Latest Update:September 3, 2022
Summary: Natsu gave his everything to defeat Zeref and Acnologia, pushing himself even when he had nothing left, drawing from tomorrow's strength even when every last reserve had been tapped dry. In the peace that follows, the new 'Dragon King' is left truly exhausted. Now the members of Fairy Tail find out that they don't know their strongest mage as well as they thought. (AU)
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13828256/1/Even-The-Dragon-King-Has-Feelings
Word count:100k
Chapters:16
Chapter 1: One
Simply put, Erza liked it when she was in control.
She could truly relax, exhale the breath she wasn't aware she was holding, truly unwind when every single detail and nuisance was a known certainty inside her head.
It made the desired peace and quiet so much easier to attain.
Erza wanted, no, needed to be cognizant of any and all on-goings that took place in the guild.
Who was taking what job?
Who had started the brawl this time?
Was it safe to enjoy her strawberry cake?
All those questions could not be left as unanswered possibilities that swam around in the forefront of her consciousness.
By exerting this much control, Erza preferred to believe she was a very perceptive individual, with a keen eye for the smallest of oddities in behaviors and routines.
So after Zeref and Acnologia were no more, Erza was beyond elated at how quick everyone seemed to adjust. Everything was back to normal.
Except Natsu.
Why? Well, because he wasn't here.
After Natsu had defeated Zeref and Acnologia, nobody had heard much from him. Well, she hadn't, perhaps someone else had.
Erza had no one to put into their place or punish, Mirajane didn't have anyone to force them help her with chores, Laxus didn't have anyone to lash out at, Master didn't have anyone to scold or reprimand.
No one else but her was able to comprehend the appearance of this extended period of tranquility, no one else went about their days any differently.
And Erza would get to the bottom of it, because not only was she bored out of her wits, but her prized pedestaled control was being threatened.
Finding any modicum of information about his whereabouts was much more difficult than she had first thought.
Nearly everyone who was actively involved with his private life was as a whole, not available for questioning.
Gajeel was the only one still at the guild, currently preparing for Levy's coming pregnancy, that was likely to have an answer to her question.
Gajeel had only offered her a frustratingly vague response.
"The Salamander is tired. Let him rest."
What did that even mean?
Tired? Natsu?
The word 'tired' didn't seem to apply to Natsu, who would constantly pull from tomorrow's strength day after day, who had an infinite reserve of energy and determination at his disposal at all times.
If Gajeel had been referring to the fact the world was still fresh off a victory over Zeref and Acnologia, then that wouldn't make much sense either.
Everyone had already settled back into normalcy, but the ever adaptable unfazeable Natsu hadn't?
That notion seemed absolutely ridiculous.
No one had seen Natsu take a job, so that must mean he had to be at a place where she could still find him.
After a search of Lucy's apartment beared no fruit, the only reasonable option left was his own place of residence.
His secluded cabin tucked away within the confines of the vast woodland forests surrounding the city of Magnolia.
One admittedly pleasant hike later, she stopped right in front of the gravel path that led up to the cabin's front door.
What immediately caught her attention was how well kept the usually rugged exterior of the residence seemed.
Flaky moss no longer clung to the faded time worn wooden walls, no lacework of intricate cobwebs adorning the window ceil's corners, the brick chimney not chipped and crumbling with resilient vegetation forcing its way out of the cracks.
Dense green thickets and bramble that once formed woven walls of foliage, sprouting up beneath previously decomposed fences, were now neatly trimmed.
Inspecting the fresh coat of paint and tight bricklaying work, Erza hesitated to knock on the door, resorting to call out his name aloud.
No response.
Finally mustering up the courage needed, she walked up the gravel path and rapped her knuckles against the wooden door.
Yet again, no response.
Shuffling around the perimeter of the cabin, Erza nearly stumbled over the small garden nestled against the side of the building.
Noticing the construction tools scattered about next to a pile of chopped firewood, she at least now vaguely understood what Natsu had been doing all this time he had been absent.
"Never took you for doing housework." she mumbled to herself, admiring the compact yet ritzy garden tucked against the cabin's side.
A small wooden sign was planted next to modest nursery, reading 'Natsu and Wendy's Garden, Co-founder: Happy'.
After Tenrou, most of the women barely had enough savings to pay for seven years of rent, Wendy unfortunately had no such privilege.
