Latest Update: June 25, 2023
Summary: Just because all those Mystery Squares popped up and started throwing random numbers and rules and stuff in Luffy's face didn't mean that he was gonna listen to them. (Gamer parody. Not a crackfic. I'm only half sorry for writing this.)
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13777231/1/What-s-HP-Does-it-taste-good
Word Count:62k
Chapters:11
X
The waves crashed onto solid land, again and again. It was so loud that I couldn't hear what Ace was saying unless I paid attention.
I was trying to stay focused –really, I was– but I wasn't able to. Instead of saying goodbye properly, my eyes were strapped to the mystery square that was floating in front of me.
It appeared out of nowhere… I think. Was the mystery square already around this morning?
"…"
"Luffy, you okay?"
I shook my head, ignoring the mystery square for now.
"I'm fine, Ace! I'll catch up to you in no time, ya hear?"
I could barely see his frown from where he was, down on his boat. He looked worried. "You sure? You didn't eat anything you weren't supposed to, right?"
Geez. That guy…
I stuck my tongue out at him, and he laughed. He waved at us, and my brother finally decided to leave– for real this time.
I could see his dinghy getting smaller and smaller. Soon enough, Ace was gone.
"…"
I bit my upper lip. He might have gotten a head start, but I swear I won't let him leave me in the dust!
DING!
I felt my eyes just about pop out of my head.
What the heck was that!
I whipped my head around to try to see where that noise came from, but no luck. Not only that, but Makino and the mayor were giving me weird looks now, too.
It took me a little longer to notice, but the mystery square finally did something.
…Well, not really. Before, it was just a strange floating thing that said "Loading" in the middle of it, but now, it said something different!
I squinted.
「[Main Menu]
Status
Inventory
Quests
Party」
"…"
I frowned. It's one thing when the mystery square just has the one word, but… isn't there just a little too much in front of me now? It's seriously distracting!
X
When I went to bed that night, I was annoyed.
Really, really annoyed.
I wanted to train properly, damn it! Ace would get too far ahead otherwise. The problem was this stupid… message that won't go away! How am I supposed to train if I can't see!?
No matter which way you put it, it was gibberish. "Main menu"? Was I supposed to order food or something? Was some sort of really fancy restaurant implanting their menu directly inside of my head?
Oh. Oh hoh. That sounded super cool, actually!
But then, how about "Party"? How can there be a party without any meat? Was there a party at the restaurant? Were they gonna have meat?
Ah. I'm hungry now.
"Give me a break…" I moaned, rolling over onto my side. "Help me out here, stupid–"
「[Help Menu]
Status Tutorial
Quests Tutorial
Party Tutorial
Options and Settings」
Hm? It went and changed again.
"What's that?" Seriously, what's with all these big words!? "Status… Tu…to…ri…al–"
Again, the moment I said it, the square changed again.
I didn't like this change at all.
"Wha–"
If the strange floating squares were annoying before, now they were actually blinding me. Instead of just one, I had a bunch of them squished next to each other making it so that I couldn't see anything else at all.
「Status: Open this menu with the (STATUS) voice command. The Status Menu allows the player to see his current skills and attributes presented numerically.」
Ah. I don't know what any of that means. "A-T-K"? "H-P"? Whatever. Who cares. I didn't bother reading the rest written beneath it, but I tried to look for anything that would help me make these stupid mystery squares go away.
Oh!
「Dismiss this menu with the (DISMISS) voice command.」
"Dismiss."
And just like that, it was all gone.
I grinned. With no annoying mystery squares blocking my vision, I closed my eyes and fell asleep soundly.
X
Standing on a pile of giant alligators, I couldn't stop my eyes from twitching.
Hey, hey! What's all this, then?
It's been a week now, and I haven't been able to get any stronger at all!
Was it because Ace was gone? I guess it'll be harder to train now that I don't have any good sparring partners anymore. These animals are a bunch of weaklings.
