Latest Update: July 11, 2022
Summary: He is, he WAS, just a simple vigilante that happened to have the abilities of a spider and liked to dress in tight, colorful suits. Just a guy trying to do right with the great power he was given when he wasn't struggling to make end's meet or at the very least get a girlfriend, that's all. So at what point did any of that scream 'Give me Godlike Power and fight me bro? Seriously!
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/14037452/1/Universe-Six-s-Unluckiest-Warrior
Word Count:172k
Chapters:22
Chapter 1
Space... is very, very cold.
Like really cold, way below freezing cold. Like taking a literal bath in ice water would feel like a actual hot tub in comparison to the cold vacuum that was Space. The only places one can find warmth in the literal icy void would either be around planets or stars, the latter which comes with a generous amount of radiation to grow your very own tumor, perhaps multiple ones if your feeling daring, or ignite you into a small ball of flames if your within a hundred yards of the thing.
Well, depending on the kind of sun it is.
Though when one is capable of producing their own 'Cosmic Fire' and using it to create a fiery white 'suit' with a equally fiery black spider symbol on his chest and back with matching flaming black lenses on his covered face, staying warm in Space isn't too difficult.
"Is this really what you do all day? Just... float around out here in the void?"
Peter B. Parker, formerly your 'Friendly Neighborhood Spider-man' turned glorified heater at this point felt his brow twitch as he looked away from a distant nebula to scowl at a short pale blue skinned alien creature with white shoulder, arm and hip guards that seemed to be a part of the alien being's skin. He was also sitting in a small orb like space craft of sorts that was almost entirely transparent on the top half, giving the illusion that he was exposed to the vacuum of space as well.
"Yeah, that a problem the oh so mighty 'Lord Emperor Frost'?" Peter asked the Imperial Ruler of Universe Six.
Though honestly Peter thinks the title of 'Emperor' at this point was a bit of a stretch. If anything, Frost was a glorified high school hall monitor with how he acted, and not the good kind of hall monitor that's all laid back and willing to help you out, but the kind that'll write you up and get you detention if he sees you walking around the halls without a pass to the bathroom or something.
"You could try to be a bit more productive" Frost said with a displeased frown as he folded his arms across his chest "I thought you used to be some sort of great hero from your world. Isn't this whole floating aimlessly through Space maddening to you?"
"The first few decades yes, but after floating through a few Galaxies for the better part of a century, I kinda got used to it" Peter said with a shrug before he went back to staring at a distant nebula "Sides, not a hero anymore, I'm retired. And really I was never actually a hero to begin with, more of a vigilante. Heck I wasn't even that to a few people, more like a 'Public Menace'... heh, good times. Gooood times"
Frost made some sort of grumbling noise as he turned to stare out into the void of Space and gaze at the distant nebula that 's been holding Peter's attention for the past few hours. He'll admit the coloration of the dust as a distant start reflected it's light upon it was beautiful and the composition of some of the crystals floating along it's edges was rather compl-
"Uhh no offense Frost, but aren't you supposed to be off doing Space Emperor stuff?" Peter asked as he laced his fingers behind his head and used them as a sort of makeshift pillow "Governing like half the universe or whatever?"
"It's my scheduled day off... which I hate mind you... and thus I'm free to do as I please" Frost replied with a wave of his hand "And the Interstellar Parliament is currently in session with the Ruling Council overlooking them. They'll be fine without me and if anything does happen that requires my intervention, my pod will be able to transport me back to the capital in a few hours"
"Oh joy" Peter commented dryly as the two continued to drift through Space.
It wasn't that Peter disliked Frost, in fact he was perhaps one of the very few beings in the known Universe that the wall crawler considered a friend, it's just Frost tended to get... righteous, from time to time. Personally Peter blames that ridiculous intergalactic 'television' show about the ancient Shi'ar Imperial Guard, a band of heroes from multiple different species across the Universe joining forces to fight evil. And once Frost stumbled across Peter and somehow discovered that the human used to be a 'superhero' himself, the vertically challenged alien Emperor just wouldn't leave Peter alone and try to 'drag him out of retirement' every chance he gets.
'Why can't he bother someone else for a change?' Peter thought with a mental sigh as he focused his attention on a passing comet.
"You know, you could always-" Frost began before his mouth was suddenly covered by glowing orange-ish red webs that seemed to be made of some sort of fire, causing the Alien Emperor to glare in annoyance at Peter as he reached up and, with some effort, ripped the energy off his face "Rude"
"I prefer classic" Peter snickered before he yawned and waved away the Universal ruler "Look, as much as I like these talks of ours, or whatever it is you call your recruitment drives, I'm busy. Get back to me in a few days or something"
"Do I have to tell a certain pair of Saiyans where to find you?" Frost demanded with a huff, causing Peter to glare at him with narrowed lenses.
