Ian sped down the road, trees flashing by at an alarming rate. I sat in the passenger seat, grasping the handle in the truck's corner. The road was old and in disrepair. Every bump jostled us viciously. I was afraid the camping gear in the bed would fly away at any moment, despite the bungee net holding it down. But behind the wheel, Ian didn't seem bothered in the slightest. If anything, his foot was pressing the gas harder every moment. Smiling absent-mindedly, he drummed the steering wheel, mumbling along with the occasional lyric blasting through the blown-out stereo.
Owen, on the other hand, was not so copacetic. He was sprawled out in the truck's narrow back seat, his normally pale face noticeably green. "Can you slow down?" He groaned, sitting up just in time to be knocked down again. "Or at least dodge the damn potholes. Man, if you fuck up this truck, my brother is going to kill me!"
"You could put on your seatbelt," I suggested, already knowing Owen would ignore me. It wasn't the first time I had offered such a ludicrous proposition.
"Or one of us could drive." Owen snapped.
Ian chuckled. "Relax, man. I'll slow up just for you." He cooed, looking back at his friend and away from the road, batting his eyelashes comically.
Owen threw a crumpled-up magazine into Ian's face.
Despite his flippant reply, Ian did indeed slow down. But, only as we saw the sign heralding our destination. Fontayn Peak, National Park, it read, the wooden board nearly illegible after years of weathering.
It had taken three hours, but we had finally arrived. Initially, Owen had wanted to do the driving. After all, the car did belong to his brother. But, Ian, crafty in his own way, had convinced Owen to play rochambeau for the position. Owen hadn't been lucky, and the winner was obvious.
That said, Ian had peeled an hour off of our drive time. Though, honestly, I wasn't sure how to feel about that.
"Ivan," Ian asked as we bumped up and down the gravel road. "What was the site number again?"
"One moment," I pulled out my phone, checking for the note I had taken earlier.
"It's seven," Owen answered for me. He was peeking over the console, his head level with ours. "It should be the next one."
"Mhm." Ian nodded. Then, thinking aloud, he said, "You know, I wonder if there will be any other campers around. Maybe some cute girls on their summer break… Skinny dipping in the lake…" He sighed.
"There isn't a lake." I commented, rolling my eyes, "and yeah, definitely seven. Be sure not to miss the turn."
The truck let out a smokey cough from its exhaust, and we turned into a small lot. No other cars were present, and besides the trees, there was only a sign featuring several destinations with their corresponding distances and path colors. The trail beside it was barely noticeable, half consumed by the forest.
"Popular place," Owen commented, his voice dripping with sarcasm. We piled out of the truck, looking around at the dense foliage. He wasn't wrong; Fontayn wasn't popular. Most people had never heard of it. I had been there many times with my family, visiting different spots throughout the park. Not once had I seen another camper. But that was to my liking. A significant reason why I had chosen the park.
"It's secluded, but not that bad," I said, attempting to get into the bed of the truck. The hatch was giving me trouble, and I shook it, trying to open the damn thing.
"But it doesn't have a lake," Ian countered.
"This is a mountain, Ian." Owen shot back. His feathers still seemed ruffled by the driving situation. But it was nothing new for them to bicker… Constantly. "Lakes are found in valleys."
I managed the latch and hoisted myself into the bed. Off to the side, Ian lit a cigarette as I began unpacking. Nudging his friend, Owen bummed one, and together they stood there, entirely unhelpful.
"Sure, there can be lakes on mountains. I've seen it before." Ian replied, gesturing emphatically.
Ash sprinkled onto Owen's jacket, and he brushed it off. "Hey, watch it, man. And what are you talking about? No way, you are so full of shit."
"Are you guys going to help me?" I interrupted, tossing a couple of duffel bags onto the ground before them.
"Come on; you don't need help. You look like you got it handled," Ian said with a laugh, tossing his cigarette to the side and picking up a duffel. I jumped out of the truck with a similar bag on my back and stamped out the still-burning cigarette.
"Careful, we don't want a forest fire."
