I feel someone standing next to me.
I open my eyes and I find Cyran staring down at me. The door of the cabin is wide open and I feel a chill on my naked chest. It was too hot last night, so I took the shirt off. He's staring at me unabashedly. I grab the blanket and I cover by breasts. "Do you mind?"
He smirks. "I already told you, we're not as modest as humans. You'll get used to it."
"I don't think I'll ever get used to waking up to a complete stranger staring at my boobs," I say through gritted teeth. His nonchalance is infuriating.
"I won't be a stranger for very long." He says this with so much confidence, it's scary. I don't have any response. I find the shirt and I sit up. He's still standing there. I cock my head at him, but he doesn't budge.
I scoff. "Do you mind?"
He doesn't respond. I glare at him as I put the shirt over my head. "What do you want from me this early in the morning?"
"It isn't early," He points out. "It's noon. And you have obligations to fulfill within the pack. You're on kitchen duty with Donna and Emilia."
I didn't realize there would be other women. This news makes my heart flutter in my chest. What if they're just like me? Waiting to escape this place and return to their old lives? I think he sees the excitement on my face because he says, "Donna has been with us for years. She practically raised me and my brother along with my uncle. Emilia hasn't been with us very long, but I think she's happy with the pack. She hasn't proven otherwise."
We'll see.
I stand and when the slight chill hits my legs, I look up at him. "What about pants or something? I can't walk around like this. I don't have any underwear on."
He shakes his head at me. "I assumed you would make a fuss about this." I didn't notice he was holding a black plastic bag until now. He hands it to me. "You'll find whatever you need in there. I'll be outside waiting for you. Don't be long."
I peer inside. There's not much, but it's enough. Although I'm not sure about the panties. I sniff them just to make sure they're clean. It's better than nothing at all. I change into a black plain shirt, that's still pretty big, and a pair of shorts. I'll wash these when I get the chance. Then again, maybe I won't stay here that long. I still haven't given up on going back to Garrett, I don't care what he says. Garrett and I will work this out. We've always resolved everything together, no matter how complex the situation.
I open the door and I walk into him. "Ready?"
I follow him through the encampment. There are so many people here, or should I say people? There's not a doubt in my mind that they're all werewolves. Their smell gives them away. I don't know how I can smell them apart, but maybe it has to do with my being a...wolf, I guess. It's so hard to accept. In the distance I can see a group of men and some women training or something. It looks like they're training. And there are some children walking around. Not a lot, but some. There are more men than women here. I don't know if I should be concerned or not.
We reach a shed, not a cabin, and there are two women in there. One is middle-aged I think, maybe older than that, with long, long, black hair and dark skin. She's peeling potatoes, lots and lots of potatoes. The other woman is young, maybe my age. She has short blonde hair and when she looks at me, I realize her eyes are blue like the sky. She's tall and gorgeous and she reminds me of Sasha. Sasha. I wonder what she's doing right now. Is she worried about me? Is she out there looking for me along with Garrett? I miss them so much. I need to get back to them. I need to find a way.
"Emilia, this is Mia. She'll help you and Donna around here," he says. Emilia walks up to me and hugs me. I place my arms around her mechanically, I'm too shocked to react accordingly.
"It's so good to have you here," she says to me. Her smile is so warm. "I don't really have anyone to talk to." She glances at Donna and her cheeks turn a bright red. "No, sorry. That's not what I mean. I'm very happy you're here, Mia."
I don't say anything, but I don't feel forced to. I feel comfortable around her. Donna is a different story. She hasn't looked my way once. She just keeps peeling the potatoes with a small knife. I feel a hand on my shoulder and it's Cyran. Something happens when he touches me, and I'm not sure what it is. Something like an electric shock. I want to lean into him and feel his hands all over me. I don't know why I feel this way and I step back from him. His hand drops to his side. It's like he knows. "Emilia will tell you what to do." He then walks away.
She grabs my hand. "Can you cook?"
My cheeks grow hot. Garrett always cooked our meals, ever since we started living together. I'm a disaster in the kitchen. I've never felt embarrassed by it. He never made it a big deal. He actually liked cooking. I don't know why I'm feeling embarrassed now. "Not really. Just very basic things."
She smiles. "That's okay. You can help Donna peel potatoes. I'm preparing the meat for dinner. We only have one meal a day. Our resources just aren't enough. But we always have a little something for the little ones, and whoever gets hungry can go hunting in the woods." She says all of this with a smile and my heart sinks in my chest. She does look happy here, and this isn't good for me. I wasn't expecting this at all. She touches my hand. She whispers, "Donna is mute. She lost her tongue in a war, you know, when Cyran's parents were killed. She survived. She's alright once you get to know her. She'll warm up to you eventually."
"Oh." I don't know what else to say. She hands me a knife and I make my way uneasily to Donna's side. I grab a potato and her hand shoots out and grabs mine. I drop the knife and she turns my hand over and runs her other hand over my palm. Emilia rushes to my side.
"Donna, it's okay. She's new."
