"You look pretty. Chin up, be confident, and if we get mobbed for questions, let me handle it." Jyeon picks up my hand by the wrist and envelopes it in his arm, so I hook onto him. His touch causes the same usual stirring of butterflies, and I swallow it down. A cozy partnering to face this damn sea of employees and press at this stupid event. I want to pull myself free, but I know it's futile. He's in show mode, just like a million times in our past when we presented a happy marriage to the public eye, and it weighs heavily on me. To be back here with something so stupid.
I'm tense, as far away from relaxed as I can get, and I'm overly aware of him and his presence this evening. I'm emotional and feeling raw and can't seem to pick a mood to stick with. I'm swinging from upset to anger and then teetering on irritation.
I have to keep reminding myself that all of this is for my own sake. My freedom, my inheritance, my being able to find closure and putting the past behind me once and for all. I can go home when this is over and live without the fear of one day being discovered. I know that I made the right choice not to come back and finally let my feelings for this man go. Tie it all up with a bow and say so long, once and for all.
"You've been quiet since I picked you up. Are you okay?" Jyeon nudges against me with his arm, bringing me out of my thoughts, and I sigh heavily. Avoiding his gaze and the way his comforting scent invades my space.
"My minds a mess lately. I have so many thoughts and fragments that I'm trying to piece together. Things are coming to me in broken shards. It's exhausting." It's not exactly a lie.
"Tell me what you need me to do. Whatever it is, so I can help." Jyeon pulls me with him towards the closed doors of the main hall on OLO's ground floor. A room reserved for huge gatherings like today, and I hesitate as he yanks the first one open slightly. I can hear the hustle and bustle coming from inside already, as most of the employees enjoy a standing buffet and free drinks all afternoon. Mingling and well-wishers with the added open staring of this dead woman showing face. We used to do this every five years, so it's not my first rodeo. I know what to expect.
"Be honest. No matter how hard that may be. I won't remember if I'm given flawed versions of the past. Don't lie to me." I've been weighted down and semi-depressed since we got home from the market. Plagued by conflicting emotions and thoughts about her and him. About what he feels for me, if what she said is true. I pathetically let her get under my skin, and now she's in there like a thorn. The glee I felt over putting that woman in her place has been replaced by a black cloud the entire time I was getting ready, and I absentmindedly hold his arm a little tighter as she comes back to the forefront, unaware of my nervous mannerisms.
"I haven't lied. I don't need to. Anything you want to know, just ask me. I promise not to sugarcoat the truth." I feel his eyes on the side of my face and catch his frown in my peripheral vision. Trying my best to ignore it and will him to pull the door further so we can move. "What is it you think I've lied about. Tell me so I can address it. I don't want misunderstandings between us."
Such a contrast to two years ago then. When he refused to be honest about her at all, now he seems so honest and right to the point as though he might mean it. Except, her words are in my head.
It's not love. It's guilt.
"How long did it go on? How long did you lie and hide things from me? How did it start? Why did it start?" It comes out all by itself, and Jyeon halts mid-step before we get through the door he's holding half-open. His entire manner stiffens, and I know he gets what I mean. "I saw her today… she was pretty vocal about a few home truths. Raised a lot of questions about what this is… what you feel about me. About why you might think you want to start again with me. About my unimportance to you in the grand scheme of things." My voice is laced with bitterness, and Jyeon lets the door go to swing closed and steps back, pulling me with him. He turns to me, a somber expression as he tilts my face to his with a hand on my jawline.
"If you want to do this now, maybe we should go up to my office. Somewhere private and quiet." He glances around the milling people in the hall coming this way who are also heading into the happy event, and I bite on my lip and take a steadying breath.
"Forget it. Let's just do this." I slide my hand out of his arm to reach for the door, brushing away his touch on my face, but I'm caught by surprise as he slides an arm around my waist and tugs me aside away from it.