But at least they're tasty!
I shook my head. Aren't I forgetting the issue, here?
"Tche," I spat to the side. A tiger pounced on me from behind, but I barely noticed. I grabbed it over my shoulder and slammed it into the ground as an afterthought.
DING!
I froze.
「Level up!」
"What the hell is that supposed to mean!?" I yelled, throwing my hands into the air out of frustration. I thought this stupid thing was gone! Why did it come back, all of a sudden!?
I kicked the tiger's corpse to relieve some stress. Instead of flopping over like I had expected, it was vaulted off the ground and crashed into a tree.
"…"
I glared at my leg distrustfully.
Something was fishy. Mhm. Definitely fishy.
「Your status has been updated! Use the (STATUS) voice command to see these changes.」
I stared at the annoying square and waited.
…And waited.
It was gone again. Thank goodness.
Back to training!
「A new quest is now available!」
「[Getting Stronger: The 100 Floor Demon Pagoda]
A training montage fit for a Pirate King! Complete the dungeon to advance the story.」
「Unlocks: [Act 1: Romance Dawn]
Completion Rewards: [?] + [56 565 EXP]
Bonus Rewards: [?]」
「Time limit: 2Y : 364D : 23H : 59M : 58S」
「Begin now? [Yes/No]」
Hah… Maybe Ace was right and I did eat something strange today.
"There's no way I'm going to agree to something so suspicious! I don't have time for you right now!" I yelled at the mystery squares. I crossed my arms in front of me in an "X" shape.
BZZZT!
"Gah!?"
「The quest [Getting Stronger: The 100 Floor Demon Pagoda] is a mandatory quest. Please accept the quest to continue the story.」
Tch. As if I'd listen to you!
X
"Are you alright, Luffy? You seem tired."
Ah… my head hurts…
I dragged my head up from Makino's bar –which I had been using as a pillow– to look her in the eyes.
"Sorry, Makino."
She didn't say anything else, but she started to give me a funny look. It was a strange time of day –pretty late, but not late enough for the adults to come for drinks– so she and I were the only people here.
But seriously! I was tired. Whether my eyes were opened or closed, all I could see was that stupid mystery square. It wouldn't even go away when I said "Dismiss"!
I wasn't able to sleep last night because of it.
Gosh… I needed a drink.
"Ne… can I have a glass of juice? You can put it on my treasure tab."
She laughed at me and stepped away from the counter.
"Of course. Just give me a second. I think I have something you'd like back here…"
For a moment, I was alone at the bar.
「Begin now? [Yes/No]」
"…"
I clicked my tongue.
"Darn it! You better leave alone after this. Yes. I accept. 'Begin now'. Are you happy!?"
My vision went white.
X
Eh.
Eh?
I blinked.
I was in a strange room.
Did I pass out? Did Makino carry me somewhere? I don't recognize this place at all.
Everything around me looked so fancy… but it was definitely a different kind of fancy from the nobles from Goa. The walls were made of a decorated paper, and instead of planks of wood nailed together like Makino's bar, the floor here looked extra smooth and shiny.
A pressure washed over me.
「Skill created!
[Sense Danger] LV1 has been added to your Skill Page.」
"Who are you, and what are you doing in my room?"
I turned around and noticed the big club pointed at my face. It was held by a tall person wearing a strange mask. For whatever reason, they had chained cuffs around their wrists.
"…"
"…"
"You're really tall!"
The club hit me in the side of my face faster than I could react.
「[Rubber Body] has reduced blunt damage by 100%」
「HP: 3 880/3 880」
"Ouch!" I shouted out of habit. My body bounced off the floor and I grunted.
"…You don't even have a scratch on you."
"…"
The crazy giant person was staring at me with a tilted head. I glared right back.
「Skill created!
[Observe] LV1 has been added to your Skill Page.」
「Yamato, [The Beast's Child] (LV?)
