Summary: The world of the Boys is full of villains masquerading as heroes. So it shouldn't be a problem to add an SI with the memories of a villain to it. What's one more bad egg?
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,000
Status: Ongoing
Link: https://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/threads/a-world-of-rotten-eggs-eggman-si-the-boys.95174
Chapter 1: Getting A New Job
Before I made my first robot or beat my first superhero, I was jobless.
When COVID-19 hit, job prospects got a bit tough for everyone. I'd spent hours with different temp agencies, filling out applications, going to interviews, all sorts of things. I did a couple quick jobs, even one where I went into a Nike factory with a group of people and scrubbed the place down. But I had yet to find something permanent.
So when I was told a new job was available with high pay and benefits for entry-level employees, I was skeptical. Sounded like some guy was going to teach a group of morons how to sell knives for a pyramid scheme. Which was something I'd run into before.
So when I drove up to a nondescript building in the middle of town and stared up at it, I wasn't feeling sold. "Yeah… this isn't going to end well. Place looks like a serial killer is going to trap me inside."
I walked up to the doors anyway. Job prospects weren't good, remember? I'd scrub toilets as long as it put food on the table.
I saw my reflection in the door as I swung it open. I cleaned up a bit for the interview, wearing clean jeans, a red polo shirt, my beard neat and brushed, and my curly hair wet. Couldn't help my raccoon eyes, set into my dark tanned skin. Too many late nights writing and gaming.
Once I entered, the place was empty.
"… Hello?"
Wow. Not even an echo. The floors were cement. Same with the walls. No receptionist desk, nothing. Goddamn, was I really in a serial killer den?
I clenched my fist and took a deep breath, nervously walking in. My other hand went to my phone, ready to call 911. I was fairly large, and confident I could sort of handle myself in a fight, but that didn't stop the nervousness.
The room down the hall was listed as room 1991.
"… There is no way this building has more than 1000 rooms," I hesitated. "Ahhhh… damnit."
God, the guys watching the horror movie I was living in must have been screaming at my idiocy. Fuck it. I needed rent money. Then again, if I got stabbed by Freddy, I'd never have to worry about rent again.
With that fatalistic thought, I pulled the door open, my fist still clenched-
Darkness surrounded me. I stumbled, staring around, but it was useless. I couldn't even see myself. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket, quickly turning on the flashlight-
Above, light exploded. I snapped my head upwards.
"…"
My phone slipped from my fingers. It landed with a wet splash. I didn't look at it. I stared upwards.
I had been in a building. Now I stood under the open sky.
A kaleidoscope of colors swirled above in the night. Stars spun in circles, shining brighter than I'd ever imagined they could. Nebulas and galaxies were clear to my vision.
The floor I stood on was gone. It was replaced with water. A dark swirl of rippling waves stretching out to the horizon, reflecting the impossible field of stars above me. I must have been there… I don't know. A minute? Maybe five at most.
Then I looked around more, trying to breathe. "God. I don't… what is this-
"There you are," I spun on my heel, water splashing upwards with my turn. Behind me, a man in janitor's overalls stood. He smirked a bit. "You're here for the job, yes?"
"Job? I'm just trying to understand what's going on!"
"Ahhhh," he chuckled, walking towards me. The man looked so familiar- "You look to be like you were hit on the head with wood, ya? Kaikki hyvin, then I'll begin your interview."
"Ahti?" I asked hesitantly.
His face was old, with plenty of wrinkles from smiling and smirking. His hair was a bit of a mess, with a flop on top. He was overweight and short, hunched over in age, wearing a janitor's uniform, a pair of earphones resting on his neck that went down to an old school walkman on his waist.
Basically, he looked like Ahti. A fictional character. I mean, sure, he might have looked like Martti Suosalo, but the outfit screamed Ahti from Control.
