None of that seemed to bother Queen Sara in the slightest. It took only twenty four hours for her army, with an assist from my own dozen or so troops, to sweep all opposition aside and enter Sabasa. Sara ordered the defeated monsters to clean up the Hiruko mess and throw away the now very smelly carpets. Team Luka now had a region to base ourselves out of should we have to move the Pocket Castle. To put even more icing on that delicious cake, Sara ordered the arrest of that whore Allison for attempted murder.
"Thank you, Queen Sara," I said gratefully. "I really wanted to eat that wayward version of me, but I couldn't."
"Why not?" Sara asked. "I would think attempting to kill your husband would more than justify it."
"First, only the upper half of lamias taste good. Tail meat is tough and bitter. I didn't feel like cutting her in half first. Second, I can't kill her. I don't want her kicking around in my head. I've already got enough problems up there."
"Kicking around in your head?" Queen Sara asked. "I don't understand."
"Never mind," I sighed. "It's hard to explain. Just…. Keep her locked up for awhile and then let her go, with a warning that if she attempts to eat anyone else, she'll answer to me."
"Should I tell her who you are?"
"Oh, yes. Most definitely!" I replied with a wicked smile.
Before leaving, I had to thank one of the Edens, a most unexpected ally.
"Eden, thank you so much for agreeing to help with this," I said.
"I know we may never be allies, Alice," Angel World Eden said. "But after what the Lilith Sisters did to your mother, I can't blame you for seeking me out. But why didn't you want Gnosis and Zion as well? Hiruko is a high value target for us. She got away."
"Because Hiruko is obsessed with Eden," I said smugly. "And if I'm being honest, I didn't want her to be left a smoking, smelly ruin. She Is a fellow monster, after all. I'd like to end this war with as little blood shed as possible. I fear we may come into conflict soon. But if our interests align again, I won't hesitate to call on you. And I hope you'll do the same for the All.. All…All…."
"Are you having trouble, Alice?"
"Oh, fine. Alliance of Justice. You can call on us if you ever need us."
"For now, we have our own war to fight," Angel World Eden replied. "Sabasa is of little strategic value to us since our crops disappeared. We have no issues with it being in the humans', or, Alliance of Justice's hands. As long as Sabasa doesn't act against any kingdoms we control, we will not attack Queen Sara's lands."
"Thank you, Eden. May the war be brought to a swift end. We have a bigger enemy to fight."
Wasn't that the truth. Despite my gratitude for Eden's assistance, she was still an idiot for fighting monsters when she should be fighting Black Alice. This idiotic war was forcing my Alliance… no. Just no. I'm not using that stupid name in my internal monologue. This idiotic war was forcing Team Luka… there, I like that better… to waste our time cleaning up messes that didn't need to be caused. I wondered how Luka was doing on the moon.