I was in a warm place. There was a soft glow everywhere. I felt a presence near me. I instinctively knew the presence wasn't malevolent, although I could not discern the nature of the presence beyond that certainty. I called out into the light haze.
"Ilias? Is this an evaluation? Are you going to rewind time again?"
The question was ridiculous of course. Ilias wasn't just a bystander this time, watching me from Heaven, ready to intervene if I failed. The Ilias of this world was gone. My Ilias was battling for her life just like I was. Maybe it was just a dream this time. I'd had many dreams about Ilias over my lifetime. Most of them were just dreams. Only a few were Ilias actually reaching into my dreams to communicate with me.
"Ilias?" I called again into the gently moving fog.
"Why do you keep on calling for Ilias?" a familiar voice said behind me.
I turned to come face to face with…. Myself. Okay, I thought. Coma. I'm deep inside my own subconscious. Would I ever come out? Probably not without medical or magical intervention. My friends were pretty busy. I needed to make it out myself. I reached for my power. It wasn't there. Not that I would have been sure how to use it anyway. Wish myself awake? Given how bad my wounds were, I wasn't sure how much good that would have done. I supposed I could heal myself, or try to, but if I had rounds lodged in me, I wasn't sure how successful that would be.
"You sure do daydream a lot," Luka said to me.
"Oh, sorry," I said, feeling ridiculous for apologizing to myself. "I was trying to figure out how to get out of this crisis I'm in."
"You got messed up pretty bad," my other self said, stating the obvious. "At least here it doesn't hurt."
"Yes, I suspect a coma. My body's way of protecting me from the trauma of my injuries. Probably, anyway. I'm not a doctor. Any chance you could whip me up a subconscious Promestein?"
"I'm afraid I can't do much of anything," Luka said sadly. "I'm not like you."
"Of course you're like me," I protested. "You ARE me! You're just my subconscious."
"I'm in your subconscious, but I'm not your subconscious," Luka replied. "and I'm not you."
"Is my own subconscious messing with me right now?"
"Maybe. I don't know," Luka answered. "I guess I am you. And you're me. But I've been keeping myself separate by hiding in here."
"Wait, what do you mean?" I asked. "If you're my subconscious, you're supposed to be in my… subconscious."
"Sorry, I'm not an educated guy myself. It's hard for me to explain. So let me just come right out and say it. I'm Luka."
"I know that," I said impatiently. "I'm Luka too."
"No, no, no," Luka shook his head. "You're a DIFFERENT Luka. I'M the Luka that actually belongs here. I was just about to go on an adventure to find my Dad and when I woke up that morning I wasn't me anymore. I was you."
My subconscious had to be screwing with me. This was impossible. Ilias had told me there was no other presence inside me! It wasn't like the other times I'd replaced a Luka, where he'd still been inside me, waiting for me to move on to the next world!
"I can hear you, you know," Luka said.
"You can?" I asked. "How come I can't hear you?"
"You can, if I'm thinking. See, I'm doing it right now."
The last few words, Luka spoke without moving his lips. I heard them in my mind.
"I don't do much thinking," Luka explained. "At least, not the way you do. You spend a lot of time in your own head. It's one of the things about you that makes you different from me."
"But Ilias told me-!"
"I heard you the first time," Luka said patiently. "I think…. I think she couldn't see me because I'm you. You didn't possess me. I think you… merged with me."
"But you've been just sitting in here, a prisoner in your own body! That's horrible!"
"It's not like that at all," Luka assured me. "First off, I've hung back by choice. It doesn't feel like I have to…. I just want to."
"Why? I don't understand any of this."
"I don't understand it much either," Luka admitted. "I guess the reason I've held back is because there's just so much of you and so little of me. You've lived a long time. All the memories in here, there are just so many! You've lived, I mean really lived! I'm just a kid who was about to go on his first adventure. I thought I was a man, that I'd done things, but seeing what you've been through… if I merged fully with you, I'd pretty much be gone."
"I'm so sorry, Luka!" I cried. "I never meant for any of this to happen! I had no control over it!"
"Don't be upset!" Luka urged. "You're a hero! Not a fake hero, or a pretend hero, or even an aspiring hero, but a real hero! I've gotten to see through your eyes! I've seen battles, acts of heroism, unselfishness. Not to mention a few other things I'm not sure I approve of. But the point is, you've shown me what I can be! I always acted like I was going to be this big hero, save my dad and all that, but I had doubts. How could I not have doubts? Sonya was kicking my ass regularly up to the day I was going to leave! But thanks to you, I know that I can do it! And you found my dad! We found my dad!"
"You say you've seen through my eyes. So you're experiencing everything as I experience it?"
