Ein was currently observing Kalpas and Kosma who didn't really have any hobbies to speak of. Well, except Kosma who likes to play with the kids. Kalpas destroying stuff and killing things don't really count.
"Hmm, I'm quite worried about them. They do not have something that all functional organisms possess." Ein said seriously while Kevin and Su listened intently.
They were in a retreat with just the boys and were camping out in the woods, hunting, fishing, enjoying nature as old men should.
"What is it though?" Su asked as he was a doctor and he got curious. "They don't seem to have any sexual desires, and we can't have that Su. We are men of culture, I want to see them pick up some girls or something. It's driving me crazy." Kevin and Su deadpanned at him, but he did have a point. As Kosma and Kalpas have lived their lives for centuries.
"They don't even have a single dirty magazine under their bed. Their internet history is clean too, Kosma has been looking at cat videos in the internet. He might turn into a crazy cat lady." Ein raised and Kevin nodded while Su sighed.
"Ohhhh! We need to do something, Ein. Our boys need our help in understanding what it means to live." Kevin fist pumped and Su thought they'll do something crazy.
"What do you guys have in mind anyway? Kevin, you might have been a girl magnet back in highschool, but you don't really know how to pick up girls. They just come to you, you got lucky with MEI you know?" Su commented and Kevin gave a cramped smile.
"Hmmm, Kalpas and Kosma are too unique. They won't even pick up anyone in the 1st place, as the two probably never even touched their selves in their whole life." Ein tried thinking of ways on how to convert them, it then hit him like a truck.
"I don't like that look of yours Ein. You come up with some crazy shit and all hell breaks loose when you look like that." Su started sweating and Kevin nodded.
"Kukuku~ It doesn't have to be here on earth. And I know just the place where they can be moulded as men of culture!" Ein then unraveled Enkidu off himself and tapped into his omniscience. Searching for the suitable world that reeks of culture.
Kevin and Su dropped down to the ground as they felt his suffocating omnipotence, sweating heavily as they thought that things are going to get complicated.
Ein then closed his eyes and nodded in satisfaction. "What did you need your powers for? God damn, I can never get used to that." Kevin stood up on shaky legs and helped Su up.
"I found the world, Kosma! Kalpas! Get your asses here pronto!" Ein shouted and the two of them quickly arrived.
"What!? Is there some kind of aliens to commit genocide on? That was fun, let's do it again!" Kalpas said with excitement, but Ein shook his head and patted them on the shoulder.
"You two have a problem. You are uncultured swines, divine wizards that have persisted for hundreds of years. And we have to fix that, you guys shall be receiving a taste of it and we'll go right now." Ein said as he prepared to jump through worlds.
Kosma and Kalpas were confused. 'Uncultured? What does he mean? Is he saying we're dumb? No, that's not possible. Kalpas-san might be simple and a meathead, but he is clever when the time calls for it. I guess we should just agree.'
Kosma thought in his head and simply nodded. Ein then gave a message to the gang and immediately went over to the world he painstakingly located.
They then appeared at a pub that looks like it came from the middle ages. "Hi~ we came from nowhere and we need some directions, can we know where we can exchange gold and valuable gems?" Ein asked a passing bar maid that had wings and a part of her legs were avian.
"Ahh, yes. You can do that at the guild mister. It's just outside, the big building with the sign guild on it. Can't miss it you know." The bar maid replied and quickly went back to her duties.
"Umu, thank you very much. Thanks to your information, all drinks are on me!" Ein took out a bag of gold bars and put it on a table with a loud thud. There was complete silence in the pub, then everyone cheered loudly.
"Ein, where in the world are we? There's lots of species here." Su was fascinate and he saw a lot of anthropomorphic races. Such as the bar maid and lizard bipeds.
"E-elf ga kita!" Kevin shouted at the top of his lungs and it was heard all over the town. Kalpas then stared at him. "Kevin... Elysia is an elf you know?" Kosma nodded and Ein clicked his tongue. Shaking his head at their apparent lack of culture.
"Kevin has known Elysia for thousands of years Kosma, Kalpas. Seeing others will truly inspire you, this just goes to show that you guys need help." Ein then gestured for them to get out of the pub.
"T-there's cat girls here too! Dog girls too! Why didn't we go here sooner?" Kevin got excited and Su gave a cramped smile.
"Shh, what matters is we have found the holy land. Now let's get some cash." Ein walked in to the guild with the boys and he thought that some punks might try something so he let out his horns and scales.
"Hey, we were told we can get some money here by exchanging this?" Ein took out some gold and the receptionist took a look at it. She then quickly handed them an exchange rate and he took out a ton of gold bars.
"P-please wait a minute." The receptionist went to the back and they waited for their cash. "Ein, how are you going to teach them that anyway? I don't know about you, but seeing their reactions. They didn't really have any impactful realizations or something." Su asked as he observed Kosma and Kalpas' reactions which were only wonder and curiosity.
"We bide our time, we shall strike at night. Patience is a virtue, Su. You should know that as an enlightened person." Ein replied and he didn't ask any further.
They then got their money and went back to the pub, the 5 ordered everything on the menu and wanted to try the local cuisine.
"Hey, thanks for bringing in tons of money to the establishment. I'm Meidri by the way, call me if you need something okay? Your food will be out in a moment." The bar maid went up to them and thanked them. (pic)
They then went full on frat boy party as they taught the fantasy people how to do shotguns and Ein took out a beer bong. Chugging kegs of ale and lager like it was water. Playing drinking games with the locals. Beer pong, titanic, flip cup, etc.
The time then quickly passed as they outdrank every single person inside the pub and the alcohol went out of stock from their excessive partying. Creating a legend of five party animals that cannot be beat no matter what.
