"So I can't help it," she added.
No words.
I cast her off and stood up as if to retreat.
"Why?!" I shouted, channeling all my bewilderment into one word. That was the only thing I could do.
"Everyone has a first time," replied Kira with girlishly pure eyes.
"But that's not how you go about it!"
"That's different for everyone."
"…do as you please as long as it's your own problem. But this time it's me that would have been your partner, you get that?"
"Yes, you are right, I don't know if I am able to satisfy you because it's my first time…," she's worried.
She had to be joking.
"Ah, but I'm positive that I will develop excellent skills the more we do it. You know that I'm a fast learner, right? Be it at school or at work."
However, Kira looked dead serious.
"That's not the problem!!"
When was the last time I had become that agitated? I couldn't remember. Thank you very much for this valuable experience, "Kira why are you always so… so reckless!"
"I am surprised myself."
"Don't act so unconcerned!"
"Someone once said that girls in love are invincible; there might be more truth to it than I thought. After all I do feel capable of anything right now," she nodded approvingly.
"Please, don't only think about yourself…" I let out a grand sigh. "In the first place, why are you doing this?...Why?" I asked.
**Sniffles..
Then as I stared at Kira I noticed her tears drip out of her eyes as she looked so sad in front of me.
What's with her?
"Wait, why are you the one... Who's crying? I'm the one who's confused here!" I snap, I couldn't suppress myself anymore.
*Sigh" Really what's wrong with you?!"
"Did I do something wrong, Satoro?" She whimper.
"Is it because I haven't been able to spend time with you?....." she paused. "I had no choice, suddenly my mother has become ill and I couldn't just leave her, I'm sorry."
What?..
"I felt bad about it too... That's why I'm doing that earlier, It was my apology to you." She rubbed her tears out of her face as she talk.
Then she stood as her usual diligent self and said: x
"Fine."
Huh? Fine..what?
"I won't talk to you until you're done being mad."
What the heck?
"I'm going to bed now,"
The hell is this? I can't understand her, Uhg! I can't hold back anymore.
"I've already got a ton of things going on my mind, And you're making things worse!" Shit I've done it.
Maybe this could be a reason for a break up, even if it's to early as what I planned, may be this is the right time to cut this one.
"Uhm.." She cover her mouth as she looked at me with a teary eyes.
*Hic...hic....hic*
"Huh? Why are you crying again?" she's really always crying, sigh.
"*Hic... I'm sorry...I just don't know why you're mad...."
"...And I have no idea how to make you feel better.... I just... I just don't know how else to make things up to you..." She burst in tears
"Wait, hold up, it's nothing to cry over."
I've never seen her cry like this...
"I don't know what to do anymore... Even if it's me who was the problem...."
"...I need to know what it is if I'm going to fix it."
Shit! Her face is too much, I can't get angry at her with her face like that.
I Sighed and, "Don't Cry.. I'm sorry.."
.."I don't know how to explain this but just calm down for now." I pat her head and she looked at me.
"Does that mean... We're going to do it?"
What?..
"You still haven't given up on that?"
"But I think it will feel good and I...I want you to have my first..."
I can't believe she's still talking about s*x in this situation... It's just so far from her actual self.
***
A few minutes after calming down, I break off the silence and directly asked: "So, tell me, Why are you doing this really, all of a sudden?..
"…I don't want to tell you," she averted her gaze to the side.
"You can't say that after dragging me in like that, can you? I have the right to know."
"I don't care."
"Don't be such a child."
"I bet you see me as some kind of slut now!"
Kira pursed her lips.
She was now sounding queerly like a precocious little girl. Where did the bewitching girl go that seduced me?
"Fine! I won't ask anymore if you don't want to tell me."
I thought there was no use questioning her in that thickheaded state.
"…Do you really want me to tell you?"
"…Which is it now!"
Good heavens. As always she was hard to read.
Kira took a deep breath and made up her
mind.
"I'll be honest. It's because th-that Naruki told me that you've already done it with her..."
"..." I was silent, I couldn't say Anything, although I couldn't believe what I just heard from her, she seems serious.
