Melissa
Wow!
I still couldn't believe I did that to Max. Things happened so first with him coming home without telling me. Asking me to stay away from Andy wasn't something I agreed with, but at the time, he seemed angry talking about him. Not to forget how Bibi embarrassed me by talking about my dream.
When it came to a kiss talk, I had to admit that I was shy discussing or bringing even the topic. I did not know what to say, as I still didn't know what to say after being kissed. I googled, and the answers were, let's say, they did not help at all.
He cut me short. His words were cruel, cold, and arrogant, and I hated them to the core. Did he really have to be so harsh? He could have just said it was nothing and stopped at it. What was the use of saying all those hurtful words?
He made me feel so cheap, and I hated it.
What right does he have to keep leading me on, to fly me to the heights only to drop me hard on the ground?
What gave him the right to mess up with my emotions?
I wanted to cry, lash at him, call him names. I was so damn infuriated by this annoying man, but then Nicky's voice echoed just in time.
'You have given him control over you enough, and now it's time for you to take that control back and make him confess to you. Make him taste how it feels to be seduced the way he is doing to you. Make him taste what he could have and what he is messing with.'
And that is when I made it my mission. It was like my revenge. Max could seduce me because he had experienced it? Well, I am a woman too. I may not have experience, but I have watched too many movies and read, too many novels.
To say the result was thrilling was an understatement. The way he reacted to my ministration, the way he tensed. The way his face followed mine as if wanting more told me that I got the reigns now.
I shrieked, burying my head in the pillow, reality dawning at me.
I have kissed a guy! Not being kissed, but I kissed a guy!
'You are playing a dangerous game,'
His warning, I remembered.
'What game?'
But I knew what I was doing. I was playing a game. A very dangerous game.
Instead of being scared, I felt excited. All my life, I have been holding myself back. Building high walls that no one could reach. The ordeal of allowing myself to like someone always frightened me, and now that Max had broken the barrier, it felt right and scary at the same time.
I know that I like him. But when it came to Max, I was treading on a thin rope.
Trying to dismiss the thoughts, I decided to keep myself busy with something useful. And that was going to the cyber cafe to check my school application. Max had already left as he got a call from her mom and had to leave immediately. I was relieved and disappointed at the same time.
Why?
No idea. Stupid hormones.
***
Upon arriving at a building named Big Brother's café, I was greeted by Benj - not my favourite person, to be precise. Everything about him screamed danger.
His looks from his short dreadlock looked like spikes... to cut a long story short. He was a pervert, you know, the kind that practically drooled upon seeing anyone who is female, the kind that slaps women behind, and the kind who uses drugs.
Yep
A pervert.
"Hello, gorgeous," he cooed disgustingly, raking his bloody eyes on my body, making my skin crawl.
"Hey, Benj, remember what I told you about looking at me like that? Are you looking for a death wish?" I narrowed my eyes dangerously at him. He moved slightly backward and held his hands up in surrender.
"Sorry gorgeous, I was just seeing if your lover is taking care of you," he said, grinning.
"What now?" I was taken aback.
"So that's your type, eh." he licked his lips.
Gross.
Did everyone know that I was dating? Of course, with a friend like Jessica, everything is possible. Damn her.
"Don't worry about that, Benj. Worry about him plucking your eyes off and having them for super if you keep undressing me with your eyes again?" I warned him and then made my way to an available seat.
Making myself busy, I visited schools' sites to check for possible collages for me. My dream school was MMU, but with my financial status, it became impossible, and it's not like I passed with flying colors to give me a scholarship. I had to pay for my own school fees no matter what.
One collage got my attention. It was CCI. Quite affordable and with good reputation. I still looked for other possible collages and their fee structure, their achievement, and testimonies from the graduate. With a huge smile, I paid my bill and went back home.
I have always loved the wind, for it comes to me so boldly, touches my skin. In coldness, it rouses me to wakefulness, an alertness that lets me savor the moments in dryness and rain just the same. In soft breezes, it is more pleasing than silk and smoother than water. It sings through the trees, sending loose leaves on a dancing funfair ride, hypnotic, beautiful.
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, savoring every moment of what nature gave me.
The beeping of my phone got my attention. It was a message from Nicky.
Nicky: Whatsup, girlfriend? So Kimberly is back in town, and Dave will be throwing a welcoming party for her. You in?
I looked at the screen contemplating whether to say yes or no, but then yes was not an option.
I don't know who Kimberly is, and I haven't met Dave, as well.
Wouldn't I be imposing if I went there?
ME: Hi, thanks for the invite, but I am sorry. I don't think it is a good idea as I know nothing about the two of them.