HP:?」
Hm? Yamato? What's that, some sort of food?
Tall Guy lowered the club and asked again, "What do you think you'll accomplish here? Are you trying to slay me? My father?"
"Ehhhh?" I scrunched my nose. "I don't even know who you are, Tall Guy. Say, have you seen a Pa-do-ga anywhere?"
"…A pagoda, you mean?"
"Yeah, that."
Tall Guy looked uncomfortable for some reason. "You're currently inside of one. My chamber is on the top floor of the tallest pagoda on Onigashima."
Ah. Lucky!
I nodded. "Thanks! I just need to get to the bottom, then."
Tall Guy scoffed. "It won't be that easy, Whoever-You-Are. My father isn't so weak as to die to a boy."
"Hah?" I shouted. "Are you an idiot?"
"Who are you calling an idiot!?"
"I already told you, I don't know who you are, and I don't know your father either! I'm just trying to get out of here!"
"How did you get here in the first place?"
I laughed. "Not a clue! Shishishi…"
"Hm…" Tall Guy crossed his arms. "Whether you're here to kill my father or not–"
"I'm not!"
"–I'd say escaping is impossible either way."
"What!" I shouted. "Why?"
If Makino notices that I've disappeared, she'll be worried. Makino is scary when she gets worried.
Tall Guy jingled his chained cuffs in front of me. "Father has his beasts guarding each floor. They're ordered to kill anything that tries to get out of this room on sight."
My eyes popped out of my head. "Your dad's trying to kill you!?"
He turned away. "No… We just had another argument."
I narrowed my eyes. "…If you say so. Sounds like you've got a shitty dad, though."
Tall Guy nodded.
"Well… anyway," I turned around and grabbed the door, "see ya, Tall Guy! Thanks for the warning."
"…You're still going? Even after what I just told you?"
I nodded. "Of course! I can't just stay here, now can I?"
"…Good luck then."
I smiled and waved goodbye.
"Mm. Thanks."
X
"Stairs, stairs…"
I kept mumbling to myself while I looked for a way down to the next floor. Seriously, these hallways were way too big, and they all looked the same.
「[Sense Danger] Has activated.」
Eh? It's the same mystery square from earlier.
I moved just in time to dodge something that came batting right for my face. I didn't have my pipe on me, so I readied my fists.
It was a strange-looking wolf. It was big like the tigers back home and it had horns sticking out from the front of its head.
「Ogre Wolf (LV20)
HP:1 335/1 335」
I pouted. The mystery square was trying to tell me something. I can feel it.
That's it!
"You're the ogre wolf, right?"
It growled at me.
"Hah… so that means that all of those numbers must mean something too, right?"
It lunged at me, and I was almost caught off guard by how fast it was. I shot my leg backwards and let it stretch really far.
"Shishishi…"
Before it could touch me, I buried my foot in its chest. It wheezed and got sent flying into one of the walls, making the building tremble.
「Ogre Wolf (LV20)
HP:857/1 335」
Hm? The big number went down when I hit it, but the number next to its name didn't budge at all.
Hold on… H-P… I saw that before! When Tall Guy hit me!
Gah! That other number didn't change one bit, though!
The ogre wolf got up and charged again.
"You're annoying!"
I slammed my fist down on its head and it toppled over at my feet.
「Critical Hit!」
「Ogre Wolf (LV20)
HP:0/1 335」
「Enemy defeated!」
「+ 267 EXP」
So that's it? It loses when the bigger number drops to zero?
I still didn't know what all that other stuff was, but…
Could it be that the mystery squares were actually sort of useful?
I was caught off guard. Another ogre wolf just like the first one bit into my arm.
「HP: 3 245/3 880」
I hissed and tried to push it off. Its jaw was deceptively strong.
"Let go!"
I wrapped my rubbery arm around its neck and squeezed.
「Ogre Wolf (LV20)
HP:1 239/1 335」
And squeezed.
