Latest Update: May 27, 2023
Summary: When, at the age of 15 you learn that your parents were a talented mage and alchemist, what is the best thing to do? Drop out of high school and try your hand at the family profession. Now, over 19 years old, Naruto goes on a very ecchi journey. (This story uses the Naruto from Konoha Gakuen Den)
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13744917/1/Naruto-the-Perverted-Potion-Prankster
Word Count:233k
Chapters:102
Chapter 1 Pervy Mage
4 Ounces of Frozen Tadpoles
2 Freshly Squeezed Bat Livers
A handful of crushed Clam shells
The wishbone of a chicken, unbroken
Eggshells hatched under a full moon
9 Ounces of Dog saliva, taken from a bitch in heat
"Okay, got the base ready, gotta keep stirring until the mixture starts to take on a purple hue... and keep adding peppermint and hair into it after that as I stir it 6 times clockwise and 4 times counterclockwisie... heheheh... this is going to be great." A young man's voice stated to himself as he looked over the potion base that he was brewing. He had a jar that had a handful of tiny plant buds coming from the dirt in the jar, and he couldn't help himself but laugh wickedly as he thought about all the trouble he could cause people.
He was a tall young Japanese man.
At least, tall FOR a Japanese man standing at 180 cm tall, with a somewhat impressive build for a guy of his nationality. He had a lot of lean muscle, but it was toned to show he cared about his physical body. He had to take care of himself, since the ingredients he always got were some stuff that he couldn't afford so usually he would have to capture stuff himself.
He tossed golden hair into his potion as it turned the color that it was suppose to, golden hair that perfectly matched the hair on his head. It should match, since he cut his own hair short to make the potion. He was 17 years old, and he had bright blue eyes filled with a love of life itself.
"Come on... turn brown... start to turn brown." The young man chanted to himself as he saw the potion start to change into a scarlet color. "Damnit... it's not... note to self, don't use chicken wishbone, maybe I can see how... wormwood? Yeah, wormwood would be great for this. Still, I shouldn't let this go to waste... lets have some fun and freestyle!"
A potion was not meant to be wasted, and since he was experiencing with this anyway in making his own original potion, he might as well go full tilt and just have a blast doing it. He started to scribble down everything he was doing, and he looked around the room at his ingredients that he had access to.
He was Uzumaki Naruto.
Well, he was in Italy at the moment borrowing the lab of a recently deceased magician. So instead of Uzumaki Naruto, it would be more in line to say Naruto Uzumaki. He was a drop-out from his first year in high school, and after finding out his mother had been a mage and his father had been an alchemist, he decided that he would try his hand at studying the arts of magic as well. Thus, he looked up his parents old house that was left behind for him.
He sold it.
He sold the house, but he kept everything that was of personal value to his parents and might be worth it to him and stored it up. He needed the money after all, and though he was pretty much about to be broke, he was sure that he was close to a breakthrough. Sure, he had no formal education in magic, and he had only been studying it for 2 years by himself, but he liked to think that some of his pranks had gone off pretty well.
"Well... to be fair to myself, I haven't make a single potion that was useful for anything but pranks... but I DID make some money off selling that Fieri Potion." Naruto stated, since his discovering of that potion had been a complete fluke on his part. That was the reason why he started to document everything he did, because he had a horrible memory. If he made a potion, he would NEVER be able to make it again unless he documented everything that went into it the exact amount of ingredients used.
He had his notes from his parents, but it would seem his mother never had a formal education either so her notes were complicated to translate. His father DID have a formal education, but that made it even harder to translate those notes since they were written in Latin. That was why Naruto travelled to Europe, and then Italy, so he could see if he could learn the languages.
He was dumb though.
The Italians didn't speak Latin, they spoke Italian, which meant he learned English and Italian for no reason at all. He then had to find somebody who would teach him Latin, and that was a BITCH for him to find since it was rare for find a person who could fluently speak a dead language.
