"It looks like you two had fun last night." the owner observed the next morning. My face turned beet red. Were we that loud? Alice seemed completely unfazed. "Be sure to come and see us again!" the owner said.
"Definitely, thank you!" I responded, hurrying out.
We set out to go shopping, to buy the supplies we'd need for the next stage of our journey. One expense I hadn't planned on was a new sword. I stopped into the weapons shop after buying food and medical supplies and started browsing the swords. They also had a wide variety of axes, maces, spears, and such. Since I wasn't nearly as proficient in such weapons and they were heavy to carry, I decided to stick with what I knew.
The proprieter noticed my rather hefty money pouch and was eager to help. Alice seemed disinterested in the swords, but was browsing the armor section. She selected what looked more like a shirt than real armor and handed it to me. "Buy this. It's well made and won't slow you down."
The proprieter nodded approvingly. "Yes, most of the heroes go for the heavy armor and can barely move. You have a good eye, young lady."
I selected what I felt was the best sword in my price range, but Alice put her hand out and blocked me. "Put that back. You don't need a new sword."
"I most definitely do need a new sword, the old one broke. Weren't you there?" I protested.
"Trust me, you don't need this." she said. "I have a sword, I'll give it to you in a bit."
I reluctantly agreed and we left with just the shirt. Walking around the city resulted in frequent delays that tested Alice's patience, what with all the people wanting to talk to me and praise me for having driven Granberia off. Even more to Alice's annoyance, they kept on telling me about other situations in the area that required a hero's attention, as if this town didn't already have plenty of real heroes who should have been investigating these things. Still, I listened, because I felt I couldn't just let people go without help when they needed it if it was at all possible for me to help them. I'd already decided to investigate the situation in Happiness Village, if for no other reason than that I really wanted Alice to be able to enjoy more Ama Ama Dangos. Something about her enjoying food made me happy. Maybe it was because when she was eating she was in a good mood and didn't call me an idiot all the time. One other story piqued my interest. Supposedly there were bandits over in the Irina Mountains. The bandits consisted of at least a dragon and a vampire and possibly a lamia. That did sound odd, since such powerful monsters weren't known to exist on this continent. It also seemed like a good opportunity, assuming I could survive the experience, to learn more about monster/human relations. Banditry seemed like a pretty bad thing for said relations, so finding out what was going on and why appealed to me.
Alice was more skeptical. "Are you really going to go check out those bandits?" she asked. "I don't think you can beat them. These are bandits, they aren't going to fight fair like Granberia."
"Well," i replied. "I'm not too worried about the vampire, don't they rely mainly on magic to control minds, like your eye flashy thingie?"
"That may be so," Alice conceded. "But that power causes you to zonk out for a second and that's long enough for a vampire to get its fangs into you. And you already can't break out of a lamia's tail bind, and you certainly can't defeat a full fledged dragon. You've got guts, and more ability than I expected, but this is stupid. Why bother doing such unnecessary things?"
"For starters," I said. "Nothing is unnecessary for me on this journey. I'm out here to experience things and hopefully learn things. Finding those bandits contributes to both goals. They don't seem to have killed anyone yet. There are no reports of anyone being taken by them either."
"Which tells me," Alice argued. "that there might not be any monsters at all. Monsters that powerful don't resort to banditry, and they certainly wouldn't stop at just stealing things. They'd want mates, and they'd want food, which means humans. I just don't see any good outcome to this. Either we're wasting our time on a wild goose chase, or you're walking into a situation you can't survive. Let's just go to Iliasport."
"I thought you wanted to check out Happiness Village?" I queried.
She sighed. "We can do that one if you want, at least there's a purpose." In other words, food. "But I'd really prefer you not do dangerous things with no possibility of getting anything good to eat." Yep, food.
As we left the city Alice handed me something. "This is the sword I promised you." she said.
It didn't look like a sword. Instead of a point, it had a circle at the top. Instead of a smooth blade, it was gnarled and hideous, with what looked like screaming angels adorning it all up and down the length of the weapon.
"This is called Angel Halo." she said. "It's an enchanted sword, the only one of it's kind in the world. I'd tell you how it was forged, but it would probably upset you on many levels."
"Just looking at it upsets me on many levels." I replied.
"It looks bad, but it swings beautifully. Try it out. The enchantment gives it balance and lightness superior to any normal sword."
I did, and she was right. It felt much better than my old sword that I had grown used to. And since it was enchanted, it probably couldn't be broken by anything nonmagical.
"But the real beauty of this weapon, which I think you'll like," Alice continued. "is that it doesn't actually cut your opponent. It just draws out their magical energies, makes it impossible for them to hold onto their forms. It's called sealing. it doesn't kill them, it just renders them harmless."
