I glare at the time on my phone, then sigh as I stare at the ceiling. It is my break and I just want to sleep. But I cannot because I am so stressed about whether I am pregnant or not.
There is just this suspense in the air like in a scary movie or something. I just want to know already. I have not taken a pregnancy test yet. Mostly because it has barely been a week and because I have not really shown any signs. I have not thrown up yet. I know that not everyone throws up but, I do not know, I am relying on the cliché stories. No class prepared me for pregnancy. Like not the anatomical stuff but real stuff, the psychological stuff. I cannot be the only one going crazy.
"I want to sleep," I whisper, suddenly feeling like crying.
After I give up and try to fall asleep, I turn on the TV and watch Grey's Anatomy. I have seen the episodes a million times, but I let it play in the background, let it comfort me. around eight, my phone starts ringing, right on schedule. Colton calls me every morning around this time to ask if I need anything; my answer is always no. I appreciate him trying to help, but there is nothing he can do-literally-so I do not answer him.
Eventually, I groan and get out of the bed, feeling a little dizzy-this always happens when I stand up to fast. After the dizziness goes away, I move to the bathroom and brush my teeth, intentionally avoiding my reflection in the mirror, knowing I look horrible.
"good morning, sunshine," Peter says from the couch in the living room.
"good morning," I murmur.
He looks my way. "Are you all right? You look sick."
"just tired."
There is a knock on the door. "I got it," Peter calls.
I pour some cereal into a bowl, then open the fridge and look for milk-expect there is no milk. I stare into the fridge, angry.
"Emily, someone's here for you," peter says, confused when he walks into the kitchen. "Why are you crying?"
"Emily!" I meet Colton's gaze through my blurred vision. He makes his way toward me in three long strides. "Emily, what's wrong?" he asks, placing his firsthand my shoulders.
I cannot stop crying.
"Is everything all right? Do you feel okay?"
"There's no milk!" I complain, trying to calm down when I realize how ridiculous I sound.
He stares at me for a moment.
"what?"
"there's no milk," I repeat glancing at my bowl of dry cereal.
He chuckles. "Emily, you scared me."
"Uh…who is he?" Peter asks from behind Colton.
Colton's face changes goes from amused to angry and he narrows his eyes at Peter. "I could ask you the same thing."
Peter looks at me and then back at Colton. "I live here."
"What?" Colton glares at me.
I sniff as I wipe my cheeks. "What? He's my roommate."
He leans in so close to me that I can smell this breath-coffee. That makes me want to start crying again. 'I thought your roommate was a female."
"I never said that."
"Emily?" Peter calls. "Do you need-something?"
Colton takes a deep breath. "Why don't you leave us alone? I need to speak with her."
"who the hell do you think you are? To come here-our house-and give us orders"?"
"Peter-" I reprimand before shaking my head and reaching for Colton's hand afraid he is going to hit Peter. "Let's talk in my room."
Colton nods and I take the lead, but Peter garbs my arm as I pass. "Are you sure you want to be alone with him?"
"he's a friend, Peter. Do not' worry about it."
He nods and glares at Colton. "I'll be right out here."
"I'm sorry it's a little messy." I warn Colton as we walk into my room. Bed unmade, dirty piles of clothes on the chair, books, and papers all over my desk. Jeez. Even I am a little disgusted.
Colton looks around but does not say anything.
"What are you doing here?" I ask.
"you didn't answer my call."
"I was sleeping," I lie.
He raises his eyebrows. "you're lying.
"No, I'm not."
"You avoid looking at me when you are lying." He says, walking closer to me.
I sigh. "What? Am I not allowed to not answer you?
"that's correct."
"says who?" I challenge.
"The contract."
I roll my eyes. "That's a stupid rule. What if I was busy? What if I was in class or sleeping?"
"you weren't."
"But what if I was?"
Colton's face softens and he looks at me amused. "I don't think I need to remind you that you signed that contract, Miss Valdez.
"fine-I'm sorry- I just knew what you were going to ask already."
"Oh really? And what is that?" He raises and eyebrow.
"you were going to ask if I needed anything."
"do you?"
"No," I say laughing.
He crosses his arms over his chest, making his muscles flex in all the right places. "Really? As I recall, you were crying five minutes ago because there was no milk."
"You'd get milk for me?"
He rolls his eyes at me. "Yes, Emily, I would."
"I'm touched." The sarcasm drips from my tone, but I actually do think the sentiment is sweet.
"You're more playful than usual."
I shrug. "I haven't been myself lately. I don't know what I'm doing with my life."
Colton kneels in front of me. "how are you feeling?"
"Tired. I've been waking up at six in the morning."
He hesitates. "have you had any…discharge? Or- "
"No-everything's good, I think. I haven't bled or anything, and that's good right?"
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a box. "I hope it doesn't make you uncomfortable, but I was hoping you take this." I flip the box over in my hands, the early detection pregnancy test light in my hands. First response, it claims. Right. "I know the doctor said it might not work the first time, but I have to know."
I look at him and smile.
"What?" he asks after a moment.
"Nothing. You just really want this." I pause. "it's cute."
He clears his throat. "would you just take it, please?"
"Yes," I say, standing. "Only because you asked nicely, though."
"I'm not sure I like how comfortable you're getting with me Miss Valdez."
I laugh, walking into the bathroom. "Too late!"
Once inside, my smile fades as I stare at the pregnancy test. This is it.