At that point, I felt like I was going crazy. In a world of stars, with water under me… and a character from the video game Control in front of me. Was this a dream? But I hadn't thought of that game in months, why would I dream of it so vividly? And the water that had splashed on my legs was so cold. "What, is Jesse Faden next?"
"No, no, that one is varattu. Focus on you," he walked over to me, mopping as he went. Impossibly, as he mopped the water we stood upon, I got the sense it became cleaner. Where he passed, the reflection of the stars shone brighter. "I'm here because there is melkoinen soppa somewhere right now."
"Melko- I'm sorry, what-"
"Quite a soup. A real mess."
He tapped me on my chest, pushing me back. "Ahhhh. You got real sisu. Okay. You got the job."
The water under me suddenly stopped supporting my weight. "Fu-ghghghghgh!"
I sank under the waves, staring upwards as I was somehow pulled down.
"Ahhhh. There will be sugar on the bottom for you. Look for that," he smiled, the waves of water drifting, the stars and nebulas highlighting him. I held my breath and tried to swim upwards, but the last thing I saw was his kind face smiling.
Then I rose out of the water. I took a deep breath filled with both air and water, screaming and coughing as waves smashed into me. Sand under my feet sucked at my shoes. For one ridiculous moment, the thought in my head was 'damnit, I got dressed in my good clothes this morning.'
Then it was all coughs.
My arms swung outwards as I fell to my knees. I dug through the sand, rushing towards the beach, spitting out water, trying to get air to replace it. Finally I got to the beach, pulling myself out.
"Ahhhh… w-wh-what-!?"
I twisted onto my back, staring at the blue sky. After that insane swim, air was all I could think of.
"… Ahhhhhh-"
I cut myself off, trying to breath again. God. I hadn't felt like that since that blue devil had-
Blue devil? Wha-
"Gah!"
I spun to my feet, clutching my head. "Oh god! Come on! Are you kidding m- AHHHH!"
I fell to my knees and screamed.
We've all forgotten and remembered things. That sensation of reaching into your mind for a memory and getting nothing. And then… boom. The memory hits. You suddenly remember, in a flash of realization.
Imagine that happening over and over again. Imagine feeling like your brain is getting eternally frozen.
And imagine an entire life pouring into your head.
I passed out.
When I woke, the sun had risen above me. My clothes were still wet. I stared upwards.
That… sucked. I wish I could have thought of something more eloquent for the experience. But that was the best I could do. That SUCKED. I just wanted to get a job. To help my family. Get some food. But then, that was always the way. I make my fancy plans, put all my work and time into the perfect idea, only to have someone or something stop it. Whether it was Ahti, a damn plague, or that damn Blue Menace, someone always-…
I ran that sentence back in my head. I let the memories in my head flow, for just a moment.
I forced myself to my feet, trying to, I don't know, to move, to get a concept of what I was in for.
The place I was on looked like an island. A peaceful tropical one. Beach, water, palm trees, the works.
There was also a dock… with a yacht.
A big one. Not the biggest I'd ever seen, since I'd owned some-
Knock it off, brain.
I pushed back my… I don't know 'false' memories? They didn't feel false.
I stumbled a bit, but kept walking, heading towards the yacht. Not much else to head towards, right? I just had to do something. To try and have some control. Both the normal part of me and the new part hated not feeling in control.
The yacht wasn't massive. Just a 60 footer. Feet? God, what an inaccurate form of measurement the Imperial system was.
Ignoring those thoughts as best I could, (and failing miserably) I hopped into the boat, looking around. It was nice. A bit worn, but overall in good shape. Some duct tape on the seats, a couple scratches. Somehow that made me feel more comfortable with it. Like the fact it was obviously lived in was part of its charm.
It was quiet as I walked around. The smell of the ocean surrounded me, that brine smell. I entered the open doors in the back of it.
The smell of brine faded. Instead, oil hit me. Machine oil, that caustic smell. Familiar, but for more reasons than… damn.
