After our first Strike tournament, Saka let me keep the prize money. I was against it, but he wouldn't let me have it any other way. His generosity helped my mother get back on her feet. And three years later…I held fast to that moment.
Saka and I were not in the same home room year one and two of high school, and due to his packed schedule, we rarely ran into each other during school. We both looked forward to summer because that's when we could catch up. Almost every day he opened up about life with his family, how things were going with his girlfriend…and aspirations with sports. He could ramble on and on about soccer. It made my heart happy to just be around him. Even though after three years I was too shy to confess to him…or properly come out. That honestly has been one of my biggest regrets.
Part of what made it difficult to open up to Saka was every time there seemed to be an opening, one of his friends intervened...
"Hey, Saka!"
Saka and Jui had just left the pizza parlor and were heading to Saka's house. Jui was happy to have Saka by himself for once, but it was a matter of time before one of Saka's friends showed up. Unfortunately for Jui...it happened to be Maichi. Even more upsetting, Saka let his arm drop from around Jui's shoulder at the sound of his voice.
"Wtf?! You've been hanging out with this nerd again? F**k, you did say you invited him." Maichi bellowed, coming within inches of the pair.
Saka was annoyed by his comment. "His name is Jun, Maichi. And what are you talking about?"
"He doesn't remember anything unless it's related to Strike."
Jui looked behind him, noticing Tai, one of Saka's other friends, walk up behind him. Jui felt his chest tightened when he noticed Tai was not alone. Kimi, Saka's girlfriend, was with him too. Jui was honestly jealous of her...jealous that she was so beautiful. Jui didn't think much about his transition but when he saw her, he felt out of place. Could he have been that beautiful if he had stuck to the boy he was given? Would Saka have fallen for him then? The more he thought about it...the more closed up in his shell Jui became.
"Shut up, Tai. Just spit it out!" Saka barked, whether it was because he was embarrassed Kimi was around or because he didn't want the comment brought up, Jui wasn't sure.
Surprisingly, Kimi kissed Saka in his fit of rage. Saka's mood began to change as a blush appeared over his cheeks.
"Today is the carnival, silly. You know, our transition."
Saka's mood immediately changed, as he shyly rubbed his head. "Oh yea…sorry babe, I completely forgot. Probably would've helped if I didn't forget my phone. Jun and I were heading to get it, so are you cool with stopping there first?"
"Sure!" Tai shrugged as Kimi held Saka's arm.
Jui felt his heartbeat faster at how happy Saka seemed with Kimi. He couldn't help but glue his eyes to the pavement. It was the first time he had seen Kimi and Saka so close, but that didn't mean it bothered him any less. He felt more and more ashamed for loving someone who could never love him back...not in that way. Was he too selfish to think that maybe his senior year...maybe if he had Saka to himself, that he would be able to tell him how he felt?
Regardless of the outcome?
Jui snapped out of his trance when he felt the friction of Maichi's shoulder leaning into him. He was uncomfortably close. He could smell the stench of tobacco that lines his shirt, but it was his eyes that worried Jui the most. They were filled with hatred.
"Jun and I? If you're not careful, you'll let his gayness rub off on you."
Jui felt like his heart was about to burst, the anxiety settling in as Maichi spit in his direction. The saliva barely touched his cheek as he shivered, dreading the situation. Maichi was no different than the boys who taunted him in middle school...no different than his father who abandoned him. Saka didn't know that Jui was gay...but he was sure that he had to have thought about it...or realized that he was. Would that mean that Saka would treat him just like everyone else?
"Dude...let it go." Tai sighed, but not butting in to help Jui.
Jui felt a hand grab him away from Maichi. His eyes were watering, positive that those hands would throw him to the ground and beat on him as they had before. However, when he looked up he saw Saka and the dread went away.
"Maichi, stop pestering Jun! He just likes to play videogames. There's nothing wrong with that!"
"Chill out, Saka. I was just saying your boy fan—"
Saka let go of his hold on Jui and grabbed Maichi's collar, pushing him into a wall. Jui was shocked by Saka's strength! Maichi's feet came off the ground and the cement smacked behind the force of Saka's throw.
"For the last time…F*****G shut up! Jun is my friend, get that through your thick skull or I'll permanently do it for you."
"Ok…ok, I get it. I'm sorry, Saka. I'm…I'm sorry Jun. I didn't mean it." Maichi pled, but Saka wasn't letting him go.
Jui sat in awe...in awe that he would go to such lengths to protect him, but Kimi walked behind Saka and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Saka, let him go. Please…for me?"
Saka was only seeing red, and even after her call, he lingered with Maichi yelping in his grasp. However, he released Maichi shortly afterwards, held onto Kimi's hand, and walked off.
"Fine. Tai, Jun...let's go."
Maichi rubbed his collarbone, huffing but snapping back into reality. "Come on, man! I said I'm sorry. Kimi? Tai?!?!"
Tai shrugged, walking away. "What? Do I look like a punching bag to you?"
"Hurry up, Jun! We wanna be first in line for the coaster!" Saka called behind him.
Jui stood, blushing after him, but a dread started to creep into his heart. Saka defended me him in front of all his friends. Did he appreciate it, yes. But how come…at 17 years of age…could he not stand up for himself?