Chu Wanning turned to leave. He did not look back to see what Mo Ran was doing, but the sound of Mo Ran's spiritless footsteps told him that the latter was following him. Chu Wanning sighed in his heart. He could not go back to the Sick Soul Hospital because Mo Ran would be kicked out in an instant. Chu Wanning still needed Mo Ran to go back to the mortal realm. The only person he could ask for help was Chu Xun. He thus headed toward Shunfeng Building.
Mo Ran was looking at Chu Wanning's figure from behind, and he fell into a trance. He thought about what Chu Xun said, and then what Chu Wanning said.
-"Just six days ago he told me that he wanted to stop existing altogether. My only wish is for him to agree to reincarnate. Now that we have arrived at that point, please do not disturb him further."
-"Mo Ran, when I come before Yanluo for my judgment, I only have one request. I am willing to be born with a weak body and die at a young age as many times as necessary, just so that our paths never again cross.
I wish to sever our karmic relations for good. We will never see each other again."
Mo Ran's eyelashes trembled in distress. He curled up his fingers into fists.
Chu Wanning wanted to disappear. Erase his existence completely. When he saw Mo Ran, he changed his mind and wanted to reincarnate instead. Not because Mo Ran's appearance made him suddenly appreciate his life. No. He wanted to escape. Not from life. From him.
Chu Wanning did not say that he wanted to sever relations with Xue Meng or Shi Mei. He specifically said that he wanted to sever relations with Mo Ran.
Other than his aching heart, his whole body was numb. He did not know where they were going. He just wanted to follow his shizun forever. He did not want to hear the word "goodbye" coming from Chu Wanning. He did not want him to go. But what else could he do or say?
Mo Ran's lips parted but nothing came out of his throat.
He wanted to call his shizun again and beg him to reconsider, but he knew that further conversation was pointless. Chu Xun was right. He should have just left Chu Wanning alone. If he had done so, then at least… maybe, just maybe, Chu Wanning would not go that far. Maybe then they could still meet in another life.
What for, though?
What was the point of meeting again, be it in this life or next life or any life?
Chu Wanning was right. Xue Meng was right.
What was he doing in Underworld? What did he want to bring Chu Wanning back to life for? Just to appease his guilt? Because he saved his life? Because he gave him the Ever-yearning box? Because he died in Shi Mei's place?
Was that it?
No…
No, that could not be it.
So what was it?
Why did he even try so hard? What if he succeeded and what if not?
"Mo Ran, what's in it for you?" Chu Wanning had asked.
"Tell me, Mo Ran. Why do you want Shizun to come back to life?" Xue Meng had asked. "I care about Shizun. I love him as much as I love my parents. I would gladly give my life to save him, protect him, and keep him safe. What about you, Mo Ran? Why are you really here?"
Mo Ran did not know. He was confused. He only knew that Chu Wanning's death caused him pain, and he wanted the pain to stop. The pain was not going to stop until Chu Wanning came back to life. Mo Ran knew that. He had experienced it before.
The first night, he numbed his pain with bottles of wine on top of the palace roof.
The next days were spent acting as if Chu Wanning were still alive and just sleeping in the Lotus Pond.
Taxian-Jun visited Chu Wanning every day.
Some days he hurled insults and curses at him, taunting him endlessly with knives over Xue Meng's head. He hoped to anger him so much that he would wake up.
Some other days he was desperate for Chu Wanning, so he coaxed him with sweet words. Begging him to open his eyes. Offering to make peace with him.
But the cold man inside the pond reacted to neither insults nor coaxing. His eyes were tightly closed forever, refusing to grant Taxian-Jun even a glance. Having given up on himself, he lay amongst the blooming red lotuses, beautiful as a god but lifeless as a piece of wood.
Shi Mei's death broke his heart.
Chu Wanning's death took the ground under his feet.
Shi Mei was the love of his life. The only person he ever wanted.
What about Chu Wanning?
Mo Ran didn't know.
He only knew that he needed Chu Wanning. He needed him as Taxian-Jun, and he needed him as Mo Ran. For what…?
What did he need Chu Wanning for…?
To serve at his bed…?
Mo Ran's face turned pale.
No.
No. No.
Mo Ran rubbed at the cold sweat that gathered on his forehead. Taxian-Jun enjoyed Chu Wanning's body, so he took him everywhere. On the bed, on the throne, at the stairs, on the ground… But he had to admit that he merely lusted for Chu Wanning's body and nothing more than that.
Mo Ran swallowed hard.
The shizun of his, the man who never exposed his weakness to anyone, exposed his tears to him and him only.
