"I'd like to ask for another subscription please." I said as I entered the clinic, after school the following day.
"Claus, I just gave you a subscription last month didn't I? You couldn't possibly have gone through all of it already." Dr. Halsted looked puzzled and peered sharply through his glasses.
"Father found it…"
"I see." Dr. Halsted then invited me to his office as our arrangement is a rather unusual sort.
When I entered and he had closed the door he stopped a moment to deliberate. "This is completely unnatural Claus, say what you will but your Father is still your guardian and I simply cannot be giving you these prescriptions behind his back."
"Dr. Halsted, I am 18 years old, legally an adult. You know that I need these medications for my attacks and you can't let every 'natural healer' get in the way of actual patients and their cure, besides my Father disapproves of you simply because he cannot accept me and he has mistaken the cure to be the disease."
"Oh, it's more than that." Dr. Halsted whispered not expecting me to notice. "How many times have you had these episodes of yours since we last met?"
I hesitated. I knew I shouldn't say more than I should but this was the same case with the psych evaluation and when Nate pressed me to tell him about Lara, It was like I have this masochistic trait of wanting to be found out.
"Twice, the first time a week after our last consultation and the second…yesterday…"
Dr. Halsted made "hrm" sound and scoured his documents, and when he found it he continued his questions.
"And the pills? How many have you consumed."
"…six…"
He made a note of it in his document and stood up from his desk and called his secretary.
"Cancel my appointments for this afternoon." He said softly.
"um…I really just went here for replacements for my prescription."
Dr. Halsted smirked. "If you want your prescription then lay down on the sofa and let's talk more about your two episodes."
I looked at him and seeing not the slightest jest in his expressions, I gave up and cooperated with him.
"Where shall I begin?"
"How about we start, the week after our consultation. What happened then to trigger your attack?"
"Nothing, it just happened."
Dr. Halsted looked down from his glasses as if to say "Really?"
"Did you take a pill before it happened?"
I fidgeted from my seat.
"Shall I take a guess at what happened Claus?"
I looked at him and nodded.
"Well, feel free to correct any mistakes but I believe your attack didn't 'just happen' but was triggered when you took a pill without prior reason and when it lost effect you perhaps dropped the pill bottle or misplaced it and the attack started when you couldn't find it. Am I wrong?"
"No…you're half-right…"
"Why only half?"
"I didn't lose the pill bottle but after the pill lost effect and I took another one, it didn't have the effect I was anticipating and I tried to keep myself from taking another one out of fear of overdose. I held out the first few minutes but after that I had to practically tie myself up just to resist and a couple minutes more, the episode occurred. My head felt a pang and my breathing became harder, I felt like I couldn't breathe and I tore my shirt out and would have done the same to my shirt if I could. I spasmed to the ground and reaching my limit, feeling like I could die I relented and took another pill and I've come to find that when I take two I immediately fall unconscious."
"I see…what is not clear to me however is what led you to take the a pill in the first place?"
"I don't know, perhaps the accumulated stress from school work, or pressure from Father, even the harsh critic of my book too…Mayhap all of these combined to lure me into taking one."
"This have been the first time you've taken it without cause yes?"
"First and last Dr. Halsted. After witnessing it's effects, I hesitated to use it even when I did have good reason to."
"By good reason can I assume that is your second episode?"
"Yes, just yesterday."
"Do you know what triggered it?"
"…."
"You have to tell me Claus, the causes of your episodes may prove momentous in understanding it."
"I hurt a friend."
"And then what happened?"
"I felt like I could cry but I couldn't, when my emotions felt like forcing itself I only shivered. Soon this dark shadow emerged and made these terrible noises that I couldn't understand nor comprehend and I would have given my left arm just for it to stop for even a second, so painful was it."
"So if I understand this correctly, after you hurt your friend you felt remorseful but not being able o you forced yourself and when you did, all your emotions flooded your brain?"
"N-no I mean't it in a literal sense! I really did see a dark man smiling and chasing me wherever I went, saying all this words to me like some devil."
"Words? I thought you couldn't understand it?"
"I couldn't! But it was like a dream where everything felt real and false at the same time. I knew the words that the shadow had said but I couldn't comprehend at all it's meaning, it kept speaking in paradoxes. Telling me that I was nothing one moment and that I deserved more the next. I couldn't understand what was happening, only that I wanted it desperately to stop."
"So what did you do to stop it?
"I looked for the pill bottle…and wrecked both mine and my parent's rooms in the process…"
"Where did you find the pill bottle?"
"…In my pockets…"
He scribbled in his papers once more. "And after that? When you took a pill did the 'shadow' vanish?"
"I – don't know…I took two by mistake and fainted. When I woke up, Father was furious and hurled the pill bottle out the window but that was all, he didn't punish me or anything."
"I see, that should be enough for now Claus."
"I cooperated, now will you give me my prescriptions?"
"No, I won't."
"Wh-what?! You know I need those pills for my episodes Doctor!"
"No, Claus you don't need those. I recommend some meditation, perhaps some stress therapy, oh and you should come visit me three times a week now."