"I think neither of us will enjoy the event until we talk about this. I want to know exactly what she said. What bullshit she's put in your head! Set some things straight." Jyeon's tone disintegrates a little, and there's a definite hint of anger simmering below the surface. I'm not sure if it's for her or me, though.
"I don't think…." My refusal is cut off by him tugging me forward, wrapping me in against his side so I cannot protest, and he forcibly walks us across the hall to the nearby bank of elevators not far from where we are. A few eyes stray our way and the apparent whispers, but Jyeon doesn't seem to care or notice. I guess because he knows no employee would be stupid enough to say anything out loud or interrupt us. Carrying gossip would get them fired. Besides, I'm still his legal wife, and he, in their eyes, has every right to touch me.
He presses the first panel we come to, then slides his hand inside his jacket to pull out his cell phone, releasing me to wait for our lift. Eyes on what he's doing, and I sink onto my heels and wait patiently. My face is starting to warm because I know this is probably the worst thing for my heart today. Ditching what he deemed an essential event for another heart to heart with this man. I don't know why I keep allowing it.
"Hey, it's me. Are you in OLO right now?....... Good, come to my office immediately." He snaps at whoever is on the other end with no hint of friendliness and hangs up without saying goodbye. I narrow my eyes at him in suspicion, guessing who it might be.
"Are you making her come up to your office too?" I balk at the fact, shaking my head at him. Not sure what his motive is.
"Maybe I should have done this sooner and cleared up any confusion and doubt. Whatever is said between you two should have me there to verify whether it's true or not." He grits his teeth, tensing his handsome jawline, and yet this grates on me, and my temper sizzles. The coziness and familiarity between them, and I wonder how deep it's gone in two years.
Is he best buddies with her now?
"If only you were this considerate two years ago, and maybe we wouldn't be here now." I bite without thought and realize by the snap of his head and how he looks at me that he reads into what I said a little too much.
"You remember something?" He frowns at me, his eyes homing in on mine, and I curse under my breath. I clamp my mouth shut and chin nod towards the door sliding open before us, walking into the space without answering him and moving to one side. Despite my meaning to let memories come back slowly, this is not the time and not the topic I want to admit to knowing every detail.
"Sohla?" Jyeon follows me, looking for an answer, and I shrug at him, avoiding his gaze and waiting until he presses a button for his floor. It's been two whole years since I set foot in his office, and it's giving me weird anxiety. I don't know why.
He sighs heavily, stands beside me, and keeps glancing my way, but neither says anything, and we get to the top floor fast. Walking out together, I let him lead the way down the old familiar corridor to his commanding space. He seems to sense I don't want physical touch and doesn't attempt it.
My eyes stray as we walk past the door that used to be mine, and I inhale sharply at seeing my name is still on the smooth surface. A metal embellished rectangular signage I picked myself, and from the glass panel beside it, it looks like my office hasn't changed one bit.
My desk, chair, bookcases, and I catch a glimpse of my favorite art piece on the wall as we pass by quickly. One I bought at auction to match the décor of that room. My pulse elevated, palms instantly clammy, and my heart thunders through my chest with sheer panic at being so close to a space that holds everything I was. It feels like a black hole that might suck me in at any moment.
Much like my bedroom in the manor, my office is another shrine to my memory. Untouched and kept clean, I cast my eyes at his straight, strong back and follow him in silence. My heart throbbing, and my mind messy. Thinking of the importance of that detail when I know, unlike the house, Jyeon has complete control of what happens at OLO. Mother may have retained my bedroom, but this is all Jyeon.
"In here." Jyeon opens the familiar heavy wooden door, missing its stationed receptionist as all employees are downstairs enjoying free food. He pulls aside to let me wander in, and it's a relief to see he's updated this space. The uptight sense of déjà vu doesn't happen because it no longer feels like Jyeon's office in OLO HQ. It's nothing like it used to be and doesn't feel like walking into another time warp.