Another week passed and Vivi could not ignore her job any longer. Partly because she felt guilty about all the paid leave she was getting, and partly because her stepfather kept asking questions about her workplace. The last thing, she needed was for him to go snooping, but primarily because out of all the work calls she received, the person that rung yesterday was Ms. Webb herself. Although the call was brief, with Ms. Webb simply asking when Vivi will be returning to work, it was more than enough for Vivi to drag herself to work today. Lucious offered to take her, but Vivi quickly rejected the offer. Even going as far as to brush him off when he went in for a hug. Vivi felt bad of course but the pit in her stomach demanded that no one be near her. And so, Vivi took the lonely drive to work herself in total silence. Ironically, the silence kept her mind clear, or rather blank. All Vivi was at the moment was just another part of her yellow car. The damaged part that keeps the wheels turning.
Soon enough, Vivi found herself wandering towards her desk and immediately plopping down. She felt the silence in her mind breaking, so she wasted no time powering on her work pad and looking at the graphic designs she left behind. And although Vivi just got started for the day, it was not long before a disturbance snapped her out of any trance she tried to maintain.
"Helloooooo," Charlie knocked on the wall of her office space. "Earth to Vivi."
"What do you want?" Vivi asked dismissively, not taking her eyes off her work pad.
"I can't say hi to you?" Charlie pouted with his arms folded. Vivi did not respond, "Guess not."
He sighed and after scratching the back of his head, while thinking for a moment, Charlie then asked Vivi if she could come with him to the rooftop.
"Why?" Vivi finally responded, only to look up at him with the most suspicious side eye.
"C'mon, what's with the look," Charlie rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to push you off the roof or do any weird shit … I just want to talk."
"About what?" Vivi asked, giving him an even more suspicious, and almost frightened, look. "Because if it's about that… incident from a while ago then you can save it." Charlie shoulders dipped as worry shrouded his face.
"I promise it's not about that," Charlie said gently. "Just please come up with me and let's get away for a moment."
Vivi was very skeptical and wanted to remain so, but after seeing Charlie's entire demeanor change from wannabe goofy older brother to someone that actually looks like they cared…
"Fine." Vivi relented, getting from her desk to follow the now softly smiling Charlie.
The pair did not say anything else as they made their way towards the stairwell and walked all the way up towards the roof. It took some time, but between Charlie's super soldier-like physique and Vivi's daze, the pair breezed through their ascent, eventually reaching the door to the roof. Vivi watched as Charlie opened the door and was blasted with awe at what she saw. The roof was actually a tiny park filled with fake, but very lush, grass, a luxuriously crafted, wooden, lunch table, a small spring in the middle that spouted out crystalline clear water into its surrounding pool, and even two wonderfully colored and florally decorated vending machines off to the side that carried either drinks or actual food.
"You hungry?" Charlie asked, snapping Vivi out of her amazement and causing her to blurt out a yes.
She cursed herself for it, but Charlie simply chuckled and then told her to go sit at the table while he grabbed them some chicken wraps and drinks. Vivi felt bad of course but resigned herself to following along and sitting down at the lunch table. Soon afterward Charlie brought back some surprisingly warm chicken wraps and cool water. Vivi wasted no time digging in on the meal, realizing just how much she starved herself over the last two weeks. She felt incredibly embarrassed by how fast she ate but Charlie simply chuckled again, giving her a warm smile before finishing up his own food. Once Charlie was done, he took a swig of water and started talking, much to Vivi's dread.
"So, how have you been?" Charlie asked, resting his face behind his interlocked fingers.
"Fine…" Vivi responded hollowly.
"That doesn't sound too fine at all." Charlie responded to which Vivi only shrugged in return.
"Well, guess I'll go first then," Charlie said, leaning back for a stretch before returning to rest his face on his hand. "My life fucking blows right now."
Vivi's eyebrows raised in astonishment at the statement. As laid-back as Charlie seemed, she was totally caught off guard as to how bad his life could get. That alone nearly made her blurt out why but luckily Charlie began to answer before she could even ask.
