Ladar wished he had someone to talk to in moments like these. He remembered his best friend, Nathan. He met Nathan in science class when he was 15. Nathan had natural charisma, which was the opposite of Ladar. Ladar wasn't completely awkward but had difficulties making friends because he was scared they would find out about his secret at home.
One of Ladar's fond memories of Nathan is when Nathan convinces Ladar to hide behind the lab bench. He pulled out some snacks from his bag and said, "here, have some!" Ladar was confused with why Nathan had a whole ass grocery store in his bag and how he got convinced to do something so stupid? The teacher began the roll call, "is Nathan here? I know I saw him in the hall. Does anyone know? … Well, I'll have to call his parents because he skipped class today." Nathan jumped up from behind the lab desk, "OBVIOUSLY, I'm right here!" Everyone turned around and started to laugh. Why is that obvious? And why is he angry like he was in the right? The teacher looked shocked, "get to your seat and no more stunts."
Nathan left and sat at his desk… meanwhile, Ladar was still figuring out how to get out of this mess. He hasn't one to break the rules or stand out, but now he has to make it to his seat. Ladar crawled towards his desk and accidentally bumped into a chair, which caused a racked. As the teacher looked up from his attendance sheet, Nathan jumped up and yelled, "if I don't go to the bathroom, I might pee in the trash can!" Ladar noticed that Nathan caused a scene to distract the teacher so he wouldn't get caught. He learned that Nathan was loyal, kind, and a bit… crazy. But as Nathan liked to say, "Normal people are boring."
Ladar and Nathan's friendship grew. Ladar would tell him about the problematic situation at home, although not in extreme detail. Nathan's cat had babies, so he gave one to him, "I hope this kitten will make you feel less alone like my cat does." Ladar was excited to have someone to care about and swore to treat it better than his mother ever treated him. He knew who he didn't want to be and focused on being his mother's opposite.
After a while, Ladar finally felt comfortable enough to invite his friend over. They went to Ladar's house during lunch which is when his mother was still either drugged and sleeping or out somewhere. When they got to the apartment, he showed Nathan his room. Nathan looked around and asked, "where are all your furniture and stuff?" Ladar's room only had a nightstand, an alarm, and a bed. Most of the posters and games he would buy would be sold by his mother. It was an empty room…but he was still excited to show Nathan. Ladar replied in a timid voice, "I've got a window."
Nathan ignored the comment and pulled out a NintendoSwitch to show Ladar, "here, why don't you try playing a game?" Time flew by as they were chatting, laughing, and at one point wrestling the Switch out of the other person's hand. Nathan was winning this tug of war, so Ladar kissed Nathan's cheek which shocked him into letting go of the Switch. Ladar wasn't sure why he did that either, but now wasn't the time to be dwelling on it. The door had swung open, and Ladar's mother walked in to see his son on top of Nathan. With a grin, she spoke, "so you make 'those kinds' of friends?"
Ladar felt embarrassed and didn't say anything. Nathan yelled, "duh! I'm his best friend. Who's this lady? Is she your older sister?" Most people thought that because Ladar's mother had him when she was very young. Nathan probably wouldn't have spoken so rudely if he knew that "lady" was actually Ladar's mother. Ladar pulled Nathan by the arm and ran out the door. He didn't want to mix these two worlds: the terror he felt at home colliding with the safety he felt with his friend.
When Ladar returned later that day, his mother and a man were sitting on the couch looking at the door. The man gave her a small packet as she walked towards Ladar. "My beloved son," she said as Ladar shivered, "let me introduce someone." She guided both of them towards Ladar's room. "Listen carefully, my lovely son; you are old enough. I even saw you entertaining your friend today. So, make sure to entertain our guest, okay?" Ladar's mother walked out of the room and closed the door…
Ladar shook his head to avoid that memory. He realized that he hadn't talked to Nathan ever since that night. He felt too ashamed and dirty to be friends with such a kind soul like Nathan.
Ladar kicked his feet as he sat on the swing in the park. He heard in the distance a man arguing on the phone. He couldn't hear the exact words, but his tone seemed to suggest he was angry. The man hung up and left the park. However, 3 minutes later, a car sped past the park and fired shots. Ladar jumped onto the ground, thinking the gunshots would miss him, but he was wounded in his abdomen before hitting the floor. The car sped away as Ladar's heartbeat so loudly he could feel it through his chest. A sharp and burning pain spread throughout his body. Ladar tried to get up, but his legs gave out. He began to whimper because he was trying to hold back his tears. He wasn't holding back his tears because he wanted to be strong but because he always did that whenever he fought his mother. That is what he was conditioned to do; "Never show your emotions, or she will win."