Dear diary,
*It has been one hell of a ride, both the smooth part and the bumpy... even though I was unfortunate to be plagued with more of the bumpy part, I'm just glad that this phase of my life is coming to an end. In about a month, my family and I would be leaving this town for good. I'm just hoping that the new town and the new school which I'll enroll in would give me a new life. Maybe not exactly new but different, way different from what I have now. Not that I'm complaining but I wish I could do more, achieve more, and just... be more! Well, more what? You might be asking. I don't know, I just want to...kind of like, you know, evolve. And for some reasons unknown, I'm unable to achieve that here at Dona-Ville Junior High, or am I just tired of this town? Probably that too. Perhaps if you were a thirteen year old seventh grader like me then you'd understand exactly how I feel right now.*
"What are you always writing in that book, Mance? Gimme that!" A jock classmate approaches me and tries to snatch the diary from me but my grip is surprisingly firm. "Damn, girl! It's just a book, you're holding on to it so tight like it's arm wrestling".
"I'm sorry, it's... it's not just a book" Closing it immediately and putting it in my school bag.
"What is it then? Don't tell me you're writing a love letter" His eyes bulge "Oh shit... is it meant for me?"
"Don't flatter yourself" I roll my eyes. What's with jocks and ego? Boys put on a school's letterman jacket and automatically feel like all the girls should worship them.
"Then who's it for?" He comes closer, smirking.
Oh my geez, this guy is frigging annoying! But... he's cute. God damn it. I can't help but stare at this slightly tall light skinned Afro American boy with shiny black curly hair, brown eyes, strawberry colored lips and great cheekbones... damn, boy! Those cheekbones! I wonder what he'd look like if he was five years older. Oh my geez geez geez! Eighteen year old Kevin would definitely be a menace to girls because a guy that cute would surely be a heartbreaker. Too bad, in a few weeks I'm not gonna be seeing him anymore.
"Do I get a mop or something? You're flooding the whole class with your drool just by staring at me".
"What? I'm-I'm not drooling!" I regain my composure.
"Okay, so you admit that you were staring then" He smiles.
"I wasn't!" Can he stop flashing his annoyingly perfect teeth? "I uhm... I..."
"You know what? I'll put you out of your misery since my presence is making you uncomfortable. You're doing a terrible job trying to suppress your love for me and watching you choke on your words is kinda excruciating so I guess I'll be the bigger person and the gentleman that my moms raised me to be by giving you your space so you could ease up and relax those tensed muscles on your face because I know you're definitely not frowning at me but at yourself for unavoidably falling under the category of the long list of girls of who happen to be in love with this sexy, dashing and sweet looking bad boy called Kevin James".
Was he looking at a teleprompter while talking or did he just spew all this garbage spontaneously? I watch him walk away as I struggle with the disturbing ambivalence of trying to decide if I should call him back or just let him leave. I end up letting him leave, not by my choosing though but due to the fact that one option definitely has to outweigh the other and since he's already a few feet away from me, there's no point calling him back anymore.
He gets to the homeroom door, stops and turns to my direction again. "For real, girl. End the drool right now, the whole damn class is starting to feel like a titanic"
He and his boys share a loud laugh and fist bump each other while I flash him my middle finger. He sees it and laughs even harder before leaving the class with his buddies.
Now that right there, is why I can't date him. He has asked me out three times this session, come to think of it, it looks like he has had it scheduled to once a semester. Good thing I'm not gonna be around much longer to avoid being hit by his proposal again by first week of eight grade. To be honest, physically, Kevin is every middle school girl's dream. Okay, for the sake of non generalization, I'd say he's most middle school girls' dream guy. Athletic, handsome and popular. I'm really glad he can't read my mind, his whole body could get caught on fire due to how fueled his ego would be after discovering the number of times I think of him and call him handsome. The problem is that he's aware of how hot he is and he capitalizes so much on it that it begins to annoy me. I don't want him thinking that he's doing me a favor by dating me even though my life here at Dona-Ville Junior High could skyrocket within 24 hours just by his influence alone, and truth be told, I could really use some social upgrade right now. But I'm not gonna do that, I'm not gonna make him the powerful one in the relationship... not like there's supposed to be a powerful one anyway. But I'm not gonna give him the satisfaction of knowing that I'm more in love with him than he is with me, even tho I kinda am and he kinda already knows that, which is why he keeps trying to date me because he thinks I'm easy and hence, I keep turning him down. Am I making sense?
My eyes close and my lips part, leaving my mouth wide open for a yawn. I plaster both my palms on my mouth immediately, trying to cover it before anyone looks at me. I'm obviously bored... and lonely seeing how difficult it's been for me to make friends here. All the girls have attitude and all the boys just wanna be alone with me in the bathroom. What kinda school is this? Don't you find this similar to the situation of being in between the devil and the deep blue sea? I'm obviously gonna drown and the devil's obviously gonna whoop my ass, now that's exhausting. My only friends in this school are my brothers... oh, and teachers. I'm friends with all my teachers which apparently makes me even less attractive to my classmates. Teachers favorites are always or mostly seen as ass-kissers. I can promise you that I don't kiss ass, not everytime. I just love reading ahead of the syllabus and being very interactive in class, it's not my fault that I have a really amazing smile which tends to fix the teachers gazes at my direction and makes them point at me whenever I raise my hand amongst other classmates when it's time to answer a question. Unfortunately, by trying to go extra miles to get good grades, I succeeded in alienating myself from my peers... well, their loss! Anyway, now that Kevin's gone, I can continue talking to my diary in peace and pouring out my heart to her since she's the only one who cares to listen.