The scarlet potion turned a dark green when Naruto poured in sheep blood into the mix.
"OH! That is a new one, gotta-"
"Why, look at the blasphemy going on here."
"... Shit." Naruto stated as he turned around and saw the two who had been chasing him around all over Italy show their faces. He had been so taken by what he had been doing, that he didn't even pay attention to his surroundings at all.
Two girls.
Two very sexually dressed girls who were wearing the exorcist uniforms of the church, and though they were not under orders from the church to go after him, the church did get a donation from the Mage's School to take him into custody so that he could be punished for his crimes.
By the way, he was somewhat of a criminal.
"Hello Naruto, are you ready to give in... you won't be able to keep running forever you know. God will always have his eye on you." The blue haired girl stated as she looked at him. She had an athletic build, but with wide birthing hips and pretty large breasts. She was wielding a church issues, mass-produced holy sword, and her hair went down beyond her butt. Her hazel eyes gazed at Naruto with a friendly coldness, both friendly and cold.
Xenovia.
"Oh Lord, please lead this sinner into Heaven so he may-"
"-hey Irina, lets skip that today. What have I been charged with this time?" Naruto asked as he looked at the second girl.
She had a near exact match for her body as Xenovia, but with lond light orange hair done up in twin tails. Her hips were the same width as Xenovia, but her butt was a bit smaller. She was wielding the same standard issue sword. Apparently, the church didn't deem him enough of a threat to warrant the girls being allowed to use the normal swords they would use when they went hunting criminals.
Irina Shidou, fun fact was that she was from the same nation as him, the two of them being Japanese.
"Peeping in the local bathhouse-"
"Okay, guilty of that one. It's really hard to get the sweat of a virgin girl otherwise, not like I can go around asking for it." Naruto admitted to doing that. He snuck into the girl's bathhouse and used a potion to transform himself into Irina, because that was funny to him to use the form of his pursuers. "You've got great skin, by the way." Naruto gave her a thumbs up.
Irina blushed.
"-sexually mol-"
"NOT guilty, I did NOT molest that girl..." Naruto paused for a moment. "... The actions of my familiar are NOT my actions, and I will not be blamed for what my familiar does after I make my escape." Naruto added on, since he used a familiar to escape the girl. She was older than him, for starters, and she had been allied with the church as well. She was the girl who tried to get him before Xenovia and Irina, and she only had to fail once more she gave up and decided he wasn't worth it.
"Admittedly, the fact she tried to kill you, and you weren't the one who did the molesting will work in your favor. She acted out of line, and tried to use deadly force against you." Xenovia agreed with Naruto on that one. "... and the next crime, selling organs on the black market." Xenovia stated one of his serious crimes.
Naruto lifted his shirt.
"It was one of MY organs, and I'm allowed to sell them if I want to. Anyway-"
"The organ turned to goo."
"To be fair, I created the organ using my blood and a potion, so unless it gets transplanted into somebody else in like 5 hours, it will vanish. Not MY fault the idiots didn't remember my warning." Naruto admitted to the crime of selling his own organs on the black market. He had a LOT of enemies there now that the organs he kept selling to them kept vanishing before they could turn a profit from them. Now nobody would buy organs from him anymore, so he couldn't make money that way.
Another failed potion, a potion to create new organs for people to be able to grow new organs for themselves using their own blood.
"Over 100 different charges of dousing people with a liquid that eats their clothes, leaving them naked in public."
...
"Got a excuse for that one?" Irina asked Naruto, and his only response was to laugh under his breath at that one. "I'll take that as a no then."
"No, I totally did that for my own amusement. I made a potion that mimics the clothes dissolving effect of slime, and wanted to test it... it was amazing." Naruto had trouble not giving his happiest smile when he thought back to that one. It was one of his few super successful potions that had exactly the effect that he had intended for it.
Xenovia marked that down on the notepad she was given.
"Okay, a confession to that crime."
