I head out of the underground via our access road and turn left, out of the city to hit the cliff roads to let this baby roar. We live on the outskirts and are fortunate enough to be a short drive from one of the most scenic and windy roads that head into a beautiful part of our country and eventually stop at the sea. The river which runs past our home starts as a tiny trickle and somehow manages to size up and merge seamlessly to the vast world out there, and it has always fascinated me. That something so small can start that way and yet become a formidable force to take on the vastness of nature.
The car feels heavy to steer, and I scrunch my face up at its lack of sensitive response, wondering what the hell he's been doing to this. It's sluggish and not exactly what you expect from a multimillion-dollar car that happens to be a limited edition. I can't remember thinking it felt this awful to drive when I tried it out before, and I check the gauges for any warning lights and see none. In fact, nothing is lit up at all, not even the dials. He must have a fuse out, and he's neglected it to this point.
Idiot.
I guess seeing his mistress was a priority over maintaining his pride and joy or his marriage.
I put my foot to the pedal and head for freedom, hoping if I clear its engine with some good revs, it'll get better. The steering might just need a fluid top-up, not that I care, as I have no intention of letting this car live after tonight. I gave it, and I can take it away. Let him see how that feels.
I'm glad the roads are quiet as darkness falls, and I'll have an uninterrupted route to do whatever my heart wants with this piece of trash. Race the shit out of it, leave it with a few dents and scratches or completely destroy it in inventive ways. He treats this like fragile glass and drives it like an OAP, so I'm going to do everything I know that would make him cry. Rough her up, show her what a good ride feels like, and then depending on how I'm feeling, I'll see where she ends up. In the bottom of a canyon, if I get to that point, I'll make sure to film it and send it his way.
I hit the radio to blare music, frowning as the rock station he favors bursts into life and immediately press it to another frequency. Hating even the sound of anything that makes me think of Jyeon and twist in my seat until I land on a pop station playing a BTS song and leave it alone. It's a happy, upbeat collab with a band I like, Coldplay, and somehow despite my dark mood, it helps me relax into my leather molded seat to focus on driving.
The air around me fills with lyrics like 'You are my universe,' and I snort at the irony of playing a song like this while sitting in the only thing it would apply to when it comes to Jyeon. If he had to choose between me or this piece of expensive scrap, he would take his car and watch me burn. I can't deny that anymore, and I should stop telling myself otherwise. It's time I faced the reality that my life sucks.
I tap my fingers on the wheel as my speed edges up, and I get to the start of the uphill climb of peak point. One of the longest roads to a stunning tourist viewpoint on top of one of our mini-mountains. It's a nature reserve that climbs high and overlooks the sea, and suddenly I have an urge to do that. To watch the ocean roar and bring me some inner peace to calm the chaos of my mind while my life is such a fucking mess. I always liked the ocean; it's the one place I can stare at, and it stills my mind completely. I haven't been here in so long though.
I press a button and roll down both car windows to let the air in to mess with my hair and cool my hot fury. Not caring if it's cold, the temperature must be bordering on winter levels tonight. I don't care if it makes me sick later; it feels good to breathe real clean air as it rushes by and slaps my hair around the headrest in an untamed fashion.
My focus strays from the road as something slides in the black seat next to me, and I flick a glance its way. Seeing it for the first time, the leather jacket that bitch bought for him and my heart leaps up into my throat. A slicing stab at reminding me that no matter how good this feels, I'm not outrunning the pains in my heart. Right there, nestled so preciously as his passenger, he takes it everywhere, a symbol of their love, and it brings bile up from my stomach.
The inner hateful and petty me lurches out with one hand and grabs it, twisting my fingers and nails into the soft leather, so I leave marks. I yank it from the seat and stuff it right out the window as I swerve around a gentle curve, and the wind catches it. Like air filling a sail or a kite, it suddenly puffs up with eery life, and the arms fill and form a strange body as though it has a life of its own. Hovering by the car for a second as though to plead for mercy. I strain to turn and look as it's caught, pulled up for a second by a gust of playful wind, and then yanked over the railing to drop to its death in the water below.
"So long, asshole!" I yell after it, straining my head out the window, not even sorry that what must have cost her hundreds, maybe even a thousand, is now going to be floating around down there and hopefully gets washed out to sea. I sit back, smiling that as immature as that was, it felt damn good. To throw them away, what they are. To ruin something he obviously likes.
I turn the music up, ignore the fact I am edging up way past the speed limit, and throw caution to the wind as the incline gets steeper and the car flies. It's freeing in a way, and despite the car making the odd grunt and cough and the steering feeling like I might need to work my upper body strength, it's exhilarating to be in a speed machine as sleek as this and driving into the darkness like a thief in the night.
