*I think it was dropped*
Summary: Ichigo and Rukia have a run in with what is quite possibly the weirdest Hollow ever. The problem? It won't leave them alone!
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9507141/1/The-Prankster-God-of-Huecco-Mundo
Word count:63k
Chapters:12
Chapter 1: The first act on stage
To Rukia Kuchiki, modern day humans often seemed to be an eternal mystery. But after having spent a whole week trapped in the human world, she was finally starting believe she had managed to figure them out. But as fate would have it, she was thrown for a loop once again, when she arrived at Karakura high alongside Ichigo to find the entire place had been painted orange and pink. If the dazzling and bright colours weren't enough there were black and white spirals painted here and there all over the building, and from every window hung a string of underwear, belonging to both male and female slowly flapping in the wind. Directly in front of her across from the main school gate and painted onto the side of the now pink central building was a cartoon stylized red fox head. Its right eye was closed in a wink while it's left was wide open with a blue pupil. Its mouth was happy and open with a tongue that curled upwards and was hanging from its mouth. Beside the head was a furry red hand with its thumb stuck up.
Rukia heard a groan coming from the orange haired boy who was standing beside her.
"Not again."
Rukia nodded her head in agreement.
"While I do feel that the school could use some brightening up and lighter colours to make it more child friendly for those learning there, I do think the underwear is a little inappropriate," Commented Rukia, her right hand on her chin and her left on her hip in a thinking pose.
"What? No Rukia, this wasn't planned out by the school. For as long as anyone in Karakura can remember weird stuff like this has happened. And whoever does it always leaves that picture of a fox behind too." Explained Ichigo crossing his arms with a huff.
Rukia's eyes widened a fraction at Ichigo's words as her mind considered the possibilities of what this could mean. But before she had time to comment on her thoughts someone rudely barged past her. Ichigo's hand quickly extended and caught her arm before she could hit the floor. He was about to turn around and yell at whoever had barged past until he noticed the tacky brown suit the guy was wearing. He was a teacher.
"My… my underwear," came the teacher's stuttering words, his eyes comically wide.
"Mine too!"
This time a female teacher came forward, her mouth agape with disbelief at the sight of her bra and panties dangling from a window. Pretty soon all the teachers were there, even Miss Ochi muttering in disbelief at the sight of their undergarments hanging from the school windows. They didn't seem to notice the school kids that had crowded round them, one of which had yet to learn any tact during her short period of stay in the human world.
"Wait," said Rukia, "If all of their underwear is hanging from the windows, then what are they wearing?"
Her words caused a sudden wave of silence to spread out over the teachers and students alike. Slowly, the male teachers looked at the female ones, most of whom were now blushing and covering their chests and groin areas with their arms, despite the fact they were wearing clothes. The rest were glaring back at the male teachers as if daring them to comment.
"And we're going," said Ichigo, quickly grabbing Rukia and hurrying past the teachers and into the school.
The rest of the day was more or less a normal boring school day, although it took an extra hour and a half for school to start while all the teachers received their undergarments from the windows. The students were off course constantly giggling at the embarrassed looks on their teacher's faces, or the slap marks on the faces of a few of the male teachers.
"They're taking it rather well," stated Rukia during Lunch. "Someone had to know where all of the teachers lived in order to pull this off. Plus they had to break into all their houses."
Ichigo just shrugged, too busy eating his sandwich. After gulping it down he answered.
"Like I said, it's happened for as long as anyone can remember. I'm talking hundreds of years here, so it's everyone's guess that it's like a family business, except there's no family that's stuck to Karakura that long. But it's just considered normal now I guess. It happens at least twice a year. Last time they somehow installed popcorn machines to all the cars, and the engine would heat the popcorn. You're driving along when suddenly the bonnet blasts open and popcorn starts flying everywhere. Covered all the streets. Luckily the popcorn always got stuck in the engine, so the car would start to conk out before it happened, so it didn't cause any accidents."
Rukia nodded before returning to her meal. After finishing of an apple she passed her juice carton to Ichigo who seemingly on instinct alone took it from her, popped the straw in and gave it back. This did not go unnoticed by either Keigo or Mizuro, who were on the roof with them.