"Yeah, yeah," Ian said offhandedly. He stepped up to the bed of the truck and looked in. "Hey, wait a moment!" His eyes went wide as he looked back at us. "Where's the cooler?"
"What do you mean? You said you put it back there?" Owen asked, grabbing his own bag from the ground and tossing his cigarette butt over his shoulder.
"What do you mean, what do I mean? I never said that. You were supposed to put it in the bed!" Ian looked like he was going to explode.
I groaned.
"The fuck are you talking about? Before we left, you said you would stick it in the back, then you fucking rochambeaued me. Remember? Part of how you convinced me to play the stupid game."
"No way." Ian said, "No way! You forgot the booze, man! How could you do this? You monster!"
"You forgot it! Not me!"
"Guys! Guys!" I said, holding up my hands. "Chill out. Maybe it's in the front. I'll go check."
"It's not," Owen said. He crossed his arms and was shooting dirty looks at Ian, who, for his part, looked ready to fight.
I circled the truck and opened a door, looking inside. Sure enough, no red cooler was there. It was probably still sitting back in Owen's garage where we had hidden it. Hopefully where his parents wouldn't find it. Not that I would bring that possibility up. Fuck, this trip was not going well. I personally didn't care in the slightest about the beer; I just wanted to enjoy the serenity of the woods. But my company, well, they needed more mind-altering entertainment.
"No dice," I said, coming back to meet my friends.
"We are going back," Ian stated, and he pulled the keys from his pocket.
"Are you joking? It took us three hours to get here. And mind you, we are lucky you didn't get us arrested on the way. If we go back now, we won't return until midnight! Give me the keys." Owen held out his hand.
I agreed, "Dude, we aren't going back. Owen's right, It's too late. And whatever, it's just beer. It will be easier to walk without it anyway."
"Just beer… Just beer! That cooler contains my life's blood!"
I gave Ian a skeptical look.
But, after a lot of grumbling and snide looks, Owen and I managed to convince Ian to hand over the keys. Neither of them were happy, and neither was I, though it had little to do with the cooler. We had known each other for a long time, all the way back to elementary school. Some of my first memories were of the two fighting over toys on the playground. All these years later, and still, nothing had changed. It wasn't that they hated each other. There were plenty of good times and shared laughs. But somehow, those times only existed between long, pointless arguments. And here I was, always in the middle of the two of them. If they hadn't pried my summer plans out of me, I am sure I would have gone alone.
"Here we are," I said, with more than a hint of exasperation. Amid the long awkward silences that accompanied our hike to site seven, Ian and Owen had sprinkled in pointed and unabashedly childish insults to each other. Now they stood apart, hardly looking at each other as I set my bag down.
Deciding to ignore my companions, I paused to look over the scenery. This spot was the best. It sat right near the edge of a cliff, only a few minutes' walk from the mountain's peak, and had an excellent view of the rest of the park. The mountain itself wasn't impressively tall. It was more of a lumpy hill, resting on the outskirts of the Appalachian range. But it did have one hell of a crown jewel. Fontayn peak, easily within view of our camp, jutted out from the tree line. If Fontayn had been a more popular park, I am sure it would have gained a whole slew of amusing nicknames for the peak. No one could deny what it resembled.
"Damn." Ian whistled. "Ivan, you weren't kidding when you said it looked like a giant boob."
It did indeed look like a giant boob.
Owen snorted, "Perky."
Very perky.
Momentarily distracted from their anger, they helped me set up camp. The sun was getting low on the horizon, ready to tuck in and let the moon take precedence in the sky. The looming trees cast broad shadows, gently wafting back and forth in the breeze. It was a beautiful evening, with no clouds to obscure the sky and the perfect temperature. It wasn't even all that humid. I inhaled deeply, stepping to the edge of the cliff and looking over. Nowhere else did I feel so at home, away from the streets and buildings, the bustling activity, and annoying people.
Well, most of the annoying people. Some you just can't shake.
Joining me at the edge, Ian stood with his fists to his sides, and his elbows bent. "Ah, what a wonderful view. This place is beautiful, titty rock and all." He shot an eye back at Owen, stacking sticks beside the fire pit. "Only one thing could make this better. A nice, cold beer."