「Ogre Wolf (LV20)
HP:793/1 335」
And squeezed…
「Ogre Wolf (LV20)
HP:238/1 335」
Until I finally choked it out.
「Ogre Wolf (LV20)
HP:0/1 335」
「Enemy defeated!」
「+ 267 EXP」
"Grrrrr…"
Unfortunately for me, it had some more friends. Five more that I could see.
I laughed.
"Come at me, then!"
X
I was tired.
I don't know if it was because I was sort of already tired before I came here, but I could definitely feel myself slowing down. The ogre wolves weren't super strong, but they weren't exactly weaklings either. After fighting what must have been close to twenty of them now…
The big number that the mystery square had given me was almost halfway to zero.
"Do I seriously need to go through a hundred floors of these things?"
It could be a little tricky if I did. Hopefully, there wouldn't be as many ogre wolves as I made my way down.
"Grrr…"
Ah. Another one? It seemed to be alone, luckily.
I was starting to get a hang of these guys. When it lunged at me, it was easy to keep dodging and hitting it until I won.
「Level up!」
Hm?
It happened again. This was the same message that I got a few days ago when my leg was feeling weird.
I moved on, but I couldn't help but notice that it was much easier for me to move around. It was as if I wasn't hurt at all!
…Hold on, I don't see any scratches on my arm!
I planted my feet.
"…"
What was that one thing called, again? It had something to do with restaurants…
"Menu?" I tried.
「[Main Menu]
Status
Inventory
Quests
Party」
So I really could control the mystery squares by speaking to them. That first part, "status", is supposed to tell me a bunch of stuff, right?
"Status," I commanded.
「Monkey D. Luffy [Aspiring Pirate] LV18
EXP: 33/5162
HP: 4 110/4 110
WP: 659
ATK: 185
STA: 287
WIS: 27
AGI: 99
LUK: ?
[Skills]
Will of D (Passive): Significant boost to WP growth. Alters LUK modifiers for this character. (LV MAX)
Rubber Body (Passive): Significant boost to HP, ATK, STA growth. Immune to electric damage. Immune to blunt damage. [Haki] abilities are not affected by this skill. (LV MAX)
Devil's Mark (Debuff): Weak to [Sea] attribute. (LV MAX)
Sense Danger (Passive): This character can sense [poorly veiled] intent to harm. (LV 1)
Observe (Passive): This character can see the status of people and objects. (LV 1)」
I nodded to myself.
"…"
"….."
Yep. I didn't have any idea what any of this meant. The only clue I had was that the HP thingy was somehow connected to how hurt I was.
Not only was it full, but the number was bigger than it was before, too! Was it because of the "Level Up"?
I laughed again. "Whatever!"
I carried on until I found it.
"Stairs!"
I wasn't able to go down just yet. Some strange guy with horns was standing in front of them.
"Hey! Monster! Can ya let me through, please?"
「[Sense Danger] Has activated.」
「[Floor Boss] has been located!」
「Gate Ogre (LV20)
HP: 22 850/22 850」
Hm? He had the same sort of club as Tall Guy!
「[Rubber Body] has reduced blunt damage by 100%」
He hit me in the head and sent me crashing into the wall behind me. I didn't want to get hit twice, so I rolled away before he could.
"That isn't very nice, ya know! Cut it out!"
He wasn't listening at all.
"Gomu Gomu no…"
My arm shot back.
"Pistol!"
I think I was able to surprise the bastard a little bit. Even though I wasn't able to knock him down, he still grunted.
「Gate Ogre (LV20)
HP: 21 311/22 850」
Man, everything in this place is seriously tough! I can't believe somewhere like this was on Dawn Island this whole time. I gotta say, if I can keep fighting guys like this, maybe it won't be so bad without Ace after all!
This guy was pretty slow, so I was able to get a few more hits in before he could react.