Erza vaguely remembered Natsu taking her in for the first few months until everyone either chimed in with what they could, or Wendy had taken enough jobs to reclaim her dorm at Fairy Hills.
From what she could remember, Wendy had quite enjoyed staying with her older brother.
Erza hummed softly, "Not bad Natsu. For such a hothead, you do know how to clean a place up."
The faint sounds of splashing water caught her attention next, making Erza turn. The magnificent view beyond her gave her pause.
A sizable lake stretched out before her, it's reflective waters meeting the sun's shine with such grace that Erza almost didn't spot the majesty of the distant mountain ranges populating the horizon.
Within the blue void was a moving head of pink hair, leaving a trail of ripples in its wake as it approached the shore.
The familiar muscular form of Natsu rose from the water with the same presence of a kaiju making landfall, excess droplets raining from his frame as stood tall in the waist deep shoreline.
Dead silence fell once more as Erza took in his appearance with visible surprise. His larger impossibly toned figure was plastered with dozens of gruesome scars and gnarly burns.
Both his arms should've been disfigured if the horrific damage to the skin was anything to go by.
While the presence of thick muscle had bulged the limbs back into shape, the tanned skin was revoltingly marred and rough, telling of times where the damage was so severe skin and tendon were seared together.
The harsh pang of sorrow and disgust that shot through Erza's stomach took her breath away. She didn't remember his scars being that numerous.
Natsu had a weird attitude regarding all the battle damage, he never ever let Wendy remove them.
For some reason beyond her, Natsu was proud of each and every scar.
Her eyes caught something peculiar on his shoulder. Natsu's guild mark had been permanently branded half an inch deep into his shoulder, as if the logo itself had burnt itself onto his skin.
The mark of Fairy Tail membership was now a ghastly wound forever bound to him.
"Erza? What are ya doing in my neck of the woods?" he said softly, tone and eyes warm with fond recognition.
Words struggled to take flight from her lips, Erza offering lamely, "I-i uh… just w-wanted to know…. w-what you are….. doing?"
"I was taking a bath when I heard you holler."
"I meant where have you been." Erza clarified, backing away when Natsu trudged his way out of the water, brushing past her.
She could feel heat pulsate from him as the dragon slayer's internal body temperature flared to dry himself off.
Natsu bent over to grab the clothes he had discarded near the shore side, "Here, workin' on things, just a little housekeepin'."
"I've gathered. But why? No one has seen you in weeks."
"Is it that big of a deal?"
"Well when you disappear without telling anyone where you are and if you're okay, then yes, yes it is."
Natsu didn't bother buttoning up his duster as he wrapped his signature scarf back around his neck, scarred digits shaking faintly, "I told Lisanna. She probably shared it with some others."
Erza frowned tightly, "Congratulations Natsu, you got one of the seventy some people in the guild." she said, "We're getting off topic, what is going on with you? Beyond the running away part, you've never done anything like this."
"Like what?" he prompted quietly as he finished dressing himself.
"Do basic housework, landscape, be productive."
At the mention of his garden, Natsu hobbled over to it, stiffly lowering to his haunches to admire his handy work, "What's actually bothering you?"
Erza repeated herself, "I just told you dolt, you up and disappeared out of nowhere. Again."
Natsu's shoulders slumped as his unusually blank eyes glazed over with pain, his mangled hand retracting to ball up into a fist, as if remembering what events had led up to its current state.
"I just... j-just needed time to think, didn't mean to make you think I was going to leave again." he apologized softly, massaging his palm with his other hand.
The scarlet knight couldn't help but levy the most prominent question in her mind, "Why didn't you come ask for a spar or something of the sorts? I know I'm not Lisanna, but you can talk to me."
"We ain't sparred in years Erza, ain't sure whatcha' talking about." Natsu answered as he reached down to pluck a budding weed from the soil, a small smile spreading across his face as Ladybug landed upon his knuckles,
"Besides, I have nothing to prove anymore."
That rubbed Erza in all the wrong places, hot surges of exasperated aggrieve rocketed up from her heels to her spine. Everything else in that moment didn't matter.
Natsu had never, ever, dismissed her in such a manner before.
Pale hands clenched into fists as she couldn't help but growl challengingly, her signature glare surfacing in the pools of her pupils, "What exactly is that supposed to mean?"
Natsu spared her a calm glance before answering bluntly, "I'm stronger than you Erza."
"Excuse me?"
"I ain't boasting, just stating fact."