I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. Behind us, I could hear Owen suck in a deep breath of his own. "For the last time, Ian. I swear…" But I didn't hear the rest of what he said, and neither did Ian. Not over the sound of our own gasps.
Below us, maybe half a mile away, an entire section of the forest exploded. But it wasn't a loud, flaming blast. The only sound came from the swooping and screeching of birds escaping as well as a cacophonous implosion of air. A swath of woodland dissolved, bursting into clouds of pure color, bubbles of green and brown floating into the sky. The colors twisted and churned, faster and faster. And within a second, they sucked inwards, revealing a barren stretch of earth with two vague figures standing there.
"Holy shit!" Ian shouted, needlessly pointing, "What the fuck was that?"
"What are you talking about?" Owen said, jumping to his feet and running to join us at the cliff. "Oh…"
I couldn't believe my eyes. One of the figures, a small splash of white amid the brown earth, was the epicenter of the color. As I watched, more clouds of color spilled out of it, churning and whipping about like a mad kaleidoscopic wind. The other figure stood still, and something about its tall frame was off, inhuman.
Then, with no warning, the two figures burst into motion, colliding with each other in a burst of color and dust.
But they didn't remain in the clearing.
Fighting viciously through the colorful miasma, the two figures were zigzagging towards the cliff we stood on, their battle inadvertently sending them our way!
"Are they coming this way? What is going on?" Owen asked, his voice shaking with fear.
"And what is that color shit?" Ian added.
"Guys." I said, watching as another, closer section of woods burst into a cloud, "Guys! Let's get outta here!" I turned and grabbed each of them with one hand. They followed, but Ian stopped to seize stuff from the camp. I grabbed him by the shoulder, shaking my head. "No time, come on."
We could hear the sound of the… the… whatever they were. Screeching, metallic bursts interspersed with intense collisions that shook the forest floor. Owen ran ahead of us, turning right on the trail. I tried shouting to him, but he was too panicked to notice.
I cursed, chasing after my friend. We were taking the trail towards the peak, not back to the truck. It was an easy mix-up, The geography of the park was confusing, and without the map I had brought and my familiarity, we would certainly have gotten lost well before reaching camp.
The ground shook worse than before, and I turned briefly. The cliff buckled, and large chunks of stone fell to the earth below.
"Weren't you the one saying we need to run! Come on, Ivan!" Ian shouted, running ahead of me and waving for me to follow. I gave chase.
A few minutes later, Ian and I caught up with Owen. We were all breathing heavily from our sprint, Ian collapsing to the ground, clutching a stitch at his side. Distantly we could still hear the creatures fighting.
"Oh my god, we all saw that, right?" Owen asked.
"Yeah, that one, the really white thing, it turned the trees into… I don't even know." I said between panted breaths.
"It looked like a child to me," Ian added. He stood up, looking down the path.
"I didn't get a good look," Owen said.
"What about the other one?" I asked. As it had approached, I thought I had caught sight of something with spikes for legs, but I couldn't be sure.
"No idea," Ian said, shaking his head. "Does it matter?"
I shook my head.
Owen spoke, "No, maybe… Whatever it is, let's just get out of here. We can come back for our stuff some other time. If any of it is left."
Ian looked at Owen. "Maybe you should have opened your ears when Ivan shouted at you; we went the wrong why dipshit. Now we're nowhere near the car."
"What? But I thought… We should be close. It's not far. Right? Ivan?" Owen looked at me desperately.
I shook my head again, still catching my breath. "Other way."
"See! Now, who knows where we are? And we can't turn back now!"
"Wait, I know where we are," I said, holding a hand up. "We took the path to the peak. It shouldn't be much further. We can circle back around on another route if we can get there."
"You see." Owen said desperately, "It's fine. We'll get back."
I really hoped that I remembered the map right.
"We could be back already and getting the fuck out of here!" Ian shouted back.
I was rubbing my temple when the ground shook again. It wasn't rough, but all of us held our breath and looked back at each other.
"Save the argument." I said, "Let's go."
We set off down the path, heading towards Fontayn Peak.
