Sometimes, everything makes me wonder. What is out there? Am I even here? This feeling, I can't even begin to describe it. You have so many questions, but a lot of them we still can't answer.
A little girl. Dirty blond hair, pale grey eyes, skinny and pale skin. 5 or 4 years old at the time. her name... well she didn't have one, though her big brother called her Courage, even if she had very little of it at the time, but I guess he saw her as someone with a very bright future.
Leo was the name of Courage's big brother and she knew him for only a few days, but he treated her and took care of her as if she was his little sister. Leo was 16 years old when they both met. Courage didn't have a home and Leo... I still don't know where did he come from or where he was going, but thank God he was there.
Leo had blond hair and beautiful bluish green eyes that reminded Courage of the deepest oceans.
Since then both have been inseparable. They lived in the woods and slept in the highest tree branches right under the brightly shining stars. They went to cities and villages to get more food and clothing, they didn't have money, but there were always kind strangers that helped. Leo always made sure that Courage had everything she needed before leaving for the next town.
~~~****~~~~~****~~~
It was a late night, Leo was carrying the small girl on his back and climbing up the tree branches to get to the top, every once in a while sparing a small glance in the girls direction to make sure she won't fall or get hurt.
Reaching the very top, or the strongest branch on the top that could hold them both, Leo sat down, back against the tree and legs on either side of the branch. He was careful not to let go of Courage and sat her down in front of her, his hands never leaving her small waist.
"Look stars! Leo, stars!", Courage squealed in excitement and pointed at the stars as if they were the most beautiful dolls in the shop window.
"Yes, they are so many you can't even count them.", Leo responded looking up at them himself, but then directing his gaze on the little girls eyes. The male teen flashed a small smile when he saw her eyes, so full of life and happiness, they were shining like all of those stars combined, maybe even brighter. Courage, having seen Leo looking at her with a smile, showed her biggest smile she could.
"Hey, Courage, I will tell you something. Listen carefully, because maybe one day you will have to tell this story one day." Leo said glancing at the stars for a few seconds, before turning his attention back to the little, and now very interested, girl.
"A bedtime story! I'm listening! Please tell me!", impatiently Courage exclaimed. Leo now flashed a bit bigger smile seeing his little sister so impatient. And In the shortness of breath, Leo told her the infinite.
All this time, while Leo was talking, Courage listened carefully, not wanting to let a word slip past her ears, though she didn't do very well, because she was a bit more tired than she expected. Before Leo finished telling her the story, Courage laid her head on her big brothers chest where his heart was beating in a calming rhythm, and fell asleep soon enough.
Seeing this, Leo still finished the story, : "... how rare and beautiful it truly is, that we exist. Good night, little sister."
A few more hours Leo watched the stars, but then he himself fell into a light slumber, holding his little sister close to himself.
~~~****~~~~~****~~~
For years, both lived that way, traveling from one place to another, not knowing where they were going or what they were looking for, but knowing that the most closest person they love dearly is right there beside them.
Every night Courage asked for Leo to tell her the story that explained the infinite. And Leo did just that.
But one night everything changed. Apparently, when Courage was still young, she had ran away from home, nobody knew why or where she could have went. But knowing even that little information, she was still reported as missing and was still being searched. Later on presumed dead, because there was no evidence of her being alive and her body was not found.
Celebrating her 15th birthday, running around the woods and playing games with her big brother, she ended up losing Leo. While searching for her brother, Courage ended up finding something else. A police car. And the police men that were sitting inside saw her. Both officers got out of the car and came up to her.
With every step they took to get to her, Courage felt more terrified than ever and wanted nothing more than to be with Leo, who would tell both of these men to get away from her.
While one officer, who's name was Brian, asked some questions, the other officer, who's name was Bill, seemed to be in deep thought. Something was bothering him. Bill was watching Courage with a thoughtful expression, and that made the girl even more scared.
As realization hit Bill, his eyes widened in shock.
That's her. He couldn't believe his eyes, the girl who stood right in front of his eyes and presumed dead, was the same girl he had been searching for all those years ago.
Bill didn't know how he remembered her, but he did and it meant something.
Bill took aside officer Brian and told him about his thought and even showed him a picture of her still young. Brian believed his partner and agreed to take her to the station.
It was hard for both men, but they got Courage in the police patrol car, with force if I may add. And before she could escape, they drove off to the station.