"Ahhh, that was fun... Now, it's time for the meat of the operation." Ein went outside with them as they followed. The city was still as busy as it was in the morning, but it was different of course. As multiple women becokened for customers in their establishment.
"Welcome, everyone. Our battle begins now. Well, except Kevin. MEI didn't give permission and I'll watch over you." Ein said as Kevin understood what they'll be doing.
"Really? There's tons of red light districts on earth Ein." Su facepalmed and thought, why did they have to go to another universe for this.
"Tch, you do not understand as well Su! These ladies are not human! Look around you! They are interspecies! And they are special as well, it is legally required for you to have a succubus or incubus heritage to work as a sex worker here." Ein nodded sagely and Su raised a brow at his words.
"But what about venereal diseases? We are immune to those, but it would surely be unpleasant to do that with people that are infected. This is a world at the middle ages, condoms probably aren't even a thing here." Su raised and Ein huffed.
"Of course it's a thing here, but these establishments are highly respectable! STI's are nipped in the bud right from the very start as all of them have magic circles that gets rid of it. This is a world of swords and magic Su." Ein finished his explanation and started walking around.
"Hmm, a fine place for their 1st battle." Ein saw a brothel that specializes in kemonomimi girls. He quickly entered and they were welcomed by the receptionist.
"Give me every girl you have available for my fine companions. It is their 1st time, so teach them everything you can." Ein then snapped his fingers, rushing Kalpas and Kosma's body with testosterone as they started to feel different.
"Certainly, sir. Thank you for choosing us." Ein then nodded, looking at the three. "Kevin, Su. I leave them to your hands, I will be cementing my name as a legendary man in which no one could top." Ein gave them a thumbs up and the baby sitters sighed at his antics.
"Kevin..." Su looked at him with squinted eyes and he immediately knew what's going down. "Scissors, paper, rock!" Su won and Kevin frowned, sighing heavily at his loss.
Kevin then lead Kosma and Kalpas that were confused to a large room.
Su then looked at the receptionist and smiled. "Hey, are you on the menu? They're going to take a while." Su leaned on the counter and the receptionist smiled with a blush, seeing Su's handsome face.
"Ahem, I normally am not. But I will make an exception for you dear customer." The receptionist's tail brushed on Su's face.
__
"Now, it is time to unleash the beast." Ein travelled to the city where the succubus tower is and entered it.
"Hello sir, any specific requests? I'm sure we can provide you with the girls you have in mind!" The succubus receptionist advertised, and she was right. There were such a variety of succubus there that he could do any combination.
"Umu, I'm here on a mission lady. To create a legend. Bring me everyone who is available, I will take this place down." Ein said seriously and the receptionist thought it was another one who was pretty arrogant.
"Sir, I don't think you've experienced a succubus before." She tried persuading him, but Ein just stared at her with a raised brow. "Did I stutter?"
The receptionist sighed and thought somebody was going to die tonight. "Please sign this waver, we will stop when you are on the brink of death alright. Try to hang on~" The receptionist chuckled and couldn't wait for him to be like a skeleton the next night.
For the start, Ein was greeted by two succubi. "I see, you don't believe me. Understandable, my legend is still to be created after all." He then carried them and went on a spree.
__
At the morning, Kosma that always looked gloomy was in a good mood and was all smiles. While Kalpas that is always grumpy is pretty mild.
They were at the pub and was having some breakfast. "Hey, did you guys hear the news? The succubus tower took a break! This is one hell of a surprise." A customer shouted and everybody listened as that has never happened, ever.
"That's right! Some guy went in and took all the girls on. And it was a complete beat down, every single succubus in the tower is reported to have engorged on vitality that they won't be able to work for a week at least!" The guy told everyone and the pub went quiet.
"W-what the hell!? A god among men has descended upon us..." Someone whispered and every guy nodded.
"That sounds like Ein... Sasuga Ein-sama, honestly. He's unbeatable, and those girls in that establishment will probably never experience that ever again." Su said with a sigh as Kevin nodded sagely.
And with Kosma's happy mood, he was more chatty than usual. "Su would know, he disguised himself as Krishna a couple of times after all." Kosma dropped a bomb and everybody stared at Su.
"W-wait... It's a misunderstanding." Su started sweating buckets and got frantic, confirming the evidence.
"Y-you didn't?" Kevin gasped and gave glances to Kosma and Kalpas. A bead of sweat forming on his brow.
"It was just this one time, I swear! And Krishna took control of my body too!" Su dug deeper and their table got awkward real quick.
Ein then returned triumphantly with a bag of panties on him. "I have returned, the succubus tower is formidable, I give them that. But it was just another Tuesday for Einheri Aesir."
He then sat down at their table and looked at the 4 that were awkward as hell. "What happened? Something went wrong last night?" Ein asked as they all shook his head. Not sure if he knew what Su and Kevin did.
"Uhh, nothing. It's not important really." Kalpas replied as he continued on with his meal. "Okay? Kosma, tell me what you guys were talking about."
"We just heard the news of you in that tower Ein-san. And then, after that. We saw a shop where you can chug a gender changing potion. But it was too high level." Kosma told their escapades last night.
"Ohhhh, a shame you didn't try. It seems you're on a roll eh? I remember when Kevin and Su tried to trick me into thinking they were Kate and Krishna, but who am I to judge? They were consenting adult women at the time." Ein shrugged and their soul left their bodies.
"Kevin, Su..." Kalpas and Kosma stared at the two that went pale. They then returned back to earth with Kalpas and Kosma learning something new that changed their views on Su and Kevin.
__
Just an Omake, so treat it as non canon unless stated otherwise. That's what an Omake is aight? Anyways, thanks for reading. Ciao.