Gasping for air and eyes blurred with tears, Shin cursed the gods as he is forced to apologize after getting his ass beated. The mocking laugher of the deliquents echoing in his ears, bringing forwards all the anger, pain and desperation he had buried for the last twelve years to the front but it didn't change anything.
He was still the same loser he had always been.
"Listen! From today on, you belong to Sheep." Yamamoto said, blowing smoke into Shin's face. "You better cooperate if you want to live, trash. If you try another stunt like this I will not be so merciful with you punks."
"Yes, sir." Akira was forced to say, gritting his teeth in frustration or pain. Shin didn't know, but he could feel the guilt radiating from his friend.
Shin ached for Akira, wanting to tell him that it wasn't his fault. That it had been just a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time but… that was a lie. It hadn't been a coincidence. It had been a malicious ambush to get fresh meat. But it wasn't Akira's fault. They all five had decided to go along with it; all of five of them had been too stupid to understand just how dangerous mixing with gangs was really like.
Trying to be delinquents because it looked 'cool.' Really, they were stupid at his age. Although, Shin laughed bitterly, what was new with fifteen years old being stupid? Teenagers were just dumb and often did 'brave' things to proof they were men.
This was like that.
It was an honest, stupid mistake that children their age did all the time; fighting people they shouldn't. Except they had walked right into the wolf's mouth and now there wasn't a way out.
As Yamamoto and his people left, Shin couldn't help but continue crying in frustration. Why show him this? Why make him relive the first worst day of his live? Why shove all his mistakes and regrets on his face when he was already dead?
What kind of God did this to someoeme?
What had Shin done to deserve this?
***
Hanging with Shiki gave me a glimpse of how this new life of mine was going to be; one of violence and abuse. A life where if you weren't the King, you were the slave. The strong ruled and the weak were trampled on.
Showing fear wasn't allowed, any weakness would be spotted and used. Respect was not inherent, it had to be gained. Cordiality was for the ones at the top, kindness was not seen so you shouldn't expect it.
The difference between Shiki and the guys in Sheep was eye-opening; it made wonder why my dumb ass of sixteen had ever wanted to be a gangster. It also made me incredibly thankful that I had been a pussy back then and never actually tried, because I was sure I would have ended up crushed.
Using Shin's advice to Naoto «Courage and determination», I faced the challenges with my chin up. Thankfully the real Tenka knew how to fight because if he hadn't then the first week at Ragnarok would have been completely different.
Attacked from the get go, I now associated white jackets with violence and hated the colour with burning passion. Anyone who dared to get too close got punched in the face. I fought dirty and had no contemplations about hurting the older teenagers.
A week of hell later, bleeding and panting, I sat on one of the 'thrones' of the arcade, the one at the right to where Shiki was sitting. Rising through the ranks that quickly was unusual but when everyone tried to beat you up, you got thrown into bigger opponents as the flies hit the ground.
A week and I had become number three.
"Wanna try for number two?" Shiki asked, gesturing with the hand that had 'death' on it. The bastard was so obviously amused that I almost took the offer, even if I lost, the opportunity to punch his smug smirk would be worth it.
But my arm disagreed, the burning of the dislocated shoulder reminding me that I stood no chance.
"Fuck off." I sighed, closing my eyes and resting my head on the rusty cushions. "Why do you even want to fight? It's not like I have any interest in Ragnarok beyond killing Lupe…"
"Because it's fun," Shiki pipped, a pinch of hysteria permeating his laugh. I never noticed in the anime but he sounds like he's always high. Or having the most fun at every moment, maybe that is… he knows more than the rest, so maybe he finds amusing how well he and Kazuo can play us. "Don't be a bore, Ten-ka"
"Shiki-kun… I'm sorry to tell you this but you don't interest me in the slightest." I said, feeling not sorry at all. "In fact, I find you quite unappealing."
Shiki chuckled, unbothered.
"Aa, I guess no one can compete against the Big Bad Wolf."
"Not really, no." Isn't that the truth? Osamu is the true protagonist of this story, everything revolves around him.
"Wanna help with that arm?" Shiki asked after a few seconds of companionable silence, I cracked an eye open. He seemed sincere. And well, I did need to put my shoulder back in place. "Sure."
He got up and I moved accordingly, allowing him to put his hands on my arm and shoulder. A moment later I was screaming; this body could handle pain better than my old one, sure. But that didn't mean I was less vocal about it.
"There, back in its place."
"Ugh, thanks."
"Which of my boys did that?"
"Don't know his name but had a tattoo on his face…"
"Ah, Sho." Shiki hummed, pleased. Asshole. "Now that you're number three, we can start putting your brigade in place. Have anyone in mind?"
