I was home alone most of the time, spring break came and went with me locked up in my room crying most of the time. Grace had come over and stayed for 2 days, and she knew something was wrong. I swore her to secrecy before telling her and when I did her eyes did that thing where they shifter from her normal color to a bright golden brown. She wanted me to tell my brother, or my parents but honestly neither one of them cared enough I knew that. I knew if I did tell anyone what Darin did to me, no one would believe it, they would all brand me a liar because he was "a good kid" and I was the black sheep of the family. Grace eventually gave it up, but the whole time she had stayed I didn't have a single nightmare. Her presence kept the memories of that night away, those 2 nights had been the longest I had ever slept that week.
But when the following Monday rolled around I was petrified to go back to school. The whole two weeks Aries had blown up my phone but not once had I answered. George came to my room once complaining that I needed to talk to Aries because he had bugged him about me. Honestly I ignore him as well. I tormented my self over and over again about that day. Had I picked Aries like Ellie has said, if I had gone with Aries instead of going with Darin maybe this never would have happened. But who was I kidding, maybe it would have happened eventually, or maybe not at all. But one thing was for certain, it did happen and I currently couldn't do anything about it.
Aries had eventually stopped messaging me over 4 days ago, and a small part of me missed his messages. The constant checking in and 'Why aren't you talking to me?' texts were nice to get, and when they stopped panic would sit in and my mind would wander to those memories. I was the ass for not texting Aries back, but no matter how I tried I couldn't bring myself to message him.
When I finally got out of bed on Monday and changed into my school uniform, my mother had said she would drop me off for school that morning. Only reason I think she even offered was because she knew something was wrong. I hadn't come out of my room all day and my eating habits had dwindled, if I was an outsider I would have figured something was wrong as well.
My hair was in a sloppy bun, and I wore my school hoody with my skirt, the weather was starting to get warmer but physically I felt cold, plus the bruises were almost gone, probably needed another day before they completely disappeared. I sat quietly in her car, leaning against the door as I looked out the window. We were down the street before she pulled over abruptly and with a sigh turned to me in her seat.
"Spit it out, I don't have the time for this." Her voice was harsh, which made me flinch as tears started to wheel in my eyes. Looking to her, I tried to breath but the panic attack slowly started to creep up as it restricted my breathing.
"What?" I whispered so quietly it was almost inaudible.
She sighed with frustration as irritation shown clear on her face. "Listen here little girl, I don't have time for your shit, spit out what you have to say."
How could she be this way, I was her daughter, her only child and yet she couldn't be bothered in my time of need. I held my tears knowing it would only make her anger worse as I looked back to the front of the car. I could see my school, it was half a block away from where she parked and if it came down to it I would walk...no, I was going to walk.
Slipping off the seat belt I opened the car door and practically jumped out, just missing her claw like nails as she tried to grab for me.
"I'm going to school, I'll see you at home." I whispered looking down at my feet not wanting to make eye contact with her.
"Alexandria! You little shit, what is wrong?" She growled out, and by this time I was numb to her words.
"Nothing, just tired." my voice I knew would get.on her nerves it always did she had said once while yelling at me over one missing assignment.
"My ass, so help me if I find out your doing drug or something, I'll kick your ass, do you hear me?" That was her threat, everytime I did something she didn't like, or didn't do something she liked, I would get my ass kicked. Not only by her but by my stepfather and not on separate occasions no, sometimes it would be both in one day. She would beat me with something and a few hours later when my dad would come home, he would hear of it and then take his turn. It was either the belt, her hand, his hand, plastic or wire coat hanger, and a flat pan once. As I got older though, they were sticking mostly with a leather belt. What I hardly understood, was my stepfather could beat me, but my mother couldn't hit or do anything to George, my stepbrother. When we were younger and she tried my father jumped on her and they argues for an hour, when they finally stopped, she found something to yell at me about and took her anger out on me.
I kept walking, knowing I could catch either her rath or my father's later on that night. I prayed that someone at both their jobs would screw up this way they would forget about me. Walking on to campus I ignored everyone, few girls tried to say hi but I walked past them as if no one was actually on campus and I was alone. Reaching my locker I fumbled with the lock and getting frustrated when it didn't open the second time I tried it.
"Fuck!" I whispered yelled under my breath as I leaned my forehead against the cold metal of my locker. It smelt like rust as I breathed it in, I could hear footsteps around me as girls walked back and forth getting their belongings and walking to class. Someone cleared their throat behind me and it made me jump as I flipped around, my heart was practically in my throat and my stomach in my ass, as Ellie stood in front of me.
"Hey, you ok?" She asked looking me up and down, and I whipped my sleeve across my face quickly so she wouldn't see the frustrated tears that had started to build in my eyes.
"Ugh, yea." I said looking away and turning back to my locker as I fumbled once again with the lock. Come on you stupid ass thing. Work!
It clicked and I sagged with relief When she spoke again.
"You sure? You don't look so good."
"I'm fine Ellie, what's up?" I gritted between my teeth, honestly I didn't want to talk to anyone least of all Ellie and yet here she was, Miss Chatty Cathy.
"Well, I'm just checking in on you, seeing how you are. I saw you leave with someone at the park few weeks ago, actually the last day of school before spring break. I was curious who it was, and I didn't have your number so I couldn't text you." He words sounded rehearsed like someone had told her to say as much, and my mind wandered to Aries.
I growled before turning to Ellie, "Did you now? Do you mean your asking because your curious or for Aries?"
Her face didn't move an inch but her eyes dilated just a smidge at the mention of Aries.
I knew it!
"No, I genuinely am curious. Honestly I haven't seen Aries in days. Last I heard he left to visit his grandparents in the country. He's taking time off from school."
"Can he even do that? I thought he was a senior, aren't they about to graduate?" I picked my book bag off the floor, slinging it over my shoulder the bell rang making me flinch again at the sound as it shilled in my ears.
"You sure your ok? You seem a bit jumpy." She touched my arm and I flinched again. Ellie didn't know but her touch was an inch above Darin's mark and even though they were separate it still felt sore.
"Yea, fine just really really tired." I shrugged her hand off before walking towards the opposite side of the school for my class.
"If you say so, and as far as Aries, he already took his final exams. So technically he's already out of school and now a working adult." She skipped in time next to me as I walked half listening to her.
"Must be nice." I mumble under my breath while Elli chuckled.
"Your turn." She bumped my shoulder with her's making me stumble.
"My turn what?"
"Who was that guy you where with the last Friday of school?" A shiver went downy spine at the mention of the day.
"My brothers old friend, he's like family, or was like family." I mumbled the last bit and hoped she do didn't hear me.
"Oh I thought maybe you had a boyfriend and that's why you didn't want to see Aries." Her words made me snort as we reached my classroom door.
"No one would want me, I'm broken." Whispering so lightly under my breath even I barley registered it, I walked into class without speaking another word for the rest of the day.
It wasn't till the following year did I realize, someone truly loves me for who I am, not who I was or who I portrayed myself to be. No he truly loves me for me, broken piece's and all.