It didn't even take a second before she replied.
Nicky: Silly, I am inviting you because she asked me to invite a friend and you are the only friend I can think of.
Now that made me smile.
Me: Are you sure about that, Nicky? I don't want to impose.
-You are not imposing, besides Jake, Ken, and Max are going to be there too. It will be fun, come over, don't make me beg you.-
It was followed by pleading emojis.
So Max was also going to be there, and he didn't say a thing to me.
Wow, what friends we are, right?
ME: Okay, just text me the location and the date.
Nicky: Sweet!
I slid my phone to the back of my boyfriend's jeans pocket and opened the door. Bibi wasn't in the house again.
I was starting to get worried about her going out all the time. I know she was working hard for me, but it was my time to take care of her.
Sighing, I placed my phone on the table and stared at it. I was anxious and anticipating something, waiting for his call, maybe a message to ask me how I had been, but nil.
Thirty minutes went by, with me still sitting in the same position glancing at my phone while I fidgeted with my fingers.
A knock on the door saved me from my absurd manners. I was glad that some sense came back. Now thinking of it made me feel so stupid. Shaking my thoughts away, I walked towards the door.
"Who is it?" I asked as I opened the door.
"It's Andy," I paused for a second, hesitating. Max had warned me to stay away from him, but how could I? Andy has been with me all these years and has never made any demand whatsoever.
As for Max, what we have - if there is - was not a guarantee. No matter what, Andy would always be my friend.
"Hi," He grinned at me the moment I came to view. His face was still bruised, but thank God it was healing. Even with bruises, he still looked good, and I became envious.
He was wearing dark jeans with a red polo shirt hanging tight on his body.
"Andy, hey, how are you? Please come in." I smiled and opened the door for him to enter, but he caught me off guard, hugging me.
It felt awkward.
"Um, Andy, are you alright?" I asked when he did not let go of me. I was starting to get discomfiting.
Andy let go -which I was glad - giving me a longing stare as if he wanted to say something, but he hesitated.
I waited for a while, giving him the chance to speak, but I gave up eventually, seeing that he was not going to say anything.
"Let me bring you some tea?" I offered, ready to head towards the kitchen, when he stopped me by grabbing my hand.
Again, I was startled. Wasn't he being weird today? Unlike when Max touched me, Andy's made my skin creep.
In all the years I have known Andy, he has never been so touchy with me.
"Do not bother. I am alright." He said, letting go of my hand and taking a seat on the couch.
"What brings you today?" I asked to finally break the silence. He looked at me for a moment, then he smirked,
"Why? Can't I visit you now? You never had a problem with me visiting you before?"
"Oh no, and don't get me wrong, I didn't mean it that way,"
"No need. I know that you have a boyfriend, and you don't need me anymore." was it just me but did he stress the 'boyfriend' part?
"Please don't say that, Andy. I need you, and I will always need you regardless of the situation. You are someone that I cannot replace no matter what. We have come a long way back. It will be a pity if we throw that away just because I am dating. I love you, Andy, but just as a friend. Friends can't be replaced, you know." he smiled, placing the cup of tea on the table.
"That's all I wanted to hear, Mel. I love you too. I will take my leave now" he grinned, standing up and then left just like that.
Was it me, or was he having strangely? I mean, he could have stayed longer and talked for a while instead of leaving immediately.
I shrugged, stopping my thoughts from reading too much into the situation. I found myself racing towards the phone when I heard it beep. I was expecting - hope it was - Max, but to my disappointment, it wasn't. Instead, it was from Nicky. She sent me the address of the party and the time. It was the same club I went to last time.
Collapsing back in my seat, I sighed deeply and closed my eyes. Now that I was relaxed, my mind, started replaying the events that had happened to me since that trip.
From when I first mate Max, then the lies that led me to get to know him. From the hugs to the kisses and now these foreign feelings that I was starting to harbour.
It all seemed like a movie or a scene from a storybook. So far, I have liked it. But it scared me a little. I have no idea where destiny is taking me, but I was curious to know. Curious to know what next chapter my fate had in store for me. Where would Max and I end up?
Another sigh eluded my lips as I stared at the blank phone in my hand, still with my stubborn heart, hoping to see his name-calling. Who would have thought that I would wait for days? And that too, he was acting all weird.
Like he texted, telling me that he would be busy and not to call him back.
Was he avoiding me?
Did I do something wrong?
Now here we go again, Melissa, criticizing yourself because of a man. You did nothing wrong, and you are not the problem.
But I could feel deep down that there was something wrong. I could also feel it when I last spoke to Nicky.