"Wow" I breathed. "Thank you, Alice, I won't have to hold back anymore."
"Ah... good timing. Give it a try." she said, and vanished. Suddenly, the ground started cracking beneath me. What in the world????
What looked like an earthworm with the upper torso of a woman burst out of the Earth near my feet. Sighting me, she said, "Oh? A traveler? Can you let me wring some semen from you?"
I wanted to try out the new sword, but I had to give her a chance to avoid a fight. "I'm afraid I have to decline. Is there any chance you won't try to force me?"
I expected a laugh, as that had been the norm in my first two fights against monsters trying to feed off me, but instead she immediately tried to wrap me up. Her tail however, was slower than Alice's by far, plus I had anticipated an attempt to corral me with it. I easily avoided it and slashed at her upper torso with my sword. It cut through her like butter, with a slash appearing from left to right across her chest. I was horrified for a moment, thinking I'd dealt her a mortal wound. But I saw that instead of bleeding, the wound glowed. The earthworm girl looked down at her chest, dumbfounded.
"What is this? My power..." she said, and then turned into a little earthworm. Wow! That was so much easier! Alice may have said she wasn't going to help me, but this was an incredible help!
Alice reappeared. "See? Works great, doesn't it?"
"It does!" I responded excitedly. "So how long will she remain in that earthworm form? She's not going to be like that forever, is she?"
"No," Alice replied. "How long it takes for her to get her form back depends. The quickest way to get it back is to get a more powerful monster with the necessary ability to restore her. The slowest method is just waiting."
"Okay. I hope she reflects on her actions while she's stuck in that form," I said.
Alice threw cold water on that idea. "Rather than reflect, her hatred will probably just increase."
Ugh, I hope not. "Alice, what happens if I use this on a human?"
"it'll seal humans too," Alice said. "They'd probably turn into a baby or a dwarf. But the sword's true power is in fighting angels."
"Come again? Angels? You really have to answer my question now, are angels real?"
"Yes. They are very real." Alice replied.
"And Ilias?"
"You're not ready for that conversation yet. Just keep me informed if she contacts you again."
That sounded a lot like, "Yes, Ilias is totally real." to me, but I'd already learned that getting information out of Alice when she didn't want to give it was useless. I could draw my own conclusions, and those conclusions had me worried and confused. I desperately needed to learn more. It did seem that every monster I encountered other than Alice was attacking humans, but not one had tried to kill me, so just how bad could they be, really? While such behavior was certainly reprehensible, did it justify their murder, whether or not they had personally attacked humans? But how else to get them to stop? I couldn't very well travel the world sealing monsters over and over again. That was whack a mole. And now I remembered whack-a-mole. Huh. That game was pretty cool, actually. Another memory unlocked!
"So where are we headed next?" Alice asked.
"Irina Mountains. Let's find out if those reports of bandits are real and if I can dissuade them from their larcenous ways."
"I still think it's stupid that you want to get killed so badly." she said. "You also sound stupid when you try to use big words."
"My dear woman," I replied, milking every ounce of drama I could. "Your words pierce me. How can I go on when you treat me so?"
"Quit it, that's annoying. Speak like a normal person. Don't use big words, don't make references to your old life that I won't understand or care about."
I got a mischevious grin. "You mean like whack-a-mole?"
"I'm sure I don't want to know."
The main reason I wanted to go to the mountains first was simply that it was close, only a few hours walking distance. We reached the base of the mountains on schedule, but I was at a loss. Where was their hideout? Would I have to wander around and wait for them to attack me? I knew that some monsters had incredible hearing, but just to make sure I loosened my money bag to create even more jingle jangle of coins. If that didn't bring them out I didn't know what would.
"Ugh." Alice said. "Are we going to search this entire mountain range?"
"No," I replied. "We'll just walk around and see if we can get their attention and maybe they'll come to us. If they don't come out or we don't find them in a few hours, we'll move on. I don't want to try your patience too much."
We didn't have to wait long before being accosted by a tiny little monster that couldn't have been more than three feet tall. It looked like... a goblin maybe? She wore a horned helmet and carried a hammer that was bigger than she was. "Ya! Give me your money!" she demanded.
I patted my coin bag. Worked like a charm. Alice of course was already gone. But was this really one of the bandits? She was just a kid. Maybe she was just working for them.
"Are you one of the bandits that's been robbing travelers around here?" I asked, figuring I'd try the direct approach.
"Indeed!" the goblin girl replied. "I'm the Goblin Bandit of the Four Bandits! Now give me all your money!"
"Yeah, that's not gonna happen," I said. "I'm actually here to find out why you're robbing people and see if I can convince you to stop."
The goblin girl looked skeptical. "And you came by yourself? Against the four of us and our elemental mastery?" Elemental mastery?