"Yoga and a stress ball?! That's what you're recommending to me when some monster takes control of my body?!"
"You don't quite get the nature of your…'peculiarity', Claus. When you get in to your fits, when anyone even, it's not some monster in control – in fact you're almost always in control, partially that is. Why did you rip out your shirt before you took the pill? During your first attack, you managed to hold out for several minutes but why is it then that in your second, you were in such a rage that you could not control yourself and 'wrecked' the rooms in your house? The medication I have put you on only stalls your attacks, it does not cure it…Only you can do that."
"T-that's – " I wanted to say its all wrong but the more I thought about it, the less I trusted my convictions. My attack only started when I went inside my house not when I was outside and in the view of other people, and I had only 'miraculously' found my pill bottle when I finished ruining my parent's room, if I myself wanted to cause destruction I would have chosen those two places as well. Downstairs had the most fragile objects, and the other rooms were vacant…I intentionally skipped over the two vacant rooms nearer to mine and headed straight for Father's…
"I am however going to give you another prescription just in case. It's milder and there's no risk of overdose."
After writing some unintelligible words in a sheet of paper, Dr. Halsted gave it to me and I disgruntledly took it. I headed straight for the pharmacy and seeing an electronic repair's store near it I decided to get my phone fixed and save me the trouble of making two trips to the city.
"Welcome sir, what can I do for you today?" The one who met me was a well mannered kid with a snub nose and long wavy hair that looked about 15 or 16 years old.
"Can you fix my phone?"
Bradley, the name I saw in the kid's nametag scanned my phone and took out some hook like metal thing and pulled on the shattered glass until it opened. "Well other than the screen, there seems to be nothing else wrong with it. Don't worry we get jobs like this a lot, it won't take long.
His "it won't take long" was my whole afternoon and it had been dark when I left the store. Just when I thought my bad luck was over, my phone buzzed like crazy as I turned it on. Apparently Lara had been texting me non stop the day before yesterday and I had not noticed because my phone was turned off the whole time and her last text to me was 3 am just this day, it was a voicemail.
Her voice was rasped and hoarse from crying but her emotions didn't fail to reach me as in just four simple words I knew that something was wrong. "What's wrong with me?" That's what she said in a shaky voice.
When I tried to call her, it just rang and no one picked up. Beginning to panic I was about to head straight to her house when yet again my phone rang with more bad news. For some reason Cindy had my number and she texted to me.
"I believe there's something here that's yours? Meet me in the city, you won't regret it." The bus to home had still arrived so I decided that perhaps replying to her would ease my nerves.
"Not worth it, just keep it." Of course I had been joking but perhaps redoing my assignment was not such a bad idea, I had realized I had made a mistake in one number and that wouldn't do. Besides, it's another distraction after all.
The text immediately went on read but no replied arrived. I began imagining her just burning my notebook with a lighter just to make a statement and I laughed it off…there goes my notes I suppose, but I wasn't about to reach passed my curfew just for a few scribbled notes on a piece of paper.
I sat and watched cars pass, their headlights seeming like faeries moving along by pairs and I imagined the buildings were fortresses that protected the indoor faeries from the noisy and fast-paced outside faeries and not long after the bus arrived in the still bustling highway.
I was about to hop on board when Cindy finally replied to my message and lightning could have struck right in front of me and I could hardly be less shocked. It was a selfie of her…with Lara in the background drinking with some burly teenage boys dressed like thugs.
I quickly scanned through the rest of the picture and seeing some recognizable trademarks I ran for it. It wasn't too far and I couldn't simply wait through traffic. As I ran and the lights flashed before me one after another, I swore I could almost see the faeries with contorted haughty expressions laughing at me, like they were said to do to humans in the midst of an unseen tragedy.
The streetlights seemed like torches guiding me to a battlefield and when I heard a rowdy building, with raucous disco music and the sound of drunkards shouting profanity, I knew that I had arrived. I pushed through the crowd, some cursed at me, others touched me or tried to pull me closer but I kept pushing with full force. I was never one for crowds, and a drunken one was the worst of all. My nose became sore from the alcohol, axe bodyspray, and the smelling of overcooked pork. The disco lights flashed on and off and I felt like I would get a seizure if I came there for much longer.
Suddenly the thought of me having an attack right here creeped towards my mind and the sole fear was the only thing that kept half sane from the chaos. Finally, the rest of the dancing crowd was behind me and I reached a small food stall where I last saw them, I looked towards the table where Cindy's picture showed them to be eating and only leftover food and still lighted cigarette butts remained.
I tried to shout Lara's name but the noise of the speakers overpowered my voice before it reached even my own ear and I look to all direction, I felt like everyone's eyes were directed towards me. I felt like puking but soon I found one pair that wasn't. It was girl with Straight silky auburn hair, doe like hazel eyes, wearing a blue sleeveless knot front dress.
She was with he same group of men and I hurried towards her. She seemed like she was drunk out of her senses and the look of one of the man made me absolutely fluster with rage, just as he was about to come closer to her I pushed him away and taking advantage of his surprise, I grabbed Lara and ran away.