For a minute, I can forget my woes and worries. Forget all that is ruining my sanity of late. If only life could feel like this all the time, breaking free of the shackles and chains so I can finally take a deep inhale as it's all left behind. In control of my surroundings, my pressure on a pedal, only the road ahead of me, which is clear and leads wherever I want it to go, and suddenly tears fill my eyes, and I choke.
"I'm not happy." It comes out in a sharp confession all on its own, like an inner voice that can no longer be silenced. "I hate my life." Instant burn to the back of my throat as emotion hits me hard, and I push my foot down harder to try and shake it out of my head. Swirling in my stomach and I blink hard to shift it away and scold myself for letting it escape so bluntly.
I swing around curve after curve, miles, and miles, practically clinging on to make them, as the car fights me to keep the wheels straight. It pulls my attention from my woes, and instead, I start focusing on the car instead. I narrow my eyes and begin to have an inner tremor of doubt. That maybe this isn't just how it usually is, and perhaps the steering has a fault.
It seems worse the faster I go and as I reach the mountain's summit to the plateau, where it levels for a brief time before heading downhill. I decide maybe I should go easier on this thing. Something doesn't feel right, and as I turn the corner to the parking spot where cars usually sit in daylight, going way too fast, I make the turn to bypass it, yet nothing happens.
The car doesn't turn, the steering locks, and try as I might to force it, it won't budge. My stomach leaps into my throat, and I impulsively slam my foot to the brake to try and control the forward motion at too high a speed as I head into the clearing.
My heart stops, my lungs freeze, and my mind goes blank as my foot slides without resistance all the way to the floor like I'm pressing air, and my eyes widen in horror as it hits me.
There are no brakes.
I'm not slowing down. The railings are coming at me at a speed of noughts as panic grips me, and I yank with all my might to turn this infernal metal coffin, not knowing what else to do. I slam the break repeatedly, in a manic, impulsive effort, gripping the wheel so tight that my hands turn white.
Nothing.
A solid wheel, no brakes, and not enough time to do anything about it because I'm traveling at high speed.
I run out of options. I brace myself as I smash through metal barriers at the top of the viewpoint, metal ripping up and tearing the front of the car as the barrier goes with it. Rumpling the bonnet and smashing out the headlights, my illuminated view becomes a dark, terrifying blackness. The scenery before me goes out, like a Tv screen being switched off.
Letting go of the wheel, I scream out in terror and press my hands to the ceiling to hold myself taut as we crash through, and the car takes a nosedive with a stomach-lurching precision, right off the top of the peak view cliff. A perfect view, a pitch-black night, a full moon, and the glistening sea laid out before me that ripples with reflections of my only light source now. So typical to have such perfection and beauty when fate decides it's the end of the road for me.
It feels like my soul leaves my body and everything goes in slow motion. My butt lifting from my seat, only held in place by my seatbelt, my hair, arms, even my purse and cell beside me, all experience a loss of gravity. My stomach moves up into my throat, and I'm so caught in the loss of sense I can't react, like astronauts in a moon expedition showing us the fun from inside their shuttle, suspended in time and space. I plunge together, with this heavy black object of regret, into the darkness of shadows and swooshing noises below. Trees are rustling in the wind, the night air so silent yet so bustling with noise, and I am swallowed into it all. The radio crackles and breaks up through such an upbeat song, so I get quiet moments.
Jyeon flashes through my mind, his face paining me, even at a time like this. Yoonah, mother, my parents, and the massive weight of guilt and sorrow that I would do this to them. I didn't even mean it.
Almost in a blink, the elongated period comes to a crashing halt as I'm blasted nose-first into inky water that comes cascading up the windscreen and sides of the car like an explosion. Igniting a scream from me as I'm smashed forward and head butt the wheel with so much force, I blackout for a second and lose my sense of reality. It calms my panic removes the fear as I'm knocked for six for mere seconds. I come around just as fast though, as icy cold fluid numbs my feet and legs and starts climbing like creepy fingers up my body. I'm disorientated and don't know what it is at first, so shaken and detached from reality.
I drag in a gulp of air and flop back in my seat, my head hitting the padded cushion and rolling from side to side, and wince at the pain that rocks across my face and skull. Warm fluid trickling over my left brow. It's an instant migraine and swirling vision.
I'm dazed but starting to take in what's happening as reality hits home, that I'm sinking. The iciness cloying at my limbs is a rising water level. My blood turns cold because it's freezing as the vehicle submerges and swallows me up. Rushing in at every orifice and the car is being tussled about in the rapids of deep stormy water, so close to the sea opening that it's no longer just the river tearing at my lifeboat.