"No, wait, my brother! I need to find him! Let me go! Please! He is my only family!!", with tears flowing like waterfalls from her pale grey eyes she didn't dare give up.
Suddenly, Courage saw him near the woods.
"That's him! Please, let me go! I will be safer with Leo, please!" Courage pointed at the woods, hoping, that these officers will come to their senses and will let her be with her big brother.
But then she heard something that she will not forget. Something that was beyond her understanding on what was happening, but later on she understood that officer Brian was not lying and said only what he saw.
"What are you pointing at? Nobody's there.", in confusion officer Brian looked to where Courage was pointing, but saw only the dark woods filled with endless trees.
Refusing to believe what he had just said, Courage tried to tell him otherwise, :"What are you talking about?! He was there, drive back!" This was starting to worry the officers, they had never seen such behaviour of a 15 year old girl, then again she was lost in the woods for more than 10 years.
A few minutes later, Courage had calmed down a bit, now sitting curled up in a tight ball in the backseat of the car, wearing only black, oversized hoodie and black and white yoga pants. She was looking out the window silently sniffling and crying. Rest of the drive passed by in silence, nobody dared to say a word, fearing that this girl may do something she'll regret.
~~~****~~~~~****~~~
Next couple of the days passed by going and dragging Courage from one police station to another, from one office to another one, from one house to another, until she ended up trapped in an orphanage. Everything looked the same, the same grey and white shades all around, sometimes some really pale brown shades came in, but they too looked the same. Nothing seemed to have happiness hidden in any corner, everything just seemed plain.
In the orphanage she felt trapped and she didn't like it, she had never felt trapped before, so she didn't know what was this, all Courage knew was that she had to get out.
Women in the orphanage kept asking her name, but she never did mention a single word, her eyes were mostly glued to the hard wood floor or her birthday gift from Leo.
Leo, as a birthday gift, had given Courage a beautiful silver necklace. It had silver chain and on the chain hung a silver full moon pendant with silver, golden and blue diamond stars on one side, but on the other side of the moon was engraved the words Saturn, it was her favorite planet and Leo usually hummed a sweet melody when she couldn't fall asleep, which he called Saturn. And around the word 'Saturn' were small engraved words, that was supposed to be her favorite story, the Infinite, and if you squint hard enough, you could actually read the words 'The Infinite'. Though you couldn't read the story itself.
~~~****~~~~~****~~~
One night, when Courage had a hard time falling asleep, which was almost every night at that point, she observed the beautiful, dark scenery just behind the window of the room she was sleeping in. The stars were especially shimmering that night, if only she was with Leo to tell him that.
And as if on cue, her greyish eyes caught the sight of a figure coming out of the woods, which was separated by only a fence and a grassy field from this house. The girl immediately knew who it was, Leo.
Courage quickly sprung out of the hard bed with weird smelling blanket and pillow, and ran over to the window she had just been looking out of a few seconds earlier. She opened it and jumped out, thanking God that she was on the first floor of this horrid house. Waking up someone up was the last thing she cared about, all this poor girl wanted was to be in Leo's embrace, she wanted to be with her family, where she truly belonged.
The girl had never ran so fast or cried as much in her entire life. Leo too ran in her direction with open arms, waiting for his dear little sister to jump on him and hug him. Courage, with happy tears spilling from her eyes and smiling a bright smile, did just that. She jumped into Leo's open arms and hugged him very close, as he did the same, fearing that she might lose the person she loved the most in this world again.
Though she will soon hear the news she never wanted to hear in her entire life.
Right now, both of them stood in each others warm embrace for a few more minutes, just feeling each others warmth. But these moments never last long, do they?
The next thing they heard were multiple voices calling for Courage to come back, though they didn't know her name they still called out for her.
"Come, Courage, I need to tell you something.", Leo spoke in a soft and tender voice to make Courage only hear him and not all those other people. Then he turned around and bent down so Courage could climb on to his back. When she had comfortably wrapped her arms and legs around his neck and stomach, like a little koala bear, Leo smiled to himself and walked deeper and deeper into the woods.
Leo had found the perfect tree for them both to settle for the night, so they started climbing up to the top. Courage had started climbing trees a long, long time ago, but now that Leo carried her all the way up without resting and sparing a few small glances at her, reminded her of those nights all those years ago and what had happened since then.
