That man has always been cold to me. Even he was not reluctant to say harshly. But I didn't have to repay his bad attitude with ugliness. I still serve her like a wife to my husband. Although we were married for almost a year, Bagas had never once touched me. Even the man had the heart to ask me to sleep on a thin mattress on a tiled floor that was so cold, every night. Luckily, Bagas only returned home on weekends, so every Monday to Friday I could sleep peacefully on his soft mattress.
I know, so far, my mother-in-law has always tried hard so that Bagas can love me as much as she loves her lover. But, Bagas remained the same, the girl's position was completely irreplaceable.
"Mom, I only have one month left. Forgive me if, during my time as mom's daughter-in-law, I was wrong," I said one afternoon to the mother who was sitting on the front porch of the house.
The woman who had heart disease instantly stared at me. Her eyes were filled with tears, "Yas, are you serious about what you said?" The mother's voice was heavy. With all her might the woman was trying to restrain her crying.
I huddled, I had to realize that love could never be forced. I'm just an ordinary human being who has the right to seek my happiness. Because there is no way forever I will live with a man who will never be able to love me and Bagas also has the right to be happy just as much as I am.
"Yas, please consider your decision!" said the mother with a scruffy face. The tears fell down her cheeks.
"Mom, I've tried my best to be Bagas' wife. But..." my words came to a halt, the labyrinth of my brain increasingly filled with Bagas' ever-cold and indifferent attitude to me. "Never mind mom, whose name is love it won't be able to be forced." I rubbed gently the back of mom's hand. The woman cried, it seemed that the strokes of her face painted a very deep sadness.
A man came to me and the mother who was sitting on the porch of the house. Mom immediately cleaned her tears so that they would not be imprinted.
"Assalamualaikum," said the man who continued to adjust his disorderly breathing.
"Wa Alaikum salam!" I replied to the man who was familiar to me.
"Mr. Diman, what's the matter?" I rose from my seat approaching a panicked-looking Mr. Diman.
"Yas, your uncle Yas!" said Mr. Diman haltingly. I burst into tears instantly. I feel that if there is a bad feeling.
"Yas, don't cry!" Mr. Diman worried.
I couldn't stop crying. "Sir. Does Uncle's heartache recur?" I said, hoping that only uncle Soleh's congenital pain would recur as usual.
"No, Yas!" Mr. Diman shook his head. Looked anxiously at me.
"Then what's the matter, Mr. Diman?" My legs felt limp, fear filled my chest even more, and my body shook waiting for an answer from Mr. Diman, a neighbor near soleh's uncle's house.
"What's the matter, Mr. Diman? Quickly say it!" Mom got up from the stool. Standing next to me. His face looked curious.
"Yas, your uncle, Uhm... your uncle is passed away!"
Deg!
My body felt limp. Then it fell cross-legged under mom's feet and after that, I didn't know whatever happened. The longer the voice of the mother calling me sounded away.
"Yas, Yas, aware, Yas!" mom patted gently my cheek that was on her lap.
"Istighfar Yas, istighfar!" the mother's voice could be heard crying. Even if I can hear it, I don't want to open my eyes. It feels like this is like a dream and I don't want to wake up.
----
The uncle's body was taken to the mother's house. Because there is no other place but Marini's mother's house, who is now my mother-in-law.
"Uncle, uncle, my uncle!" I cried hysterically, causing the neighbors to come to my mother-in-law's house when the stretcher carrying the body came.
The sound of the holy verses of the Koran became more and more wrenching to my aching heart. Uncle's body has now lay before me. Mom was still embracing my body, I leaned my head in mom's arms. This time I couldn't feel my bones at all. All this is like a dream.
Many times I have contacted Bagas to go home immediately. I need my husband now. But the man didn't pick up my call at all. The message I sent was not reciprocated at all. I'm getting more and more disappointed and hurt. It turned out that Bagas had no heart at all. Made me even more convinced to part with the man.
-----
"Yas, eat first!" said the mother sitting on the edge of the bed right beside me.
I didn't answer, my stomach was already full of the reality that kept destroying me. Lost the person I cared about and was also dumped by my own husband. How unfortunate this is for me. I can't afford to cry anymore. My eyes already hurt from crying too much over the passing of my dead uncle for good.
Mom snorted softly, patted me gently on the shoulder then left me.
'Bagas, if you really don't love me and want me to leave your life. This is not how it is. My uncle doesn't have any sin to you. What's wrong is me, because I'm too hopeful of yourself repaying my love. But why....'
Checkrek!!
Someone could be heard reopening the door to my room. His footsteps quietly came to me. But I'm lazy to see, it must be the mother who came to persuade me.
"Yas!" a hand gently touched my shoulder. From the smell of the perfume, I recognized who the man was. But at this time I was no longer willing to look at Bagas' face.
'Bagas!'. I'd love to drop my body in the arms of his chest like the night when the man came home in the cold. But, I've been disappointed, I've decided to end all this.
"Forgive me if it was yesterday..."
Unfinished Bagas took out his words. My rumbling chest was unable to contain my anger anymore.
"You don't need to apologize. It's not your fault," I replied sarcastically. Staring resentfully. Then walked past Bagas. Suddenly a hand pulled my wrist.
Enduring it hurts, wouldn't I better just say everything so that I no longer have to always pretend to be okay in front of Bagas. After all, after this all, it will also be over.
The man looked scared, his forehead filled with sweat. It wasn't until this time that Bagas was holding back my departure, was it just his expression of guilt alone. Or does he also have the same taste as me.
"Let go of my hand!" I snapped at Bagas.
"No!" retorted Bagas not to be outdone.
"Let go of Bagas! I don't need your pity. You'd better get away from my life and..."
Cup!
My remarks stopped instantly. Bagas suddenly kissed me on the lips. I can't say anything anymore. It is precisely at this time that I seem to have found the medicine I have been looking for.
Bug!
I pushed Bagas' body until it fell on the bed. When I realized that kissing was just one way to hypnotize my anger alone.
"I don't need that thing!" I snapped, staring threateningly.
Bagas didn't care. He pulled my wrist until it fell over his body, lying on his chest as I wished.
"I know I was wrong," Bagas said.
I can't refuse the request. Even though my mind refused but my body actually enjoyed every touch of it.
A hot battle just happened on the bed between me and Bagas. I regretted it, but I didn't have the courage to refuse. Maybe it's because I love Bagas too.
"I want us to separate!" I said after we were silent for quite a long time. It doesn't matter if we've just channeled a desire full of enjoyment. My determination has been unanimous to end all this pain.
Silent, Bagas didn't answer anything.
After waiting long enough, I pulled my body out of Bagas' arms. Staring at his eyes that were looking at me.
"We have to end this marriage soon, Bagas," I said looking seriously.
"No, I don't want to part with you, Yas. I love you."
I was surprised to hear Bagas declare his love for me for the first time.
----
Continued.....