"You wouldn't dare!" Peter said with a panicked expression on his face.
"I might, I might not" Frost tapped his chin "I might be tempted to forget where I found you, and lose their number, IF you help me with something important"
Peter grumbled at the shorter being as he 'sat up' and turned to face him "You suck! Now what is it you need help with?"
Frost grinned at this before a more serious expression appeared on his face, his voice grave "I believe my agents have tracked down one of my brothers top lieutenants out in the Barren Scorch Galaxy. He's known as Morlun, a vampiric like being that feeds on energy"
Peter sighed, already seeing where this was going "And you need me to accompany some of your people to go and catch him before he disappears back into the void or runs back to Tundra, right?"
Frost nodded "More or less, though if it seems capture isn't possible, than you'll likely have to-"
"If you want him dead, find Hit and use him" Peter cut Frost off with a glare, the cosmic fire he was emanating flaring briefly, causing Frost to tense.
"I never said YOU had to kill him" Frost stated, a few beads of sweat forming on his brow as the temperature around Peter increased ever so slightly to levels just above tolerable or him "I was going to say that if capturing him seems impossible, than you'll likely have to keep him and his people in that Galaxy until I can arrive and deal with him. I'm fully aware of your moral code and wasn't planning to have you break it"
"Why can't you go and deal with him?" Peter asked with a frown "You know where he's at and if you think your gonna have to possibly step in and grab him yourself, why not cut me out and just do it? It sounds like your making things way more difficult than they need to be"
"I'll be busy" Frost explained.
"Doing what?" Peer asked.
"Lord Champa, the god of Destruction has asked for my assistance in a manner of great importance and I do not know how long it'll last" Frost revealed with a frown on his face "Thus, I'd like for you to handle this situation until I can arrive"
"Hell'uva tall order if you don't even know if you'll be able to get there in time if I do call for you" Peter stated.
"It's the best I can do on such short notice" Frost sighed as he reached up to rub his brow "I didn't even know I was going to be participating in whatever it is Lord Champa is involved in until he and his attendant appeared in my office and demanded my help"
"Barging in and demanding help without a explanation? Yeah that sounds like him" Peter snorted.
His own interactions with Champa in the past largely followed that route, but when Vados was sent ahead... yeah, Peter would much rather deal with the overweight kitty cat-
"Lord Champa, I've found him!"
'Ohhhhhhhhhh crap!' Peter thought with a pale face as he felt a pair of arms wrap themselves suggestively around his neck as a very feminine body pressed itself against his back.
"Hello Peter..." a disturbingly seductive voice that sounded so angelic yet sinfully coy at the same time whispered in Peter's ear, causing the man to shiver in a mixture of dread and arousal.
Mostly dread.
"V-V-Vados" Peter stuttered as he tried to break free from Vados's hold on him but found the Angelic woman's grip firm and unbreakable "W-What brings you here?"
"You my dear Spider" Vados grinned as she rubbed her face against Peter's "Ohhh it's been years since we've been his close, I've forgotten how warm you are"
'Why me?' Peter mentally groaned before he looked around for-
"Sup, nerd!" a figure said, just on the very edge of Peter's vision, causing the web head to turn and see them hovering only a few feet away with a cocky smirk on his face.
Universe Six's God of Destruction, Champa.
"Hello to you too, Lord Champa" Peter said in a dry tone as he stared at an overweight purple cat looking creature dressed in garb that looked vaguely like the sort of appeal the Ancient Egyptians of Earth used to wear "I almost didn't recognize you, did you lose some weight since the last time I saw you or have you opened up a pocket universe to store your extra mass when your not lazing about?"
"..."
"..."
"I hate you" Champa said after a few moments of glaring at Peter with a throbbing vein on his forehead "So very, very much right now"
"I get that a lot" Peter nodded solemnly before he glanced at Vados as she rested her chin on his shoulder, though her grip on him was like steel "So uh, what's up? Got lost again and need directions to the planet Cretis for that pie eating contest of theirs? You just need to make a left at the Clockwork Galaxy and fly in that direction for eighty thousand light years before making a slight diagonally right turn at the cluster of black holes with the red sun in the middle of it and it should be-"
"Not this time I'm afraid" Vados said with a smile as her hands continued to travel across the sculpted plain that was Peter's chest with a dark desire hidden behind the action that was setting off all sorts of red flags in Peter's mind, along with his trusty cosmically enhanced spider-sense "We actually came here to inform you that you and Frost here will be taking part in-"
"We're going to war with Universe Seven and taking their Earth for ourselves!" Champa said with a look of pure determination, his aura flaring so powerfully it was like looking into the heart of a purple super nova.