"Oh yeah I confess to it, I'm a little surprised that you didn't list the fact I was illegally breeding a new breed of tentacle plant." Naruto was surprised that wasn't listed among his crimes. Xenovia and Irina both sent him looks, and he shrunk in on himself. "... most likely because you didn't know about it, before I admitted to it." Naruto stated, since he was pretty sure he just outed himself on that one.
Xenovia nodded his head.
Naruto put his hand on the table behind him, and his finger got cut when it went directly on top of a knife, and he smiled to himself as he flicked his blood into the potion. He did it subtly so that they didn't notice what he had done.
"You can't escape now, you might have escaped last time, but we've got you this time." Irina had a wide smile on her face. They had been chasing Naruto off and on now for about 5 weeks in between their missions from the church, since Naruto had been labelled a very low priority threat.
Xenovia raised her sword up.
"Can I just say one thing?" Naruto asked them as he raised his hands up.
"Your last words before we catch you, sure." Xenovia gestured for Irina to hold off for a moment. They needed to respect his words, since he had given them enough trouble to at least respect when he was giving himself up.
Naruto grabbed his potted plant.
"YEET!"
Naruto threw the potted plant into the potion and jumped underneath the table. Naruto yeeted the baby plant into the formula, and like magic the potion pot shattered as large amounts of tentacles started to emerge from it and grow all over the room.
"Get them, as your daddy, I command you to get those girls!" Naruto pointed at the girls from under the table as the tentacles kept growing at a truly alarming rate. They rushed towards the girls, who were able to use their agility to dodge and run around the tentacles. They even used their swords to cut down any tentacle that grabbed ahold of them.
Naruto stayed under the table where it was safe.
"You tricked us, you had no intention of giving up!" Xenovia called out as she jumped towards the door and prepared to escape. Her escape route was blocked by a wall of tentacles, and ALL the walls of the room were covered in tentacles at this point. Even the floor itself was becoming more and more covered with the throbbing red plant limbs.
Naruto reached up out from under the table, and grabbed his book and his pen, and he started to write down.
Tentacle Hell Potion
Makes tentacles that obey the person who added their hair to the potion, they grow at a very alarming rate and-
Naruto felt a tentacle go over his shoulder without messing with him, or trying to molest him for that matter.
-they do not molest the person who added their dna to the potion. The tentacles, perhaps due to the addition of crushed clams, give off the same smell as the ocean and clams.
"Naru-!?"
Irina got caught, and for her troubles she got a tentacle in her mouth. Her right leg and left arm were both caught by the plant, pulling on both of them as it lifted her up into the air. With her free arm she tried to slice the tentacles, but her sword couldn't reach them. Xenovia rushed towards Irina, but she stepped on the tentacles on the floor and they wrapped around both of her feet. She tripped and fell face first into the tentacles.
"Let go of-!?"
Xenovia also got a mouthful of tentacle.
"... and like that it is safe for me. Gotta gather up my stuff." Naruto stated as he came out from under the table. "Now, I know you want to penetrate them, but don't do that to anything but their mouths." Naruto stated as he pat the thickest tentacle, and some of the tentacles that were ripping off the girl's clothes slumped over in sadness.
They wanted to follow their instincts, but they couldn't go against Naruto's orders to not rape the girls. The tentacles turned to Naruto and seemed to be giving off the impression of a kicked puppy, and Naruto covered his mouth and gave a fake tear.
"... They grow up so fast... but seriously. Since you were enhanced by my potion, I need to do some testing on the fluids that you shoot out. So I can't have you shooting it into them. You CAN rub them down from head to toe though." Naruto stated as he grabbed his blank book and started to gather up all of his supplies. Naruto would put a jar against a blank page, and the jar would sink into the book.
His father's Storage Book, a book that each page of the book could be used to store things, but only 1 type of object per page. It was a small book as well, only about 100 or so pages to it, so he was kind of limited in what he could put in the book. He didn't know how to make another book, since his father's notes were too complicated for him to understand it.
