I realised something very important while escaping from the multitude of utensils the furious gardener tried to catch me with.
First, creating such a gargantuan garden wasn't advantageous for small people. Back in the days, I could change size at will, so I never cared for *others*.
Second, if there really were some weakspots in the blueprints so easily found, I'd have discovered and remediated them long ago. "Death to the impostor! Torture to the insultor!"
The thought filled me with satisfaction as well as unrest. I wasn't sure which feeling was dominant. Plus, I couldn't quite decide what to make of my perfectionist genius.
Meanwhile, the gardener sheared away at some Fire-Beak Tulips, with consequences. The blunder made the automation fall back, buying me some precious seconds to further the distance between us.
I grinned. "Naturally," I told the giggling youth riding me atop my head, "gardeners aren't supposed to damage the garden left in their care." "Death to the impostor! Torture to the insultor!"
"Ehhhiiiihhiii~." "Doing so will spawn an error in their artificial logic that they wouldn't easily—" Booom!!! Escaping into the habitat of some unamused Hellfire Roses, I saved our hide just in time.
"What the—oh, fuck. The darn Eastern Garden's Central Node!" Using hard-coded instructions against the gardeners was now officially off the table. "Death to the impostor!
Torture to the insultor!" "Ehhhiiiihhiii~. Ehhhiiiihhiii~." "We're in hot waters and you're laughing your ass off?" I couldn't quite believe her audacity.
Even less so since whenever she was excited, certain sequels would come around I wasn't absolutely prepared for in this situation.
"Makes me hope I have the time..." On that note... as an immortal who potentially lives forever, I'd some rather strange relationship with time. "Death to the impostor! Torture to..." "Shut. It!"
Did I insult the primordial concept on a personal level or something? My wounds smelled burnt, cauterized.
Purging the damn dorns searing through my scales as best as I could in my hurry, I chose another route to follow.
Away from the fire-attuned herbs. As the Eastern Garden was divided between two particular fields, the Fire Filed and the Curse Field, my choice was no easy one.
This was entirely due to some practical considerations. It happened so often in the past that certain herbs wandered all over the place, growing where they absolutely weren't supposed to grow.
On a certain day when some invading fire-attributed herbs, the Frenzied Conquest Mushrooms, ruined the Ghostly Waterlilies in the Western Garden I went to such lengths to germinate, I pushed for this change.
Curse-attributed vegetation and fire-attributed vegetation didn't get along very well since they restrained themselves at every turn.
This led to healthy competition and no further invasion. "Come to think of it... can you please stop rubbing all over my horns?
I get shit as feedback no prophet in heaven and hell understands!" This wasn't exactly the full extent of what I wanted to tell the youth, obviously.
But with her exhausting curiosity, she didn't stop experimenting with my horns. Pulling at them, biting into them, drooling all over them, scratching, tearing... ripping out my precious fuzz.
"Death to the impostor! Torture to the insultor!" "Urgh..." Just how was I supposed to concentrate on a successful escape when the sensory inputs drove me crazy? Plus my ears... my poor, poor ears.
"Oh, shit. Curse-Riddled Bay Leaves... Just my rotten luck." Throughout the years, the layout had changed.
Not so much to become glaringly obvious, but enough to encounter certain herbs I truly had no interest stumbling upon.
These leaves, for example, had an uncanny tendency to sap strength from carbon-based lifeforms, therefore the name.
With the automaton certainly being silicon-based, I'd just increase my suffering. So I had to change the route again, take another small path leading who-knows-where.
"Death to the impostor! Torture to the insultor!" That one certainly wasn't in my memory, which didn't exactly fill me with relief.
At least, the lush vegetation I passed by turned out to constrain the gardener somewhat. I was gaining distance, I was—." Crack!
"Would've been too easy, no? What do you say, youth?" "Ehhhiiiihhiii~." I sighed in exasperation. "Don't you know other sounds except for this ehhhiii-whatever?"
"Bhihihihi!" This war, I was bound to lose. Just why I kept talking to her was another mystery beyond my meagre understanding.
If only I could ingest Spice's gift, there might be some enlightening information contained within that beggar's medal...
I suddenly hit my head on something, triggering me to look up and sigh once more, heavier and drawn-out this time.
"Cul-de-sac... In other words, a dead end. Splendid." Splendid too were the pine trees claiming this place.
Their official name was Disperser Pine, also called a mage's nightmare in jargon. They grew by consuming fluctuations, making it impossible to correctly cast any spell.
"Wait... wait! This... seems pretty welcome, hehe~." Picking up the youth from her favourite place atop my head, I placed her on the gently swaying grass.
With her tiny size, she was almost totally covered. Only her fuzzy ears and that fanning tail popped through.
Turning back to welcome that rabid gardener, I saw from the corner of my eyes that she was following feline instincts.
Like a scary predator on the hunt, she was holding completely still. Except for the tail and ears... "H-how cute..."
Yet my admiration was cut short by one hell of a dirt-besmeared, twigs-covered automaton. "Death to the impostor! Torture to..." "Yes. I understand. You're destined for the scrapper.
"Insult... insult... insult." Great, the gardener finally lost its connection to the Eastern Garden's Central Node!
If it disappeared here, the others trying to close in on me wouldn't notice. Probably not even the Central Node would realise its demise.
Just... "Upon closer look... sure you aren't some torturer? Or do you now torture plants if they don't grow as expected?"
I might have to catch up to the changes happening in my long absence. All the unexpected breakthroughs I could steal made my mouth water in anticipation.
Yet first, I had to scrap this abomination. Without injuring myself further. Because the clock was ticking.