"C-Claus?" She was almost fainting and her it seemed like she viewed me as one would a unicorn in a dream, something you wouldn't expect to be there but didn't have much of a thought otherwise.
The group of men were behind us, Cindy lagging from behind and they were gaining on us. Thankfully there was a cab waiting just ahead and I managed to get in with Lara before they could catch up. Lara, was not in the condition to talk herself and fell asleep on my shoulders as soon as she took her seat.
The rest of the ride was pretty quiet, I had told the cab driver I would pay double just to bring us back south and he was sympathetic with me, seeing that I was running away with a girl senselessly drunk with some suspicious men chasing us.
The cab driver didn't say a word during the whole ride but a look of mutual respect, reassured me that everything was alright. When I could finally calm my nerves, I glanced over to Lara; I had not the idea why but it seemed like she did come here with those men from her own accord and snuck away leaving her phone too and not bringing even a wallet as she had neither her purse in the picture or in her hand earlier. Damn it Lara, you are smarter than this!
I couldn't keep being mad at her when she looked that defenseless however and I only stroked her hair and laid her over on my lap as she slept. "This had been my fault." That was the thought that forced itself in my mind during the whole car ride…what would have happened if I wasn't there? If I had just left my phone in the shop, or if I had not replied to Cindy, there was a million ways that it could have went wrong and although I was not the religious type, for once in my life I prayed earnestly and thanked God I had been there.
When we reached Lara's home, Richard Rodriguez had been waiting outside his shop with a grave expression in his face and opened the cab before I could even move. He took Lara inside and with a voice deep and morbid he told me to wait for him outside.
A chill went over my spine from the very remembrance of it but I was relieved, if it can go this badly then it wasn't a dream and I really did make it in time. I left the cab and gave the fare to the cab driver…the rest of the money I had left…
"I'm sorry, I'm a bit short."
The driver gave me a kind smile and gave back a portion of the money, I promised to pay him double but he charged me for only nearly half. For the first and only time he spoke to me, "It's because of good boys like you that I do not need fear for my own daughter." And with one final nod of respect, he drove on.
It was the cabman's words gave me the courage I needed to face my last trial. The old grandfather's cane came stomping closer and closer, like the thunder before a storm, it was drawing on to something worse.
"Claus…I trusted you…" His words began soft and almost hopeful. "What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Will you let me in?" With a solemn nod we came inside the store, the ring seeming like my death call.
I had hundreds of excuses, a thousand ways out of this but this isn't about me at this time. If I make some excuse to make me blameless or tell some lie, then Richard might trust my words and let go but if that happens then Lara can easily sneak out again. I needed him to feel a sense of danger but I needed him to blame someone else and not Lara because any punishment to her would only cause more revolt on her side.
Richard Rodriguez needs a to have a threat, one he can see and that is not Lara, he must love Lara not with his rod but he must keep it ready anyway…and to do that I need that threat to be someone he knows, someone he trusts and would feel betrayed by, someone that would make him look twice for his granddaughter but not because of her…someone like me…
"I have to tell you sir, I have always thought you to be uptight and because of that I had an idea, what if I made your daughter think the same? We could have fun together and any efforts on your side to restrain her would only cause her to revolt even more." The old man's eyes flashed with fury.
"If you punish her then she would go to me, or one of my friends and trust me, they are much worse than me. I convinced her to sneak out and go drinking with my friends, I even asked her to wear that tight dress of hers to impress them…but you see, it impressed them far too much and I didn't want that, you should have seen the thirst in their eyes! Their eyes were bulging! But it wasn't their fault, it was Lara's and I brought her home so she might wear a dog collar next time, I bet she would. Well, what I wanted to say is, checkmate old man!"
Finally, the poor old man could not take much longer, he took a deep breath and locked the door. There was anger in his eyes; one of the protective father, the man who seeks justice, and the betrayed friend. "You think your so smart Claus?" His voice was even more still and deep. "True that Lara cannot be punished for today, but what is preventing me from punishing you?"
I looked at him in triumph and turned around and just as quickly I felt the wood of his cane strike my back and as I leaned towards the desk to keep me from falling and another strike soon followed. Feeling like my back could not take anymore, I turned around and defended myself with my arm. The old man was swinging his cane mercilessly from all directions I tried best I could to just take the blows but it hurt so much.
The old man's fury was unrelenting and when I couldn't take it anymore and asked him to stop, his eyes softened a little and as if my words rang once more to his head "checkmate old man!", his fury was born anew and he kept hitting me. My sides felt swollen and my arms were bruised but I did manage to save my head from any blows but with a sudden burst of energy he swung his cane forcefully to my knee and instinctively holding it and curling up, he made one final swing towards my head and everything blurred for a second and I felt blood in my mouth
"Never show yourself to me, or my granddaughter ever again. As for your friends, if they do not learn from you then I shall give them a beating of their own." With those parting words the old man closed the lights of his store and left me there my head numbing…so this is what your grandpa's fury is like…I did well right Lara?