"Yes, I came by myself" I lied, as usual trying to protect Alice's cover. "And it would be very nice of you if you would take me to your bosses and let me talk to them."
"Bosses?" the goblin snorted. "Weren't you listening to me! We're the Four Bandits!"
This wasn't getting me anywhere, and besides, I thought I might have spotted something that looked like the entrance to their lair while I was talking to the goblin girl. "All right, well I'm going to go check out that cave if you don't mind, and-"
"You'll do no such thing! If you won't give me your money, I'll take it from you! You stand no chance against the Goblin Bandit of the Earth!" Of the Earth? Am I underestimating this child?
"Eat this!" she shouted. "Sand Hurricane!"
She picked up some sand and threw it at me. I'd managed to close my eyes before she did it but I still got sand all over my face in mouth. Pah! Blah!
"What the hell was that?" I said.
"Feel the wrath of the Earth! Earth Crashing Goblin!" she shouted, raising her hammer and approaching me. Very slowly. Very, very slowly. This attack was taking a long time to set up. Maybe I should just seal her?
Her hammer crashed down with considerable force. Of course, I'm no idiot, despite Alice's opinion of me. I wasn't there when it crashed down, and good thing too. It would have brained me, despite her small size. "I have no idea what you expected to accomplish there," I said.
She picked up her hammer again and started to swing it around. And around. And around. More accurately, it was swinging her around. Instead of getting closer to me with her slow maelstrom of hammergeddon, she was starting to get further away from me. And further. And further, until she tripped on a rock.
"Are you done?" I asked.
"Ye...Yeah." And then she started to cry.
Oh man, do I comfort her? Ugh, this helping people stuff can be so complicated sometimes. I pointed to the cave entrance. "Is that your hideout?"
"Yeah, that's it," she confirmed. "But there's three more of us in there. A vampire, a lamia, even a dragon! There's no way you can win!" The goblin girl ran away, laughing hysterically.
Alice suddenly reappeared. "Last chance. Are you sure you want to challenge a lamia, a vampire, and a dragon? Do you really want to die that badly?"
"Well now that you said that yet again I'm starting to get scared. But if they've attacked other people and let them live, maybe they aren't so bad."
Alice sighed. "And if they take your money, how are we supposed to eat?"
"Good point," I said, making my way to the cave entrance. "Tell you what, after they've killed and eaten me, you can make them give you the money back so you can continue your world culinary tour, since that's what's really important to you."
I regretted my tone as soon as I said it and Alice went silent. I found that I really didn't want her to leave, even if she was rude, even if she wasn't directly helping me.
We reached the cave entrance, the alleged hideout entrance that is. Alice sniffed the air. "Is there really a dragon in there? I don't sense one..." After a pause, she said, "Ahhh... so it's like that, is it?"
"What do you smell, Alice?" I asked.
"I'll wait here. Finish this quickly and come back." she responded.
Well that was different. From "You're gonna die for sure" to "Get this over with and come back" was quite the change in attitude. What had she smelled in there?
I walked into the cave. I guess I expected to see something as soon as I went in, but the cave just seemed empty. I explored deeper inside. About 100 steps in, I heard a voice. "So you came. I shall be your opponent!"
"Okay! Come out then!" I yelled into the darkness. Slithering out of said darkness was a lamia. A very small, very cute lamia.
She announced her presence. "Lamia Bandit of the Water of the Four Bandits has arrived!" I just stared. Another kid? Could I dare hope they were all kids?
I will say one thing. Unlike the goblin, who was slow as molasses, she was cat quick. Must be a lamia thing, I thought. Almost as fast as Alice, she wrapped me in her tail and immediately started squeezing. The pressure quickly became... cuddly? She was trying her hardest to increase the pressure, straining so mightily, but really it just felt like I was being hugged.
"Hahaha! Wrapped by my powerful tail! All that's left is to strangle my prey! Let me hear you scream in agony!" she cried triumphantly.
"Okay, up you go you little scamp." I said, easily lifting her up and unwinding her tail. I put her down and she stared at me for a second. Then she too, started to cry. Note to self: I probably wasn't good with kids in my previous life.
"Waaahhhhh! Why didn't it work?"
I was at a loss. "Um... well you're just too little."
That was the wrong thing to say. She began throwing a tantrum. "Waaahhhh! I'll remember this!" Then she said something unprintable even in this book and slithered off.
I wasn't sure if I was extraordinarily lucky or unlucky today. I shrugged and continued on. After another 100 feet or so, I heard another voice. "You're pretty good to beat the Earth Goblin and the Water Lamia. But I won't be so easy!"
"Are you the vampire, or the dragon?" I called out.
"I am the terror that flaps in the night." Vampire it is then. "The Vampire Bandit of the Wind of the Four Bandits shall be your opponent!"
