I see, I thought. The people invited here were those who had regular dealings
with the House of Juniro. Naturally, they must be aware of the family's strange son.
That was why, even when there had been an explosion, they had only reacted with
wry smiles.
Moltov shouted in anger. "Ivan! How can you act so rude in front of His Majesty?!"
"Shut your face, old man!" Ivan struck a pose, and this time there was a flash of
lightning behind him. "You greedy old man, trying to take advantage of Siena's
innocence to push her into a marriage! Even if the heavens allow it, I, her brother,
shall not!"
When he declared that, there was a fire in Ivan's eyes. Literally; fire was shooting
out of his eyes.
...I dunno what to say. I was starting to have a bit of fun. Moltov, on the other
hand, was furious.
"To marry the king is the greatest honor a woman born into a noble house can
hope to achieve for herself! What's wrong with a father wanting his daughter to find
happiness?!"
"Siena can decide her own happiness! It's not something for you to decide for
her!" Ivan shouted.
"Shut up! You're all show, just like your ability!"
"You have the same ability, old man! It's in our blood!"
Their eyes met and sparks flew. Dark clouds formed between them and lightning
struck right in the middle. I'm not speaking in metaphor; these things actually
happened. And yet, there was no damage done. It was entertaining to watch, as long
as you weren't involved.
I turned to Siena and asked her, "Hey, uh... Shouldn't we stop them?"
"They do this all the time," she replied with a grin.
"Oh, okay then..."
Even during our little exchange, the two of them kept heating up.
"Today is the day I finally beat some sense into you!" Moltov shouted.
"That's my line! Bring it, old man!"
"Chowahhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
"Dahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
As the two approached each other, a bunch of arms and legs appeared between
them, punching and kicking and blocking. It was like someone had made a liveaction adaptation of Dra**on Ball, and that got me pretty excited. For a while, I
watched them enthusiastically, thinking, Yeah, give me more! But then...
"Nearly all of those limbs are illusions," Aisha said. "It's just their real bodies in
the middle, beating the crap out of each other."
I went silent. When Aisha, who had seen through it with the kinetic vision of a
warrior, told me that, it kind of killed the fun.
Five minutes later, Moltov and Ivan collapsed, both of them falling face-up on
their backs at nearly the same time.
"Urgh... Not bad, old man."
"Hmph. I'm not so far over the hill that I'd let you beat me just yet."
Okay, it was showy and all, but all they had been doing was whaling on each
other, so if they were going to pull that "rivals who've communicated through their
fists" routine on me, I wasn't sure how to react... Well, not like it mattered.
Anyway, I walked over to Moltov, who was collapsed on the ground. "Moltov."
"Wh-Why, sire! We've made a miserable display of ourselves! I beg your
forgiveness!" Moltov hurriedly got up and apologized humbly, but I waved a hand
and told him not to worry about it.
"I didn't mind. It made for an entertaining sideshow. On that note, there's
something I'd like to talk to you about..."
"Wh-Whatever might that be?"
"Forget Siena. Would you be willing to give Ivan there to me for the good of the
country?"
""...Come again?"" Moltov and Ivan both blinked in surprise at my request.
◇ ◇ ◇
"...And, well, that's how I hired our exercise guy, Ivan Juniro," I finished.
"You've picked up another weirdo, I see..." Liscia looked at me with exasperation.
Yep, that was her usual response.
Out in the hall, Ivan Juniro the exercise guy gave the children a thumbs-up,
flashing his pearly white teeth as he said, "A healthy mind resides in a healthy body.
Come, children! Train with me, so you grow up strong, kind, and hardy!"
Though Ivan said that, the children had conflicting responses. There were kids
who were all gung-ho about it; kids who were intimidated by his excessive passion
and driven to tears; kids who got scared and clung to Juna... and, overwhelmingly the
most common response, there were kids whose little brains couldn't process the
man who had just appeared in front of them and stood there staring blankly at him.
When she saw the state of affairs in the hall, Liscia asked me, worriedly, "Hold on,
Souma, is that going to be okay?"
"Umm... He's a bit stiff, I guess? Maybe Ivan's feeling tense?"
"This is supposed to be exercise time, right?" Liscia asked. "They can't do it like
that, can they?"
True enough, it wasn't looking like the kids would exercise for us.
In the exercise part of the educational kids shows I was basing this on, there
were kids who would run and roll around, attack the exercise guy, and generally do
whatever they wanted. But, "I think it'll be fine," I said at last. "There's a trick to it,
after all."
"A trick?"
"Heheheh... Hahaha... Bwahahaha!"
In a woman's voice, a three-stage laugh echoed through the hall.
"Who's there?!" Ivan looked around.
When he did, the children shouted, "There!" "Up there!" and pointed upwards.
There was someone standing on the second floor where Ivan had been earlier.
"Make the children strong, kind, and hardy, you say?" the woman called. "How
risible! We, the Black Group who are bent on world domination, will never allow it!"