"Ichigo what was that!" screamed Keigo whilst pointing an accusing finger. "Since when were the two of you so in sync! Oh by the gods has he corrupted my poor sweet Rukia? No! I will save her from this vile orange barbarian and with my love heal her pure sweet innoce-"
He got no further in his speech due to Ichigo's foot slamming rather harshly into his face. When Ichigo removed his foot it was to reveal Keigo's bruised face and bleeding nose. The teen proceeded to fall backwards, seemingly unconscious.
"Such an idiot," stated Mizuro in seeming disinterest, as he munched into a salad sandwich.
"Hey!" shouted, Keigo, shooting back onto his feet. "Is that anyway to refer to your poor and beaten best friend!"
Mizuro calmly finished his sandwich before stating, "You seem fine to me."
And so Lunch proceeded thus, with Keigo making an idiot of himself, and Ichigo occasionally putting him down. Soon after school ended, and the group of friends, now including Tatsuki, Orihime and Chad left the school. Curiously all of the teachers were all once again outside, looking at a single window.
"Has no one claimed those yet?" asked one of the teachers.
The group, wandering what they were talking about looked up at a window on the right side of the central building to see a set of particularly lacy underwear still waving about outside the window.
"So whose is it?" came the voice of a male teacher.
"Well it's not mine."
"Mine neither?"
"Did anyone not come in today?"
"No, everyone's here."
"But if it's not any of ours then?"
And as one the entire female teacher population turned their heads to stare at the male teachers.
"And we're going," said Ichigo, before racing off, swiftly followed by the rest of his friends.
Ichigo and Rukia were now getting ready for bed. Rukia was still thinking about what Ichigo had told her earlier today.
"It's been going on for centuries? Could it perhaps be a spirit? But they don't have enough spiritual pressure to manipulate solid objects so it couldn't be that? A shinigami? But the shinigami who are posted here only stay for a decade at the very most before being swapped out. Plus right now I'm the shinigami representative here. Could it perhaps be… a hollow?"
Now that was a strange thought. A prank playing hollow. But if that were the case surely the soul society would have been aware of it. And her beeper didn't go of last night. Almost like it was reading her thoughts a sudden beeping noise came from her phone.
"Ichigo!" she yelled swiftly yanking her cupboard door open to reveal the orange haired teen just preparing to put his pyjama bottoms on.
For a second there was complete silence, before Ichigo quickly put his legs through the le holes and pulled his pj's up
"W-w-what are you doing," stammered Rukia.
"Getting dressed," replied Ichigo with a scowl. "Remember, that's why you closed the cupboard door in the first place.
"Oh right," replied Rukia before putting her serious face back on. "look we don't have time for that right now. A hollow's been detected."
The hollow curiously enough was located right outside their school. But when they arrived there they couldn't see any trace of a hollow, although…
"Ichigo, all the paints gone!" exclaimed Rukia loudly and pointing to the now spotless school.
"Oh yeah," says Ichigo, noticing what she was pointing too and turning to face the building. "That's the other reason no one cares about the pranks too much. Whatever damage they do is always gone by the next day. People used to stay up and watch out for whoever was behind it to show up, but well, no one ever saw the prankster, not even the security tapes," Ichigo told her, curious himself as to how this prankster achieved this.
"Yeah well it's kind of hard to spot a ghost right?" came a voice from behind the two.
Both of them quickly turned around, Ichigo's hand already on the handle of his zanpakuto. His eyes widened in surprise at the sight of what was in front of him. The guy was a hollow. He could feel it. But there didn't really seem to be anything marking him out as such. There was no mask covering his face. The eyes were bright and lively, a deep sapphire blue that spoke of warmth rather than the usual bloodlust he saw in hollows. His skin was tanned and spiky blond hair fell about his head. On each cheek were three whisker marks. His clothes were strange though. He wore a long beige hooded cloak which fell to his ankles, although with the way he was standing his right arm and leg were visible, showing the guy wore fingerless black gloves, with the forearms covered in white tape. He also wore baggy brown bottoms which were tapped around the ankle. He wore no socks, no shoes and no shirt, although there was more tape wrapped around his midesection. Around his neck hung a loose white ring which looked like it was made of bone. The front part of the ring was slightly bigger and formed what looked like a plate, into which a stylized leaf seemed to have been carved and then gone over in black ink. They also noticed a sword that hung from the guys left hip. The handle was covered in red cloth and the hilt seemed to jut out in several directions. A small chain was attached to the bottom of the sword. He didn't look very old, about twenty at the very most.