「Gate Ogre (LV20)
HP: 20 428/22 850」
「Gate Ogre (LV20)
HP: 19 522/22 850」
「Gate Ogre (LV20)
HP: 18 323/22 850」
"Ah!"
Before I could land a kick in his face, he grabbed me out of the air.
"ROAAAAR!"
With his free hand, he slammed his club against the floor. The tip shattered, giving what was left a pointy edge.
My eyes widened. Hold on–
"Gergk…!"
I spat out blood. The pointy end of the broken club was stabbed into my stomach.
It went straight through me, but somehow I wasn't dead.
「Critical hit!」
「HP: 1 111/4 110」
「You are bleeding heavily (debuff)!
-10HP/s」
For a split second, I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything. I was shocked.
Then the broken club came down on me again, and I was forced to do something.
I had to. But I couldn't. I was stuck.
Luckily, this guy didn't stab me again.
He knocked the side of the club into my face. My neck stretched, and my head got sent flying waaaay back.
Heheh.
"Gomu Gomu no Kane!"
I brought my head back as quickly as possible and made it overshoot my shoulders. I headbutted the monster-guy as hard as I could.
「Gate Ogre (LV20)
HP: 16 754/22 850」
It roared and threw me at the ground. My vision was getting kind of blurry, but I grinned.
「HP: 1 101/4 110」
Thanks to my rubber body, I was able to steady myself quickly.
"Gomu Gomu no…"
I seriously needed to finish this as quickly as I could.
"Gatling!"
「Gate Ogre (LV20)
HP: 14 212/22 850」
My fists slammed into this guy's body over and over again. I hit as hard and fast as I could; I didn't want to give him any more openings.
「Gate Ogre (LV20)
HP: 10 747/22 850」
It was strange. Usually, something like this was suuuper tiring, but I didn't feel like I was slowing down at all!
「Gate Ogre (LV20)
HP: 7 576/22 850」
「Gate Ogre (LV20)
HP: 4 111/22 850」
「Gate Ogre (LV20)
HP: 2 576/22 850」
His twitching hand grabbed me by the arm faster than I noticed him move.
"Shi–"
SLAM!
I was thrown onto the ground again. It didn't hurt, obviously, but I couldn't gather enough energy to move, for some reason.
「HP: 791/4 110」
The monster was standing over me with his club raised. I wrapped my legs around his and tripped him.
「Gate Ogre (LV20)
HP: 1 003/22 850」
"And stay down for good!" I yelled. With whatever strength I had left, I forced myself to my feet. This time, I was the one standing over him.
"Gomu Gomu no…"
I poot a foot on his chest to keep him from moving too much, but also to help keep me steady. My arm stretched, twisting around itself over and over again.
"Rifle!"
My fist smacked the side of his jaw, and the monster's whole body cratered the floor.
「Gate Ogre (LV20)
HP: 0/22 850」
「Enemy defeated!」
「+ 2402 EXP」
「The [Floor Boss] has been slain.
Advance to the next level?
[Yes/No]」
"…"
「HP: 781/4 110」
「HP: 771/4 110」
I felt… really strange. Tired, but at the same time, not.
「HP: 621/4 110」
「HP: 611/4 110」
「HP: 601/4 110」
Oh yeah. I was bleeding a lot, wasn't I? I was stabbed right through the gut.
「HP: 411/4 110」
「HP: 401/4 110」
「HP: 391/4 110」
For whatever reason, it was easy for me to forget about that, and yet, the hole was still there.
「HP: 241/4 110」
「HP: 231/4 110」
「HP: 221/4 110」
No two ways about it: it was an issue whether it bothered me or not. But even so, I couldn't let that stop me here!
Even if I were to die… If I turned away from a challenge now, how could I ever hope to be the Pirate King?
「HP: 21/4 110」
「HP: 11/4 110」
「HP: 1/4 110」
"To the next floor!" I shouted.
「HP: 0/4 110」
The moment my foot touched the staircase, I whited out.