"Malia has been working us overtime. Not just here but out in the field as well. Hell, just last week we've had to investigate some fucking pedophile at a coffee shop and right after that had to spend another three days beating the fuck out of a local gang member in a garage for information about his little trafficking ring. Bianca and Robin don't mind because I know they are always on the prowl and Angie gets to play it cool from behind a laptop. Me on the other hand, I actually have hobbies and a life outside of Breeders. But here I am, shoving all that to the side to lead operations into the most sickening shit you'd ever see in your fucking life."
For Charlie to talk so blatantly and openly about their "side job" stunned and frightened the life out of Vivi. She quickly dodged her head all around the area, making sure there was no way someone could be recording or watching them.
"Relax," Charlie sigh. "Malia built this place specifically for us to have a space for us to talk freely while at work. If you'd answer your calls, you'd know that."
"Sorry." Vivi responded, lowering her head to thee guilt.
"It's fine. Trust me, I'm talking about all of this because I want you to know I understand. I've noticed you've been carrying around what happened." Charlie said gently. Vivi kept her head low but still nodded in response.
"I just want you to know two things. One, you can walk away from all of this. We don't keep people that don't want to do what we do, and trust me we are not going to silence you just because you know too much. Maybe in court sure but it usually never comes to that. But the most important thing I want you to keep in mind is that we'll always support you[so10] . Whether you are a member or not, you've already done us a service by participating in an operation. Even if it was just your initiation. That makes you our sister, our kin, our ally, or whatever else you want to call yourself. So, no matter what or when, you can always talk to me or anyone of us about anything going on. Breeders isn't just about rescue and justice, but also peace and prosperity. And I brought you up here to prove that."
Vivi wanted to believe what Charlie said. Wanted to believe that what she did… that killing a man close to around her age was something that could be so easily talked over into making herself feel better… it was just too much. This reality was just too much. And while the truth burned at her throat, it still burned, nonetheless.
"So you think some nice lunch and a fucking pep talk is going to keep me in line or make us friends," Vivi nearly shouted. "I fucking MURDERED somebody, and you think I can just freely talk about it, let alone live with it, like the rest of you psychos? Give me a fucking break! I haven't even been able to talk to my own dad about anything! And it keeps driving me fucking nuts how worried he gets because I know he still blames himself for me getting almost kidnapped, and he thinks that's what's been freaking me the fuck out but no! IT'S THIS BULLSHIT!" Vivi then dropped her face into her palms, trying her best to hold back the tears that came bursting out anyway.
"I don't need your fucking sympathy I just… don't even know what the fuck I need. I was just so fucking angry after those damn assholes tried to kidnap me that I thought I was ready to get revenge on anybody that hurt another woman but… fuck I wasn't expecting it to feel like this," Vivi sobbed, looking up at Charlie with fire in her eyes.
"I know," Charlie simply replied. And before Vivi could yell out anything else, Charlie continued to say, "I was exactly where you are at right now. Did I ever tell you why I joined Breeders?" Vivi simply shook her head.
