One of the things I like most about life is soap. Oh that scent. It could wash away just about anything, Well, only just, about anything. Time washes away everything else, eventually at least. And in addition to that, we have the awesome power to forget. It would suck if I could remember everything. Every painful experience, every emotional moment, ever before me? No. Otherwise, grief would never end.
A couple of family friends had passed by and pledged to take care of burial arrangements. More like neighbors really. God knows, I needed the help. Didn't know the first thing about funerals. Up until now, I didn't have to worry about money either.
It's not like we were rich but I wasn't really attached to the affairs of my household. School is a full time job. Was, a full time job. We were renting. The 'father' didn't like lawyers so I'm sure there was no will. He didn't like banks either so there wasn't anything saved up, at least, to my knowledge. We didn't have relatives other than our grandparents. They passed, right after I was born.
All I could think about was how I was going to explain this all to Chloe. I'd healed up enough to get on my feet, albeit with a slight limp. The doctor showed me to Chloe's room. 'The prejudice,' I thought. 'Why does she get a room?'
My biggest surprise was what the doctor had failed to mention, right before he opened the door. It's understandable to forget a few details about something. It's completely different when it's an entire subject.
The curtains were drawn despite the fact that it was early in the morning. Weirder because Chloe hated sleeping in. Even an accident wouldn't change that. A small light drew my attention. It was from underneath her sheets, right around where her head was.
I limped towards the curtains.
'You don't want to do that,' protesting as she uncovered her head.
I snickered. I wasn't about to listen to her.
As the light came in, I almost lost my balance as I took in everything afresh. In disbelief, I glanced at the doctor who in turn looked at her. My anger was still on its way to wrath so I turned to my sister again.
'Where is the rest of you?' I asked as I limped towards her.
She sighed, almost uninterested, 'You were asleep. Decisions had to be made.'
I gasped in amazement, 'I was unconscious!'
Chuckling, she asked, 'What's the difference?' I looked away for a moment. My eyes were tearing up. That and she had just reminded me of someone irritating.
Picking up her phone, she resumed what she was watching. Before I found the words to continue, she snapped, 'Could you drop the cool elder brother act already? It's not really,' gazing back at me, 'You.'
Before my 'but' left my mouth she interjected, 'You didn't really care before this so it's coming off a bit hypo, don't you think?'
'I'm not a hypocrite!' I denied. She looked at me and I realized, that wasn't what was important.
'Really? What changed in the last 48 hours?' her sarcasm stabbing me in the chest.
'I lost everything!' I answered. Putting her phone beside her pillow, I continued, 'We, lost everything. To be honest, you're,' pausing a bit to chew the slice of bread that was on her plate. The hunger just wouldn't stop. It had to be the meds.
'You're taking this all, surprisingly, well considering,' glancing at her doctor as I swallowed the remaining slice whole.
'Considering I have no legs? Its fine. You can say it. Now that you're stuck with me.'
I shook my head in protest but I couldn't add anything more than that. She was hurting way more than me.
'I'm stuck with me! And what's worse is, I'm stuck with you too,' she muttered as her voice became lower and lower. Something seemed wrong. My concern was obvious.
'It's just harder to breathe these days, idiot,' she jested. It wasn't funny. I'm guessing she knew that. Perhaps it was better than asking me what we were going to do next. My answer would probably be a dumb one, if I even had one. She always seemed like the older one. The more balanced between us. The more, level headed. She possibly suspected already what hadn't dawned on me yet. Responsibility. Heavier than us both. And circumstances deemed that I had to carry it alone.
My sister was right. I didn't like her company. Even more so now, with all the thoughts that would incapacitate me as we spoke. She reminded me of the pain of yesterday and the dread of the days to come. I excused myself upon further conversation with the doctor. My thoughts were too jumbled to even remember his name but I left her in his able hands. What choice did I have?
I made my way through the halls and round about until I found myself in the underground parking lot. It was quiet. I could finally hear myself clearly. Not that I wanted to. It's just that every other sound made me feel, sick. Hard to describe really. It's like I had left the kettle on. And I could hear that noise constantly. Constantly. Constantly. Like my head was about to break.
In that moment, something hit the back of my head and fell to the ground.
'A smoke?' asked a rugged voice followed by a series of intermittent coughing. Turning around, I noticed it was a lighter. Those plastic looking ones with the slim build. Looking up ahead, I saw the master. Sorry, owner of this relic.
'You know, you look like you could use one yourself,' the dude coughed. 'Dude' because he appeared to be around my age. Only, he just looked like another nineteen-year-old without a sense of purpose—or time. He walked as though he had just had a surgery done for his knees. He was taller than me by at least two inches. Short guys always keep track of these things. His clothes suggested that his fashion sense was nurtured by thugs in his neighborhood. I didn't want to have this conversation.
Neglecting to pick up the antique he had thrown at me, I got up to head back to where I came from. As I turned, I wondered why there was suddenly a wall right in front of me. I poked it. It looked down at me. I could hear it breathing.
'That's not nice,' the wall said, 'Apologies should always proceed after an offence.'
Reluctantly, I raised my head, scaling the wall with my eyes, searching for the summit. 'Afro,' I thought. 'Haven't seen those in a while.' The wall was flesh and blood. Light skinned as well. I had all but mapped out his character traits but his spectacles threw me off. He looked like a well-read delinquent.
Before my inspection was complete, I was pulled away and shoved to the side by the loudmouth.
'Don't you have anything better to do, Moby Dick?' as he grabbed the giant by his shirt.
'I do. I happen to have a treasure trove on my to-do list. And yet, I am reduced to clearing out offenders such as yourself. As if that's not enough, you're recruiting disciples to disparage the sanctity of my workplace,' as he glanced at me, rather menacingly as well.
Struggling a bit, 'Use. Use, use simpler words,' the 'offender' muttered. Before this could go any further, a security guard showed up. Rounding us up, he took me and my supposed 'Rabbi' to the administration offices. Of course, the self-righteous mountain followed us to make sure no bribes were exchanged. 'You can never be too careful,' his look implied. Apparently, smoking was a much more serious offense than I believed. In that hospital anyway.
I was honestly too tired to deny my involvement. My captors didn't seem to subscribe to a justice with reasonable doubt. It was a distraction nonetheless. Boring but for a moment there, I remembered that the world doesn't revolve around me. It was strange to me. How a thought so simple, could mean so much.