Getting to the very top, Leo sat Courage down right in front of him and wrapped his arms around his little sisters waist, hugging her and not letting her go.
"Leo, I don't want go back there, I don't belong there. I want to stay here with you, and I will do just that. Please, don't leave me here alone ever again!", again shedding tears, Courage turned around and hugged Leo so tightly, that from afar you could never tell if there were actually 2 people.
With a heavy heart, Leo listened how his little sister cried, thinking to himself that she will never stop and he would never want that. Le only wanted to see Courage smile, laugh and be energetic as always she has been, but he had to tell Courage something that will only make her cry even more.
"Tell me, that you will never leave me.", Courage, in a much calmer voice said, wanting to hear her big brothers calming words, but instead of that, hear ears were met with the sound of wind blowing, stars twinkling and Leo's heart beating, but no words ever left his mouth in those few seconds if silence.
"Leo?", the girl, now with red and puffy eyes, observed Leo's face, waiting for a reply, but was met with his bluish green eyes filled with pain and sadness and his lips were formed in a small, sad smile.
"Courage, I wanted to tell you something.", He begun, averting his pain filled gaze from the girls face and to the stars instead, pondering on what to say next. For him it was as painful now as it will be for Courage in the next few minutes. Taking a deep breath, Leo continued on.
"Courage, you have to understand, that right now you are the only person that has ever seen me, or can see me right now, you can touch me and feel my warmth, but nobody else can. Nobody can see me, " he looked back at her with tears glazing his eyes, but the small, sad smile still rested upon his lips, "I am here, because you needed me, but that time I have left with you is running out."
Time seemed to have stopped, everything seemed to stop. Courage couldn't hear a sound, not the wind that was howling in the night, not the heartbeat, that usually calmed her down.
"No, Leo... what are you talking about? Y-You are here, with me, e-everybody can see yo-", Courage stopped herself, because in that moment, she remembered what officer Brian had told her a couple of days earlier.
~~~Flashback~~~
"That's him! Please, let me go! I will be safer with Leo, please!" Courage pointed at the woods, hoping, that these officers will come to their senses and will let her be with her big brother.
"What are you pointing at? Nobody's there.", in confusion officer Brian looked to where Courage was pointing, but saw only the dark woods filled with endless trees.
~~~End of flashback~~~
They didn't see Leo.
"I am not real, I am a part of you, a part of your soul. God let me be here under one condition. If you find out about what I am, I would have to go away, to the stars, so I could watch you from there.", Leo continued on what he had started, seeing that Courage is starting to wrap her head around this.
"But-but I haven't understood everything and you still have so much to teach me a-and.. and you can't leave m! Please, you are everything I have! Please, Leo, don't leave!!", for the third time in one day she had started crying again, maybe not as loud or maybe there weren't that much tears, but this was the first time she had cried with so much pain.
From the moment they hugged each other, after Courage had escaped, deep inside, she felt, that the hug felt different, as if it was the last one or it will end soon, but now that she knew why she felt that way, she understood that that feeling was there for a reason.
Leo, now that he has told everything, couldn't contain his emotions any longer. He pulled Courage close to his chest and silently cried in her shoulder. Courage had hidden her face in his chest and cried along with him, while listening to his heart beating in a faster pace than usual.
"You are real, I can hear it," Courage had put a hand over his heart," You are here with me. You are my big brother, my hero! If you leave, I won't know what to do without you by my side!" She sobbed and wrapped her arms around Leo to maybe get even closer and wanting to feel his warmth while it was still there, because even though she tried to deny it, she knew he had go.
"Your hero needs to fly away, Courage, but I promise I won't leave you completely." Leo calmly said.
"What?", confused, Courage looked up at him.
Leo softly caressed her tear stained cheeks and wiped away her tears that were still flowing out of her pale grey orbs. He looked into her eyes and lightly smiled.
"If you ever miss me, close you eyes and look inside your heart, your memories. I will be right there and I am going to wait for you with open arms. I will miss you as much as you will miss me, just remember, I am going to be right here.", Leo pointed at my chest, where my heart rests and beats like drum to my music I call life.
Courage softly smiled and hugged him again, not bothering to stop the tears from falling. Leo may have wiped his sisters tears, but he never wants her to bottle anything up inside of her.
That's how they sat there, in the tree, watching the stars together for the very last night.