Rukia frowned.
"You're a hollow," she stated rather than asked. Even with her shinigami powers missing for the most part, she could sense it too.
The blond grinned at her. A wide grin that didn't look right on the face of a hollow. It was friendly and seemed to lack any malice at all.
"Yep," he stated. But offered no more. After waiting a few seconds and getting nothing Ichigo decided to ask the next question.
"Who are you?"
"Finally," shouted the blond, causing both Shinigami to jump a little in anticipation of an attack. But then the blond began hopping backwards away from them. "I was starting to think you'd never ask! Very well, since you obviously want to know my true identity so badly I will tell you!"
The blond hopped on one foot and placed a foot in front of him in a stylized kabuki stance.
"In the sands and forests of Hueco Mundo I am the one whose name is spoken only in hushed tones and voices filled with awe. Whether you go north, east, south or west you have to but merely speak my name to have the men huddled on the ground in fear and the woman running and calling my name with lust in their eyes. I am the great artist whose name is known throughout the desert. The prankster god of Hueco Mundo, Naruto Uzumaki. That is my name, believe it!"
No sooner had he finished he had to jump back to avoid the oncoming blade of one Ichigo Kurosaki.
"Hey watch it, you could poke someone's eye out with that thing," Yelled Naruto shaking his fist at Ichigo.
"I don't care, you're really annoying," bit back Ichigo, trying to restrain a need to screen. "Rukia what do we do?"
She frowned, looking Naruto up and down. "However human he looks, and however stupid he acts he is a hollow. Cut him down so that his soul may be cleansed."
Ichigo grinned and was about to close in on the blond when said blond held his hand up.
"Hey wait let's think about this. If you kill me I'll go to soul society right? Do you really want me to be running around there? I mean it's not that I don't want to go. It's always been a dream of mine to prank the head captain, but I'd really rather not be stuck there you know. Right now I'm free to do my own thing, and I'm loving that. So let's put the giant butter knife down and just have a chat yeah?"
Ichigo's eye twitched, hearing how the blond referred to his sword but even so he did stop. After all this guy was, somewhat sane. Surely he had a right to decide if he'd prefer to stay as he is. He didn't seem dangerous at the very least. In fact he seemed kind of harmless.
"What you'd rather do is not the issue here," commented Rukia. "You are a hollow. No matter how idiotic you act it remains a fact that you have to eat souls in order to continue your existence. We cannot allow that to continue. Ichigo you must slay him."
Ichigo frowned but nodded. "Right."
Fixing his eyes on the blond who now had a scared look on his face, he ran straight forward. Hefting his blade over his head he brought it down quickly, slashing the blond in half-length ways. But just as he was about to put away his blade after a job well done the two half's of the blond poofed away.
"Hey what the hell! Do you just attack every hollow you meet like that!"
Ichigo could feel his eye twitching from the sound of the annoying voice coming from behind him.
"As a matter of fact," he said, before rocketing off in the direction the voice came from. He brought his sword around with the intention of cutting the blonds head off, but the boy quickly ducked and the blade skimmed over his head, slicing off a few wisps of hair.
"Hey this is criminal! And why is that sword so damn big anyway?"
This time Ichigo brought the blade crashing straight down. However unlike last time the blond seemed to have no problem dodging as he simply hopped to his left before grinning at Ichigo.
"You compensating for something?"
Feeling a level of rage he hadn't felt since he confronted the grand fissure, Ichigi grit his teeth and swiped sideways at the blond with all the strength and speed he could muster. Naruto's response was to jump up and tuck his knees in to his chest, before doing a backflip and allowing the blade to pass just under him. But when he landed…
"Gaah, I can't see anything," came the muffled voice of the blond. His cloak had come over his head when he did the flip and he was now clawing at it to remove it. Seeing his chance Ichigo continued his assault and cleaved the hollow in half at the waist. Except once again the two separate pieces just poofed away.