Donna keeps touching my palm and I'm breathing hard. I don't know what she's seeing, but she doesn't like it. She looks into my eyes and narrows hers. She drops my hand like it's a piece of dirt and resumes peeling potatoes as if nothing happened. Emilia picks the knife I dropped up and hands it to me. "It's okay. I'll give you something else to do. You can help me with the deer."
I follow her to the other end of the shed and there's a dead deer on the ground. I look into its dead eyes and my stomach churns. I place a hand over my mouth and I close my eyes. The smell. It's inviting. I want to take a huge bite of it. Blood has always made me queasy before, but I'm not bothered by it now. I want to eat it raw.
"Just take a deep breath and focus on something else. This urge will pass. I was this way, too, when I first got here," Emilia says, smiling.
I do as she says. "How long ago was that?" I'm asking her questions to distract myself, and because I want to know. I have to know.
"Six months." She kneels on the ground and continues skinning the animal. "It was Cyran who turned me. I'm glad he did."
I kneel next to her. "You don't miss your family?"
She shakes her head. "You shouldn't say that. The pack is my family now. I don't have any regrets. I love being a wolf. It's like I was destined to be one." Destiny. This has never crossed my head once. Do I believe in destiny? Or fate? Was I destined to cross his path? No. This was only a mistake. She continues talking. "I was confused before. But now everything makes perfect sense. Cyran makes me feel whole, you know?" She sighs. She says his name with so much emotion.
"He turned me. He opened this new world to me and I have so much to be thankful for. He's—" She looks at me and blushes. "I'm sorry. I'm rambling on and on about him. It's just I can't help myself."
Every word that leaves her lips feels like a stab in my chest. I can't believe this. She's happy here and she's clearly loyal to him. The way she talks about him sickens me. How can she say these things about him? Right to my face. I'm filled to the brim with indignation. It's like I want to take this knife and shove it in her throat and—
"Mia?" She says. She looks concerned. "Are you alright? You're hurting yourself."
I look at my head. I gripped the wrong end of the knife and there's a deep gash in my palm. There's blood pooling in my hand and I stand. I take two steps and my back hits something hard. I turn around and it's him. He grabs my hand. "What happened? Emilia, what did you do to her?"
She's shaking her head. She looks like she's on the verge of tears. "Nothing. We were just talking and she hurt herself. I didn't mean for it to happen."
He looks angry. He's glaring at her and I don't know why he's acting like this. It was my fault. I did this to myself and I don't understand why I couldn't feel any pain. I was so mad. I'm so confused. I'm bleeding everywhere and the blood has stained my shorts. Great. He starts guiding me out of the shed and when I look to my left, I see Donna glaring at me. She hates me and I don't know why. I just met her.
He takes me back to the cabin and he pours all the contents of the black plastic bag on the ground. He grabs the old shirt I was wearing and tears it to pieces. He cleans my blood and then wraps a piece of cloth around my hand. "It'll heal quickly. Don't worry about it."
"I'm not worried." I say in a voice barely above a whisper.
He runs a hand down his face roughly. "What did she do to you?"
I frown. "Who, Donna?"
"No. Emilia."
"Nothing."
"Don't lie to me, Mia." His eyes are wide and fury is emanating off him. "She did something to make you mad enough to do this to yourself. What did she do?"
"Nothing. I'm telling you the truth." I don't know why he's reacting this way. It was an accident and it was my fault. She didn't do anything to me. And yet...
"You were mad at her! I felt it deep in my gut. You were angry enough to slice your own hand. She said something to you. I'll ask you again. What did she do?" He's shouting and I lose my train of thought.
"I just grabbed it the wrong way. She was just trying to help." I tell him. He's not convinced. I'm not convinced, either. He's looking at me like he wants to strangle me. I don't know why he's this upset. It's my hand. My blood. "I'm fine."
He shakes his head. "I'll get you something else to do. I'll talk to Serge about it."
"No," I say. "It's fine. It was an accident, but it won't happen again. I think the sight of the deer's blood and—" I shouldn't be making excuses and trying to please him with my explanations. Why am I doing this? I feel compelled to give him an explanation and set things right. "—I panicked. That's it. She was skinning it and it bothered me. Maybe that's it."
The way he's looking at me is unnerving. I fall silent and he eyes me suspiciously. I want to walk up to him and comfort him, but I can't do that. I shouldn't do that. He ruined my life. Why do I feel this way?
His shoulders sag and he sighs. "If you insist you're alright."
I nod. "I'm fine."
We leave the cabin after I change into clean shorts. The last pair left. We enter the shed and Donna's gone. Emilia is kneeling by the dead animal. She looks up and I can tell she's been crying. Her eyes are red. She rushes to me. "I'm so sorry, Mia. This is all my fault."
She hugs me and I feel this suffocating wave of guilt. It's so crushing I forget to breathe for a second. None of this is her fault, yet it feels like it is. I can't put my finger on it. Why do I feel repulsed by her touch? Why do I feel like pushing her away? The rational side of me is confused, but the irrational, the side I'm not familiar with deep inside of me, is begging to rip her throat open. I look to my left and Cyran is staring intensely at me. I can't decipher his expression. It's a cross between exasperated and relieved. And something else that sets me on fire.
I need to get out of here. I'll die trying if I have to.