Erza seethed, cracking her knuckles threateningly as she hissed, "Is that so? Care to test the authenticity of your drivel?"
"No. I-" Natsu cut himself off when he noticed a pair of sparrows land themselves atop his roof, their beaks stuffed with bedding and leaves.
"Hey, this ain't part of the deal! I built you that birdhouse, now scram! The paint up there is still dryin'!" he voiced his frustrations with an ounce of his usual loudness, causing the two birds to immediately scatter.
Natsu muttered in annoyance to himself before glancing at Erza, "Sorry, what we're we talkin' about?"
"You were in the middle of backing up your ridiculous claims." she hissed, any and all sense of concern for her friend burnt to dust in the rabid fires of her challenged pride.
Natsu guided the fluttering ladybug still clinging to his hand back onto the petal of a flower,
"Oh yeah, that. I don't care. What I do care about is not having to repaint my roof-" he turned in the direction the sparrows had flown, "-for the third time!"
"What are you babbling on about?" Erza asked, internally unnerved by how casual his was regarding her.
Her authority had just been challenged, her spine was crawling, and Natsu, well Natsu seemed to find his garden more interesting then the conversation at hand.
"For all these years, your lust for battle has caused us countless headaches. But now when I finally give your childish dreams the time of day, you back down?" she told him sternly, irked.
"And to think I came up here because I was worried about you. But here you are, running away from you problems, again."
She could see something in Natsu snap.
The temperature in the air suddenly dropped several degrees as Natsu's features firmed, "Alright, fine, wanna know why I am so much stronger?"
Suddenly feeling as if she no longer wanted to have this conversation, Erza shot back weakly, "E-enlighten me."
"Your complacent Erza." he finally rose to his full height, now several inches taller due to natural growth spurts over the years,
"Not sure yer aware, but gettin' new armor ain't actual training, neither is keeping yourself in shape."
Erza had never known Natsu's magical presence to be so... overwhelming.
Natsu's presence was warm and merry and eager, never had it ever been dominant and unsettling like it was now.
"Do you have the slightest clue what its like to tear yourself apart over and over again trying to reach that next level? And for it to never be enough?"
Erza couldn't say she did.
The dragon slayer's shadow engulfed her, depriving her of any reassuring sun bound rays.
Natsu's timbre was patient yet flinty, "You know what it feels like to wake up each and every day feeling like you're not enough? That you'll never be enough? That you will never be strong enough to protect the people ya love?"
He received no answer.
"You asked me to show you I could surpass you, well I did, in spades."
Erza's head slowly bowed, thick curdling shame dragging her chin downwards.
Her mind worked overtime in order to comprehend everything being thrown her way, abashed derision flooding every pour of her body.
"Each and every day I walked through those guild doors, I was taught one thing. Natsu Dragneel isn't enough. He ain't mature enough. He ain't smart enough. He ain't strong enough." he huffed breathlessly, "Worst part about it is that none of you were wrong."
Did...did Natsu really feel like that?
And more importantly, how long had he been bottling it up?
How long had herself and the guild been contributing to that toxic notion, intentionally or unintentionally?
Was she supposed to apologize, beg for forgiveness? Explain herself? Tell him that everything she did was out of love? Or was she really that horrible of a person?
This wasn't something she could brute force her way into elaboration, not like she usually did.
But the thought still haunted her.
Natsu? Feeling like he wasn't enough? Feeling like a failure?
That didn't make sense, he always pulled through in the end, always.
He took just about everything in stride, nothing ever effected him, and if it did, he was back to his old self within such a sort amount of time Erza was convinced nothing could ever break his spirits.
Natsu's lungs swelled as he inhaled and exhaled, the process ragged, as if instead of it providing relief, it was merely to readjust its grip on the tension within.
"Look," he sighed, rubbing his nose, "I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that. I shouldn't have said anything, you've believed in me even when I didn't deserve it."
"Nonsense. I was out of line." Erza rebuked, doing her best to hid the quiver in her voice as she scraped together what little authority she had left in her.
She swallowed, "I never thought about how what we said could effect you. If I knew, I never would have been so..."
"Erza, it's fine." Natsu insisted sharply.
"It isn't fine, it is very far from being fine. We are supposed to be your comrades." Erza's shoulder shook with shame, "Yet we made you feel like... like this. We've done you a tremendous disservice."
She hid her eyes behind her hair, hoping cowering behind the lengths of scarlet would allow her to assess her guilt with some level of objectiveness.