"Only what I choose to," Luka answered. "I'm kinda afraid of pain, like you, so I only look and listen. I don't feel. I also don't want to get in the way when you're in a fight. Then there's that other stuff that goes on in the Pocket Caslte…."
"Yeah. Sorry about that."
"Don't worry about it. Ilias doesn't seem to mind anymore and she's…. well, I've had to avert my eyes quite a few times. I usually give you privacy when monsters are… doing things to you. And I want to merge completely with you, I really do. If I did that, I'd be that hero I'd always dreamed of being! I'm just afraid that I'd lose myself. That my memories, my short life… it wouldn't have any meaning for either of us anymore. Plus you say you're not staying."
"Now I have no idea what's going on," I said. "I assumed I was replacing you temporarily, that you'd return when I completed my quest, just like those other times."
"Yeah, I've glanced a little bit at those. Your memories… there's just so much. No human was meant to live this long. It's like trying to read a whole library. I've only seen a little bit. I hope you don't mind."
"Not at all!" I said. "You're me, I'm you."
"Well, if you do end up staying, I don't think I'll mind being you. If that makes sense."
"It makes no sense at all," I chuckled. "But you do what's right for you. Maybe you should keep hanging back. I was brought here for a purpose by an unknown entity. While there's a lot that's different about this, I can't imagine there'd be a reason for me to remain here if I succeed. As you say, I've lived. There'd be no point. What am I going to do, just live the same life I had before, again?"
"Would that be so bad?" Luka asked.
"You know, I never really thought about it. Maybe we should marry Alice."
"The snake lady? Ew…. The fox lady is nicer."
"How about Sonya?" I asked.
"Sonya!?" Luka laughed uncomfortably. "That's my childhood friend! I mean, my best friend! I REALLY had to look away when she got all weird with you."
There was an uncomfortable pause. I had never initiated anything with Sonya, yet I still felt bad that this world's Luka, who had grown up with her, had seen that. Sonya herself would be mortified if she found out.
"I'm worried about her," Luka finally said after a long pause.
"I am too. But we're out of the fight. We have to trust in our friends."
"They'll kill her, you know," Luka said. "If they can. If they can't, she'll kill them. And us."
"Yeah, it looks that way. I tried to reach her. She looked me right in the eyes and tried to drain my power. I worry that Sonya is already gone."
"No!" Luka exploded. "I won't believe that! You just didn't try hard enough! I can do it! I know I can! Let me drive!"
"Does it even work that way?"
"I… I don't know," Luka admitted. "Maybe I'll just… hang back a little less? Step forward a little more? I don't know if it's possible to do this halfway. But I have to try for Sonya! She would never give up on me! Even if it means I get absorbed into your psyche and just become a small part of you, it'll be worth it if I can save Sonya!"
I was so proud of this younger version of me at that moment. I wasn't sure that I'd ever been this kid. Not quite. I'd come from the modern world, with all of the cynicism and entitlement that went along with it. This Luka never lived in that sophisticated world. There was no Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones, only optimistic books about heroes and villains, where everything was black and white, and the good guys always won in the end. But the world needed Lukas like that. Maybe what the world didn't need at this moment was a Luka like me.
I nodded and reached out my hand. Luka grasped it tightly.
I inhaled sharply and sat up, coming face to face with Ilias.
"Ilias!" I gasped, disoriented. "Is this an evaluation?!"
"An evaluation?!" Ilias exclaimed. "Yeah, lay the fuck back down, that's your evaluation! If I hadn't become more powerful just fifteen minutes ago, you'd be dead! Even with my enhanced healing spells you're not out of the woods yet! You've got a dozen rounds still inside you! I wish you'd stayed unconscious! This is not going to be pleasant!"
I was barely listening. Was that other Luka just a dream? Then I saw Sonya battling her opponents, most of whom I called friends. It seemed that there were more combatants than before. Yes, there were. I distinctly made out Aradia's huge form throwing dark magic at Sonya. Sonya was reeling under the assault but still retaliating, still very much in the fight. My childhood friend!
I knew it hadn't been a dream when memories came flooding into my head. My rescue of Sonya in the woods when she got lost following me. Our secret, inadvisable card games with a magic deck. Fortunately only a beginner's deck, so the effects were usually harmless unless certain combos were played. Another time where I'd slept over, under the watchful eye of Lazarus.
Other memories that had once been clear were fuzzy. Where had I come from again? I couldn't recall. I knew I'd been to many worlds, but could remember few details about any of them but the one I was in right now. I stared into Ilias' face. I was looking at the Goddess herself! I'd worshipped her all my life!
Had I become this world's Luka? No, I realized at once. It was more like his personality and memories had taken precedence for a time. I was experiencing them as if they were mine. And perhaps they were. What is identity, anyway? He is Luka. I am Luka. We are Luka.