"Well… I used to be a marine before I made my transition. I was always a fighter so back then, joining up was just the next natural step for me. It wasn't easy though; besides the training of course I had to deal with bozos that thought a women shouldn't be there. But I managed to handle them just like I handled any other chump that came my way. Eventually, we all became certified marines. Along the way I made some female friends and while most of the men still despised my mere presence, some even became my friends along the way. Men are violent so I used to use violence to make them back down and even earn their respect… or so I thought. So, after working plenty of operations around the globe, I was eventually stationed at base back here in the states with a few of the male buddies I made. We had drinks, told stories about our adventures, joked around… it was fun for the next several weeks till one night… till that one night I was reminded of just how much I should have been afraid of men. Because on that night we drank as usual, but I guess we had one too many beers and after being away from their loved ones for so long the guys they just… got rowdy. One of them tried lay on my shoulder and kiss me but I just brushed him off and laughed, telling him he was drunk and that his girlfriend would kick his ass. But I guess he didn't care for anything I said because he tried it again, but this time came full force. I was a strong woman back then, but I still wasn't a match for a man much larger than me and one who went through the exact same training as me. I screamed for him to get off me and thought the other guys would notice that we weren't joking around anymore and that they would help me. Well… they did notice we weren't joking but… they definitely weren't about to help nobody but themselves." Charlie too in a long breath before finishing,
"Long story short, I was ganged raped by the very 'friends' I thought I could trust. That I thought I was so comfortable around and funnily enough, one of them I even had a crush on… So yeah, after it happened, they tried to apologize. Saying they were just drunk, and they didn't mean to, you know all the horseshit in the world. But I knew better and knew that they would easily do it again to either me or someone else if given the chance. Besides I was way too damn hurt and angry to settle for just an apology. I just wanted some fucking justice, but when I tried to tell our superiors what happened… they called me a fucking liar and tossed me right out. Fucking dishonorably discharged for speaking out… can you believe that bullshit?" Charlie laughed out of cynical hysteria.
"So sometime later, I made the transition. Not to run away from what happened, but because I had already planned to. Hell, I even told one of the guys that I thought was my friend, the one who initiated the bullshit by trying to kiss me, that I wanted to transition. I guess he just wanted a taste before I became like him… but not too long after my transition, I met Malia. I was struggling at the time and was about to be completely homeless, so she gave me the job I have now and after watching for some time, selected me to be a part of Breeders. After hearing what it was about, I immediately signed up. Back then I had my own squad leader, Astrid Mahony, who taught me everything I know now about investigation but especially espionage. And then… then came my initiation. I was assigned to execute one of the son of one of the very bastards that ousted me out of the military. Come to find out, the reason he ousted me was because of some twisted guilt over covering up for his son's own rape cases[so15] . The boy was only seventeen but had already been groomed into a monster. So, I did my job and took his life by hanging him from a ceiling fan. And while his dear dad cried and wept over his little monster, I stuck his shotgun under his chin and blew his fucking brains all over the walls. Needless to say I finally got my justice, but like you I couldn't face the reality of what I did for like a month. I didn't eat; I didn't sleep; I didn't do shit but sit around and wither away. Malia called me up quite a few because I took off for so long, but Astrid always covered for me. For a physics geek, she was a hell of a woman." Charlie laughed out loud, but joyously this time.
"Eventually, I made peace with what I did, just as I had made peace with what happened to me. Now, it's all strictly business," He turned to Vivi with a warm smile back on his face. "Yeah, I'm not you so I don't know how you feel but I know enough to know exactly what you're going through. So I can honestly tell you that peace at mind seems impossible, but I promise it's reachable. Just have to keep living, ya know?"
Charlie asked the question, but Vivi did not even have a word to say. Hearing his story was both incredibly shocking and terrifying, but strangely soothing. Because Charlie was right. Even if they are not the same person or experienced the exact same trauma, they still felt much the same. Endured much of the same actions because of their feelings. And both suffered the mental and emotional emptiness that came with their decisions. It was still so hard to believe, but she actually now hoped that peace was achievable.
"I know you can't promise me you'll stay in the organization, but can you at least guarantee that you'll call me if you ever need me?" Charlie said, standing up with his hand outstretched.
Vivi was at a loss still. She had no idea where her life would take her or even if she could actually trust Charlie to be there for her. But as it stands, she had little other options.
"So why not take the leap?" Vivi thought as she stood as well and shook Charlie's hand.
The two then talked for a little while longer, long enough for Vivi to stop crying and wipe away her tears. Afterward, they went back downstairs and towards their own desks. Vivi could not speak for Charlie, but she at least knew for herself that their conversation was already starting to make her feel better. Vivi knew that if she chose to stay with the Breeders that whatever good feelings she had, would not last long. However, she was now confident enough to endure the circling storm. Someone had to ferry the helpless towards the center, and with her newfound support, Vivi knew she could take the voyage.