'Hah… At times it feels out of place… like it did not happen to me when it did… So little had I eaten and yet I still was able to push him away….. gosh… what was he even…!? Sigh… this is not healthy for my heart, haha… From denying a nightmare to now thinking of reality… which is more grieving?…'
The pain was different. Conflicting as well for everything differed from who I was at the time. Separated into two souls, there were many feelings that could not be discerned by the other. Yet now, for example… when I recall the distorted face he would make in his violence, it is also accompanied by the youthful and innocent one he had when we were younger… the one I thought was gentle and truthful… that of my older brother who cared for me when no one did….. and how this belief should have never been in my head.
