Not all around here were new. The landlord told me this flat had been passed down the hands of many before me. But it was spacious and functional, so I just grabbed it. Hindi naman kasi naging madali ang buhay matapos 'kong lumayas sa bahay na 'yon. Well, the foster system never worked for me.
Pinagmasdan ko ang paligid ko—mula sa walang buhay na pader hanggang sa mga kagamitang walang kwenta.
"Sa wakas," pabagsak akong humiga sa sofa. Kung hindi lang luma at matigas ang hinihigaan ko, agad akong makakatulog.
"Eight o'clock."
Gabi na. Kailangan kong matulog agad dahil marami pa akong trabaho bukas. If only I was rich, I wouldn't have to work everyday just to survive and feed my monstrous stomach.
But this is the life you chose, Heroinne.
Tumungo na ako sa banyo at nasa kalagitnaan ng paghihilamos nang may marinig akong kalabog galing sa kusina. Umakyat ang pagkaalerto sa katawan ko.
Mag-isa lang rin akong nakatira dito.
Kaya't ano yun? Walang pag-aalinlangan akong dumiretso sa pinagmulan ng ingay. It was dark and I couldn't really see anything. I'm still hearing small noises, though. Quickly, I switched the lights on.
That was when I saw the crumbs of cookies scattered on the kitchen floor. Right then, I knew it was just him.
"Meow~"
"You little jerk," I cussed.
Kahit kailan talaga hindi niya tinitigilan ang mga cookies ko. Natumba niya yung jar at nagkalat nanaman. I don't understand what's wrong with him. He's a cat yet he eats almost anything, kahit yung mga specifics na bawal talaga sa mga pusa—like these chocolate cookies.
Patay gutom talaga ang pusang ito. Dumadagdag pa sa gastusin ko ang pambili ng pagkain ni Chase. But it's fine, he's ever the only family I have around.
He purred as he rubbed himself around my legs. I couldn't help but be awed. Groaning, I began picking and cleaning up the mess he made.
"When will you ever stop messing around my food, Chase?" as if ignoring my rant, he licked his paws.
I rolled my eyes, "Whatever."
Hindi ko maisip kung gaano kahirap mag-alaga ng isang pusang katulad ni Chase. Sabi nga nila, malas daw ang mga purong itim na pusa katulad niya. 'Di na ako magtataka kung bakit napakakomplikado ng pusa ko. But I really wouldn't complain if it's Chase we're talking about.
Something is special with this cat except for his shiny black coat and strikingly purple eyes. Despite his moody attitude, we've had this strange connection that made me feel less lonely and tolerable.
Growing up, I wasn't exactly a fit in the world. It's what you get if you're haunted—haunted by a tragedy that made its mark onto your life.
And the little jerk had always been by my side ever since my grandmother died.
Nakatingala ako sa buwan, ramdam ko ang malamig na ihip ng hangin sa maliit na balkonahe ko. Kasalukuyan akong umiinom ng kape habang ninanamnam ang gabi.
"Ang ganda ng buwan, hindi ba?"
Sa dulo ng isipan ko, tila narinig ko muli ang boses ni lola mula sa mga alaalang hindi na maaring ibalik pa.
"Oo nga, lola. The moon is as beautiful as you were," bulong ko.
Right then, I heard the familiar purr. Chase was here. Swiftly, he jumped on the marble top of my table and just sat there. A smile made its way up to my lips and I softly rubbed his nape.
"Keeping me company, aren't you?" his purr got louder.
Napatingin ako muli sa puting buwan. Isang malaking buntong-hininga ang inilabas ko at pumikit.
March 23, 2013. You and I, we were at your tavern in the woods.
"Gram'ma?" like now, we were just lovingly gazing up the moon. "Ano kayang itsura ng buwan kapag nakarating na tayo doon?"
As a kid you knew I didn't know anything about our universe. But you gave me that amused look in your eyes and said, "Well, my great grandmother used to tell me a story about the moon."
As a child, I excitedly rolled over and rested my chin on my palms. I was anticipating another story from you. You had no idea how much I loved them.
"Listen, dear. The moon may seem plain from afar—a lone and cold body floating in the emptiness of the night. But if the goddess granted you visit to her moon, it would be a trip to a beautiful paradise—a place full of wonder and magic." I could still remember the awe and sincerity in your eyes.
"Like a palace of unicorns? And princesses? And rainbows? Marami bang cookies doon?"
Silly, natawa ka sa sinabi ko at sinimulan akong kilitiin. "Yes, dear, maraming cookies doon kaya't halika na! Bumalik na tayo sa loob dahil galit ang moon goddess sa mga batang hindi maagang natutulog!"
Wala rin akong alam na ang gabing 'yon na pala ang huling beses na makakasama kita, Gram'ma.
Suddenly, I felt something on my cheek. I opened my eyes and saw Chase licking me. "Hey, it's okay I'm fine."
Hindi pa rin siya tumitigil sa pagdila kaya't naisipan ko ng tumayo at bumalik sa loob. Lumamig na rin naman ang kape ko.
Napatingin ako sa repleksyon ng salamin. Mukha na akong bangkay sa katawan kong ito. Napakahaba ng kulot kong buhok at walang buhay ang kutis ko. My attention shifted to the eyes of that being in the mirror. Dark. Shady. Empty. The eyes of a human ridden of life and soul. Me.
Bigla akong nakaramdam ng paghigpit sa dibdib ko at napaatras hanggang sa 'di ko namalayan, bumagsak ako sa kama. Ramdam ko muli ang sakit habang paulit-ulit na lumilitaw ang mga imahe sa isipan ko.
The flashes were coming back.
The hollow eyes of that man—the man who stabbed my grandmother mercilessly. Hindi ko mapigilang umungol at mamaluktot sa sakit na nararamdaman ko, both emotionally and physically.
It hurts to know that I couldn't help her. I was just right there, hiding in plain sight while she was struggling with death himself.
I couldn't do anything. I couldn't.
"I'm s-sorry, I'm sorry..." Please, stop. Ayoko nang maalala pa.
My sight was blurred with tears and my breath hitched in my throat. Suddenly, there was a small figure of black that appeared on my bed. But despite the shadows dimming over him, his purple orbs caught mine. They seemed to glow brighter as if lulling me into the depths of their own. We kept staring into each others' eyes as I felt my energy dissolving like mist slowly fading off into the air.
But there sure was one thought in my head before everything else went black.
This is me. Heroinne Valentine, haunted by a tragedy that made its mark onto my life.
Unfortunately, it wasn't even ending there.