Late in the 3rd month, 1,547th year, Continental Calendar — Holy Capital
Yumuen
A member of the court of inquiry spoke up. "We've had enough of this, Bishop
Lester."
On this day, in Yumuen, the holy capital of the Orthodox Papal State, in the main
church that was the center of the Orthodox faith, an inquiry was being held for a
certain man.
The man who stood in the dark room surrounded by the members of the court of
inquiry was Souji Lester. He was a bishop.
For those involved with Lunarian Orthodoxy, standing in front of the members of
a court of inquiry was the same as being before a judge with the power to declare
innocence or guilt. If he were excommunicated here, he would lose all of the
protections and rights that this country provided to him. In this country, to cease
being a member of the faith was to put yourself in a position where you could be
killed and no one would complain.
However, despite being the one under judgment, Souji didn't seem the least bit
tense. In fact, he wore a bold smile, even seeming to enjoy his current situation. In
response to his attitude, a member of the court of inquiry presented a complaint.
"Do you understand the graveness of your situation in being summoned here?"
the member said in an intimidating tone.
However, Souji's bold smile was unbroken. "Yes. This is a place to judge whether
a member of the faith will be excommunicated or not. If they had done wrong,
anyone would tremble in fear of this place. However, I have nothing to be ashamed
of, and so I am at peace." The man spoke politely, but his attitude seemed mocking.
"How dare you..." With a look on his face like he had bitten into something
unpleasant, the member of the court looked through the documents he had in his
hands. "Your misdeeds are unpardonable. Lady Lunaria said that, 'If those of the
clergy do not live in honorable poverty, the believers will not listen to them.'
However, you seem to do the opposite."
"What? Do I not look poor to you?" Souji said, spreading his priestly robes out for
them to see. His robe was cut off at the sleeves and below the knee, making it look
like a samue. "I wear these shoddy clothes and live in a dilapidated shack on the
outskirts of the city. If that's not living in honorable poverty, what is? If anything, all
of you here are wearing finer clothes and living in better houses than I am, no?"
"...However, we've heard of you receiving substantial donations from the
followers," the member of the court of inquiry pressed.
Souji shrugged. "Surely I have no reason to refuse what is offered to me."
"How dare you say that! What do you take the believers' offerings for?"
"If I were using their donations to fatten myself, indeed, that would be a sin," said
Souji. "But just look at these abs. I've got a perfect six-pack." Souji pulled off his top
to show off his abs.
When he showed off his body, which it was hard to believe belonged to a
clergyman, and started shadow boxing, the members of the court were struck dumb
for a moment, but they quickly turned bright red and got angry with him.
"That's not what we're talking about!" one of the members shouted, slamming his
hands down on the table, but Souji seemed completely unconcerned.
"I'll bet. I mean, we've got a pretty fat cardinal, too."
When Souji glared at them a little, the members of the court found themselves at
a momentary loss for words.
In mentioning the fat cardinal, he'd most likely meant Cardinal Gold. His pudgy
body was inexcusable for a clergyman. In fact, the court of inquiry were already
aware that most of the donations Souji collected were going to Cardinal Gold. In
other words, Souji was implying that they shouldn't squeeze him, but the cardinal
instead.
However, in Orthodoxy, the cardinals were next only to the pope in rank. He was
out of the court's reach. If they were going to censure him, it would take the pope
himself or a unanimous decision by the rest of the cardinals to do it. The pope could
also be removed by a unanimous decision of the cardinals, so neither wanted to set a
precedent for their own removal. That was how Cardinal Gold continued to manage
to hold on to his position, despite being unpopular.
The court of inquiry wanted to squeeze Souji, who was connected to Cardinal
Gold, in order to push the pope into censuring the cardinal, but Souji was under the
cardinal's protection. If they tried to force an unreasonable judgment against Souji
here, the members of the court could find themselves censured by Cardinal Gold for
overstepping their authority. Because of that, there had always been zero chance of
Souji being excommunicated over the issue of donations here. That was why his
composure hadn't failed him.
The court of inquiry decided to change tack. "Outside of that, we've received
reports that you travel from pub to pub every night."
"Is it a sin to drink? I thought wine was sacred."
"There are still limits."
"Well, sorry," said Souji. "A lot of the folks who come to hear me preach are
drunkards. They ask me to come to the bar, not the church, so it just works out that I
end up drinking too much."
Incidentally, when Souji performed his pub sermons, he did it at parties...
"Lady Lunaria once said, 'Live for today and be grateful for it.' Cheers!"
...and all he did was quote some scripture as part of the toast. He was a big hit
with the lazy believers because (they selfishly assumed that) it was just as virtuous
for them to listen to him there as it would be for them to go to the church and listen
to a priest's boring sermons on the day of rest.
The court of inquiry seemed irritated, so they changed their angle of attack again.
"That's not all! I've heard you have a prostitute that frequently visits your house!
Shouldn't you be ashamed of that, as a member of the clergy?!"
"Oh my," said Souji. "Do you mean to say that women are impure in some way? In
that case, all of you here, where were you born into this world from? Surely you
don't mean to tell me you grew out of the fields? If you did, you could never eat
vegetables, could you? You'd be eating your brothers and sisters."
"Quit rambling on with your meaningless sophistry! The one we must truly love
and respect is Lady Lunaria. That is why, even after going through the proper
procedures to get married, the pious believers still feel a sense of guilt towards Lady
Lunaria. It is inexcusable that you would be seeing a prostitute!"
The members of the court had completely snapped, but Souji cackled. "I don't
know about that. Our lady Lunaria said this: 'Believers are to be honest with others.'
It's only natural for us, as living beings, to want to embrace women. That's because
Lady Lunaria created us this way. Between those who, despite having taken the
vows of marriage, hide their position in the clergy and sneak off to visit prostitutes,
and I, who openly invite them to come visit me, I wonder which of us is being more
honest!"
Souji declared it so proudly that the members of the court were at a loss for
words. It was an empty argument if they stopped to think about it, but Souji said
such stupid things with a seriousness that was so exasperating that the members of
the court couldn't say a word.
From there, Souji took advantage of the court's silence to expound at length and
with great passion on the beauty of the female form (especially their breasts). With
the utter pointlessness of everything he had to say, he had already destroyed the
atmosphere of the inquiry.
"...That's enough," one member of the court of inquiry snapped at last. "Be more
careful of your actions in future."
In the end, the court was dismissed without being able to do anything to Souji.
When he left the room, Souji was walking through the corridor humming to
himself when he passed a young nun. She was an eye-wateringly beautiful girl with
her silver hair tied back in two tails.
That outfit... It's one of the young saints in training, huh? Souji thought as he
looked at the girl.
He wasn't looking at her in a particularly strange way. Souji was into voluptuous
older girls, so the pretty girl in front of him didn't arouse his appetite in the least,
and he was only looking at her out of innocent curiosity.
However, the silver-haired girl, who was walking expressionlessly, as if she had
almost no emotion, furrowed her brow slightly when she saw Souji. Then, as they
passed each other, she turned her head away so she wouldn't have to look at him
and walked off at a brisker pace.
When he saw her do that, Souji scratched the back of his head and smiled wryly.
"...Good grief. Looks like someone hates me, huh."
This man, Souji. Despite his slovenly personality, he was strangely popular with
men of all ages and old women. On the other hand, young girls hated him with a
passion.
Well, I guess it's too much to expect a young thing like her to appreciate this old
man's overflowing adult charm, Souji thought, making excuses for himself as he
stroked his stubble-covered chin.