"'Is it really true? That you two?.." She immediately added.
That Naruki, What the hell did she tell her?!
"Huh? Just because of that.."
There's no way right? I mean there's no way that shy guy would talk to a girl like Kira but...Well she have really changed, I guess.
"But still, you shouldn't believe what other people told you, she was just joking you know." I flick her forehead and she cares her forehead as if she was in pain, though I guess It really hurts.
"Really, she's just joking?"
She squinted at my eyes as if to peek into my heart
"Did you really not did it. If you did it with her then you could also do that to me!"
"Ugh!" She groaned after I flicked her forehead for another time.
"I told you we didn't. Forgot what she said, she's just joking." But really, Why would Naruki told her that? Kinda confusing...
"Then ..Satoro, are you not happy if I call you by your name Like she does? I mean..."
"Call me whatever you like."
" Heheheh.." She smiles brightly, "But you know, I like you, Satoro, even if you are cruel and mean to me," laughed Kira while brushing her hair. It was a gorgeous demeanor. "How can I explain it…? It is just so enjoyable to be with you."
She carefully chose her words, which made me realize that she was trying her utmost to convey her feelings precisely.
"You could say that we are… trying to outdo each other? Our conversation feel so exciting and enjoyable to me because they're unpredictable."
"Huh? what's so exciting about us? Me yelling at you?"
"WelI, fighting is one of the couples do from time to time, heheh I feel like we're becoming more like a husband and wife.."
Her words silenced me, and caused me to stare at her. I was struck by surprise that she think of our relationship like that.
Strong sympathy can change ridiculously easily into a sense of closeness.
Indeed, at that very instant, Kira became..
"When I imagined how stimulating every day would become if I went out with you, I realized that you had to be my destined partner. So I did not really need to hesitate. You are the one I deemed destined for me; I wanted you to have my first time."
To make matters worse, she looked even more attractive now that I had become conscious of her. I've heard subjectivity incorporates a function that applies a filter to the brain that makes you interpret things in your favor.
"I didn't know I was so bold." she leaned close to me and gently hugged me.
"And I wish I didn't know that you were so sharp tongued."
I shrugged extensively for show. Of course, I was not at all composed. It was quite the contrary: I was disturbed. You could say that I had a hard time dealing with the radical change of my feelings.
I had previously regarded any situation objectively with the utmost effort in order to bear up against Kira and her staggering presence. Otherwise I would have fallen victim to her charm like everyone else.
However, now that subjectivity had mixed into my view, I couldn't remain calm anymore. My awakened instincts told me to savor the defenseless fruit before my eyes.
"I'm leaving."
This time I seriously had to leave or I would end up loathing myself.
"Don't you want to check?"
I heard Kira's voice behind me when I was walking towards the living room door.
"Check what?"
"—Whether it really would have been my first time or not." Huh? The hell's wrong with her today?
I felt the urge to turn around, but I chose to remain on course.
She would have surely shown me a devilish smile that very much met my preference and ruined my newly gained determination.
"Please forget what happened today. I wasn't myself."
"I don't want to," she declared.
"It's in both our interests."
"It's a valuable memory of the 'destined partner' I finally found."
"I'm stunned that you can use that phrase so carelessly. Say that again in ten years."
"I am not using the word carelessly. Didn't you know that every girl is searching for her 'destined partner' from the moment she is born?"
"Well, my sympathies for all the trouble."
With that parting shot I opened the door. In that instant, I heard footsteps rushing towards me resounding on the flooring.
"Are you really leaving me?"
…No use using such lonely words.
"Of course."
"Even though I want you to stay so much?"
…No use using such pleading words.
"Well, I want to go home as fast as possible."
"You really are hard to deal with, Satoro," she said, sighing.
I spontaneously turned around and glared at her. "You're the last person I want to hear that from!"
Kira laughed heartily at seeing my unwilling attitude.
…Please, let me go already.
"Goodbye."
"Be seeing you."
Even though I intentionally stomped on the floor to express my bad temper, I happened to see her sad and weak wave goodbye. It would be a lie to say that I didn't feel anything while closing the front door.