"Hey, that probably really hurt you know!" screamed Naruto from his position on one of the roof tops.
"What is with this guy," grumbled Ichigo, as he got his sword at the ready once again.
"He is strange," agreed Rukia. "He has had several chances to escape now but he has not even attempted to do so."
"Yeah," agreed Ichigo. "And I thought he was weak but, he's not having any trouble at all dodging me, and he hasn't even drawn his sword yet."
But, never one to be deterred Ichigo charged forward again the second he finished talking. He took another swipe at the blond who casually flipped over his head, landing on his feet behind Ichigo. Seeing that Ichigo may need some help to land a direct hit on the tricky hollow Rukia began chanting.
"O Lord, Mask of blood and flesh, all creation, flutter wings, you who bears the name of Man, Inferno and Pandemonium, the sea barrier surges, March on to the south! Hado thirty one Shakkaho!"
Rukia fired the blast of red energy at Naruto's feet, who of course jumped into the air.
"Nowhere to run Hollow," came the voice from behind Naruto. His eyes widened at the sight of Ichigo, his blade over his head and ready to bring it down. "This ends now!"
Ichigo swung his zanpakuto into Naruto's shoulder with all the strength he could muster. What followed was not the spray of black blood he had come to expect from hollows. Instead there was a loud cracking sound and then…
Ichigo's blade shattered at the point it hit Naruto's shoulder, the top half of the blade clattering to the ground below. Ichigo could only stare in disbelief at the completely unharmed hollow, and the now useless sword in his hand. He had no time at all to react as Naruto flipped in mid-air and planted a foot into his face, sending him sailing away and crashing though someone's front gate. Naruto landed softly just a few feet away from Rukia.
"Ah sorry, sorry," he said whilst waving his right hand. "I haven't had a fight in a while and I'm a little rusty. I hope I didn't hit him too hard."
Grunting and in pain Ichigo soon got up and hobbled back out into the road, much to Rukia's relief.
"Ah that's good," said Naruto, apparently happy about something. "Even while it's broken you're still keeping hold of your blade."
He gestured to the Zanpakuto that Ichigo was still holding.
"No worries though. Your Zanpakuto is still sealed so it'll regenerate eventually. Faster if you pack some reishi into it."
"You seem rather well versed in the function of a Zanpakuto," commented Rukia from the side with what sounded like worry in her voice.
"Well duh," replied Naruto. "After all I've got one too see,"
He waved his sword, still in its orange scabbard. In response Rukia let out a gasp.
"That's a Zanpakuto!" she gasped at the realization.
"Yep," chirped the blond happily. "Proper one too. Most Arrancers don't get that, they just get special swords that hold all their powers. But mines a true and through Zanpakuto. Lazy git's almost always asleep though. I wander if having a proper zanpaukto means I'm not an arrancer? Maybe I should think up a different name for a species I can be?"
Rukia wasn't really listening though. How could a Hollow have a Zanpakuto. It didn't make any sense. And that other word he said. Arrancars. He made it sound like they all have Zanpakuto's. But what could that mean?"
"Umm hello, you in there? Hey shorty, listen to me."
Rukia's head snapped up faster than either of the present males could tracked kicked Naruto between the legs. Which as she was about to find out was a mistake.
"OWW!" she screamed before taking her leg back and hopping around on one foot whilst massaging her other now bruised one.
"Yeah see that's not a good idea. Thanks to my hierro I literally have balls of steel," explained the blond hollow, apparently not at all bothered by Rukia's attempt to inflict intense physical agony. But then Ichigo had been trying to kill him and he didn't seem too bothered by that either.
"Hey, get away from Rukia!" cried Ichigo, as he hobbled over and placed himself between Rukia and Naruto.
Naruto frowned.
"You know, you two are assholes. I've been nothing but nice to you, answered all your questions, and in return you've tried to kill me and prevent me from having kids in the future. If I can have kids. Which being a ghost I really don't know about. Anyway point is I was hoping we could be friends, but with friends like you I wouldn't need enemies. So later. I'm out of here."
And like that the blond was gone. Simply disappeared into thin air, leaving a blinking Ichigo who was wandering what the hell just happened and a tearful Rukia who was still nursing her foot.