The sound of fighting continued to shake the Earth as we traversed the path, closing in on the peak. At times it went silent for minutes, only to pick up suddenly and furiously. It was as if the monsters behind us were chasing after our trail. But that didn't make sense. We had only caught sight of them for a bare moment, and they had shown no sign of recognizing us. Regardless, we didn't even know what they were. All I knew was that whatever they were, they shouldn't exist.
As usual, Ian and Owen wouldn't stop fighting. I trampled ahead of them, trying to ignore the incessant arguing. It was the worst I had ever heard from the two of them. At times in the past, they had fought so bad that they wouldn't talk for days afterward. But even those rare times were nothing like this. Regardless, as always, all I could do was grit my teeth and refuse to take sides. Maybe this madness would be the end of their friendship for good. Perhaps that would be for the best.
Night had taken over the sky by the time we reached the peak. Fortunately for us, a glorious full moon bathed the forest in silver light. Both Owen's and my phone were dead, and none of us had snatched a flashlight. Ian's phone was on the verge of dying, and he was using the flashlight sparingly. He had tried calling for help twice, but each time was met with no signal.
Multiple trails converged at Fontayn's peak. Each one emptied into a clearing that surrounded the base of the stone structure. Close up, it looked less like a giant breast, the sides irregular and uneven in many places. The whole stone edifice was unusual, though, somehow unnatural looking.
"I think it's the blue path we need to take to circle around," I said, motioning for my friends to follow me.
"You think, or are you sure?" Ian asked. His voice was sharp.
"I think." I said shortly, "I am not sure, but it's the best we got unless you happen to know the way." He better not turn on me now. It was enough having to listen to their arguments without being pulled into the thick of it myself.
"If we get lost, we could die out here! I could use more certainty than just a guess."
"Oh shut up, Ian. You don't know where we are. Ivan is doing his best." Owen replied.
"What do you know? You're the one that took us this way!"
"For the love of fucking… Ergggh!" I couldn't take it anymore. I turned back on my friends, standing on the precipice of a long rant. "Why can't you two ever just give it a break! Why! Just why! Why are you even friends?" I was too flustered to go on and had to catch my breath, thinking about what I would shout next.
But I didn't get the chance.
Searing pain tore through my body. I fell to my knees and screamed in agony. In my periphery, I saw Owen and Ian doing the same. It felt as if every cell in my body was vibrating, trying to escape. Around us, the woods shifted, exploding into color just as we had seen before. Even the forest floor began to dissolve. After just a second or two, it was gone. Only we remained, writhing in the dirt.
I struggled to my feet.
Ian and Owen were both groaning in pain, still on the ground. They were naked, and their hair had vanished. I felt my head. There wasn't a strand of hair, and my clothes were gone too.
The two entities landed only ten or so yards from where I stood, facing off. They seemed unaware of our presence. One appeared to be a boy, a young child. But his skin and hair were monochromatic, like a character from a black and white film. The only coloration he possessed was in his eyes, which held twisting kaleidoscopes of color. The color lashed out in thin gaseous tendrils, revealing his eyes to be nothing more than vessels for the mysterious substance.
The other figure was giant. She, for it looked vaguely female, stood seven or eight feet tall. In place of legs, she had long crystalline spikes, and her hair was like a quartz crystal jutting backward away from her skull. Her fingers were talons, the tip of each glowing with different colored electricity. One was missing from her left hand.
The child with kaleidoscopic eyes laughed, though it sounded somehow fake, mechanical, "Come on, Talon. Are you going to hit me or not? I've been waiting, even making room for you. But you're just too damn slow."
The tall monster, Talon, I suppose, growled. She leapt forwards, closing the gap in a near-instant. But instead of colliding with the child, she slashed her thumb outwards, and a black line tore through the air. Like a portal, she vanished into it, disappearing from sight. The child had already jumped out of the way but didn't seem concerned by his opponent's disappearance. Mid-air, a line of green exploded from his eyes, and he grabbed hold of it, spinning like a gymnast. His timing was perfect, for, at that moment, another black tear opened just behind where he had been, and Talon burst out of it, slashing at the spot where the child had been.
