Running made him acutely aware of something that he absolutely should have already noticed. His body felt different then he was used to. He was taller, stronger, and far more fit than he had ever been in his previous life. Jason had never been a good runner, or athlete in general for that matter, but he found it trivial to maintain what he would have once considered a near sprinting pace.
He looked down at his hands while running, and found them larger than they should be. Not only that, but they were covered in scars and calluses. His arms, which were bare, had obvious knife wounds all the way down them. What kind of body had he gotten a hold of anyway? Was this someone that was alive and he had stolen their existence away? If so, he hated the sparrow even more than he already did.
Perhaps he should be calling it a goddess, but it certainly didn't feel like it. Sparrow actually suited it nicely. It was knowledgeable to a certain extent. It knew things that nobody but a god might conceivably know, and to top it off, it was a talking sparrow which gave it major supernatural points. But then again, the way it spoke as if it was constantly unsure of itself was strange, and it's fixation on some things seemed almost robotic. Like a program that was trying to think on its own.
Why was it so intent on having Jason go to the capital? It literally just got done telling him that there was some kind of evil hero that he needed to defeat there. Perhaps he was missing something, but wouldn't it make more sense to get an idea of what he was doing before going to face the big bad villain? Not that that was what he was doing.
Jason didn't really know what he was doing actually. It felt nice to be away from the sparrow. Talk of destiny and innate goodness like that was stressful at best and terrifying at the worst and that was on top of everything else. If the sparrow had convinced him of only one thing, it was that this wasn't some incredible, elaborate dream that he was in. This was the real world, or some version of it at least, and he wasn't going to be able to get out of it easily if at all.
That single thought exhausted him more than the running. Little Yoona had taken her first steps just a few days earlier. He could still remember the intense look of concentration on her face as she took one shaky step after another before tumbling to the ground. Jason had caught her before she fell. She was so warm and lively. He had joked with Mina about her becoming a movie star or a comedian. Her little smile would have been perfect for either.
There was the hint of a smile on his face as he slowed to a walk and then stopped, sinking down to his knees. Tears streamed down his face, but he still couldn't wipe the smile off his face at the thought of her laughter. This whole situation was surreal. Mina and Yoona weren't dead. They were alive and healthy, probably mourning Jason's own death, but safe either way. They were safe, but completely sealed away from him. They would never know what he was going through right now and he could never know if Yoona said her first words. He wouldn't know when she started elementary school or if Mina ever managed to open her own English hagwon like she always wanted. He couldn't decide if it would be better to not remember them at all.
A gust of wind picked up and Jason was relieved that he was actually wearing clothes. He hadn't had the wherewithal to think about it before, but he figured he couldn't be blamed for that. It was a simple wool shirt and trousers, or at least he was pretty sure it was wool. It wasn't terribly cold, but the wind made it feel colder and he wasn't as warm from running as he should be. That really was remarkable. Jason had always dreamed of being strong and athletic, but hadn't ever had the time or drive to actually work for it. In any other situation he would have probably been overjoyed, but he couldn't feel anything other than sadness and self pity.
"And that stupid bird says I'm a self sacrificing hero," he said out loud. "It seems like I feel worse for myself than for my wife and daughter. They're probably even worse off than I am, and I can't look past my own problems."
"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself," came the single most hateful sound in the universe to Jason right now. "Anyone who went through what you did, would feel the same. It isn't selfishness to feel self pity it…"
"Why did you follow me?" Jason spat, not even bothering to find the bird. It was lucky it didn't land on him again or he would have crushed it like a bug.
"I'm tied to you," the sparrow said simply. "I couldn't separate from you even if I tried."
"Great," Jason moaned. "One more thing to be excited about. Just stay away from me and don't say a word. I don't want to hear your voice."
Blessedly, the bird was silent and Jason didn't move until he started to shiver from the wind. Was it growing colder? He finally stood up and looked around him. Everything looked exactly the same as it had been before with the rolling prairie and distant mountains. Were there no other landmarks in this entire world? Even as he thought that, he spotted a gray speck in the distance. What was that? It was too far away to make out, but it couldn't be a tree and it seemed too strangely set to be a rock. Could it be a village or town of some kind? It was roughly in the direction that he had been going anyway, so he started walking again.
Jason wasn't sure what kept him going. He didn't care about the sparrow or its quest, and he wasn't even sure that he cared about this world in general. He wasn't an important person. He did his job making money for his family, and gave them his love and support. What more to life was there than that? He was just one man. Sure, he loved his friends and relatives, and even did his best to care about his coworkers, but beyond that? The world was too big and had too many people for him to worry about them all, and this was a whole new world on top of that.
He was just so tired. Not physically exhausted. He didn't need to sleep; he didn't even feel hungry or thirsty despite running for what must have been at least half an hour. Jason was mentally and emotionally destroyed. The sole purpose that had given his life meaning was unreachable now, and he felt so alone. And so, Jason walked towards the village, unsure what he would do when he got there. He didn't even know if he wanted to see another human being at all. He just wanted…purpose? No, it couldn't be purpose or he could have just latched on to the sparrow's ready made destiny for him.
What did he want? To die? To live? Company? Love? Jason didn't have the faintest idea, so he just kept walking.