"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Ilias yelled and decked me, making me see stars.
"Agh!" I yelled. It had been ten times worse than any blow from Sonya's club. "Why'd you hit me?!"
"I was trying to knock you back out!" Ilias raged. "Go to sleep, you idiot! We've got the battle well in hand, now! Dressed Eden took Alice back to the Pocket Castle to get reinforcements. You bought us time to do what we needed to do! Your done for the day!"
"NO!!!" I shouted. "Sonya!!!"
I pushed Ilias aside and got to my feet. Pain wracked my body. Oh, how I hated pain! But I would not be stopped. I staggered towards Sonya, who was getting the worst of the uneven battle. I was so far away. I would never make it in time. No! That was old Luka talking! I could do it! I WILL do it!
I didn't make it. Sonya went down under a concentrated assault, her opponents pressing their advantage once it became clear she was on the verge of defeat. I could see that she'd exacted a price. Many of my friends lay on the ground, Promestein tending to the most serious cases.
"Unit at disadvantage," Sonya said tonelessly. "Downloading Adramelech."
"No! We must stop her!" Eden cried. The dressed Eden, that is.
My friends never really had a chance. Sonya concentrated her remaining energy on a defensive shield that completely blocked all incoming fire, whether elemental, magical, or physical. She began to change again, adding on even more metal, more guns, and wielding a giant sword. The only part of Sonya that remained recognizable was one eye. And that eye was soulless. I began to despair. Sonya was gone!
No! I will not give up! I will never give up! I was beginning to admire this version of Luka. He had told me that he would be proud to be me, to be the hero he'd always wanted to be. He was already a hero, though. He just hadn't done anything heroic yet to prove it. He, I, we…. Were about to prove it or die trying.
Sonya ascended into the air and dropped her shield. Holy, dark, and elemental magic hit her all at once. She shrugged it off as if it was nothing. Her return fire wasn't nothing. She spun around, raining laser fire and projectiles and who knew what else in a three sixty arc. Nearly everyone went down. I wasn't one of them. I couldn't imagine how I'd been spared.
That wasn't all. A new figure had entered the battle. I recognized her immediately: Adramelech. She was one of the most frightening figures I'd ever laid eyes on.
"Two XX-class apoptoses?!" Lilith cried. "We don't stand a chance!"
"We must retreat!" Gnosis agreed. "This world will be consumed in minutes!"
That may have been so, but Adramelech didn't intend to give her opponents even that much time. A huge wall of chaos magic washed over Lilith and Gnosis and many of my fallen comrades. Promestein got caught in it and slumped over the ally she was trying to heal.
I was doing no good stuck on the ground. I hadn't been moving fast enough anyway.
"Sylph!" I said. "I'm too messed up to do this on my own! Can you help me?"
"I can try!" Sylph responded. "What did you have in mind?"
"I need you to get me up to Sonya!"
"What could you possibly hope to accomplish by that!?" Salamander interjected.
"Just get me up there, Sylph!"
A strong cyclone grabbed me and propelled me towards my childhood friend. Just before I reached her, she reached out with a long mechanical arm and grabbed me by the waist. Her grip plus the serrated edges of the pincers on the end of that arm made me fear that she would simply cut me in half.
"Sonya!" I yelled into her face. "I know you're still in there! I know you're like me! No matter what's gotten hold of you, you'll never give up fighting it!"
Sonya's one remaining organic eye stared deep into my soul. I prayed to Ilias that she would see me for who I was. The eye blinked. Her grip stopped tightening.
"L-Luka?" she said hesitantly. "Is that really you?"
"Sonya!" I shouted with relief. "Fight this…. This thing that's taken control of you!"
"I-I can't!"
"I can help you! An old memory…. Angel Halo can cure you! I can't penetrate your armor with it, but I remember that if you just touch it voluntarily it will restore you! Touch the sword, Sonya!"
I drew Angel Halo, with some difficulty, and held the blade out to her. She looked at it, clearly torn between two imperatives. As if the apoptosis within her was controlling half of her and Sonya had seized control of the other half, the pincer began to tighten around me. Sonya's other arm, however, dropped its mechanical implements. Her hand emerged and grasped the blade.
The next thing I knew, we were falling. The metal, the cybernetics, the weapons, simply fell off of Sonya. Robbed of her ability to fly, we fell together. Sylph saved us both. A small cushion of air broke our fall. The landing was still hard, however, and I was already in bad shape.
My vision faded in and out as the battle ranged around us. Sonya lay on the ground, trembling, reaching for my hand. Her hand paused as I felt what could only be described as my brain turning over.
"Don't go…" Sonya pleaded, then passed out.