"Leo?", Courage quietly called out.
"Courage?", Leo responds with a sad, but a playful grin resting on his face. He knew well enough, what she wanted.
"Can you, please, tell me the story again?", she asked with the same grin on her face, but eyes still held sadness and were still glistening with tears. If you could have heard them, you would have thought it was just another night of them talking, well they made it sound like that, when in fact it was the complete opposite.
When we know that we will go away, we do something special, for it is our last day we will spend together with the people we know and love, so some may be wondering why they aren't doing anything like that. Well the answer is simple, when they both are together and watching the stars, Leo lulling Courage to sleep with his voice and his story, while Courage is safely cuddled in her big brothers arms is everything Leo wants, it's the most special thing he could have done. But let us get back to our story.
Leo, smiling with tears gleaming in his eyes, responded, not even looking away from the stars.
"Of course."
For one last time Leo told Courage her favorite story in the shortness of his breath.
"Before I go, I wanted to teach you the courage of the stars, for you to not fear anything, because the universe was made just to be seen by your eyes. Nothing more beautiful in your life you will never see. I want you to know that after death there will be life, because you see stars," Leo pointed at he stars, "they show, that life carries on endlessly, even after death. Look at them and you will see me, I'll be one of the millions of stars, we all will be someday, so you have to see the universe for yourself, not everybody can see it. I'm telling you this, so you'll know that how rare and beautiful it is to even exist."
Courage couldn't stay awake for long anymore, but she had heard what he said and she could finally understand it as clear as a crystal, but before she was completely embraced by her subconscious mind, she mustered all her strength to cuddle closer to Leo and say those words he was always overjoyed to hear.
"Thank you, Leo, big brother, I love you.", those were the last words that she said to Leo while he was still there, but the last thing she heard him say to her made her sleep a bit better and with a smile on her face, but one single tear made it's way down her cheek and onto Leo's chest, which was cover by his hoodie.
"I love you too, Courage, little sister, and you are welcome.", Leo knew why she said thank you and that made him feel very proud of her, because she didn't say thank you only for the story he had been telling her all these years. Behind those 2 little words hid a thousand word meaning and gratitude, and Leo knew that very well. And for the very last time tightened his grip around Courage, closed his eyes and hummed the sweet melody of their both favorite song, Saturn.
~~~****~~~~~****~~~
The next morning, when Courage woke up she only felt the tree branch underneath her and behind her back. It was cold too, for the first time in 10 years, when she woke up she felt cold, because well, Leo wasn't there anymore.
Even if it'll be the hardest thing she will ever have to do, Courage had to accept it.
Every sleepless night spent in her own puddles of tears, in the trees highest and safest branches or gazing at the stars. In every scenario she would only think of her big brother.
A long time passed until she could talk to someone. Even if she talked to someone, the talk wouldn't last long. Nobody knew what to talk about with the silent girl. Everybody always talked about stuff she knew very little of like music, clothes or crushes. All her life she had spent traveling around with Leo and talking about adventures they had, stars or joking around, sometimes maybe music or food, but it didn't really matter to her if she was spending time with her big brother.
Never in her life Courage has this lonely and sad, though that didn't stop her from living her life, like Leo would have wanted her to.
Courage found herself some friends, found her one and only significant other, they even got married and had 3 kids and Courage made sure that her kids know her favorite story too, because again Leo had been right, when he said she might need to tell this story one day too.
Years went by, Courage slowly but surely got a lot better and even started to climb out of her shell a lot more. But we all know that there will always be hole in our hearts if we lost someone so dear to us, even if we try to fill it up, it never gets filled up completely, believe me when I say that Courage has tried to. No matter how many stars have fallen or changed, no matter how much time is going to pass, that hole will always be there, no matter how big or how small it gets, and when you try and force it shut, it will only get more painful.
~~~****~~~~~****~~~
One night, when the kids had fallen asleep and her husband was in a deep slumber, the girl left the house by exiting her bedroom window, bare feet and wearing only her favorite black, long sleeved oversized night shirt which went past her knee, on the front there was a silver moon printed on as well as some stars, but there were some shiny diamonds attached too in silver and blue, with some silver clouds as well.
Silently running she jumped over the fence that surrounded their little, cozy house and ran through the grassy field in the middle of the night straight into the woods that weren't very far from her home. It didn't take long for Courage to be already up on the strongest tree branch she could find.