It didn't work, and as his words replayed over and over in her head, tears brewed.
She was supposed to be his friend.
Natsu nudged her chin up, eyes warm, "Hey, I don't blame anyone. I ain't the only one suffering, everybody got dealt a bad deck. That's kinda Fairy Tail's thing, remember?"
"Bu-"
Cutting her off gently, Natsu reiterated and backpedaled, "No buts. I know what yer gonna say, not in the mood to hear it. Your not a horrible person, no one is for not living their lives perfectly."
Erza nodded in understanding, sniffling before composing herself quick, aware of how Natsu freaked out whenever she shed tears. Crying would not assist him in the slightest.
Natsu being stronger wasn't the issue, she knew he would surpass her eventually.
And after the things she had watched him do, what feats he supposedly accomplished, the reality of it had been worming around in the deepest pits of her mind for a while now.
That wasn't the issue, given how hard he worked it was only a matter of time.
But she never expected him to actually say it aloud, for him stand his ground on his own.
Natsu was no longer the little brother who didn't know any better that she could always get the best of.
She wasn't the one in control of their relationship anymore, they were on equal ground, and for some reason, that scared her.
Any fears she had of retaliation from him however were squashed by the loving look he sent her way.
That was Natsu, so full of love.
She had seen it for herself, how such an overwhelmingly powerful mage would treat his friends with such warmth, how he would scoop up his precious Wendy in a protective embrace and to shower her with all sorts of brotherly affection.
Even that in of itself flew over the Erza's radar.
Natsu, someone who embodied what it meant to be a warrior, a boisterous, determined, and excitable personality, was in fact a compassionate and tender soul.
She had just been so busy bashing him over the head with his lack of control to look past the damage he could cause.
Allowing herself to be encompassed by his hug, Erza winced as her cheek brushed up against a particularly gnarly patch of jagged divots scattered about his shoulder.
After indulging herself in the copious amount of warmth he exuded for a moments, Erza nuzzled the bend of Natsu's neck and sighed contently.
He always gave the best hugs.
At first, every time he had tried to hug her, he got a stern bop on the nose for his troubles, a firm lecture on respecting people's privacies, and a few threats to make sure he never did it again.
Those threats obviously didn't work out, because he kept giving out hugs.
And now, whenever he wrapped his arms around her and squeezed tight, giggling his goofy gleeful giggle, Erza couldn't fight the embarrassed yet gushing grin that claimed her lips as home.
Erza was the one used to giving affection, not receiving it. Although, her public displays of affection could usually be summed up by slamming someone's face into her chest, regardless of if she was wearing armor or not.
But with Natsu, he was the first to not only stay conscious after that, but return the sentiment with a embrace of his own, albeit with far more tenderness.
No matter what armor she was wearing, his warmth always seeped through to her bare skin.
Erza hated it at first because of how vulnerable it made her feel, but now, there wasn't a chestplate in the world she could wear that made her feel as safe as one of Natsu's hugs.
"There's more bothering you, isn't there?" she eventually murmured.
"I don't wanna get into it." Natsu was quick to respond, intent on enjoying embracing a friend he hadn't seen in over a month and nothing else.
Erza's stomach dropped. She, in all of her constant mental fussing, never considered the idea of Natsu being effected by something for any extended period of time.
There was a possibility there was a lot more wrong. A lot more pain Natsu wasn't telling her about.
She hesitantly pulled away, "Natsu-
Yet again, he cut her off, "I'm fine Erza, I promise."
Erza had heard those words launch from Natsu's lips a thousand times before, but on this occasion, she didn't entirely buy it.
"Do you wanna help?"
At her eager nod, Natsu said, "Then can we just talk? Y'know, that thing that friends do?"
"I'm sorry for splittin' with no warning, but if it helps, I really missed you."
Erza couldn't help but smile, wiping her eyes one last time before replying, "Me too. You are an important presence in my life."
"I'll make some tea if you want." he threw a thumb towards his cabin, "Then you can help me repaint the roof."
For just a second, his signature goofy grin drew his cheeks apart, that same gleeful grin he would flash in and out of battle, whether the situation was dire or not.
If Natsu was still smiling, then Fairy Tail would always win.
Natsu gave a sheepish laugh, "Just a heads up though, the inside might not be as clean as the outside."
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13828256/1/Even-The-Dragon-King-Has-Feelings