He cried when Taxian-Jun raped him. He begged Mo Ran to stop, but Mo Ran did not. He wanted to torture him. After that first time, Taxian-Jun kept coming back for more. There was a perverse joy in trampling over Chu Wanning's body and dignity like that. He enjoyed looking at the broken man under him, the man he forced to take his essence deep into his body. He once licked at Chu Wanning's tears and claimed that they were "sweet".
The tears were sweet because the man rarely shed them.
Over the course of eight years, Chu Wanning's body became weaker and weaker. He lost a lot of weight. The body that was once slender but strong had become thin and frail. That did not make Taxian-Jun stop bothering him. In fact, his onslaught became wilder and wilder.
Chu Wanning stopped resisting altogether in the later years. He let Mo Ran toss him around night after night without a word of complaint. Mo Ran later on developed a habit of not pulling out after intercourse, Chu Wanning had to sleep with Mo Ran still embedded in his body. He kept having a fever the following morning. Bowls and bowls of medicine slowly lost their effect. His body was accustomed to getting sick. He spent most of his time in bed. The once-powerful Beidou Immortal was reduced to an existence that was not even a tenth of what he used to be.
Chu Wanning stopped crying. As if he did not feel the pain anymore.
Did he really not feel the pain?
-"Little Gongzi, I am not talking about physical wounds. I am talking about emotional wounds."
Mo Ran's heart turned cold.
Did Chu Wanning cry when Taxian-Jun drained his blood on his coronation day?
Did Chu Wanning cry when Song Qiutong pulled out his nails?
Did Chu Wanning cry when his back was pierced by the Ghost Mistress of Ceremonies?
Did Chu Wanning cry when he was injured by Zhaixin Liu's skills?
Did Chu Wanning cry when Mo Ran stabbed him inside the Jincheng Lake?
Did Chu Wanning cry when he got injured in Peach Blossom Spring?
Did Chu Wanning cry when he got injured during Heavenly Rift?
No…
He vomited mouthfuls and mouthfuls of blood, his white clothes were shredded and dyed red. But Chu Wanning, he always stood tall with a straight back and impassive face. As if he did not feel pain. As if he were immune to pain.
But who would be immune to pain?
Xia Sini's crying face appeared before him again. He did not cry because of physical pain. Why did he cry again? What did Mo Ran say to him again? Ah, yes…
-"Mark my words, little Shidi. This will happen again. And then, your Shizun, my Shizun, he will not save any of us just like Grandmaster Wu did not save his two disciples who were shielding the attacks for him."
Tears fell from Xia Sini's big eyes like a waterfall. He cried so sadly that Mo Ran immediately went to hug and comfort him, all the while not knowing that he was the one who made Xia Sini cry.
-"Don't be afraid, Shidi. I will protect you, alright?
Shizun will not be there for you, but I will. I will dote on you, and protect you always."
Mo Ran looked down at his arms. He had hugged Xia Sini with his arms and promised to protect him. But did he protect his shizun in the end?
-"I want to keep Shi Mei alive."
That was what he said to Chu Wanning. And then, Chu Wanning grabbed Mo Ran's chin and looked into his eyes.
-"Do that. Do not disappoint me."
What followed after that was complete estrangement. Chu Wanning sent him away repeatedly. And Mo Ran complied every single time. Always making sure that Shi Mei was safe and sound before he decided to help Chu Wanning. In the end, Chu Wanning broke his spiritual core and lost his cultivation.
Mo Ran put Shi Mei ahead of Chu Wanning and the whole mortal realm.
Chu Wanning put the whole mortal realm before anything or anyone else.
He often called Chu Wanning selfish. If Chu Wanning was selfish, what was he?
He was exactly what Xue Meng called him last time. A fucking piece of trash.
Mo Ran's face darkened. Could he blame Chu Wanning for wanting to get away from him? He could not. If he were Chu Wanning… he might just whip the insolent disciple to death the first day he was reborn… It was just natural if Chu Wanning grew to hate him.
Mo Ran's sight became blurry from tears again. He wiped at them before they fell.
"Oooooh, who is this?"
Mo Ran looked up and saw a bunch of ghost soldiers approaching Chu Wanning. The latter furrowed his brows at them but said nothing. He stepped aside to continue walking, but the ghost soldiers blocked his path.
Mo Ran rushed toward Chu Wanning and pulled him behind himself.
"What do you want?" He scowled at the group of ghost soldiers.
The leader stepped forward and smiled.
"The Fourth Ghost King likes to collect beauties. The man behind you might just be good enough to serve him. Get lost, little ghost."