Sitting comfortably on the hard branch, she gazed at those millions glistening diamonds that lay in the beautiful sky that was coated in every galaxy colors and shades. A magnificent sight to see. It reminded her of their bedroom, Courage's and her husbands James room. He has been amazing and patient with her. He even colored their bedroom ceiling an walls in dark blue and purple and hanged fairy lights that reminded of stars in a night sky if she ever couldn't go out and sit in the trees, she could look at them instead. Courage really was thankful for everything James had done for her and their children.
Yes, that hole in her chest hurt even more when she sat in the trees alone, but she just felt closer to Leo when she sat there, so she kept coming back. As she was sure that she wouldn't fall, Courage cuddled closer to the trees hard, but at the same time soft wood and turned her gaze back to the magical night sky.
"Hey, Leo! It's me again, your little sister, of course you would remember me.", the girl already felt a lump forming in her throat, but didn't dare to lose her smile, "My day has been amazing, somehow I can take care of everything that has to do with kids and being a good mother and wife. James is an amazing father and treats me like a queen, you would be happy to hear it I know that much. wouldn't want your little sister being treated differently right? Carl and Leo are awesome big brothers to Maria and I am so very proud of them. "
Courage had pulled her legs close to her, wanting to feel the warmth of her body in the cold night. She put her chin on her knees, but didn't avert her gaze away from the glistening night lights in the dark sky.
"They want to meet you, the famous uncle I keep telling them about. You would have loved them, I know it.", pausing a bit, the girl tried to stay strong and smile, she had promised herself not to cry this time. Leo wouldn't want to see Courage cry, but he wouldn't want to see her hold anything to herself too and she knew that very well.
"I miss you, big brother. I miss you so, so much, Leo.", not having the strength to talk anymore, she hid her tear filled eyes in her knees and let the tears fall wherever they wanted to fall. Courage didn't even realise that she had fallen into a deep and calm slumber, but instead of dreams, she saw Leo standing in a field with his arms wide open, in which Courage ran straight into and hugged him back.
"I missed you too, Courage.", they walked through their memories together and talked and hugged each other, but Leo had to tell her something.
"Courage, I know it is hard for you and even after all these years you still can't get through.", even she knew where this was going, but didn't want to accept it, so she just hugged Leo and burried her head in his chest.
"Courage, look at me~", Leo said in a soft sing song voice, so Courage smiled and looked up, "There it is, my little sisters smile." Leo said with a bright smile of his own, which soon faded and was replaced with a sad look in his bluish green eyes.
"Courage," He started, and finished with what the girl had hoped Leo would never say, "you have to let go."
"But I don't want to lose you completely, I don't want to forget you.", Courage cried and hugged him again, she knew Leo too was crying and it pained him to say those words to her, but she had to hear them. Leo hugged her back.
"Shh, it's alright, I will be right here, you will never forget me, I would never let you.", this made Courage giggle, and Leo smiled at that.
"But you have to let me go, you can always come back, but you have to let go.", Leo continued in a tender voice that calmed Courage down a bit.
After a few minutes, it was time for her to leave Leo, for good this time. So Courage hugged him one last time.
"Goodbye, Leo, I love you.", with a sad smile and teary eyes Courage waved at her brother, who had tears streaming down his face with a big smile plastered on his lips.
"I am so proud of you, little sister,", he said and was about to turn around, but said, "Goodbye, I love you too, Courage.", Leo waved and turned around, as did Courage.
They both walked away from each other in tears, but they both knew that it was for the best. Though they also knew that one day, they will meet again, someday.
As Courage woke up, she was met with a beautiful sunrise rising and every color in the sky shone like the golden light, but she didn't feel cold, she had a warm smile on her face as she knew that this was where they both part ways. Courage sat there for a few more minutes to savour the feeling of being here, then climbed down the tree slower to remember everything about those times with Leo and her going on a new adventure. She slowly walked out of the woods seeing memories flash before her eyes, when she had exited the woods she looked back one last time. Courage smiled and ran back to her home where her family was waiting.
She knew that Leo will be there the next time she went into those woods and even though he is gone, he is still sitting there in the highest tree branch of the strongest tree looking his little sister making new memories and going on new adventures.
He never returned and she never went back, but they both were beside each other all the time.