"WHAT?!" Peter gaped at the feline deity while Vados sighed and shook her head at the God of Destruction.
"Lord Champa, we're not going to war with your brother's universe, we're holding a Tournament between their Universe's best fighters and ours. And we'll hardly be taking their Earth since you plan to use the Super Dragon Balls to wish for his Earth to be brought here to replace the one we already have" the Angelic being said in a chiding tone.
"That doesn't sound nearly as good!" Champa scoffed.
"Well neither is your diet" Peter nodded towards Champa's large stomach.
"What was that you pesky mortal?!" Champa yelled as he raised a clawed hand, a small orb of purple energy gathering in his palm that was powerful enough to raze a planet three times over.
"Peter dear, you should be more respectful to Lord Champa as he is a Destroyer God" Vados chided the Spider.
"I'll respect him when he respects a diet" Peter rolled his eyes as his body suddenly disintegrated into hundreds of tiny spiders made of the same orange-ish red energy that he used to make his psi-webs and quickly drifted away from the Angelic woman before reforming a meter away "Or at least spends a hour on a treadmill"
"THAT'S IT!" Champa tried to lunge at the mortal only for Vados to raise her staff and use it to block the God of destruction from getting his hands on Peter.
"Lord Champa, please, if you destroy Peter here, than you'll still be down one fighter for the Tournament" Vados said in a calming tone before she gave Peter a scolding look "Ands you must speak with Lord Champa with more respect Peter dear, I will not ask you again"
Peter made a grumbling sound before he looked over towards Frost and saw the Alien monarch was sweating bullets. Confused, Peer reached out with his cosmically enhanced senses to see what the issue was before he realized that Champa and himself were both flaring their power, the latter unintentionally while the former was letting it rage like a hurricane.
"Sorry Frost" Peter said as he reigned in his energy and began to suppress it.
"I-I'm fine" Frost said as he pulled a small towel out from somewhere in his pod and used it to wipe his face "J-Just f-forgot how powerful y-you are"
"Same" Peter shrugged before Champa loudly cleared his throat, drawing the two's attention back to him.
"Now, as I was saying, you two are going to be competing in a Tournament with three other fighters that I'll be hosting against Universe Seven's chosen fighters" Champa revealed "The winner will receive all seven of the Super Dragon Balls"
"I'm sorry, but what the heck are Super Dragon Balls? That's like the second time you've mentioned them" Peter said with a furrowed brow "What are they, dragons in ball form? Balls of dragons? A dragon's actual b-"
"Their simply the original Namekian Wishing Orbs, though far larger and grander in scale" Vados clarified with a faint blush on her face, knowing what Peter was about to say next.
"You lost me after Namekian" Peter said with even more confusion, the heck was a Namekian?
"Then let me dumb it down for you, their powerful artifacts that will allow you to make any wish you want" Champa revealed with a smirk "Any. Wish, no matter the scale"
"So if I was to wish for you to lose some weight and cut back on the cat nip, it'd work?" Peter asked.
Champa's response was to send his fist right into Peter's face, sending the man flying through the stars at speeds just shy of the Speed of light. Frost winced at the sight while Vados sighed dramatically at her favorite mortal's antics. The three than stood, or rather floated, their in silence for the next few minutes and waited for Peter to rejoin them.
"Worth it!" Peter yelled out as he flew back towards the trio, a aura of cosmic fire in the shape of some sort of raptor like bird surrounding him as he went.
He could've simply not come back and just find a remote moon to hide on until Champa and Vados left, but than he'll have to keep hiding until they got bored and just left him alone. Or at least Champa might, Vados seemed inclined to pick up where they left off when she wanted to 'train' him to possibly one day replace Champa as a God of Destruction. Though he's yet to figure out how days upon days of nearly never ending and extremely painful sex in positions that hurt to perform even with his flexibility will lead him to being a God of Destruction.
For an Angel, Vados was pretty... unholy.
"How are you even still alive?" Frosts said as Peter came to a stop before them, showing no obvious signs of injury from Champa's punch.
While Frost never encountered Champa until only a few days ago, he's heard the stories of the God's power and seen the results of said power being unleashed. The force he struck Peter could've easily cracked a moon clean in two if not outright reduce it into a small asteroid field.
"Space bird" Peter answered as he reached up to rub the part of his face that Champa's fist connected with, while he's been hit with harder punches, it still stung a bit.
"Space bird?" Frost said with confusion.
"Space bird" Peter nodded as he stopped rubbing his face and instead reached up to rub the back of his head "So we fight in this tournament against people from your brother's Universe, right?"
"Yes" Champa said with a nod.
"And we win these Super Dragon Namekian Wishing thingy's that can grant any wish you want, which to me sounds like that Universe's Earth" Peter added.