"MMMPH! Na MMMMPH!" Xenovia had freed her mouth for a second, but another tentacle filled it as she and Irina were stripped naked and played with like tentacle toys.
No penetration downstairs of course.
Not this time at least.
"Just going to take-" Naruto picked up the handles of the church standard light swords, and he put them in his bag. He didn't really have a combat use for them, but he was sure he could take the light magic source out of them and use them for a potion later. Maybe he could make a super awesome potion that could have a holy element to it.
Slimes that were immune to demonic power maybe?
He didn't know, but he just had a really bad habit of taking anything that he believed he could use for his own amusement.
-15 Minutes Later-
"Okay, all finished packing up... you two... oooooh." Naruto hissed when he turned his attention back to Xenovia and Irina. They were both red faced and sweating, with their groins soaked with their own sexual fluids. There might have been no penetration, but a tentacle was still a tentacle and had a certain effect on women. They had cum several times from the external stimulation alone, and with the tentacles having fun with their mouths, they were drooling up a flood that was dripping off their chins.
He felt bad about this one, he would admit that, he should have let the girls keep their mouths free. The problem was that tentacle plants did use girl's mouths to allow them to take in fluids to enhance their bodies sensativity.
The tentacle plant was showing signs of exhaustion though, and more than half of the tentacles were dried up and dying.
The potion gave a super boost to tentacles, but at the cost of drastically lowering the lifespan of the plant. Naruto went over to the girls and he took out two bottles, and he held them under the girl's crotches. They were small bottles, but they still took a moment to fill up as sexual fluids dripped off of the girls and into the bottles. Naruto took a hair from each of the girls as well and put a blue hair in Xenovia's bottle and an orange hair in Irina's bottle.
At this point, about 80% of the tentacles had withered away.
"Okay, got the cum of two virgin holy maidens. This will be a GREAT thing, and with your hairs I can transform into you two later on to test potions on a female body. This is a GREAT addition to my ingredients." Naruto was happy with that at least. Also, the sexy noises they had been making had given him a bit of a stiffy earlier, but he had calmed himself down. He was going to save all of this to his mental spank bank and have some fun later.
Fap material AND new ingredients, it was a win-win for him.
Naruto grabbed a small, remaining tentacle and squeezed it into another clean bottle, and it squirted out it's pink fluid. Naruto filled the bottle up, and this was a LARGE bottle, before he corked it and added it to his book.
All of the tentacles withered away, and the girls were able to take extremely deep breaths the moment that they were freed. Naruto looked at the two of them, and saw their butts were tinted pink with arousal and enhanced sensativity. Both of the girls were starting to get back to their feet, and he was going to be in a LOT of trouble if they stood up.
...
*SMACK/SMACK*
Naruto full force spanked them.
"AAAAH!" Xenovia and Irina gave mutual shouted of pain and pleasure as they collapsed to the ground, the strength leaving their bodies. Xenovia had reached another orgasm from that spank, and while Irina didn't orgasm, the spank robbed the rest of the energy from her body as she was shaken to the core by it.
"Now you two behave, rest up and gather your strength... because I'm going to use this chance to escape. You see, both of my legs work, because other than being rock hard, I DIDN'T cum like... I'm guessing 9 times for you Irina, and 11 times for you Xenovia... so I'm going to get out of here. So, you can add this to my crime list if you want, but I'm going to call it self-defense against two sword wielding girls trying to cut me." Naruto informed them. Irina's eyes looked over to Naruto, but she was too exhausted and out of breath to say anything.
She was pretty sure her entire body was one big pleasure spot at the moment.
Xenovia wasn't even able to move her head, the mere act of her face rubbing up against the carpet was enough for her to get turned on again. The way her now hardened nipples brushed up against the rough texture was hard to endure.
"Bluhblabguuuuh."
She couldn't talk properly, that was for sure.
She would get him next time.
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13744917/1/Naruto-the-Perverted-Potion-Prankster