Cassandra and Emily rushed past me, flinging spells at Adramelech. I saw wings fly overhead, although my vision was so blurry I couldn't tell if they were angel or monster wings. I heard an explosion not far from me. Then a shout of triumph.
"We did it!"
I was pretty sure that was Alice's voice. Well I'll be damned, I thought. They found a way.
"No way! Again?!"
That sounded like Morrigan. I didn't like Morrigan, but I had to admire her guts. She had taken more damage than most. She'd lost an arm and I'd seen her get flattened by Sonya at least twice. Yet she kept on getting back up.
"We've already beaten her three times!" that was definitely an Eden. Her voice was beautiful and unique, although oddly enough she seemed to have a different accent from world to world. "She comes back more powerful each time!"
"We have to retreat!" Gnosis urged.
"And go where?!" I heard Lilth challenge her. "This world is critical. If it falls now, both of our worlds are doomed!"
I heard more explosions, more battle cries, more cries of pain from those beings who could feel pain. Adramelech was beginning to laugh maniacally. Why would an apoptosis laugh? Was Adramelech intelligent? Could she be reasoned with? That sounded like Earth Luka to me. When Sonya said 'Don't go' and my brain and turned over, that must have been this world's Luka retreating back into my subconscious. I didn't blame him. He'd done what he said he could do. He'd saved Sonya. It was my job to handle a threat like Adramelech. So why was I lying on the ground, half dead? Oh yeah. Sonya shot me up but good. There had to be something I could do. I have power! I thought. Think, idiot!
The sounds of battle grew quieter. But the laughter only grew louder. Entering my vision was the horrible visage of Adramelech. It… she? Had decided to deal with me. Was it because I was the biggest threat? Or was she angry that I had escaped her grasp due to Marcellus the last time we'd met? If I was going to think of something it would have to be fast. I reached for my power. It wasn't there. Adramelech's laughter grew louder. I remembered with horror that I'd been unable to teleport away the last time I'd encountered the XX class apoptosis. Was she able to block my power?
"Disappear!" Adramelech growled, as she extended a mechanical hand to cast some sort of spell, probably one that would cause me to simply cease to exist. At least it wouldn't hurt.
Adramelech's maniacal laughter was abruptly cut off by a tentacle wrapping around her neck. Oh no! I thought. There was a reason everyone had learned not to touch her. She could absorb anyone's abilities! I saw as Adremelech twisted and bucked that it was little Nuruko who had her. Nuruko had barely been in the fight up to that point. In fact, I hadn't even seen her since Sonya had changed.
Nuruko's form began to change as she was absorbed by Adramelech. No, wait! It was the other way around! Nuruko was growing, changing, while Adramelech was becoming smaller! How was that possible?!
"I don't believe it!" Salamander exclaimed in my heart. "She's a spirit!"
"Just like us!" Sylph added.
"But the spirit of what?" Undine asked.
"I think…. Chaos!" Salamander answered. "It's the only explanation! As powerful as Adramelech is, nothing can defeat a spirit in its own bailiwick! Nuruko is much weaker than that apoptosis, but in a battle of chaos, Nuruko has the advantage!"
Indeed, Nuruko grew and changed as Adramelech faded into nothingness. I could only stare at the majestic, if terrifying, being in front of me.
"What is that form!?" Alice exclaimed in wonder.
"Did she just… absorb Adramelech and all the chaosization?" Ilias asked.
"I think we're going to be all right!" Astaroth exclaimed.
Nuruko gazed down at the unconscious form of Sonya. The spirit of chaos slowly shrank back to her normal size and form. Reaching out a tentacle, she gently nudged Sonya.
"Kyuu…" Nuruko said mournfully.
Sonya stirred and looked up. "Oh, hi Nuruko. Is it time to get up and go to the temple?"
"Kyuu!!!!" Nuruko said joyfully, hoisting Sonya to her feet.
"What? We had a battle?" Sonya asked. "How did I miss that? Oh Goddess! What hit us?!"
Sonya looked around at all of our fallen allies, then looked down at me. I gave her an a-OK sign to signal that I would be fine. Hopefully.
"Kyuu! Kyuu! Kyuu Kyuu Kyuu!"
"What? I don't understand? I did what?" Sonya asked. "Why do you want my wrist?"
Sonya nevertheless held out her wrist. Nuruko lightly touched Sonya's wrist with the tip of a tentacle. I'd never seen a spirit enter someone's heart from the outside before. It almost looked as if Nuruko had briefly become a ghost and interposed herself over Sonya. Sonya smiled as Nuruko entered her heart.
"You're a spirit!" Sonya exulted. "I've been deemed worthy of a spirit! Luka, can you believe it?! Oh, no! What did I do?!"
Sonya rushed to me as my vision faded.