I want to enjoy the rest of my day and not let this irritate me further. It shouldn't for being a common recurrence. Why expend energy when the same shit doesn't change on different days. We have had arguments over this in the past and I'm getting real tired of repeating myself. I can forgive him, but if he isn't willing to change this one thing then I'm not sure what to do. That's a lie...I know what to do, but to break up over something like this is dumb. As sad as that is to say...maybe I need to tell myself this. To prepare for what may come to pass should he choose not to respect my choice. I also could be overreacting, but how can one not get upset over your partner not respecting you.
Sigh. "you're right evie I'm sorry. I know I've been pestering you about it a lot more recently....I feel like I've waited enough though. You're almost 18 and I have proven I am committed to this, to you"
Turning I look at him in disgust.."Waited long enough and proved it to me....are you serious?
Well yea I mean shouldn't that show you I'm in this for the long haul."
I pause because I don't even know what to say to that. I'm appalled that he thinks just by staying with me this long and my birthday around the corner it somehow means I should give it up. He realizes how bad that really sounded...
"I shouldn't have said that eve I'm sorry... look lets get these books sorted out and I'll drop you off downtown..
Jacob I don't want your help. I need you to leave..
Evie come on I apologized let me help you.."
I did ask him here to help me and these books will be heavy and take longer doing it on my own...
"Fine...go wait in the living room. I'll bring them out to you in some boxes and you can put em in your car. Oh and here..."
I toss him my car keys. "While you're down there grab the ones from my trunk.." I don't meet his gaze. Can't stand to look at him while being upset over what was said. He wouldn't have said it if he didn't feel that way. I want him to leave, but I need the help. I thought he loved me...was that all he was looking forward to by staying with me? Not my personality, looks, or love....just sex.
He nods and quietly leaves my room waiting patiently by the front door for me to deliver a box of books. I grab a box from the corner of the room and start packing it with books. There was already a select few set aside ahead of time so I immediately put those inside. Scouring my shelves for more books I realize at one point I really did buy some dumb ones. Books on writing for beginners, healing your inner self, and simple crochet patterns. I tried to take up another hobby, but nothing really stuck with me besides reading or watching TV dramas. I didn't know where to begin with art, wasn't patient with crocheting, and found the self healing book was poorly written. I honestly got a lot of these books at sales where it was buy one get one free from this bin or was free. I thought that maybe it would broaden my horizons and expand my knowledge in terms of how other people write. Each other has a writing style and I wanted to expose myself to as much as I could. Like they say the more you read the better you can write, however there were some really awfully written books out there in terms of story and pacing while others couldn't properly structure their sentences. For the few I spent money on it left me feeling disappointed. I guess anything can pass for a novel these days.
Continuing on the first box fills up in no time and I carry it out to the living room since it isn't that heavy. I still do not meet his gaze and set the box on the floor before going right back into my room quickly. He takes it and leaves. Once the door shuts I try not to burst into tears. The only thing on my mind is getting this done and meeting up with the girls. I'm not going to dwell on this. So after about an hour and a half later, we're done. I take one last quick look at the shelf making sure I didn't miss anything. After feeling satisfied I go out to meet Jacob.
"Hey I'm all done in here can you get your car ready? I'm going to get dressed real quick and will meet you downstairs...
Alright eve." He walks out and heads downstairs again. I lock the door behind him. Heading back into my room I throw on some capris, change my shirt to a black tee with a faded design of some band name, grab my bag, and head to the door. Jacob left my keys on the end table beside the couch. I check my phone and send a text out to Becca saying "See you soon <3". I realize my dad didn't text me yet. I send him a message asking if he landed safely and made it there okay. I click off my phone screen with the power button on the right side and put the phone in my bag. Grabbing my keys and locking the door behind me I head down to meet up with Jacob.
The car ride over to one of the family owned bookstores is quiet. I keep my gaze pointed out the window only answering his questions with a few simple words. Like "Which one are we going to? and Do I turn here?" I'm looking forward to de-stressing with some shop therapy and for now I think it's best for me to remain silent. I want him to think about what he said and reevaluate his choices going forward. I don't know what he's thinking, but I am hoping it's something along those lines.
Including the boxes from my trunk there are about 8 filled with books. We arrive, park, and I head inside to ask for some help. Jacobs only gets out of the vehicle after I'm already heading inside. The owner of the shop is a tall lanky woman with dirty blonde hair. She uses a colorful scarf as a bandana to hold all her hair back and looks at me through her goggle like glasses. She greets me with a hearty hello followed by a "What can I do for ya today dear?" Getting straight to the point.
"I was wondering if we could get a hand unloading some boxes. I have a lot to donate today."
Her eyes light up. "Oh goody! yes yes..DARIUUUSSSSS!" She yells. Moments later a tall finely shapd man with skin as dark as chocolate appears and piercings brown eyes appears. He looks at me and then looks at the shop owner.
"Would you be a dear and help this lady carry some boxes into the shop? She is donating some books today."
Darius turns his head slightly to look at me and says a quick "Sure."
"Thank you so much hun, once you finish you can take your lunch.
Alright, Where do you want the boxes?
Hmmmm you can place them behind the counter. I'll sift through them, get them priced and put on the shelves quickly. We have another shipment coming today of new releases and need the extra space.
Ok." He says turning to face me. I lead him outside to the truck. Jacob is already around back with the trunk open. Jacob steps aside and Darius begins unloading the boxes. As soon as Darius walks towards the shop entrance I notice Jacob sizing him up. I don't know when it started, but he always seemed to be hostile whenever guys would come around when I'm with him. I look at him "Can you help him so this doesn't take long?" He scoffs and walks towards the trunk to grab a box. I hate when he has this attitude with me like it's somehow my fault. Jacob said he would help me so why suddenly stop. After a few more trips in and out of the shop Jacob doesn't bother thanking Darius and gets in his truck. Turning the key, he puts on his shades and turns on the radio. I'm standing by the entrance holding the door open for Darius as he takes the last box in. I look at Jacob and roll my eyes then head inside.
I check in with the shop owner.
"My my what a lovely trove of books you have here. I'd like to give you a coupon for all the books you donated can you please write your email down on the counter over there?
Oh you don't have to. I'm just happy these will go to a new home, one that's permanent.
I insist dear. You brought more than my regulars do and I usually like to give something back as thanks. These donations really help keep my shop going." She smiles. Who am I to refuse, maybe I'll find something nice when I have time to look around. I agree and walk over to the counter.
"It's that piece of paper on the blue clipboard dear. It's part of our mailing list, this will help me remember to send you something. Oh and please put a star next to your name for when I check later."
Nodding I turn towards the counter grabbing a pen out of the cup next to the clipboard. I write my email address and draw a star next to it as instructed. Once done I set the pen back into the cup and head towards the door. She stops me "Thank you again for this hun! I really appreciate it. Keep an eye out for a coupon in your email. Have a lovely day~
I will, you as well. Thank you." I give her and Darius a small wave and walk out the door. Jacob doesn't look at me and waits for me to get into the car.
"What took so long?
The owner wanted my email address to send me a coupon for the books.
Hunh alright." I don't reply to him. Whatever attitude he wants to have is fine I will ignore it. I put my seat belt on and look out the window again. He shifts the gear and puts the car into reverse backing out of the parking lot. Flipping the lever to the left of the steering wheel he makes a left turn out of the lot and continues on the road downtown. The car ride continues on in silence once more.