X
"Ugh…"
「You have cleared [1] levels of the 100 Floor Demon Pagoda!
Cooldown: 1H : 13M : 34S」
「After a good night's sleep, your health has been fully restored.」
Seriously… this thing again? That was one hell of a strange dream.
I sat up and stretched. Just to make sure, I patted my stomach.
Mhm. All there.
Time to train, then!
As I stepped out of the Bandit's Hut, I froze.
How did I get back here, again? I was at Makino's bar, until…
Ah. That must be it. I fell asleep, so she brought me back!
Shishishi…
Mm. I should drop by just in case she's upset.
I shivered.
I really hope she isn't upset.
X
"I hope you're ready to explain yourself, Luffy."
I gulped. She was definitely upset. I wasn't pushing myself too hard again, I promise!
I gave her a nervous smile. "Sorry, Makino! I kind of fell asleep– but I'm totally fine! Thanks for carrying me back, though!"
Makino frowned at me. She looked confused for some reason.
"Carry you back? What are you talking about? I went to get you a glass of juice, but you disappeared. I had no clue where you had run off to. I was worried sick."
I blinked.
What?
Could it be that it wasn't a...
「The 100 Floor Demon Pagoda can now be attempted!
You will now recommence the quest.」
Suddenly, just like the first time, I blanked out.
X
I was staring up at a now-familiar ceiling.
"Why am I here again!?"
「[Sense Danger] Has activated.」
"Who are– it's you!?"
Tall Guy lowered his club. I couldn't tell what face he was making because of his cool-looking mask.
"Hey there!" I greeted him with a smile. "Sorry, but I think I got lost again."
"'Lost'?" Tall Guy repeated slowly. "It's been close to a day, now. If you want to go down, you need to find the stairs."
I pouted.
"Yeah, but that strange monster guy stabbed me. Somehow, I ended up back here."
Tall Guy scratched the side of his mask. "…That, uh… what?"
"I'm just as confused as you are! Shishishi!"
"Well?" he asked. "Are you going to try again?"
I hummed. "Mhm! You said that's the only way to get out of here, right?"
A nod. "Yes."
"Then that's what I gotta do!" I propped my hands on my hips.
"…"
Tall Guy shifted.
"Is something wrong?" I asked.
"It's just…" he hesitated. "To me, you're a stranger that's broken into my bedroom twice now. I could be leading you into a trap, you know."
"Maybe," I agreed. "But somehow, you look like a dependable sort of guy! I'll trust you for now. Besides, that goes both ways! You're helping out a 'stranger' after all."
"…"
「You have gained 100 bond points with Yamato!」
「Your bond status with Yamato has changed from [distrustful] to [wary].」
Yamato… that name…
I saw it somewhere before, right?
Ah! Like the Ogre wolves and the monster guy could it be…
"Hey, Tall Guy, what's your name?"
He didn't answer me for a moment. Standing a little taller, he shouted proudly, "I am Kozuki Oden!"
Ah? Seriously? What the hell was a "Yamato" then!?
Too much! These mystery squares are kind of cool, but they're seriously too much for me!
"Mm. Thanks again, then, Oden. See ya!"
"…"
「You have gained 100 bond points with Yamato!」
X
I let out a satisfied sigh.
「Gate Ogre (LV20)
HP: 0/22 850」
「Enemy defeated!」
「+ 2402 EXP」
「Level up!」
I gotta say… that was much easier than the first time. I knew what to expect, so I was able to get by with nothing more than a few bumps and bruises.
「The [Floor Boss] has been slain.
Advance to the next level?
[Yes/No]」
I grinned.
Man… ninety-nine floors… this place is super big, huh? If Oden was serious about there being more of these beasts on every floor, then I'll have to try my best if I want to get by.
How exciting!
My stomach growled.
"…"
I wonder if I could find a kitchen, somewhere?
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13777231/1/What-s-HP-Does-it-taste-good