"Correct" Vados nodded with a smile.
"And to do the two after mentioned things, you want me involved?" Peter pointed to himself "Whhhhy?"
"Because as much as you annoy me" Champa said with a growl while poking Peter in the chest wit his finger "Your arguably the most powerful being, for a mortal at any rate, in this Universe and my original choice for the team got sick so you'll have to do. And as your Universe's God of Destruction... I'M ORDERING YOU TO FIGHT FOR ME!"
"But I don't want to!" Peter whined before he leaned back as Champa's face nearly struck his as the slightly shorter cat like being leaned in with a snarl.
"TOUGH!"
Peter scowled at the purple feline deity before he glanced at Frost "Is this what we've been reduced to? Being a God's Pawns in some grand scheme to use some Super Wishing ball things after kicking the crap out of people from another universe we've never even met or heard of?"
"It appears so" Frost said with a sigh as he reached up to rub his temples "If I didn't know any better, I'd say this this is the work of my brother, Tundra. Forcing people to fight one another for vague and obscure reasons sounds very much like him"
"Honestly it just might b- hey wait a second!" Peter said before his head snapped towards Champa and Vados so fast that the two swore they heard a 'crack' in his neck "He's not gonna be involved too is he?"
Champa blinked at this in slight confusion "No, why? Would it help us win better if he was?"
"No/Nope" Frost and Peter said at the same time.
Letting Tundra anywhere near anything that had to do with Gods and other Universes was just a holocaust in the making.
"So who else is involved with this thing? Peter asked as he gestured towards himself and Frost "Aside from us?"
It was Vados who answered "Never-Miss Hit, a member of the Metalmen race by the lovely name of Auta Magetta, a young Saiyan warrior and now you and Frost"
Peter paled at the word 'Saiyan' as one particular member of the infamous warrior race flashed through his mind. If it was who he thinks it is, than there was no way in Hell that he was doing this thing, no matter how many times Champa threatens him. Granted he isn't exactly on board fighting in some weird multiversal tournament thing to begin with, but that was simply hailing from the fact he wasn't much of a fighter, at least the type fighter seen in tournaments.
"Uhh, do you happen to know who the Saiyan is?" Peter asked nervously, hoping to whatever God that wasn't Champa would have mercy on him.
"Some kid by the name of Cabba" Champa said with a dismissive wave "Scrawny little thing. I swear it looks like he hasn't eaten anything in weeks with how thin he is, which I found odd for a Saiyan"
"I know of him" Frost revealed with a thoughtful look on his face "He aided me in repelling an attack from Tundra's men on the world of Mayonni. He's quite the warrior despite his youth"
"Oh thank God" Peter sighed in relief 'If he said Caulifla, I was about to make like a banana and split'
"Why are you thanking me?" Champa asked with a snort "I haven't done anything yet you should be grateful for, unless you count still being alive. If that's the case, than by all means, thank me all you like"
Peter stared at the Deity with a deadpanned expression on his face 'Man, and I thought Flash could be full of himself'
"Lord Champa, we must be going now" Vados said as she drifted closer to the God of Destruction, the small orb on the end of her staff blinking "We still have to go and collect the Super Dragon balls and transport them to the location of the Tournament"
"Fine" Champa said with a sigh before he shot both Peter and Frost a glare "When we're done, we'll be back for you both, so whatever plans you think you might have, cancel them!"
And with that, the two vanished in a ball of light as it shot across the dark cold expanse of space like a comet, only a couple hundred million times faster. Peter frowned at the departing Deity while Frost made a serious of grumbling sounds as he activated his pod's communicator and alerted them to halt their plans for Morlun. With both himself AND Peter now indisposed, there wasn't anyone the Interstellar Monarch could think of that can deal with Tundra's lieutenant. The best they could do now was simply observe him and if Fate was with Frost, the energy Vampire will still be there when he get's back from this tournament.
"Any wish huh..."
Frost glanced at Peter and saw that the man was staring off in the direction Vados and Champa departed, a distant expression underneath his 'mask'.
"Y-Yes, that's what it sounds like" Frost said with a slow nod as he followed Peter's gaze "Though it sounds like he'll be wishing for some world from the other Universe to replace this... Earth"
"Yeah... I heard" Peter said in a quiet tone as his mind began to drift before shaking his head before any of those memories could take route "Wonder what's so great about it that Fuzzy there would rather take another Earth instead of restore ours"
"Perhaps it hasn't occurred to him yet?" Frost guessed.
"Maybe..." Peter said with a heavy sigh as he turned his head to stare in the direction of his long dead homeworld "Maybe..."
Something to think about he supposed.
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/14037452/1/Universe-Six-s-Unluckiest-Warrior