'Such a refreshing time.'
I thought as I placed my phone down.
Even though I didn't want to study, I enjoyed every second of our time studying together.
Perhaps it was because I always closed off my true personality to others, I never felt this sense of 'true' happiness when with others.
I felt that no matter how I was to her, she would accept me so I didn't hold back at all at my sarcasm and my stupidity.
"I guess it's also time for me to eat.."
But when I looked at our fridge, my eyes dampened a little.
"Nothing, again.."
"Sigh.." Heaving a deep sigh, I went out and bought us dinner.
I was so happy that I forgot how my life was.
For a moment, I forgot about the darkness that kept following me and kept pulling me down whenever I tried to break free.
...
Finishing up my meal, my eyes darted towards the empty seats in front of me.
"Together, huh?"
"Haha."
Without even realizing it, I started to laugh.
It was so painful.
My heart felt so empty and so dark.
"Hahahaha"
They started as a chuckle but they developed and got louder as time passed by.
I couldn't cry. That was a sign of weakness.
A weakness others can exploit however and whenever they want.
Even if it's only yourself that witnesses your sign of weakness, it'll become a habit.
A habit that'll eventually become a part of you.
That's why I must, never, ever show any weakness.
If you bottle up all your feelings within you, that bottle will eventually crack and break.
The only option not to end up in that situation is to laugh is to laugh it off, disregarding everything.
Disregard others' opinion. Just laugh: your anger, your sadness, your frustrations, laugh them off.
Disregard how much you've become crazy from always being left alone. Laugh it off.
If you don't vent those frustrations and feelings out, like a shattered bottle, your mind will shatter to pieces.
"Hahahahaha."
"HAHAHAHHAHA."
BANG!
I slammed the table in front of me in self-ridicule.
"Ha.."
Here I was, thinking I was finally having a good time.
But the thing with reality is that it's a f*cking b*tch that'll slap you to make you realize how delusional you are.
"Why?"
I muttered.
It was a question I never had an answer to.
The answer was within my grasp. But like staring at the reflection of the moon through a puddle, it was within my reach, but never within my power to touch that moon.
If I were to be asked to state something I realized in my entire existence, it's that never realizing the answer is equivalent to torture.
Specially when that answer you're looking for is the missing piece you think would fill up the emptiness you feel within you.
Every time, that 'Why' felt like a sword plunging itself to my heart.
Ever so sharp and ever so cruel.
...
{Time to wake up! Time to wake up!}
As the sound of my annoying alarm clock woke me up from my nightmare, I sat up.
My gaze didn't go to the time, nor my attention checking the pain I felt throughout my body due to my uncomfortable position last night,
They both went to the table.
But as expected, the meals I bought were untouched.
In the first place, what was I expecting?
Heaving a heavy sigh, I took a bath and did the things necessary to look 'prim and proper' at our school.
...
Arriving at the campus, I headed towards the canteen to at least fill my stomach with something.
Anything was fine to be honest.
Although there were still untouched food, I didn't eat them. I bought those for them, never were they meant for me.
If they want to waste it, then so be it.
"One large milk tea and one of these doughnuts please."
"That'll be.."
"Thank you." I smiled politely as I received my order.
I started to walk away when a voice suddenly surprised me from beside me.
"That's all? You should really eat more."
'Ah frik?'
I stepped back in surprise, almost spilling my newly bought milk tea.
"Watch out!"
Like she saw something, she quickly grabbed me by my collar and pulled me towards her.
"Hey!" Not even having time to stabilize myself from stepping back, I couldn't stop my momentum from her pull.
It was quite fast and aggressive.
I tried to diminish the force she applied so I can stabilize myself by stepping forward but I tripped on my other leg.
"Go away!"
Knowing my impending doom, I used my free hand to push her away and threw the food I was carrying to the side.
'Oh, damn it.'
Seeing the floor in front of me, I braced myself for impact.
Bang!
With a loud bang, I could feel a painful sting on my nose.
'Holy crap.'
Quite a way to start a day, eh?
...
On the campus' clinic,
"You should be good to go." The nurse applied a bandage to my nose and smiled.
"Thank you." I reciprocated her smile and left the clinic.
Damn, that was painful as hell.
Thankfully, my hand and chest hit the ground first, decreasing the damage done to my nose and face by a considerable degree.
"You idiot!"
"I told you I didn't mean it!"
Not even taking a step outside, I saw my friend, Francis, talking with a girl.
"What do you mean you didn't mean it? You should have been more careful!"
"I didn't know he was that jumpy!"
"Then-"
Hearing their conversation, I pretty much understood the situation.
"That's enough." I said.
"Hahhh?!"
Almost at the same time, the angry duo glared at me.
'The heck?'
I stepped back in both surprise and fear.
Why were they so tense?
"Koda!"
Almost immediately, Francis went up to me and circled me like he was looking for something.
"Stop that. You know that that's weird, right?"
He grabbed me by my shoulders and looked at me with a serious expression. "Weird or not, you must not get involved with this evil witch!"
"What!?" A girl's shriek entered my ears.
"Who are you calling a witch?"
Pak!