Those lines that reeked of expository dialogue were spoken by a woman wearing
a mask that covered the top half of her face, a swimsuit-like outfit with a cape that
was open in the center to expose her cleavage, and end-of-the-century style spiked
shoulder pads. She had two horns sprouting from her temples, dragon-like wings on
her back, and a whip-like tail growing out of her backside.
Ivan turned to the woman and shouted, "Just who are you?!"
"I am the evil female commander of the Black Group, Miss Dran," the woman
announced.
Liscia, who was watching at my side, stared blankly for a moment, but she soon
came to her senses, turned to me, and asked, "That's... Carla, right?"
"No. She's the evil female commander, Miss Dran."
"Huh...?"
"That's the evil female commander, Miss Dran, got it?" I said.
"Oh, okay then... Yeah, you know I'm not just going to accept it like that!"
Even as Liscia throttled me, the story was moving along out in the hall.
Miss Dran spread her wings to intimidate Ivan. "If you make the children get
stronger, it could get in the way of the Black Group's plan to conquer the world. I will
detain you before that happens, Ivan Juniro!"
With the highly revealing outfit, she was probably so embarrassed that
desperation had taken over. There was a real, heated passion in Miss Dran's
performance.
Every time Miss Dran did one of her over-the-top actions, certain parts of her
would jiggle. The video quality of the Jewel Voice Broadcast wasn't all that good, so I
didn't think the viewers would notice, but... honestly, I wasn't sure where to look. I
mean, Liscia was right there, glaring at me.
"Don't you think Miss Dran's costume is a little too risque?" she demanded.
"Serina had full control over the design," I defended. "I should mention, I did tell
her to restrain herself because this is supposed to be a kids' show, but... because I
had asked her to help with producing the costume, it was hard to reject it."
"I knew it..." Liscia sighed. "If anything, wouldn't Serina herself have made a
better evil female commander?"
"Could you say that to her face?"
"Not a chance!"
"I know, right?"
While we were talking about that, Ivan thrust a finger in Miss Dran's general
direction. "World domination?! I will never let you get away with it!"
"Hmph, you're spirited, but what can you really do? Have at him, my minions!"
When Miss Dran gave the order, a gaggle of men dressed all in black appeared
and surrounded Ivan. The key point was to have them keep a slight distance from
the children, so as not to make it seem too dangerous.
Ivan fell into a fighting stance, shouting, "Bring it on!"
With that as their cue, the men in black took turns attacking Ivan. Ivan fought
them all one-on-one.
Biff, bash, bam!
There was an exaggerated sound effect every time he hit one of the minions.
When hit, the minions would flip through the air, or spin to the ground and collapse.
It looked impressive, but the sounds came from Ivan's ability, and them being blown
away was all an act, so there was no damage being done.
Incidentally, the children were split half-and-half into those who were scared,
and those whose eyes were shining with excitement as they watched Ivan fight. The
sounds were pretty loud, after all. There was something to be said for not making
the effects too showy.
The children who were frightened naturally huddled with Juna and Roroa, who
told them, "Don't worry, It's going to be okay," and, "That guy's gonna beat 'em up, so
ya don't have to worry," in order to calm them down.
Eventually, Ivan finished defeating all of the minions.
However, Miss Dran kept her self-assured smile. "Heh heh heh. You're not bad,
Ivan Juniro. Well, what will you do about this, then? Come forth, paper box monster,
Danbox!"
"Danbooooox! ...That's me." With those words, a monster that looked like a
person made out of cardboard boxes appeared.
While it had slanted eyes made out of paper on its face... on the whole, it looked
kind of lame. Its silhouette totally made it look like it was constructed out of Le**
blocks, and there was a scratching sound every time its joints moved.
Liscia looked coldly at Danbox. "Isn't that monster a little low quality compared
to the rest?"
"We had passion," I said. "What we lacked was time and budget."
"It really is a harsh world, huh..."
I couldn't make a full-sized kigurumi suit by myself. If I was going to order it from
somewhere, that would take time. That was why, this time, I had ended up okaying
that totally slapdash monster. It was a reminder of how hard things must have been
for the people who made the enemy monsters in the early tokusatsu shows.
Still, while it might have looked kind of bland, Danbox was strong. When it
attacked Ivan, it lifted the 180 centimeter tall, 90 kilogram man as easily as a surfer
picking up a surfboard. Then, like a wrestler showing off their strength, Danbox
spun in place, maintaining its pose as it did.
That ridiculous strength that defied its appearance dumbfounded Liscia. "That's
some incredible monster strength. Oh! Could it be, the person inside is..."
"Yep. It's Aisha."
"What're you making your future second primary queen do...?" she groaned.
"It's a bit late to say that when Juna and Roroa are both already in the program.
You want in, too, Liscia? If you act now, the role of Ivan's sidekick is still open."
"Not. A. Chance."
At that point, Ivan began to struggle. "Darn you, let me go!"
"I am Danboooox."
"Gwah!"
Perhaps Ivan's words had gotten through to the monster, because Danbox
nodded and threw him hard towards a wall that had been prepared for just that
purpose. When he slammed into it, Ivan punched through the wall.