"Stay still!" She screamed, her voice sounding like nails on a chalkboard. She slammed into the ground, and the earth shook with unbelievable force. I stumbled back, catching myself on the rock formation behind me.
"Now, why would I do that?" The child asked, landing smoothly ten paces away from his opponent. The green that had burst from his eyes faded away in the air above, ceasing to exist.
"I am getting tired of this. If you don't apologize soon, I will do it." Talon screeched. She held out one long talon, her middle finger pointed at the child.
Walking like I was in a dream, slow and labouriously, I approached. I couldn't tell you why. My mind was in shock; a sense of derealization struck me so hard I felt drugged. But the creatures didn't notice me.
"I am not going to say sorry. I have no reason to."
Red electricity sparked on the end of her finger, "I swear! Don't make me do this, Leid. I will!"
The child, Leid, produced another fake laugh. Small tornadoes of color burst from his eyes, swiveling around his head.
Was he rolling his eyes?
"It was just some fried chicken. I mean, seriously, we can get more."
"It was my chicken! Mine!"
Suddenly I stopped listening to what they were saying. The incredulity of the situation dawned on me. These two demigods, horrifying, impossible monsters, were fighting over fried chicken.
Fried chicken!
"You're really going to release hell into this world because I ate your leftovers. Come on, Talon. Haven't you gotten this out of your system yet? We have been fighting for like an hour." Leid said, his voice bored.
I had had enough of stupid arguments. Dumbasses fighting over nothing and ruining my vacation! No more!
"Hey, you two!" I shouted, walking up to the two monsters. "The fuck do you think you're doing? Coming here, ruining my camping trip, wrecking half the forest, all because of some stupid fried chicken! Are you children? I mean, you look like a child, sure. A freaky one. But you are some sort of badass crystal woman. Why do you care so much? You could have killed us! I don't know what is going on or what you two are, but I don't care! I don't care! Go away!" I was breathing heavily, the words bursting out of me. I had never shouted at anyone like that before. It didn't feel real, standing there naked and hairless before two impossible monsters fighting over fried chicken. A part of me was sure that it was some bizarre dream. Another piece of me, however, knew that it was real.
That I had just made a grave mistake.
The creatures blinked, totally taken aback. They looked at each other and then looked back at me.
"Ummm… When did this mortal get here? Did you see it?" Leid asked Talon.
"No. I wasn't paying attention." She gazed at me, and I felt a horrible, crushing weight. At that moment, I couldn't have said anything if I had wanted to. "Should we kill it and move on?"
Shit.
"No. The coven's hate when we kill mortals, remember. And this one is ballsy; I respect that." Leid said, giving me a slight nod. I would have returned it if I wasn't entirely in the thralls of panic. "Plus, it's got a point. No matter how much I like wanton destruction, we came here to avoid hurting the mortals. Seems that some come here, even with the formation. I hate this country. They really are everywhere, aren't they."
Talon looked back at Leid, "I am still mad."
Leid sighed, "I will go get you some chicken, okay? Or whatever else you want. But let's just get out of here. I'm really not in the mood for fighting anymore anyway."
Talon shrugged, seeming to share her companion's feelings.
And, without another word to me, the two creatures walked away, vanishing into the woods.
"Ivan." I turned around and saw Owen and Ian standing to their feet, trying to cover themselves. Ian, unsurprisingly, was the first to talk. "You just shouted off… Some… Oh, I don't know! Anime villains!"
"Where are my clothes…" Owen muttered, still seeming to come to his senses.
"Anime villains?" I asked, my mind reeling.
"Oh my god! That was amazing!" Ian came in for a hug but then thought better of it.
"My hair…" Owen said, rubbing his head.
Ian turned from me and spat, "Shut up, Owen."
That moment something clicked in my mind.
"You know what. Fuck you guys." And that said, I walked away. If everything had gone my way, my naked ass would have been the last thing those two jerks saw of me. But that night was only the beginning of the strangeness that would haunt the rest of my life. Ian, Owen, and the clash at Fontayn would stick with me forever.
But the rest are stories for another day.
-Ivan Julien Reinhart