Latest Update:April 3, 2017
Summary: Humorous short letters to Bleach fanfiction authors: what the characters would say in response to common fanfic clichés. Canon universe, mostly. No non-canon pairings. Drabble series. Plus, how to improve your writing in ten easy lessons from the Shinigami Women's and Men's Associations.
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/8300491/1/
Word Count:60k
Chapters:107
Chapter 1 - Ichigo Kurosaki
Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors,
I just found your site, and frankly, it's disturbing. Why do half of your stories involve a romance between me and someone else? I mean, last I heard, this is a shounen manga. That means lots of fighting and me protecting shit.
Besides, I'm 17 and every other episode I'm busy saving the world. Plus I have homework. I don't have time for a girlfriend. Write about Byakuya and Hisana or Gin and Rangiku or someone. Sheesh!
OK, I can see you hooking me up with Rukia—she changed my life, and she's always there to knock some sense into me when I'm down. Plus, yeah, it was embarrassing having her sleep in my closet. (Have you ever tried to tell Rukia to stop doing something she wants to do? She's like a force of nature.) But she's not interested in me that way. We're friends.
Or Inoue—well, she's the idol of Karakura High; I've known her since middle school and she's become one of my best friends. But she's not interested in me that way either.
But… I just saw some of the most popular stories involve me and… Grimmjow? What the fuck is that? First of all, I'm not gay. And even if I were, the bastard wants to fight me, not have sex with me. He's a Hollow for crying out loud. They eat souls, remember?
And… this is the worst of all: me and Aizen. I mean, Aizen? Hello, he's the one who caused all these problems in the first place. My whole purpose is to defeat him. And… have you forgotten he's a mass murderer? What is wrong with you people?
Crazed Fangirl: Aizen-sama hasn't really killed anyone. Momo is still alive. Harribel is still alive. And all the captains he defeated are still alive.
Me: What about Gin? And, um, Central 46?
Crazed Fangirl: Oh. *deflates* Yeah. I forgot about them. But… he's still awesome.
Me: 'Forgot'? Excuse me? Anyone who's murdered at least forty-seven people is not what I'd call awesome. *shakes head* It's a good thing he's in prison where all the fangirls can't get at him. Who knows what he could manipulate them into doing?
Seriously, stop it. Just stop it.
Sincerely,
Ichigo Kurosaki
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/8300491/1/