The front of the room had the steering wheel and such, but they didn't hold my attention.
Instead, I walked around the main section of the room. Shelves hung on all the walls. Tools rested on the shelves, hung there to be reached. Electronic parts, gears, wires, and more all rested ther. My hand reached out and trailed along them. I hummed to myself as my right hand bounced from chilled steel to vulcanized rubber.
"Hmmm, dadada," I mumbled idly.
I reached a desk in the center of it all. A laptop was on it. I popped it open. Old. But serviceable. I typed at the keyboard, stumbling for a second. I had a bunch of experience typing. But now I was fighting muscle memories I didn't have. I pushed myself to type into it. I needed to find out about this place. Find out where I was. Why had Ahti done this?
I went to a news site immediately. What was-
"EYEWITNESS FOOTAGE OF QUEEN MAEVE IN ACTION!"
A commercial for the Boys? There was a photo of the Queen Maeve actress punching two guys in the face at once, a confident smirk on her face.
I flipped through articles, fighting the two different muscle memories in me to focus on actually getting work done.
A new movie that was coming out. "Tek-Knight Begins."
The Deep was at the opening of a sea exhibit opening.
The 'Believe' Christian expo was being put together, with a guest list including Ezekiel the Stretching Man.
"Not a commercial. This is the Boys. I'm trapped in the Boysverse," I thought about that for a second. "Wow. I'm absolutely fucked."
At least I'd watched the excellent show and read those shitty comics. When in the timeline had I shown up? Well, I did know one big event that happened in this universe.
My normal self was still freaking out. But the fresh new memories I had didn't flinch. They grabbed hold of the reins and kept typing. Didn't need too many search terms either.
A-Train. Robin. Hughie. Death.
2 days. 2 days ago, the hero known as A-Train had run through a young woman named Robin, ripping her to pieces in front of her boyfriend as he held her hands.
2 days, huh. Then I had some idea of what to do next.
I picked up the laptop and moved over to the shelves, looking around. "All right. I can work with this."
But why could I work with this?
Stuck in the Boys. Sent by some guy from Control. He'd told me he was giving me a job. This yacht must have been part of it. Same with those memories that appeared in my head.
What memories were they?
I looked through my thoughts. I could remember… I stood on the bridge of a ship, a flying aircraft carrier. Looking out into space. I heard sounds of computers beeping behind me. But I didn't look at them. Instead, I focused on the approaching enemy. I felt… hate. But also an odd kind of fondness?
A blue blur sped across the top of my ship, bouncing insanely fast, spinning in a circle at one point, snapping in quick twitches from left to right. Annoying. But also incredible. Faster than the speed of sound at points. At others, so fast it couldn't be measured.
I raised a hand and placed it against the glass. My hand was so strange in shape. My palms and fingers were massive, but my arm was so thin. I wore a white glove and a red coat, the cuff turned back to reveal yellow on the inside of it. I leaned forward, my reflection shining in the window as I came close enough.
The memory crystalized. Bald head. A pair of goggles on my face that somehow didn't obstruct my vision. And a big honking orange mustache, twitching on my face as I smiled. It stretched from side to side, spiky in appearance and dominating my appearance.
I didn't need to remember anymore. Not my smile slowly stretching my face, not my echoing laugh.
And especially not the blue blur (MENACE) coming to a stop. He glanced up at me. Short. Blue. Spiky quills on his back. A pair of red sneakers. And an infuriating grin on his face.
The truth hit me and I banged my head on the desk. Oh dear god.
Dr. Ivo Robotnik. Eggman. Whatever you want to call him. I had the memories of Sonic's archnemesis in my head.
"This- What am I even supposed to say about this!?"
Sitting in the boat, surrounded by tools and tech, knowing that somewhere out there a Superman Expy was flying around killing people, I tried not to have an existential crisis, even as memories of existential crisis' I had already had filled my head.
Well. Somehow this still was the least awkward job interview I'd ever had.