Hi young lady, was the next nice words, I heard amid the whole crowd crawling to me like a lump of sacrificial meat waiting to be slaughtered, those words came from a lightly deep tone voice, that sounded like a man in his early 30's, raising my eyelashes, I saw a young man dressed in a white long suit, with a black short, well-cut hair and a nerd looking glasses, giving me a nice smile, as he meant it.
He had a stethoscope hung around his neck, I'm guessing that should be the doctor, he came close and asked me, "How are you feeling?", I didn't say a word to him, I just kept quiet and was breathing slowly like a disturbed soul, but he persisted and asked again in a gentle tone, "How are you feeling dear?" After some seconds of trying to grasp my breath and realizing where I was, I answered with a slightly rude tone, "I don't know", But being curious about how I got to the hospital, I continued to ask him, "How did I get here?", he smiled and replied, "You were brought in by some men, they said you tried to kill yourself at the beach, they took you out of the water and brought you to the Hospital, then we had to contact your family," Then he asked, "Why did you try to commit suicide?" I gave him this unanswerable stare like a young soldier ready to catch a bomb with his bare hands, and I wasn't ready for that weird blamed looks, that I was getting from him, so I had to shut my eyes tightly and pretended I had fallen asleep to prevent further questioning.
Later that day, I was discharged and brought home, family dinner seem so quiet as everyone kept on monitoring me, I just focused my eyes on a plate of rice and meatballs, it tasted so weirdly, probably because I wasn't in the mood to eat anything, but because I wasn't ready to face any questions, I just focused on the plate and forced myself to eat, but mum broke the silence and said; "I think you need to see a psychiatrist, because I don't understand why you would want to die, it's not as if you have any responsibilities your catering for, your just 17 years old, I wonder what is wrong with these generation, you guys think you can make decisions without considering the consequences that follows suit, you couldn't consider how God feels about this, do you think he loves people who take their own lives?, do you want to kill me too?", well I really didn't care about that, I still kept on focusing on my plate for a while, well dad didn't say anything, but I could see the whole disappointed reaction on his face, he left the dinner table and went into his room, he couldn't complete his meal, he felt so heartbroken, and I felt responsible, dad and I used to be pals growing up, till after sometime I felt this strange distance when I was 12 years old, he didn't have much of my time anymore and I felt so alone.
Later that night, I heard dad calling someone, and I couldn't guess who was that, because Elisa and Jeremy won't stop bugging my life, they were acting like bullies, asking me a series of questions regarding the reason for my suicide and playing that whole judgemental game around me, I didn't want to say a word to them when they saw I wasn't budging, they retreated.
"Your such a coward, you couldn't die, such a shame, why did you even go to the beach drama Queen?", "I am not a drama Queen", I said to the stranger in my dream that night, "I didn't want to live, because there was nothing to live for, everything seemed so black and white to me, no joy, no happiness, just deep sadness, I have no friends because they don't want me around, they think I'm a weirdo, they all call me crazy and I hated that with so much passion, and things doesn't go well with me at school, they won't stop bullying me, and I miss mom a lot, I wish she was here, but death had to cheat me and take her away, she was the only one who understands me", I said as I burst into tears, then I woke up crying, it felt like, old unhealed wounds got poured a lot of salt, then I kept on remembering all the memories mom and I used to share, all fun moments we had, with me and dad, then I remembered the night she died, then I got so angry, that was when I realized it was morning, and the door bell kept on ringing, who could that be?.....