"... not really." I admitted, "There's one person I would like but I doubt he would be interested. He's still inside Sheep, after all."
"Huh? What's his name?"
"Ryuji Masaru."
I guess that dropping his name will make things easier when he comes to join, although it's a bet with god at this point. Trusting Shin to not fuck us off is dificult but necesary, he's the one that can time-travel and even if I have to kill Hina myself, he will be getting back so he can fix this nutshell we call life.
"Oh, were you good friends?"
"Something like that." I said, evasive. Mostly because while I was sure the real Tenka and Masaru had been friends, I didn't know much of their relationship. Just that Tenka took the blame and Masaru sent him letters… letters I don't remember.
"Ah, I see." Shiki said suddenly, laughing like a loon.
I glanced at him with a frown, confused by the weird reaction. "What do ya mean?"
"I didn't know you swung that way." Shiki continued to laugh, covering his mouth with the hand that had a big scar on it. "Although, maybe I should have. You're too pretty."
My face exploded when I understood what he was talking about, "Wha—I don't!"
Except I kinda was, I mean I liked boys and I was now a boy so that made me gay. I shut my mouth, mortified at my own stupidity. Sometimes I still forgot I was not a girl anymore but this was too important for that kind of mistake, especially in this kind of place.
"Easy, I don't mind." Shiki tried to be nice but it ended up sounding condescending, my face grew hotter.
"Well, if you think I'm pretty I would think not." I growled back.
"Nah, even a man who went crazy on girls would notice you're pretty, Ten-ka." He mocked, before admitting. "But you're not off, I find both genders appealing. Unfortunately for you, I already have someone in my heart."
"You wish you had a chance," I made a disgusted face.
Considering what I know, Shiki is probably talking about Kazuo and that's just *Bleh*. I never understood how some people found him attractive, he's ugly, malicious and obsessive. Nothing attractive about him, at all.
Fortunately, Shiki just snorted and the subject died there. Sighing, I stood up. "I'm going to bed. If anyone bothers me, I will kill them."
"Sleep well~" The bastard singsong-ed.
I made a rude gesture, walking to the back of the arcade. It was a little, dirty room that once upon a time was a storage but that now served as my room. Even if the lack of privacy was annoying, it was still better than the streets. And at some level I could understand why this place, Kazuo may need me but I was also someone to watch out for. Especially if you considered that he thought I wasn't right in the head.
Taking some pain pills that I stole yesterday, I pop two on my mouth. Sitting down in the old matters and resting my back on the wall, I allowed myself to think about the future. It was still too early for me to tell where in the timeline exactly I was, the date: 17/07/2005 doing nothing for me as I put zero attention to dates while watching this.
The only one that meant something was 3/08/2005.
The night of the fight against Ojars.
The night Drake was going to die. (Or be injured, if Shin had his way.)
The thing was that I couldn't do anything about that, not if I wanted to keep the story in place. Getting in the middle of that could easily cost the lives of the people I least wanted to die, because Shiki was not above killing and the Sheep would drown in chaos if I dared to show my face during the shutdown with the bastards that were at fault for taking Naoki away.
I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration, "Fucking plot."
Also fuck my hair, it was too long and boring. I needed to do something about it, everyone knew you needed style in this life and that's why most delinquents were sporting the most ridiculous outfit or hairstyle, sometimes both at the same time.
I had a great tattoo so I just needed to find a hairstyle that would look good and not the banana-yellow stripes that clashed with my beautiful eyes.
"Maybe I should cut it?" I wondered out-loud, "Keep it black but make it short enough that pushing it back would make it look cool? There's a haircut that does that, isn't there? I'm pretty sure it is… but I'm broke and a stylist is not cheap. At least not a good one. Hmm, I guess I could bully someone to get some cash…"
That kind of thought made me a little guilty but in the end it was just a part of my new life. Bullying should be easy in comparison to breaking bones and killing someone, but… well, I was a civilian until a few days ago.
I guess it will take some time for me to get accustomed to the worst parts of this: The part that doesn't care about if you're in a gang or not. The one that diferentes people like Lupe or Drake, and people like Kazuo and Shiku. Or Tanaka.
'Good and bad are concepts for people who live in the light.' Shaking my head, I pushed that train of thought away.
"Maybe I should also get an earring too…" The original Tenka had one, one that sounded like a bell when he moved if I remember correctly. "I guess I could get one like that. To show respect."
A memento for someone who died alone.
"I wonder… would you hate me for taking your life? Or would you be glad it is over?" Because someone who went from loving Osamu to wanting to kill him, he must be suffering quite a lot.
I wonder if the knowledge of having destroyed a friendship by doing something unforgivable was too heavy for him. I wonder if it will crush me when I have to face Lupe even if I wasn't the one that killed Naruhiko in the first place.