Huh.
What happened? All I remembered was my shitty life and nothing else. Wait, where am I? What is this....void? What's happening?
*BANG*
???:HO HO HO.
Santa?
???:NO, ITS GOD DUMBASS.
Okay?
God:And for my next trick I will throw you into another world!
Oh cool... Wait, just like that?
God:Yes, well, you get 3-no, 2 wishes.
Why only 2 tho?
God:Because you suck.
Like your mom sucking my-
God:2 wishes. Take it or leave it.
Fine. For my first wish I want UBW and GoB.
God:That's illegal.
Take it or leave it.
God:You do know I can make you go to another world without anything right?
Yes.
God:Wow. I'm impressed by your stupidity on challenging a God.
Well I do want to kill a God after all.
God:Good for you I guess? Well I'll allow it just this once. What's your next wish?
Hmmm..... How about every single authority.
God:What?
Oh you know, Authority of Sloth and etc.
God:No.
Why?
God:You only get to choose three of them only. And no Vainglory.
Tch.
God:Did you just click you tongue at me?
Nope. Just your imagination.
God:Okay?
Anyway, I want Sloth,Greed and Lust.
God:Right. I can do that.
Okay.... Let's start this adventure!
God:...
Uhhh.... Hello?
God:heheehehe...
I don't like where this is going....
God:You fool! You just activated my trap card!
The what now?
God:For every wish that you want..... There will be drawbacks of course!
Ah shi-
God:And your drawbacks are...You don't get to choose which multiverse you get to travel into.
That's all? It doesn't make any sense actually.
God:And also you get the EX Harem skill.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
God:That's what makes you mad? I had some doubts at first when I saw that drawback but I guess some people have different taste huh?
YOU THINK!?
God:Anyway, have fun!
COME HERE YOU BAST-
=---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---=
5 Minutes later
Flint:Damn that shitty God. I really don't want to deal with a tsundere and a sadist. Well it's a good thing I'm in a forest right now. I'm gonna live in here for a while. That being said why do I look so young?
I am currently looking at myself in a river. Hi, my name is Flint Lightwood. Not a very creative name I'm sure. I'm (presumably) 21 years old. I don't actually know how I died but it's probably for the best if I didn't know how. My favourite anime is-
*Growl*
What ze heck?
I turn around and see two wolves in front of me.
Flint:Well isn't this a good welcoming gift.
(Prepare to cringe)
Wolf 1 pounce on me but I managed to dodged it. After that attack wolf 2 tried attacking me from behind. It almost worked.
(God I suck at making fight scenes)
Flint:Shit! God dammit. I need to get out of here.
I summon a yellow portal and go inside it.
Flint:Phew...I'm not ready to fight yet. Let's take a look around here shall we?
As I take a stroll around....What should I call this?
I'll go with Babylon for now. I see some weapons from different animes. Weird, but okay. I guess that's Murasame, a red glove? And... EXCALIBUR!?
Flint:What the? Is this some kind of mistake? I don't think this belongs here.
And suddenly, one of the old landlines rung.
*DULULULULULULU*
FLINT:SHUT.
I answer the call.
Flint:THE FUCK YOU WANT!?
#Jeez, no need to be so loud. It's me, God.#
Flint:Oh, it's you. Wazzup?
#Now you might be wonde"ring" what Artoria's Excalibur is there.#
Flint:That's true, I am wonde- did you just made a pun?
#Yes, I did. Anyway, remember how the concept of GoB is having every single thing in the world?#
Flint:Ye. Why u ask?
#I just make it so that it LITERALLY HAVE EVERY SINGLE THING IN THE WORLD.#
Flint:oh. thanks.
#And you know how the items is a one time use only?#
Flint:ye. y u ass?
#Well I made so that it 'regenerates' the items and depending on how valuable that item is, it's gonna take the longest being 48 hours and the shortest 5 minutes. Of course, this only works when the item is broken or missing.#
Flint:Isn't that just the same as U-
#NOPE.#
Flint:Is that all?
*click* *dooot* *dooot* (I suc at making sfx)
Flint:Welp. That explains almost everything.
If what God is saying is true then...
=---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---=
Several hours of searching later
Flint:Aha! I found you at last.
Lo and behold!
The genie lamp. And the only thing holding me back from this, is just my sense of touch.
Flint:Here goes nothing.
I rub the lamp and waited for the magic to happen.
....
Any second now...
...
He's gonna come out any second now....
.........
Flint:Hey wait a minute.
I rub the lamp again.
...................
Flint:Holy mother of God I am one stupid motherfu-
=---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---=
Another hours searching for the right oil lamp
Flint:Finally! I found the right one. Why is there 38 different oil lamp in the same shape and material here anyway.
I rub the lamp.
.....
Flint:Oh come on! I'm too lazy to find another-
???:WHY HEEEELLLLLLOOOOOOOOO THERE!
Flint:Huh?
Suddenly, a big blue cloud came out of the lamp and turned into a smurf.
???:IT IS I! THE JINN THAT WILL GRANT YOUR WISHES!
Flint:FUCKING FINNALY.
???:The name's Genie. Like I said, I can grant any of your wishes that you want.
Flint:Rly?
Genie:With three conditions of course!
Flint:Of course. And pray tell those conditions are?
Genie:Ah, rule number one: I can't kill anybody. So don't ask. Rule two: I can't make anyone fall in love with anyone else. Rule three: I can't bring people back from the dead. It's pretty disgusting if you ask me.
Flint:Pussy.
Genie:Speak for yourself. Anyway, take your time thinking on which dream that you want coming true.
He then summons a stereotypical lazy chair, a blue hawaiian shirt and a cosmopolitan. (No, not the magazine, the cocktail)
Flint:Well my first wish is gonna be-
*DULULULULULULU*
Genie:SHUT.
He answers the call.
Genie:This is Genie speaking, how may I help you?
*inaudible words*
Genie:Oh. Why thought?
*more inaudible words*
Genie:Okay. Makes sense. Bye have a nice da-
*click* *dooot* *dooot*
Genie:.....
Flint:What did you talk about?
Genie:I have a fourth rule.
Flint:shit.
Genie:Soul No.731,168,952,864,225,709,753,226,907,512,785,423,689,642,703,228,532,753,475,842,157,960,580 cannot be granted wishes until further notice.
Flint:Bruh. That's not fair.
Genie:And life too. Look kid, I'm just following orders.
Flint:Fine then, you can keep your wishes.
Genie:If that's all, then I'll be taking my leave. Ciao!
Flint:Bye bitch.
He then turned into a cloud again and go into the lamp.
Flint:Well there goes my chance to become stronger. At least I still have my powers.
Suddenly, in the corner of my eye, I saw a red button.
Flint:Ooooo. What does this button do?
And I pressed the button.
=---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---=
Hmmmmm... Where am I?
It appears I'm in a large field of sorts. And there's a clock in the sky showing a timer counting down. There's a modern house behind me but it doesn't make the field any smaller.
Flint:This seems familiar somehow. Where have I seen all this before?
I look at the timer. It's still counting down. I think it starts at 100 million or so. Wait a minute. I think this is from Th* f*il*d sw*rdsm*n wh* b*c*me th* str*ng*st *ft*r sp*mm*ng th* 1** m*ll**n y**rs b*tt*n. I don't know why it was censored but I know that the red button is drom that one novel. I guess I'm stuck here until the timer finished huh. Well I think I can brute force myself out of here but I don't have the strength to do it yet. I also don't want to develop a second personality so just need to train hard enough until I can tear through the fabric of time and reality itself to escape. Sounds easy enough.
Spoiler alert:It was not easy.