Mo Ran retreated with Chu Wanning behind him. Chu Wanning put a hand on Mo Ran's shoulder.
"Mo Ran, go back to Chu Xun. I can protect myself."
Mo Ran shook his head.
"No."
Chu Wanning pushed Mo Ran aside.
"Listen to me. Go back."
The surrounding ghost soldiers started to cackle.
"Yes, little ghost. Go back. Leave your friend with us. We will clean him up and make him presentable for the Fourth Ghost King. If he conducts himself well, he might just be able to escape samsara and become the Ghost King's next concubine, HAHAHAAHAH!!!"
Mo Ran's eyes darkened.
The hell? Who were they referring to as concubine? Chu Wanning? They wanted to give his Chu Wanning to the Fourth Ghost King???
The leader reached out to grab Chu Wanning's shoulder. Mo Ran smacked his arm away and shouted, "Get your dirty hands off him!"
The ghost soldiers stopped laughing. They straightened their posture and encircled Mo Ran and Chu Wanning.
"You little brat," one of them spoke, "who the hell do you think you are? So what if we want to touch him? Those who the Fourth Ghost King does not favor will be left for his soldiers to take home. Should that happen to him, I will make sure to grab him first."
The soldier reached out for Chu Wanning. Before he even touched a single hair of his, Mo Ran shoved hard at him. The ghost toppled backward. His eyes turned red from fury.
"YOU BRAT!"
Mo Ran grabbed Chu Wanning's wrist and broke through the soldiers forcefully.
"DON'T RUN! YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ESCAPE!!!"
The leader threw out a red rope toward Mo Ran and Chu Wanning. The rope wrapped itself around their bodies. Mo Ran and Chu Wanning ended up falling to the ground amidst the ghost soldiers' laughter.
Chu Wanning hissed at the stubborn disciple next to him.
"Mo Ran. Go already. I cannot fight them back. I broke my spiritual core, remember?"
Mo Ran turned his head at Chu Wanning.
"I will fight."
"..."
Chu Wanning ignored Mo Ran and addressed the ghost soldiers directly.
"If you want to take me, go ahead but release him."
The ghost soldier whom Mo Ran pushed sneered at him.
"You are the beauty but now that I look at it more carefully, your little friend is also quite a beauty. Maybe we should just take the both of you."
"No!" Chu Wanning shouted in a sharp tone. "He must be released!"
Mo Ran stared at Chu Wanning. Did he not want to sever all relations with him? Why did Chu Wanning care so much whether he was captured by the Fourth Ghost King or not?
-"You can go back to the living realm with a clear conscience."
-"You don't belong here. Go back to the mortal realm now."
-"Get lost."
-"Mo Ran, go back now."
-"Mo Ran...!!!"
Chu Wanning's desperate face when he was mending the Heavenly Rift overlapped with Chu Wanning's current anguished face.
Why did Chu Wanning keep sending him away?
Why did he not just ignore him completely?
Mo Ran's throat went dry when the realization dawned on him. Of course. It was clear from the very beginning. He was too blind to see it. He thought that Xue Meng worshipped the wrong deity. He thought that Shi Mei was unlucky to have Chu Wanning as his Shizun. But had he ever once wondered if he was wrong? Had he ever once thought about Chu Wanning?
His cold, heartless shizun, who he blamed over and over again for not caring about his own disciples... He just wanted Mo Ran to be safe, didn't he...?
Mo Ran did not hear what Chu Wanning said to the ghost soldier, but the latter ended up losing his temper. He grabbed for the whip at his waist belt and hurled it against Chu Wanning. Unable to dodge, Chu Wanning merely closed his eyes in resignation.
The whip never landed on him.
Instead, someone threw himself between him and the ghost soldier and took the full force of the whip. Blood droplets spurted out and some of them splashed onto Chu Wanning's face. Chu Wanning opened his eyes in shock.
Mo Ran's warm body slumped against him. Chu Wanning glanced up and saw that the whip that the ghost soldier used was full of spiky thorns. It tore through Mo Ran's back easily, ripping the flesh apart and drawing blood out. A trail of blood ran from Mo Ran's back to the coiling thorny vine on the ground. Mo Ran's back was a mess after only one hit. The smell of fresh blood permeated the air.
"S-Shizun..." Mo Ran spoke with a hoarse voice.
Mo Ran's tears started to fall again. Chu Wanning stared at Mo Ran in a daze. He was so close that Chu Wanning felt his breath against his face.
"I am not truly... deficient by nature and beyond remedy."
"Shizun, please don't send me away again..."