She stepped out of the darkness and grinned evilly. "Tonight I shall feast on you."
She dramatically swirled her cape. Okay, now I'm seeing why Alice might find this annoying. "Here I come", the vampire girl said. "I'll suck out all your energy!"
To my shock, she suddenly dispersed into hundreds of bats. Many of them bit me as they flew by. Ouch! Maybe she's tougher than she looks. But where did she go? "I'm right heeeerrre." Of course. Behind me. Snuck up on again. Before I could react, she jumped on my back. I feared that her bite could be dangerous if she got the chance to deliver one, so I frantically reached back and removed her from my back and put her down in front of me.
"Hey!" she protested. "What are you doing?!" And here we go with the crying again. Argh.
"Whaaaahhh! Why are you being so mean!?"
I apologized and tried to soothe her and she slowly wiped away her tears while staring at me. Aw, maybe I'm doing better this time, I thought.
"I won't forgive you for that!" she suddenly shouted. "If it's come to this, I'll show you my true power! Just wait a second, I'll focus all my magic! Once I'm done, look at my eyes, okay?"
She stood there, concentrating, focusing her magic. I could guess what was coming. Another brain zap. I was not about to submit to that again.
"Okay, now look at my eyes!" she commanded. All her telling me accomplished was to get me to do the opposite. "Why did you turn away!? I told you to look!"
"Sorry, little one, I'm not too enamored with getting my brain zapped."
She started to cry again. "Waaahhh! Why are you being so mean to me!"
"I'm sorry, hey, why don't you show me your wind attack?" I asked helpfully.
"I can't," she sobbed. "We're only imitating the Four Heavenly Knights. Waaaaahhhh!" She ran away, bawling.
I moved on deeper into the cave. I guessed I'd defeated three of them, just one left, the dragon. Another 100 steps, another voice in the darkness. "Wahahaha! Good job making it this far!"
She popped out of the darkness. "The last of the four, this Dragon of fire of the Four Bandits shall be your opponent! Coming so far into our hideout. You must be a true hero!"
I found I didn't like being called a true hero much more than I liked being called a fake one. That was the least of my problems though, as the dragon girl reared back and breathed fire at me! Yeee-ouch! That hurt!
For the first time since I entered the cave, I pulled out my sword. Even though she was just a child, she was a fire breathing child. Just putting her over my knee wasn't going to be effective. Besides, the sword wouldn't really harm her, would it? I swung my sword in a downward motion half heartedly and made solid contact with her head. It was good that I hadn't bothered to buy a sword in the city, because when Angel Halo made contact it felt like I had hit a very hard boulder with it. A normal sword would have been ruined.
At first the bop on the head appeared to have no effect. But after a few seconds the Dragon girl began to cry, just like the others. However, before it got to the stage of bawling and running, she stifled her tears and leaped at me, biting me right on the head! Ouch again! This was not an opponent to take lightly! I realized now how right Alice was to advise me against coming here. If this had indeed been an adult dragon, I'd have been roasted by now.
I leaped to the attack as if I was facing Granberia again. She was already attacking again as well, brandishing an evil looking claw that I was sure would slice me open from stem to stern if it hit. Fortunately for me, I beat her to the punch, slashing her solidly with Angel Halo and leaving a gaping, light filled cut on her side. She was a tough one though. She wasn't sealed. But she wasn't happy at all, and started to cry again. I felt like a child abuser, but what choice did I have? Even a kid dragon was a dangerous opponent!
Alice appeared inside the cave. "Finally. Took you long enough."
She wasn't alone. She had the other three children in tow. Judging by their expressions, they'd received a stern talking to. The great battle of the Irina Mountains was indeed over.
"What should we do with them, Alice?" I asked.
"You were the one who wanted to root out the bandits," she huffed. "Sell them, violate them, kill them, or eat them. Do whatever you want."
"Don't eat me!" the dragon girl cried. "Waaahhhh!!!" The other three began to cry again as well.
"Some hero you are. Making four little girls cry." Alice admonished.
"Wha... You made them cry!" I shot back. I turned to the children. "Hey, hey, don't worry, no one's going to eat you. How about this? Let's go to Iliasburg so you can apologize for the bad things you've done. You caused them a lot of trouble. Do you understand?"
"I'll apologize," the dragon girl sniffed. Still crying, the rest of them nodded.
"So", Alice said, continuing to be helpful. "You're going to drag them around the town? What are you going to do if the people lynch them?"
The lamia girl cried out, "L-Lynch? Waaahhhh!!!!"
"No one's going to lynch you either." I said, trying to be reassuring. "If someone tries, I'll beat them up."
"You. You're a good guy" said the Dragon girl, and they all agreed to go with me to Iliasburg to make things right.